3 Things Being On a “Break” Also Produced

BREAK BABIES

Dwayne Wade, Gabrielle Union, Ludacris and Eudoxie. The recent scandals involving these four people are so similar it’s scary.

If you’ve been anywhere near a computer during the past two weeks, you’ve undoubtedly heard about the issues facing the two couples. But, just in case, here’s a quick recap:

Right before the New Year, the world got wind that basketball star Dwayne Wade had proposed to his longtime girlfriend Gabrielle Union. Just a few days later, it was also revealed that Wade had fathered a child with another woman while he and Gabby were on a “break.” The child was born only a short time before his proposal.


It seemed like we blinked our eyes and then comes a strikingly similar story involving another high-profile celeb. Apparently, rapper and actor Ludacris also fathered a child while on a “break” from his longtime girlfriend, Eudoxie.

The media has run wild with these stories, especially because Wade and Union seem to be in engagement bliss and moving on from this. I’ve read a lot of the media commentary and people offering their 2 cents in the comments sections. The gravity of both situations is so immense and these are both very dynamic, complicated issues that when I first heard of them back-to-back I didn’t know what to think. My mind was running a mile a minute.

But as I’ve read people’s responses, comments and opinions, I think there a few important things people are missing. I just wanted to add my 2 cents about three things I think this being on a “break” business also produced…besides baby:

1. Brokeness
I’m sure the media doesn’t care about this as TMZ and urban blogs “break the news,” but these stories are more than just sensationalism and juicy, scandalous details. Let’s take a step back and understand that these are two women—real, life human beings—whose betrayals are being put on full blast. Their embarrassment, their pain, their humiliation.

I know some say they’re in the limelight and can’t expect full privacy, but I’m saying as women, let’s take a step back and assess the situation. Imagine if you discovered that while on a “break” your lover impregnated a woman. We’re talking having created a situation that will forever affect your life, if you choose to stay with him. Babies are for a lifetime.

The majority of us can go through our struggles and dealings with men without the world watching us. Imagine having major news outlets display the details of your private life all the while commenters saying how stupid and dumb you are to accept a proposal. I’m sure it’s not easy.

And that is all on top of the fact that you have to personally deal with this situation, your feelings about it and make a decision to move forward or move on. You have to deal with a feeling of brokenness.

These stories angered and saddened me because I sat wondering, “Do guys really just not get it?” After personally witnessing so many women go through things like this with men, I’m convinced that many guys just don’t get it. They don’t understand just how they’re actions and selfishness can affect a woman in relationships. How men can “break” women down mentally and emotionally by their actions.

Do you know how much Luda’s and Wade’s actions must be mentally weighing on these two women? And may do so for quite a long time? Of course, women aren’t to be so caught up in men that they cannot function, but let’s be real. If you’ve ever been in a committed relationship where you loved and gave your all to a man, and he betrayed you and did something just so vile, then you know how this can break a woman down.

It just hurt my heart to see what both men did to these women, especially so publicly, because this is unfortunately a common occurrence (that is, the act of men hurting women) in every day relationships, and I feel for them. To be betrayed, to feel broken: this is no walk in the park for any one. I think people should consider this aspect of the situation(s) more.

2. An epidemic of children being born to unwed mothers in the Black community.
This may sound drastic, but it’s real. The CDC reported that last year, at 67.8 percent, black and/or African American unmarried women who gave birth were in the group with the highest numbers of unwed mothers. The two women Ludacris and Wade got pregnant just added to the statistics.

No one is focusing on this. More and more black women are having babies with men they are not married to and this is a huge problem. I even read that D. Wade’s baby’s mother already has children by a Wayans brother, yet she isn’t married to him.

I’ve seen it in my family, old friends and girls I went to high school with. Little black boys and girls keep being raised in single-parent households. And it’s not helping them.

Wade and Ludacris decided to lay down unprotected with women they were not married to (nor had any intention of GABBY AND DWYANEbeing committed to) and produced children who now have to be raised by single mothers. And these women are just as much to blame for their irresponsible actions.

The media needs to be reporting on that. Forget about the scandal; what about the fact that people’s selfishness and irresponsibility keep causing children to suffer? It’s not a game, ladies. We must do better than to keep thinking it’s okay to put ourselves in situations to procreate with men who aren’t even committed (or legally) obligated to us.

3. Victim bashing
This point is more for Gabby’s story. The comments I’ve read by other women (especially black women) have been saddening. They keep talking about karma, getting what she deserved, how they don’t feel sorry for her and just how dumb and foolish she looks. Just all around bashing her.

Whether or not you think she broke up a marriage is your opinion, but wrong doesn’t equal wrong. Even if she was in the wrong with D. Wade and his previous marriage, how does bashing this woman and calling her names make anything right?

A friend of mine once said that women are so afraid to be honest about what they’re going through, but she wishes they would, because others seeing how a couple overcame issues would help people so much more than covering them up and acting like they’re relationship is perfect.

I do think transparency in relationships helps others, but it’s no wonder why women shy from being open. Look at what other women are saying about Gabby and her decision to move forward? (Then again, depending on your perspective, people could be saying this because she’s not directly addressing and still acting like everything is picture perfect.)

Again, there are so many things one could say or speculate about these events, but I believe we should also take time to focus on the “hidden” products of these situations. Perhaps they’ll help us all gain a different perspective before adding another 2 cents.

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BIO
Service is her passion, writing is her platform, uplifting women and the Black Community is her purpose. Shala Marks is a writer, editor and soon-to-be author. Through her work, Marks aspires to demonstrate “The Craft of Writing, and the Art of Efficacy.” She has a B.A. in journalism from Arizona State University. Connect with her at: http://shalamarks.com/.

12 Comments

  1. Great Article, I too was saddened by some of the horrible comments I read. I agree with you..I just wanted to add that these men are having unprotected sex with random women then returning to their partners. The HIV/AIDS among African Americans is high and our community has to do better. Being in a commited relationship isn’t hard when you love somebody…taking a break my butt….if your gonna cheat rap-it-up

  2. Famous people go through the same things normal people go through unfortunately they go through it publically. As far as Gabby and Eudoxie are concerned they chose to stay with these men after being cheated on and humiluated. I heard Eudoxie gave up a medical career to be the trophy chick of a rap star so weather the storm and criticism.

  3. The two situations are sad but the problem i have is this on break mess. that is a bold faced lie. I have seen pictures of these couples repeatedly most days at certain events. so if it was truly a break then it was so short and those dudes was already creeping. But these people are grown and can choose to do what they want. I never recommend someone leave their mate because they may jump out of the frying pan and into the fire. If they can work it out do it if not then they let each other go and stop the hurt from continuing

  4. First off love the site! My issue with Gabrielle is not that she’s staying with him honestly that’s her decision and if she chooses to forgive him she’s a grown woman and has the right to do so. My thing is quit pretending like your relationship is prefect. All the excessive talk about their relationship how he proposed and her posts on instagram and other social networks makes their relationship seem fraudulent. She’s done that the whole time they’ve ebb together all on the cove of magazine etc when she knows their relationship is not that great. I do agree that bashing her and name calling isn’t the right thing to do but she sets herself up for criticism by presenting their relationship to be the epitome of “black love”. Her arrogance and self righteousness is what bugs me the most about her ..not the fact that her man made mistakes and she took him back

  5. This is messy and this taking a break crap is just an excuse to break free and to openly cheat. And later return with some excuse to get away with irresponsible and unacceptable behavior.

  6. When was the last time you heard of a celeb catching AIDS? They have their side pieces tested. They not like average mofos dicking down chicks they don’t know.

  7. Great article, I saw Gabby on Queen Latifah and I’m not this isn’t easy being so harshly judged, but this too shall pass.

    I stayed with a cheater and eventually left. I can’t imagine today how I did it. I never trusted him again. I used protection because of my suspicion and he readily obliged, ok. He was a great liar. People who I met through him, couldn’t believe I fell for his mess. When he told or showed me who he was I didn’t believe him. Also, I had made an investment and didn’t want to just walk away. He was brilliant and we made such a great team. He was free-hearted and spent his money freely, game! He was in sales and marketing, very successful, funny and loved power. It wasn’t public humiliation, but it was with one of my best friends.

    Eventually, I started cheating and left him. It felt good to see him get a taste of his own medicine, but not worth my time and life AT ALL. So I can relate and know regardless, Gabby will be OK, she survived a horrific assault, a previous failed marriage and her esteem issues she blogged about. Before these two women it was Ciara, Alicia Keys, Erykah Badu and any other celebrity they (the public) find in an awkward or questionable situation, it’s comes with fame and the millions of dollars they gain for this occupational hazard, tho it shouldn’t be so brutal!

  8. Why the heck all these fuss over children being born to SINGLE MEN AND SINGLE WOMEN.

    When a man takes you seriously he MARRIES YOu, not shack up with you. Everyone knows that.

    As long as these men are single, they remain single, just so they can have the right to sleep with other women, and they dont want to settle down with one. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

    Boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are just that.

    I cant believe I’m saying this to intelligent women.

    AS LONG AS GAY RELATIONSHIPS ARE PROMOTED, AND THEY ADOPT CHILDREN, THE TREND OF SINGLE PARENTING WILL ESCALATE.

    ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES ARE THE NORM NOW AMONGST ALL RACES.

  9. People in committed relationships do not go on breaks. LOL how stupid is the public. Those men considered their relationships ended and were looking for new partners plain and simple.

  10. @JOY

    THANK YOU! Too much pressure on black women being single mothers! Black women as single mothers are not the scum of the earth. Not saying that, that is what is exactly being said here, but “it takes two to tango” and we as humans we have all made mistakes. In every culture.

    Unfortunately, there are women who have intentions of trying to get pregnant to trap certain men, and there are also situations where women have trusted men because men choose to pretend to be a certain way for so long and then change their minds to be dogs. The pressure put on black women makes it seem like they need to hire private investigators to do background checks on every man.

    Relationships in all cultures are a hit and miss. Some are lucky to be with a life long partner who genuinely care for them. Others experience worse situations. Every situation is different. Men go through the same thing with women not wanting commitments either. Children do not suffer unless the parents do not get along at all (amongst other things). All married people do not get along. Some argue in front of their kids and these kids witness some off the wall stuff. Does being married make the situation better? I think it would be nice for couples to be squeaky clean, but that’s not reality. Like I said, some are blessed and some are not. No one can force someone else into commitment. And it’s not just men, women do act the same way.

    I know some women who are in love with just having a ring on their fingers. I know some people who have grown up in single parent homes and are now happily married with kids. I know some people who have grown up with their parents married, but they themselves don’t want to commit. For a child to understand and be given a good example, it is up to the parents to install what reality really is about and how one should treat others, which is with respect, honesty, trust, among other things. But marriage is unfortunately not always the answer.

  11. You have never heard a group of white people talk badly about Honey Boo Boo mother, The Sister Wives or any white woman or man who increases their races numbers, and you never will because they know their is strength in numbers, and they know that the white poor is just as valuable to a white society as the rich folks offspring, when it comes to world domination.

    Black babies were highly valued during american slavery. It was only AFTER slavery ended that the white man cursed every black baby born and taught weak minded negroes to do the same.

  12. @Faith Luv your post. So tired of what I call coons(black folks caring and trying so hard to be accepted by white folks and/or their culture). It’s so funny (to me) how we’re such a bad race of people yet almost everything we do is copied & imitated by ALL other races from music to dance to slang etc.

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