I am not an expert in love or relationships but I have had my share of experiences and more importantly I am an observer of all things. What erks me the most as I become older and wiser through life is when I see younger women making some of the biggest mistakes with the men of their lives. Often these are mistakes that cannot be taken back or corrected. This list is for my 16 year old female cousins who just started dating boys. It is for the 20 somethings who like me, are still learning from their mistakes. Hell, it can even be for the 40 year old women who haven’t dated in ten years but are back on the market. As always, please feel free to add more to the list and share the knowledge. If we don’t help us, who the hell will?
1. Sometimes men lie, even when they dont have to.
Unfortunately some men lie like it is their second nature. Sometimes they don’t even have a real reason to lie they just feel the need to. Only they know the mystery behind that one. At any rate, there has to be a balance as with all things. You do not need to assume that everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie but at the same time you should not take for granted that he would never lie to you. Men are imperfect just as you are and they make mistakes. Therefore there is a thin line between being a trusting woman and being a naive one.
2. Not all men are bad guys.
I know that some women were brought up to believe that all men are bad guys. This is a rule that some women teach their daughters for fear that they will no doubt be taken advantage of one day by some loser dude named Tyrone. This fear undoubtedly comes from the Mothers own past experiences. No woman wants to see another woman hurting because of a man. However, just as not all women are hoes and gold diggers not all man are trifling and manipulators. There are some good guys out there hiding under a rock here and there. Sometimes it takes time for your paths to cross.
3. Not all men are good guys.
In the same token, not all men are good guys. Intentions are a b**ch! You never truly know a persons intentions. Unfortunately, there are those trifling brothers out there out on the hunt. As a woman your job is to protect yourself but as mentioned before you have to keep a balance. You don’t want to be so protected that you miss a potential genuinely good guy. You also do not want to be so open that you let every Tom, Dick and June Bug into your life, apartment, bank account and between your legs. You should take the time to get to know a man before you get into a relationship with him. Granted, you can never know a person 100 percent no matter long you are with them, but you can at least have a idea of the type of person he is. Balance is the key.
4. Men are not always taught to be self sacrificing like us.
In society women are the caregivers, mothers, wives, nurturers. Which makes us the ones more liable to sacrifice our own happiness, career, health for the betterment of our family. Sometimes, I feel as if we are molded from the time we are little girls to be givers and the caretakers of others. Unfortunately, little boys are usually not taught those same traits. Which is why when we reach adulthood we continue on with those same behaviors that have been subconsciously drilled into our heads. We wonder how can our man be so damn self centered and not think of you or your feelings? He is not programmed to. Not being self centered and or selfish are traits that in many cases has to be learned by men and it usually does not happen until they are older. Unless otherwise taught, they are by nature more selfish than we are. Sucks doesn’t it?
5. It’s okay to let him come to you.
If he is interested in you then you will not be able to keep him away from you. Even if you don’t really want to be bothered. I know you have heard the theory that men are like hunters and want to work for their prey. I think there is some truth to that. If a man is interested in you and deems you worthy of his attention and effort then he will no doubt try to secure your affection. I don’t think there is a need to chase after a man. Now you can let him know that you are interested in him as well. You don’t have to play the stuck up girl role but you also do not have to play the desperate girl either. You know the one who will do ANYTHING for a guys attention. We all have came across one or perhaps been that girl at a time in our lives. Just like it is not an attractive quality in a man it is equally unattractive in a woman. I hate when I see a woman desperately throwing herself at a man. It is like she is sending off these signals that say “please love me. My Daddy didn’t.” UGH!
6. Sex is important but not enough to keep him.
Okay, so everyone loves good toe curling, orgasmic-ally over-achieving sex. However, if you think your warm muffin is going to be enough to get him hooked and sprung you would be wrong. Just like you have a warm muffin, there are about ten other girls with warmer muffins. I know we as women like to think that our good stuff is the best thing since sliced bread but.. its not. This does not mean you should not be confident in yourself but don’t expect your honey pot to be the be all and end all. Sex simply is not enough to prolong a man’s interest in you. It is temporary at best. You have to be providing him with something else that he lacks and that he feels he needs. This “something else” varies from men to men. I noticed that my man likes the fact that we have a friendship/commonalities. He and I can spend the day together doing things that we Both enjoy. Sure, he might have had better looking chicks, (although I am pretty hot) or possibly even better sexual encounters. What makes me stand out? I’m his best friend and his lover. Find out what he values in a partner. If all he values is sex then you might want to reconsider whether he will be able to provide you with anything else. If all you value is sex as well, then I suppose you two are a match made in porno heaven.
7. Being defensive towards a man constantly is a turn off.
I know you have met a woman like this. She is defensive towards a man before he even has a chance to mess up. Behavior like that makes even me want to ask her to please remove the foreign object from out of her asshole. Some women indulge in this behavior because they have been hurt so many times that they are naturally defensive. I don’t think they are fully aware that they are doing it. Others do it simply because they think all men are made from waste material. Either way there is no need to be so nasty towards a man right off the bat. Allow him the chance to earn the privilege of seeing what a real bitch you can be. If you want to show a man that you are a no nonsense type of girl then do that by saying how you feel and meaning what you say. That does not mean that you have to be Disney’s new ice princess. A lot of the so called tough girls are the weakest ones of them all. They are so weak on the inside and afraid of being hurt that they create these elusive, impenetrable walls that most men will not waste their time trying to break. Why should he? There are other women who have mastered a balance between being no nonsense and being the wicked witch of whatever coast they are from.
8. It is okay to let him know what you desire or your expectations from him.
There is nothing wrong with you voicing your expectations from a man to your man. You should know what you are worth and desire as should he. Chances are he will either respect you for it or bounce if he feels he can’t make the cut. If he does bounce then politely chunk the deuces up to him and wish him a good life. He probably would not have made you happy ultimately anyway.
9. Men appreciate having a friend as well as a lover.
As mentioned earlier, I am a firm believer in the couple that plays together stays together. You should develop a friendship with your potential man. Take interest in the things he likes as he should have interest in yours as well. Everything does not have to be about romance just because you are in a romantic relationship with him. Guys appreciate having a friendship with their woman. It makes them place more value in you having a place in their lives because not only do you provide him with the romantic aspect you also provide him with a intimate friendship. Believe it or not, this will also make you appreciate him more as well.
10. Men like a woman who knows who they are and does not act as if they cannot live with out them.
This may vary from men to men but many men have an appreciation for a woman with her own mind. One that not only values him but values her damn self. In other words, it is natural to want someone in your life but almost no one is absolutely necessary for your survival but god and yourself. You should never come to a point where you feel as if you need another person for your survival and happiness. There is a big difference between wanting someone in your life and needing them. No one normal at least, wants to feel like another grown ass person cannot survive without them. I know I do not want to carry that burden. The burden that if I was to ever leave or things did not work out between us you would destroy yourself and be unable to function in life.