Whoa! If I knew what I know now then, boy would my life be different! How many times as a woman, have you said this? I am still fairly young and even I have said this numerous times in my life. If there was a giant clock to turn back the hands of time, I would change so many things and although I am happy, some aspects of my life would be different. With that being said, I want you to read the list of things I wish I had learned before 30. I then want you to spread the love and pass on some advice to others. What have you learned now, that you wish you knew 10 years ago, 5 years ago or even 2 years ago. No time like the present for growth. I could have went on and on, but I want you to contribute. After all, I’m still learning. Aren’t you?
1. If a man wants you, really wants you, there is nothing you can do to keep him away. Contrarily, if a man is not that interested in you, there is nothing you can do to make him stay.
Years ago when I was much younger I would stress out about a man not returning my call or not doing what he said he was going to do. Sometimes I would blame myself and wonder was it something that I could have possibly done to perhaps upset him. When in actuality, it was never completely up to me. If a man is sincerely interested in you or getting to know you then he will make the effort. There will not be an array of excuses for him to pull out of his bull s**t bucket. His actions will show what he is feeling and if he is being honest, they will line up with what he is saying. On the contrary, if a man is not that interested in you, then his actions will also show that as well. It is not your job to constantly chase after him.
2. Credit Is A Pathway To Financial Security
When I turned 18 everybody and their moma was offering me a credit card. The temptation became too much for me and I could not resist the credit card monster. I made the decision then that new sneakers, and jeans were more important to me than my credit score. So, I charged, charged, charged, and ended up never acquiring the finances to pay it all back. Years later, I am still suffering the consequences of those decisions. Clothes and looking fly are important, but not as important as being able to get your first car or apartment without begging a family member to co-sign for you. It is a beautiful feeling to be able to get your own, on your own.
3. Some Women Are Petty, But There Are Good Sistas Out There
We are often taught as little girls not to trust other little girls. My mother installed in me from a young age that women can be sneaky and petty. Sure this is true. There are some women who lack the ability to be a good friend. There are also those who possess those qualities. Unfortunately, my distrust for other women, often led me to be defensive and socially awkward in female oriented social situations. It took many years for me to be able to fully trust other women and to want to develop a strong friendship with them. I am lucky enough now to have true friends and life long bonds.
4. Just Because He Looks Good, Doesn’t Mean He Is Good For Me (sex included)
We all like handsome men. Whether he be tall and chocolate or muscular and honey flavored. Who does not want a bit of eye candy on their arm. I do! However, when dealing with choosing a partner, that should not be the primary reason why you want to date him. Sure you should be attracted to him but there has to be something there deeper than attraction. Attraction and looks can leave a person. There is nothing worse than dating a man who is sexy but you have absolutely nothing in common with him and the conversations are a bore. I have dated men who looked like walking butterscotch. Just yummy! However, that was all they had to offer. Do not pass up on a good brother because he is not as physically attractive as you would like. Does that mean you should find the next ug mug and hubby him up? Not necessarily. Just make sure that when you are doing your picking and choosing that you are looking at more than just his dimples. Also, don’t let a big stick be what guides you when choosing your partner. Sure the stick might be good but the person attached to it might not be so great.
5. SuperWoman Died
It seems that even at a young age women are taught to be self-sacrificing and to take care of others while placing themselves dead last. While there is nothing wrong with being a caregiver, there is something wrong with not caring for yourself. It disturbs me when I see women in their 40’s still giving till it hurts them. Sometimes it is okay to say no. You are not super woman. It is okay to put yourself, your needs before other sometimes. that does not mean that you love them any less, it simply means that you love yourself as well. Too often women, especially Black women, give and give and never ask for anything in return or even take the time to tend to their own health and needs. Then we wonder why we are suffering from heart disease, diabetes and other health issues. There has to be a balance. After all, how can you be “superwoman” and care for those around you if you yourself are not in good mental, spirtual and physical health. You will have nothing to give to your loved ones.
6. A Baby Is Not The Same As A Baby Doll
Having a child is a life altering experience. It is much more serious than many young women take it. Especially since women are usually the primary caregivers. Sometimes they do not grasp the seriousness of the event until after the child is here. Then there is a eureka moment. “oh this is what being a mom is like? I’m not ready for all this!”. By that time it is too late. Take the time to protect yourself and prevent unwanted pregnancies. Whatever decision you make will be one that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I encourage women to live their lives first before becoming a mother. Find out who you are before moving on to the next level in life.
7. It Is My Body And I Don’t Owe HIM Anything
When we are in a relationship, we often feel that we have to do what it takes to keep our man happy. Even if that means doing things that we do not necessarily agree with. When it comes to things like sex, I always say wait until you are ready. If you are dating a guy and you like him but you are not ready to have sex and he is then that is his problem. Even if you are in a serious relationship and you are having sex with your man regularly, if you sometimes are not in the mood do not be afraid to say no thanks. Not tonight boo. I used to be like that when I was younger and involved in serious relationships. I felt obligated to have sex, even if I did not desire it at that moment. But guess what! I was not this mans wife, therefore I was not under any obligation to please him at his will. Some might say that even as a wife your body is still your body.
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