advice.
Get Togetha on September 22, 2008 at 4:23 pm (9 months, 2 weeks ago)
Thanks for sharing your words of wisdom on the last Get Togetha post. Your words were inspiring, truthful, and reminded GT to put some of those “to dos” back in the forefront of my life.
This week I wanted to write about a tricky word called advice. Not only do I not like the word; I don’t offer it. Call me a Debbie Downer if you will but here are my top 6 reasons why:
- Ninety-nine point nine nine percent of the time the person who seeks the advice knows exactly what they are going to do. They just want to know whether they’ll have you in their corner once they make the decision.
- Giving advice is fickle because people will generally use it to counter-criticize you. Particularly if you don’t practice what you preach.
- Giving advice is treading the thin line of what you think might help and making yourself appear holier than thou.
- People generally don’t want advice; they want an ear to blab to. If you don’t wanna hear it; tell em.
- Even if your advice is great…if a person isn’t ready to receive the life lesson they won’t get it. Better yet don’t offer any advice unless the person insists. Only then; offer your opinion.
- Advice generally cannot be used as paint brush using broad strokes. Therefore what may have worked for you; may not work with someone else’s situation.
I’m a living well and living quality writer; but GT is fully aware that all of my Brown Sista’s are first and foremost individuals with unique experiences. What rocks my boat, won’t rock yours. So instead of offering advice I do my best to stimulate dialogue and to live by example. I love love love to gab, chit-chat and laugh it up with my gurlfriends; especially after a glass of bubbly. But my belief is that no one can nor no one should know you better than you know yourself.
*
Raise your hand. How often rely on the advice of your girlfriends/others?
Cococure said,
1.Ninety-nine point nine nine percent of the time the person who seeks the advice knows exactly what they are going to do. They just want to know whether they’ll have you in their corner once they make the decision.
2. Answer-(I will be in their corner so why ask)
2.Giving advice is fickle because people will generally use it to counter-criticize you. Particularly if you don’t practice what you preach.
2. Answer-(that’s why I use examples..good or bad)
3.Giving advice is treading the thin line of what you think might help and making yourself appear holier than thou.
3. Answer-(how can I appear Holier than thou if you asked me?)
4.People generally don’t want advice; they want an ear to blab to. If you don’t wanna hear it; tell em.
4. An swer(lmao..true but I will listen and roll my eyes)
5.Even if your advice is great…if a person isn’t ready to receive the life lesson they won’t get it.
5.Answer-(True *** hell! I know so many people who will bust their head instead of taking advice.They want to prove you wrong,like your the one who will be hurt.Especially, when it comes to relationship advice..I have learned to just listen)
Better yet don’t offer any advice unless the person insists. Only then; offer your opinion.
(Yup)
Advice generally cannot be used as paint brush using broad strokes. Therefore what may have worked for you; may not work with someone else’s situation.
(yup)
Lola said,
Oh I agree!!! I hate when (women especially) ask for advice (in regards to a no good man, especially) and then do what they want, which is usually stay (in an useless relationship). I still offer my advice, as it’s no harm in giving it, but you are right. Most people have their minds made up and/or it’s advice that I need to follow myself.
Lola said,
The beauty of life experiences is making your own mistakes. They are the best lessons learned
Tiffany D said,
I have never relied on the advice of my friends. I do use them as sounding boards and a way to therapeutically get something off my chest.
Blame it on tha Rain said,
I wouldn’t say that I have FULLY relied on the advice, but I do take their thoughts or words into consideration. With some of the words wisdom that they give me, I am able to take my own thoughts fuse them together & get the perfect outcome for ME. Whenever I give advice I always tell ppl, this is what I would do, but that they need to do what is best for THEM. But I am not surprised when they do what they wanted to do in the 1st place. At least they can never say, I didn’t try to help. And they know not to come hollering to me in the end cause I told them better.
Get Togetha said,
I like to hear the opinions of my friends; but most times that’s because I just want to know how they think. Sometimes my friends help me to see something in a way that I’ve never seen it before and I think its great to have those kinds of people around you. Cause some people on want people around them who will only tell them what they want to hear.
Fresh said,
I’m the type of person who likes looking at issues through different perspectives. It helps me in making decision. Of course, at the end of the day I do as I please but advice from others helps.
Tesha said,
I agree with the blog. People who usually seek out advice have already made up their mind about what they are going to do. And even if you give them sound, concrete advice, they are still going to follow their own minds. Sometimes people just want a sounding ground, they just want to get their problems off their chests. But at the same time if people don’t want to hear what others think then they should probably not go to them. Everyone’s problems or situations are unique to that individual and what may had worked for you may not work for them. I try to remain neutral when friends ask me advice about anything because I do not want to tell them wrong information.
Rae said,
This is a funny post to me. I believe that people who are truly wise learn not just from their mistakes but also from others. I think God uses people to help us learn some stuff. I love getting advice. I ask for advice…I read the bible…I pray-it really works for me! If I’m going through something chances are someone in my circle of friends/family has gone through it before so why not let them help me through it?
I also give advice…at times it’s even unsolicitated advice. I think that people don’t have to take my advice. Everyone has a different learning pattern, it’s possible someone might not be ready to take my advice…that’s the beauty of free will. It would be cruel for me to let a friend walk into the fire though. Why not show them a different path? Why not try to spare them the hurt, pain and consequences of bad decision making? Why not offer a fresh perspective? Why not show them options they are not seeing from where they stand?
I have friends that have thanked me for keeping them sane when they had a crisis. I had someone thank me just last week because I helped him see his partner in a different light. He was focusing on a very minute detail of a situation they had. He said I helped him see the bigger picture. Now this doesn’t make an angel but I believe we can all use a little bit of advice every now and then! It does’t have to be about relationships. It’s everything FROM which company is offering the best tuition reimbursement program and which community is best to make a home TO hair grooming advice and dealing with your toddler + separation anxiety on the first day of school!
If you see a sista or brotha drowning and you are sailing on a raft/yatch…please reach out and give them a hand. It can only help the situation and if they find some other way to get to the shore that’s fine. The point is that they got to shore. If they don’t get to shore they might still be out at sea kicking themselves for not grabbing your hand!!!