A Classy Woman’s Struggle


Pretty girl, I don’t hate you. You’re my sister.

But I fear that if you show off what WE have to MY man before I do, then his eyes will be stuck on you.

So I show a little more & more to keep him entertained.
But I don’t want to do this.

I love my body & I want him to see it one day, but I don’t mean “to”day! He won’t wait for me if you show him for free.
He’ll keep trying & trying & trying until…..he remembers that there’s previews all over, he doesn’t need to buy the movie!

He won’t care that he’s only getting snippets and a low quality woman versus the whole plot and HD clarity.

So I ask politely, “STOP BOOTLEGGING ME!!!”

I shouldn’t be in competition for his attention because we’re different.

I’m not saying it’s all your fault because he CAN control his own eyes. But you ain’t helpin’ none by advertising YOUR future husband’s surprise.

My sista, please cover up when you go out on the town, because YOU are driving OUR market value down.


  1. Thank you Sista!!! I am not currently IN the market, but, I see the value of the earths’ strongest woman be pressured into thinking that their “worth” lies in their “ass-ettes”!!! What we have isn’t price-less, it is worth all of humanity!! #AfricanEve #queen

  2. So, because your man find other women attractive, she is somehow driving the market value down or low quality? What if the woman is showing little skin and men still find her attractive? The author of this article is insecure. I can’t stand women who are jealous of other women their men or other men find attractive.

  3. Interesting Indeed…This peom is not about classy women per se. Its about classy women feeling uncomfortable b/c u have loose chicks out here that’s willing & ready. As an ultra classy woman, I must say this poem is BS…I am very attractive, classy & intelligent and not one day have I ever felt this way.

    Telling “loosies” to keep clothed so I can feel better. Negative! Whether chicks are walking around half-dressed or booty-butt naked I’m not intimidated or never have felt I had to struggle for my classiness especially, behind a man. This poem sounds like a woman with insecurity issues. Chicks gonna do what they do & guys gonna do what they do. Concentrate on finding a MAN that loves you & you will not have to feel this way, because when a Man truly loves you…no matter how much he looks, he would never comprimise the love he has with you…Maybe Y.O.U. are the “Struggle”?…

  4. The author of this article is NO LONGER insecure. But this did come from past feelings of strong insecurities. This poem was written from a previous reflection of past relationships. This poem was submitted so that readers can be aware of a point of view that they may not have been aware of. I can’t control what others do, and I understand that everyone will do what they want to do, but I believe men are given a bigger opportunity to do wrong when they have so many options that are on display. I’m not in a relationship b/c my exs couldn’t reciprocate the love and attention that I gave. It’s possible to keep your eyes on only the one that you’re with, that’s how I date. I’ve decided to not be of this world and accept what society says is okay. I do what God says is okay. There is a younger generation that’s coming into adulthood behind me, and I would like to contribute to those who remind them about decency. Everyone may not agree, that’s fine, but I will continue to share pieces of me so that those who can relate won’t feel alone, and so those w/ opposing views can know a different perspective. God Bless! 🙂

  5. Don’t limit your worth to how you look. Value the “whole” you and men will do the same. Security and confidence is key! No matter how beautiful are insecurity can stain your face like a bad nose job.

    I think women who get out of bad relationships don’t allow themselves to heal, reflect, and fall in love with themselves again. Especially if the break up made a bad impact on their esteem. Instead they get with these overly visually stimulated men who stroke their egos just to break their heart. Your Self worth belongs to you ladies stop putting it in the hands of men who really don’t care.

  6. It’s not bringing down our market value. It bringing down yours (or anyone who believes that) . Real Talk.

  7. I’m starting to get the feeling that the poem is being misunderstood. It could be the fact that it’s a generalization. Nonetheless it’s a poem! About helping each other as women! The poem doesn’t say anything about being jealous and the fact that a man is to blame, as well as the half naked women, is mentioned. The poem is telling those who show off their bodies that what they’re doing isn’t helping men love women, it’s helping men lust after women. Maybe this was submitted to the wrong crowd. There are too many people on this site for the wrong reason. I know society says it’s okay to be revealing b/c you’re “grown”, but I don’t follow those rules, I follow God’s. Like I said previously, this is for those who agree, to know you’re not alone, and for those who don’t agree to see a different perspective, not take the poem out of context and speak negatively. I will continue to share pieces of ME and MY opinions to connect w/ those who are here w/ positive vibes, not worthless criticism. 🙂 I sincerely say thank you in advance and previously to the supporters. God bless!!!

  8. @ Carol…The author did not strike a nerve with any of the responding women. The author wrote an article for the world to see and women responded. Now that all of our rebuttals weren’t in agreement with the author, we are labeled as “bad girls” or the “wrong crowd”. Comments from ppl like Auja, are the form of being passive aggressive, which I totally dislike. When reading the article, I as a woman could not relate on any level (maybe some women could). My opinion does not make me wrong, negative, worthless or anything else in that nature. As far as stating maybe this was voiced to the wrong crowd…Negative! It was addressed to women and the author should have specifically said “this article is for insecure, unsure, unconfident women” then she would have received comments from those women only, whom would have sympathized with her.

    An article was put up for the world to see and some women did not agree/relate to it. Nothing more, nothing less. Just because “we” do not sympathize with her…feelings got hurt because the author was looking for CONFIRMATION not feedback. So with that being said…Those commenter’s that feel that all women should feel like this are delusional. Just because you are insecure about yourself and looking to place blame on other women, is your mental fault and something you need to deal with eternally. Again, I have never felt like this and probably never will because I am sure of myself, know that mistakes and bad decisions do happen and accept the trials and tribulations that happen in my life without having to place blame on “other women”. Get your priorities together and then you will notice that no other person in this world should make you feel this insecure or intimated. “Y.O.U.” need to do better and stop placing blame on others, when the blame lies within self…

  9. @Carol, thank you! The poem wasn’t supposed to rub anyone the wrong way though, that wasn’t my intention.
    @Hmm…All of the comments weren’t rebuttals, SOME of them were. The comments are opinions. If they are to be taken as feedback, then they should have been stated as so. If the poem didn’t relate to you, then that’s fine. You seem to be one that doesn’t have the same opinion that I do maybe b/c you didn’t experience what I experienced and we’re different thinkers. I respect that. But what is worthless or shall I say unnecessary, is “This poem is BS…” How is that contributing to the “Black woman bond?” You got your point across that you don’t agree, but that could have been left out. Feelings weren’t hurt, however I was thrown for a loop b/c I expected feedback to not be so harsh. Now that I see how you received the poem, I see that you didn’t understand it, b/c your summary of the poem is not what the poem is about. Also, you’re personally speaking on me as a person (even though you don’t know me) and your assumption came from 1 poem that I wrote out of my 24 years of life. Also, I never said anything about ANYONE being useless, some of the “feedback” was. I’m in no position to determine someone’s value in a negative way, not my job. Why I felt that this poem was submitted to the wrong crowd is b/c I am of Christian faith and others may not be, so they don’t see what I see b/c they don’t know what I know. As I keep reading The Word, I’m finding that a lot things that happen in the world are not okay, but people look around and see that others are doing it so they do it too. I’m not looking for confirmation, sympathy, or for things to be sugar-coated. I take my problems to God, but I share them w/ people, as a therapy and for fun. This piece comes from the journey that I went through and this is what came out of the deal. Some can relate to it, some can’t. No problem, but negative comments, and misconceptions that are followed by negative comments aren’t what I was looking for. I am very interested in opposing views, when delivered appropriately, b/c I’m simply one person that doesn’t know everything. But I know that according to the Bible, we aren’t supposed to be showing off our bodies, this causes lust, infidelity, the whole nine. There’s supposed to be one woman for every man, and vice versa. I know I’m going against the grain b/c that mindset is very rare nowadays but just b/c majority thinks otherwise doesn’t make it right. If you would like to comment on future pieces, I welcome you. I thank you for taking the time to even read the poem. God bless and have a good day! 🙂

  10. Auja you are so contradicting with your passive aggressive statements. OMG! I will pray for you. So it’s Not ok for me to refer to your article as BS…but perfectly fine for you to make statements to women like:

    “But I fear that if you show off what WE have to MY man before I do, then his eyes will be stuck on you. So I show a little more & more to keep him entertained.
    But I don’t want to do this. He won’t care that he’s only getting snippets and a low quality woman versus the whole plot and HD clarity. My sista, please cover up when you go out on the town, because YOU are driving OUR market value down”.

    Again, I say BS…and it is my right to when you put such a senseless “poem” on an open blog. Again, I will stick by what I said. You “were” indeed looking for Confirmation and when you didn’t receive it from all the responders, your feelings became hurt. It’s ok for you to put women down (because all women have a right to dress as they please, if you somehow feel intimidated that your man see’s them, maybe you should not have a man because its unavoidable & there’s nothing you can do about it).

    In addition, my mentioning “half naked or booty-butt naked” was in reference as an e.g. to you saying women keep clothed…Meaning exactly what I said: “Whether chicks are walking around half-dressed or booty-butt naked I’m not intimidated or never have felt I had to struggle for my classiness especially, behind a man”. And I still stand by my statement fully.

    I love Brownsista website, so from now on when I see a post from “Auja”, I will make it a point to never comment on it, due to you being Highly-Sensitive, Insecure and feel it’s ok for you to voice your opinion but see it as “harsh” when other ppl do the same. Keep your business/thoughts/opinions off blogs, then you will Not have to deal with constructive criticism good or bad. P.S. I hope prayer works for you because you really Need it…Much Luv My Sista’

  11. i do not want my daughters to say to me one day that they want to wear some scant clothing because they want to follow what the other girls are wearing, thinking that they need to fit in to be “liked” by a guy or their peers. in a more “perfect” world, in my opinion, there would be no need to campaign for any males attentions. when it is said that the market value isnt being driven down, its false. i believe that if we should instill in our daughter that they are worth more, period. im not saying that a female shouldnt wear scant clothing in order to be appreciated or valued, or that those that do are all bad, just not for me and mine. i understand what the author meant. our young ladies want to fit in, they want to be accepted, they want real love (usually) and it is disheartening to see that some could care less that they are hurting their “sistas” by negating their feelings of exclusion merely because they feel they fit in. thank you author, for shining a light on this. im glad you are in a better place now.

  12. Well said Jessica but “STANDARDS” begin at home and most kids (male or female) follow by example, that’s why as parents We have to lead by example. In a perfect world there would be less sleeping around for fun, more black wives and less baby mommas, less crime, less of our black men in prison, less racism, etc…but in the real world it’s not that way. The author message wasn’t wrong in any form; the phrasing of her words is what made me disagree. “To me” she faults other women’s dressing abilities on why she cannot keep her man satisfied.

    When a woman/young lady feels the need to follow its usually comes from wanting to fit in per se. If you’re guiding your children according and are demonstrating leadership qualities, low self esteem qualities will rarely surface in them. I feel that’s what was missing in the author’s words. Having high self esteem is essential and should be installed at an early age. To become an adult and have the attitude that other women are bringing down all woman’s value is not acceptable to me.

    I can wear a ball gown, jeans & Tee or pajamas and still get numerous guys attention, which is something I have no control over. For the women that chooses to dress scantily…it’s not cute but for their gestures to make you feel less than is absurd. It all starts with Self…

  13. To Hmm. You are such a negative Nancy.
    Clearly you understand what the author of this poem is trying to say. She isn’t blaming women, she even said so if you must scroll up and reread again. She is simply suggesting that women be a bit more classy. What is wrong with that sentiment?
    Your long paragraphs attacking the author were annoying, especially considering how often she tried explaining herself to you.

    And on another note, confident women don’t brag about how they can get attention in their pajamas.
    Insecure much?

  14. Beauty fades. Class is forever.

    (an appropriate quote for this post)

  15. hmm, it does indeed start at home, i agree. and i teach mine now, in hopes that they can survive the rigors of our society. but who are we kidding? when our little ones walk outside the confines of our homes, they are pummeled by a barrage of things, good and bad. and ultimately, they want to be looked upon fondly by their peers. and if their peers are not welcoming of them, it does cause issues with their self esteem. sure we can set a great example, but not all children follow what is shown. that’s like saying murderers came from murderers. or drug addicts come from drug addicts. i believe that if more of us sistas held ourselves to higher degree of “standards” we would have less of our daughters wanting or NEEDING to diminish their self worth, self esteem and fit in. they could shine without fear of belittlement. see, i know for whom the bell tolls, and i WANT to be my sistas helper, not hindrance.

  16. “He’ll keep trying & trying & trying until…..he remembers that there’s previews all over, he doesn’t need to buy the movie!

    He won’t care that he’s only getting snippets and a low quality woman versus the whole plot and HD clarity.

    So I ask politely, “STOP

    Auja, I love the poetry!

  17. @Terry, that is a very appropriate quote! 🙂 Thanks for reading, God Bless!!!

  18. @Shala Marks I’m glad you caught that lol! Thanks for the support! 🙂 God Bless!

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