A Private Issue Leads to a Public Victory!


As I unveil the far from perfect reality of who I am, I have slowly revealed a tragic display of shame, guilt, embarrassment, heartbreak, victimization, lack of self control, pride and many other demons I have yet to defeat. Although I have displayed a public misfortune; an unhealthy depiction of womanhood (which has been everything I never wanted to be), the truth is, I doubted my own ability to claim victory against the enemy’s schemes.

As a single black woman trying to live the life that God intended for me to live, I have encountered many traps that I must admit to falling into due to my own carelessness. These traps include prematurely involving in sexual relationships with men that God did not specifically design for me, partaking in activities that compromised my integrity, falling in love with a man that didn’t reciprocate the same love, abandoning my spiritual walk with the Lord, and many other traps that should have pronounced me spiritually dead a long time ago.

I use to judge women like me; I use to wonder why women would allow themselves to become victim of abuse, physical or otherwise; would put themselves in uncompromising situations that would leave scars of bitterness on the heart, or would allow a man to cheat on them and stay for the sake of having a man around. Then, one day I looked in the mirror and was able to ask myself the same question I was dying to ask other women…”how could you allow yourself to be less than what God designed you to be?”.

In Matthews 7:2, it says that if one judges any man that they, themselves, will be judged in the same measure. The truth is, I became the woman that I use to judge! and the cruel reality is that many of us are the women that we despise; that others talk about and condemn. But the Good News is that with all of the issues that many of us women face both internally and externally, God is able to create a clean heart and renew a right spirit within us. However, we must first admit that we have issues that we can’t solve without having faith that there is a better, more prosperous way to live.

A perfect example of a woman with a severe internal problem that resulted in an external victory, is the woman with the issue of blood in Matthew 9:20. The Word says that she had been bleeding for twelve years! For twelve years she had been suffering with an incureable issue; an issue that probably hindered her from having meaningful relationships. This issue also probably resulted in people speculating, judging her, condemning her, and labeling her as unclean, nasty, maybe even a freak of nature. But when all else failed her; when she finally realized that a man couldn’t heal her condition nor could friends make her whole, she went to Jesus in the midst of the crowed and reached for his cloak. She knew that if only she could touch the hemn of his garmet, she would be healed. Her faith is what pleased Jesus the most, and because of her faith Jesus publically redefined her from a woman with a major issue to a woman after God’s own heart.

As women, we often times carry heavy loads; loads so heavy that we may break our backs. But it is mostly predicated on how we carry the load that determines whether or not it will make us stronger or weaken our ability to handle it all. We all have private insecurities, private struggles, private heartache, and private issues, but if we seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness, He will publically add on blessings that most people thought you would never receive.

God has done this for me in the midst of all my issues, and I do believe He is molding me in to the woman of God He predestined me to be.

I want to encourage you sister. I want you to know that no matter what issues in your life has caused you shame in private, public, or both, God is able to transform that thing into a dynamic blessing and testimony. Don’t worry how other’s may view you; they don’t know what you been through. Just know that God sees you in His perfect image and wants to use you as a jewel in His crown.

Kara Warner is an upcoming author, blogger, and educator from Omaha, NE, by way of Hammond, IN. She has placed much emphasis on supporting, and becoming an advocate for women and youth who struggle with self- esteem, image, and perception issues.

In 2009, Kara founded a program entitled, ‘Beauty Is Skin Deep Movement, Inc.” in order to reconstruct the perception and image of women of color in American society. She has conducted classes for the YMCA, Urban League of Nebraska, Middle School Learning Center, and Girls Incorporated of Omaha.

Kara is currently working on a book titled, ” False Feelings Appearing Real”, a compilation of experiences and stories by women who have, throughout their life, struggled with understanding their feelings and are now learning how to cope with them. You can visit her blog at www.conquistanoir.wordpress.com IG @K__Maureen/Twitter @LivLifewpurpose.


  1. Thank you for your encouragement. This morning made the decision to leave an unhealthy relationship. Then I click and read this article.(Praise God !!) This is my conformation that God is a keeper and he loves me inspite of my short comings. Amen!!!

  2. Thank you for this. Beautifully written. A beautiful, thoughtful encouragement to us all.

  3. Wow, what beautiful, heart felt words to start off a new week. Thanks for posting this! We do carry some incredibly heavy loads at times and it does become back-breaking for many of us. These words are confirmation of God’s promise to us to never leave nor forsake us.

    @MYT-you will be in prayers that your heart heals from your breakup and that you seek from within, the things that God has for you! Be blessed! 🙂

  4. This is beautiful. We need more people to speak “the truth” boldly like this. It produces healing. Love it.

  5. THis is wonderful , and it comes in a time when it is much needed.

  6. Real Talk, so many need encouragement and this is food for the soul! Great Read, I was moved!!!

  7. This is lovely, Kara. Keep doing what you are doing. This came right on time for me and I look forward to receiving further inspiration from you. Love you, my friend! Very proud of you.

  8. you know I have always been a fan of yours!! This is amazing!! Keep doing God’s work.

  9. Thank you ALL for your comments and your encouragement! As women, we must be transparent with one another; it helps us heal!!! You all are brave for what you’ve gone through, and what you’ve made it out of! @MYT, keep seeking God for the answers…He loves you more than you love yourself. Stay encouraged!

    IG @Conquistanoir
    Twitter @Livlifewpurpose
    Facebook Conquistanour Kara Warner

  10. Thank you, Sista. That was a well written, home hitting, beautiful article. One that I will share with others.

    Like the elders used to say…”Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self!” 🙂

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