“Be careful what you ask for” is an adage that summarizes this entire article. Too often people ask for things, situations, and other people to be brought into their lives in hopes that this will be what brings them the ultimate source of happiness. Once they attain that special thing they find that they now have a new set of concerns that they did not have before.
Right now this might sound very broad to you so I will be more specific. I am talking about men to be specific. Men who make the claim that they want a certain brand of woman without realizing exactly what other characteristics will accompany that type of woman.
Have I lost you yet? Yes? Here is the issue. I often hear men say things like they desire a woman who is career minded and who has her own money and won’t dig in his wallets on a regular basis. Okay. That sounds like a reasonable request in 2010. A woman should be able to take care of herself without the assistance of a man. This same man will find this woman and at first he will be allured by her independent nature. Every time she comes into a room Neyo’s single “Miss Independent” will begin to play as if it is her theme song. He will remain intrigued by her independent nature UNTIL it interferes with his fantasy of her that he has concocted in his mind.
Although women are some of the most multifaceted creatures on the planet, there are certain personality traits that typically accompany a specific characteristic. For instance in the case of the independent woman, she may also be more bossy than the next woman. Perhaps she is used to running her own show and is not as willing to consistently bend to the needs of someone else. Not even her man. Eww… That is a big reality crusher for a lot of men. She may also be so independent that she may be honest in her display of not necessarily NEEDING a man. Sure this may sound like the ideal superwoman but for some men, the idea of a woman not needing them is detrimental to their egos. The notion that she could get up and walk away without rethinking it is a SCARY one.
Another example of this would be the man who wants a woman that is in control of her life. She is sophisticated and career oriented as well. She is demanding of respect in her career and among her co- workers. She may also possess some role of authority at work. Yet another female character type that men say they desire. However they do not consider that if she is naturally aggressive in her career and demanding of herself then those same traits might filter over into other aspects of her life. Like her romantic life. You cannot expect for a woman like this to be docile and accept any bulls**t that you give her simply because you are present. She will undoubtedly be equally demanding of how she is treated and her expectations of you.
Contrary to this, some men prefer quiet, docile women whose life dream is to be a Mother and a wife. I can dig it. Then they become exasperated by her when she has no other dreams or hopes in life. They don’t understand why she is so needy and they resent that quality in her. Chances are this type of woman might also be more dependent on you for her financial security as well. They cannot understand how she can be so complacent about life and her desires. This is what you asked for. All realms of your request are finally on display.
A bitter sweet example of this are the men who desire a woman who is loose and slutty. They initially love how exciting she is and the sex is amazing. She cannot get enough of him. They go on to assume that she will do a 360 because he has entered their life. Sure that may happen on some occasions, i.e Julia Roberts in Pretty woman, but generally that is not the scenario. If it is in her nature to be slutty then that button won’t necessarily shut off automatically the moment a man falls in love with her. Then they become heart broken when she sexes his best friend.
Be careful what you ask for. Sure it may sound like a cheesy line but it would not be constantly repeated if there were no truth to it. You cannot expect for a woman who is naturally a leader to always be able to modify that natural quality in her to your preferred level for your ego’s sake or your comfortableness. You also cannot expect for another woman who is less dominant in nature to be aggressive at your instruction.
The confusion in desires is what upsets me about some men. They are unable to take the time to fully access the full scope of the desires of their heart. The woman is not to blame for not meeting your standards in every capacity. This is why I urge men and women alike, to be honest with themselves about their own needs and desires from the opposite sex. Regardless of who you choose, there will always be something lacking. Do not allow your fantasy to interfere with reality. Reality always wins.