7 Steps In Raising A Good Black Man

Ladies, we are ruining our sons. Not all of us but some. Some Black mothers are making mistakes, most out of love and fear, that are preventing their young Black sons to be the kings that they were destined to be. This is especially for the single mother who are unfortunately forced to play the role of mother and father to the best of her ability. Role duality can take a toll on anyone so my heart goes out to you. I understand that your job is not an easy one and is sometimes one that can be draining especially when it is done solo. However, you have been given the greatest job one could have. Raising a child.

This is a call for concern. As I am seeing the same sickening pattern repeated year after year because the same mistakes are being made. At some point our sons have to be on their own and be the men that they choose to be. However, I am a firm believer that how he is raised will play a solid role in that choice. The energy spent on making sure your son has the best sneakers or is the best dressed should be spent on making him an emotionally stable well rounded man. As the proverb says, it takes a village to raise a child, so please feel free to add on more advice in the comments.

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1. Stop Co-Signing His Whorish Behavior

It is disturbing to see women who encourage their sons when they find out they have several girlfriends who have no idea about each other. Comments like “My son is a playa!” and “All the girls love my son!”. That may be true but that does not mean that you should encourage him to cheat on women and lie to them about them being the only one he is dealing with. Some women think it is “cute” for their son to be a woman magnet and it is understandable that if he is attractive then yes women will gravitate towards him. That is not the problem. The problem derives from you allowing him to date several girls at the same time and lie to them about his loyalty to them. Remember, it was not cute when some man did it to you.

2. Stop Making Excuses For His Bad Boy Behavior

Countless times I have seen mothers on the news crying and hollering about how their son was such a “good boy” and they have no idea why someone would want to hurt them, or why they were arrested for shooting all those people. Then the interview goes to people in the neighborhood who knew this young man and they paint a totally different picture about him. They say how he was a hoodlum and sold drugs, hung with the wrong crowd, was known for carrying a gun and so on…. What do these two contrasting opinions mean? Someone is not facing reality. Every mother wants to believe that they have a son who is a good boy but the truth is that if your son is a bad a** then he is a bad a**. If he is among the group of kids that are terrorizing the neighborhood and involved in illegal activities then your denial of his behavior and constant excuse making for him will not save him from being on a slab in the morgue nor will it save you the embarrassment of being the lady on the news who swears that her son was such a “good boy”. The energy you spend in defending his name and honor could be spent on you being honest about the type of person your son is turning into and a possible resolution to that.

3. Let Go Of The Guilt

Alot of mothers who are raising young men are in a position of constant guilt because many of them are raising them without a father figure. To make up for the guilt they allow their sons to manipulate them emotionally and coddle him to no end. In other words they allow him to do things that they know deep down are unhealthy for them but the guilt they feel outweighs their good judgment. Don’t allow guilt to be the guide to your conscious and decision making in raising your son.

By: LJ Knight

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9 Comments

  1. thank you so much for this post. it is the smartest on ive seen in a while.

  2. that is so true, my mother does it all the time to my brother and he is 30 still living at home

  3. 1-Step to raising a good Child PERIOD:

    1- Stop Gambling with your and others lives,Don’t have any children until you are sure that the father will be there regardless what type of relationship the both of you have going on, Make sure that the man has enough integrity to put his progenitor above any unsubstantial drama.

  4. What about raising a good black woman? I find it interesting that black men are now being blamed for everything wrong with black families…and we all know that black women are saintly, morally upright, hardworking, faithful, and educated right??? rrrrright!!!

  5. Madam:

    Thank you for insulting my intelligence, as a single mother with her own business raising a 14 year old son; allow me to state that while there is some truth to your article; not all coloured women are raising their son’s in such a manner. Every so often, I tell my son not to get involved with a young lady, if he has no intention of respecting/caring her. A decent young man will always demonstrate respect for the opposite sex, especially if he holds his own mother with same respect.

    Please stop falling prey to the media hype of what the black man should be, or wants to be. If you are a strong black woman, you should not have to worry about the short comings of any black man.

    I hope you write an article abut how devious black women can be.

  6. “If you are a strong black woman, you should not have to worry about the short comings of any black man.”

    What is a “Strong Black Woman”?

  7. Yokessm:

    The fact that you would have to ask me, what is a “Strong Black woman” might possibly demonstrate your lack of understanding within your oneself.

    Just in case you did not know the basics:

    Self respect
    Self undestanding
    God fearing woman
    Self reliant
    can self reflect when needed.

  8. Wonderful Article! We should have articles like this one over and over again. We also need articles addressed directly to men showing them what women and families really need from them. Of course, theses articles would not apply to all men. In the majority of households (NOT ALL), there is a definite double standard in the treatment or parenting of sons and daughters. Even in households where the daughter is allowed to be wild and bad, which is horrible, the son is usually allowed to be even worse. In just about every magazine published for women, there are articles that are supposed to teach us how to please our men in the bedroom, and then, there are also articles that tell us what we can do to keep a man and things we should do to show our love and keep romance alive. We just need the same for men so that it’s out there (in abundance like it is for us) for those who want this type of info. Also, the qualities that some may list for a “strong” African-Am. woman are actually qualities that any good person should possess.

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