An Apology to Black Men

Here is an interesting article from that has been getting a lot of buzz lately. Titled “An Open Letter of Apology to Black Men,” staff writer Nojma Muhammad, seeks to ask forgiveness from black men on behalf of black women, whom Muhammad believes have turned their backs on black men and the race in general.

Give the article a once over and let us know what you think.

Dear Black Man,
I have become a woman that you no longer recognize. I have allowed our enemy to impregnate me with his ideas and thoughts. I have allowed an illusion of independence to keep us separated. I have fooled myself into believing that my degrees places me degrees above you.

I humbly come to you asking forgiveness. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not supporting you. I come to you asking you to forgive me for not truly loving you. I was taught to hate myself, then hate you. My desire to reproduce you was killed by our enemy. I apologize for teaching my daughters that you will fail them, and continuning the cycle of an illusion of indepedence with them. I apologize for not encouraging you, for not being more patient with you, for not understanding your plight, your trials and your tribulations.

I apologize for thinking in order to gain strength I had to weaken you. I apologize for disturbing your peace, in order to have peace within myself, or what I thought was peace. My life has been in peril without you. I tried to convince myself that I don’t need you, but you are a necessity. I can’t even continue the cycle of life without you. I apologize for my harsh tone, for using my tongue as a sword, for telling you that you are nothing, when in fact you are everything.

I apologize for mistreating you, disrespecting you, neglecting you and belittling you. I know that I have aided in breaking you, and I am beneficial in rebuilding you. I am acknowleding the wrongs that I have committed against you,and I am confessing my faults. By acknowledging my wrongs, doesn’t mean I am absolving you of your duty, but rather I am re-committing myself to my duty to you.

I have relinquished my womb from our enemy and I am returning it to it’s rightful owner; you.
I tried to walk this journey of life without you, but I realized that I should be walking this journey with you, and beside you.I pray that you accept my sincere apology, and that we can start the process of reconciliation, so we can love each other and have productive and successful relationships that will set the standard for our children.
Black Man……….I love you…..

A Black Woman who concedes that her womb was one of many…….


  1. Though beautifully written, I respectfully disagree. I have attempted the process of loving earnestly, of trying to soothe the savage beast many left behind….From my brother who despite the many times I have had to come to his rescue and he continuously gives me his ass to kiss, to the “stepfather” who touched me as a child and had te nerve to tell others that I don’t like him because I want what my mother has, to the many “brothers” that I have given my heart to that once it was no longer adequate for them, decided to not give it back but take it with them, and once I snatch it back, pieces of it were left behind. Though I have not given up completely on my black counterparts, I am a little less inclined to believe that they have my best interests at heart.

  2. If a man wants to rebuild himself and help rebuild other men, he needs to look for God for that, not women. I get what the author is saying as a whole, and I believe history and life and women to some extent owe a huge apology to black man.

    I get that this is a big generalization, but to me it seems that unlike men, women seem more willing to take the blame for their shortcomings. They seem to want to pick themselves up and improve upon themselves, from the superficial ways like a new hair cut or new clothes or weight loss to turning to religion or meditation for self help. It’s never easy but we do it because we have strength and we want to feel worthy and beautiful and essential in a world that tells us every single day that we are not.

    When black men are ready and willing to take the first steps to build themselves up and take back what society has taken from them in positive, responsible ways — not the ways emulated in hip-hop videos or the culture running the streets — but in ways that fully elevate their self worth, they won’t need anyone’s apologies to feel better about themselves.

  3. Black women are very supportative of their men. and for this woman to write this garbage is ridiculous. the problem is , that black men want to use everybody as a scapegoat for not being real men. we accept their behavior and co-sign with this mess. noone told black men to behave the way they do. it’s not black women’s fault that black men impregnant black women and then move on to the next. it’s not black women’s fault that they would rather leave their children fatherless, because they only used the woman for reason not to masterbate to a playboy picture, or turn gay. it’s not the black woman fault that she decided to seek self-improvement through education and corporate success, while sits on his butt, complaining about how society has wronged him, and how the black woman is too agressive to handle, because he realizes that unlike other men, they have to compete with their woman, and this is a result of him allowing his manhood to be striped from him , when his historical examples like Shaka Zulu sold out his people for hair dye. It’s not the black woman’s fault that the black man would rather be a modern black man than a real man that doesn’t subject his sons to watching black men on television walking around in women clothing, high heels, carring purses. oh, if the black man was a real man, he would have been around to teach his son masculinity, and not just around his mother when he wanted his mandigo serviced so his hand wouldn’t do all the work. this author better spew that nonsense to the steve harvey and perry fans.

  4. Ok, so she wants to apologize. That is her desire. However I totally disagree with her thoughts. Black women have tried to maintian their relatioships with black men while being mentally and physically abused, disrespected and conflicted about their feelings. I believe in motivating and encouraging all people to dream and work on acheiving their goals. I’ve heard so many black men talk about what they wanted to accomplish, what they want to have in life, what they should of, would of, and could of done. In order to acheive your goals and dreams, we must “ALL” motivate ourselves and not wait on someone else to do it for you.

  5. And where is the black man’s apology to the black woman? I am not doing this ..,

  6. This sista is feeding into this misconception that the woes of black men rest squarely on the shoulders of black women! A classic example of the black women that so wants to please the black man she is welling to sell herself short. On the contrary sista’s in the face of disrespect, rejection and humiliation have remained loyal to black men in a way that I don’t believe any other race would. I will except nothing but greatness from my parter as I know our men are leaders and strong, and as his mate if I expected anything less then you could accuse me of letting him down. To apologies for my education, my drive my success because they make a black man feel less then then they should be is just crazy and something I can’t condone.

  7. So here are my thoughts………

    My honey and I read this letter together and had a discussion about it. He agreed with some parts and disagreed with others. I feel like this…………why do we as women keep apologizing????? I have a major issue with that.

    I understand the underlying message that the writer is trying to convey (basically that we as black women have allowed society to come in and “rape our minds,” so to speak).

    However, like I told honey……..we as black women have been violated and stripped of ourselves just as much (and in some ways) more than they have. We each have a responsibility as people and individuals to pick up the pieces of our lives and make something of ourselves.

    I can’t swallow this pill of us turning on our men. We accept to much crap from them (i.e. disrespcet, abuse, and much more) to constantly apologize for them not having the intestinal fortitude to move forward.

    These are just my feelings on it…..

  8. @ Sista-That was a very thought provoking letter to black women, thx for posting.

    We both have been wounded in this battle of life as a people.

  9. This is total bulls*#%! Apologize to who for what??? They should be apologizing to us daily, weekly, annually and hourly. Black women have put up with waaayyy to much from the Black man. From trying to nourish, cultivate, support, love, and pretty much mother the black man we have lost so much of our own self-respect, dignity and compassion for each other. A black woman didnot write this article!

  10. Of course some Black woman will say “LOOK I AM NOT APOLOGIZING FOR NOTHING” with the head roll and neck in motion, maybe even with her hands on her hips. Now the writer did not say that she apoogized for her education. She said she apologize for thinking that her degrees put her a degree above the Black man.

  11. Even now after reading what that sister had to say, all I read in the comments are more about why do we still have to be submissive. The point she is trying to make is that the whole foundation of marriage has been broken, women feel that they no longer need men. That they must continue to be loud outspoken and sometimes down right disrespectful, because their friends tell them they don’t need to put up with that, not knowing that the very foundation of family has been broken, and trust me I’m not absolving our brothers from their responsibility, but women you have that power in alot of cases that will make that man climb higher mountains then he would have ever thought was possible.

  12. Wow. Just wow. i feel her on the apology because i am at the point in my life where i realize i have a responsibility to be my best so i can offer my best to others. it is not about whether anyone deserves it it is about me recognizing what message God is sending me through the mess we call life. I appreciate her freeing herself it is her feelings not ours that she is expressing so she can’t be wrong with what she feels is her need to apologize. i need to to a lot of apologizing for how i acted and caused people to look at black women in a negative way and how my actions caused some black me to wallow in degradation. great article Sista.

  13. @BOHWE Shaka Zulu realy lol!,where did you get that?I’ve never heard of that,would like to go through that book .The Zulus that I know support thier families honey,some maybe be polygamous.In Zululand a family is a status symbol,family represents wealth and worth.Lastly Hair Dyes have always been available in Africa for gazzilions of years why would Shaka trade his people for anything realy,he would just kill you and take what he wants without loosing anything……When are we going to talk about Love?

  14. Lets milk our positive traits,we do have them you know,going over our problems repeatedly will not yield any results.?What is so good about you or us?

  15. I beleive all the author is simply saying was SHE did all of those things and She wants to apologize for her mistakes….somewhere a woman can fit that shoe but unfortunately its about 12%. the 88% is still looking for that exceptional black man she obviously never knew existed until now.

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