There is no doubt about how difficult it is to admit when the one you love is just not good for you. We see all of the signs when it comes to how negatively an unproductive relationship is affecting our life. Sometimes we make excuses for our man’s behavior or even try and negate the fact that we are being unfulfilled or disrespected; thus placing us in a position of denial. The truth of the matter is that we really are aware when we are being taken advantage of or (being “played” or “gamed”) by someone we love. In most cases the real dilemma comes when we have to decide if we are going to do something about it by breaking away from a situation that is harmful and unproductive.
A man who manipulates and exploits the love of his woman, (commonly known as a playa or pimp) is one who has no real love or compassion for her. There is a saying that “only the abused abuses”. This statement is so true. Some men, by their actions whether consciously or subconsciously, become physical or emotional abusers of women as a result of some abuse they may have suffered in their past. Exploiting and manipulating (“using” and “playing” in more common terms) a person who loves you is a form of emotional abuse. A woman becomes victim of this type of abuse when she is in a relationship with someone who uses every opportunity he gets to acquire resources from her (sex, money, a place to live, a car to drive, etc). He uses her for his sole benefit, without care or respect for her feelings. He will use deception to keep her believing that she has a commited relationship with him just so he can continue being fulfilled through her resources, without having any intentions on reciprocating the actions. This puts her, as his current victim, in a very dangerous position because he has become comfortable with using her get the things he wants and need without care of hurting her in the process.
How do you protect your love from a man who chooses the lifestyle of a playa or pimp? Because a playa can only leverage power over you by his ability to deceive you, you must first allow yourself to see the relationship with him in its proper light, as it truly is. Are you the only one giving all your energy or resources to make the relationship work? Do you feel respected by him? Does he define and respect your relationship together? How would those closest to you describe your situation? This is a shocking question to some because often it is those close family members and girlfriends that usually notices when we are on the path of being “played” because they are not emotionally tied to the outcome of the relationship. They would sometimes, out of love and concern, warn us of an unhealthy pattern they may observe in our relationship. We tend to shy away from these worried friends or family members because we are not yet ready to accept the truth.
As women, we must become more aware of the powerful presence of intuition. Our intuition is our spiritual defense which warns us when there is an imbalance in our life, even as it relates to love. Since the spirit can travel where the body cannot, our intuition is there to give us the clues and signs we need to make important decisions about possible issues even before the events take place. Have you ever
been in a relationship with a man and had a “feeling” that he was lying or being unfaithful to you? Something was urging you to confront the situation or even leave him alone but you stayed in the relationship anyway just to find out a few days, weeks or months later that this “feeling” you had was right? One of the first things we say after discovering that we have been cheated on or played is, “I knew it!” Or “I felt this coming!” This happens when we do not heed the warning from our intuition. The deep feelings of hurt and betrayal resulting from a negative relationship experience can leave us feeling emotionally drained, pessimistic toward future love possibilities and may even cause us to settle for situations unworthy of our goals in love.
Getting the true love you hope for and deserve (from a good man) is well within your grasp. To be truly loved, you must first love and appreciate yourself. Did you know that we teach others how to love us by how we treat and view ourselves? This is true because when we’re fully aware of who we are as an individual, we value what makes us happy. We take control of our own wellbeing by recognizing that our happiness is not dependent upon anyone else. We grow to realize that people who deserve to remain in our lives are those who, for the most part, add to our happiness. You begin learning to feel more comfortable in relationships where your partner genuinely care for you and the things that matters most in your life. You are empowered, by your choices, to accept productive love relationships in your life. You are also empowered to release them when they are not. Change begins with you.
About the Author
Kovabis M.J. is the author of “OPERATION REAL LOVE: A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO PROTECTION AGAINST THE PLAYA PIMP” now available for purchase on Amazon.com or through her website: http://www.kovabismj.com.