Anatomy of a Relationship

posted by Yolanda Kirby on July 19th, 2012 at 1:18 am

ANATOMY OF A RELATIONSGHIP 166x250 Anatomy of a RelationshipAnatomy of a Relationship

Have you ever wanted something or better yet someone so badly you could hardly breathe? If you have never experienced this feeling, it may be hard for you to understand. Trust me, it is not a good feeling… when it isn’t returned I mean.

Love.

LOVE…

What a wonderful feeling that is. Your heart races. You smile for no reason. You grow excited just with the anticipation of just hearing that person’s voice. When your desired comes into the room… your heart stops. You are a better person. The world is a better place. Everything and everyone are more tolerable. The weekdays are just speed bumps for you to cross to get to the weekends with your beloved. What happens when that love goes bad?

Hate.

HATE…

In the beginning it is hard to imagine that love… that perfect love, that causes you so much happiness can turn to hate. We all know people that literally hate their ex-spouses, their ex-lovers, their “baby mamas”. We’ve all heard the “What the hell was I thinking… that girl/boy is an a**hole.” Have you ever wondered how they got that way?

I have.

Is it really better to have loved and lost, than to had never had loved at all? I’m really not so sure about that. I’m not a big believer in regrets; I believe you do what it is you want to do at THAT time. However, is the happiness you feel at the beginning of new relationship, worth all the pain you feel if/when the relationship ends? I think that is the better question.

Anatomy of a relationship…

You meet someone. You hit it off. You date. You become exclusive. You fall in love. You marry (or in today’s society, live together). Have a kid. Someone says something the other one doesn’t like… KABOOM! You’re not talking to him. He isn’t talking to you. All of a sudden, you are two people who share the bills. Finally, one of you meets someone else, and moves out. DAMN! You spend the next few years cursing each other, and the new mates as well. Your kid doesn’t even remember a time when you were a happy couple, and wonders “How the hell were my parents in the same room long enough to conceive me?” You’re wondering “What did I ever see in him/her!”

I’ll tell you what you saw. You saw someone with as many issues as you. You saw someone that met your definition of attractive. You saw someone that made your heart race. That made you smile. That made work more tolerable. That made life worth living. You saw your future, and with that person it looked bright. Bad times don’t last always. Life is what you make it. Relationships are what you make them. When things get bad… wait. Pray. Fast. Do whatever it is YOU have to do to get thru it. Remember what it is that attracted you to that person in the first place. Of course there are exceptions to this rule, abuse of any kind, infidelity etc, don’t rush into a relationship with anyone until you know all of the facts. Don’t be a part of this “throw away” society. Remember when people married… and stayed that way! Remember grandparents that weren’t in their 30′s? Remember when people didn’t just shack up? They call them the “good ‘ole days” for a reason.

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9 Comments

  1. Britney_Bitches

    I would never trade the pain for the experience. I have had two devestating break-ups but they didn’t take away from the good times, the love, the emotion and yes, the sex. I loved every minute of it. The pain only lasts for a little while. The memories are forever though.

  2. It just depends on the situation. Sometimes it IS better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost. Years ago I was in a very long live-in relationship at one time….we were crazy in love the and all that stuff. But now that its is over , if I could take it all back I WOULD. He was not worth sharing those experiences with. I am have strong feelings of distrust now and NEVER want to be vulnerable like that again. I don’t even look at relationships the same and find myself happier not being “in love”. I never allow myself to like or care about a guy so much that I couldn’t walk away if I wanted to.
    The second time I fell in love, I must say that this guy was more genuine and just a better person over all and I love that BUT there was still a part of me that was extremely guarded even though I was deeply in love. The fact that this man was genuine and not mean-spirited caused me not to regret this 2nd experience of being in love like I did my 1st experience.
    I don’t advise any female to shack up… it benefits the man more than you. But again it just depends on the situation/ the person. IMO

  3. Sweet Serenity

    This is just my opinion BUT, I personally HATE/LOATHE when people say “Remember when…….good ole days, blah, blah, blah.” The reason is, I’ve come to realize in my short 30 something years on this Earth that those times were NOT necessarily the “good ole days” to those that were in those relationships.

    When I got married (over 10yrs ago), my mother-in-law (who was in her late 70′s and had been married twice until death did them part in both cases) told me that she would NEVER EVER marry again and that she felt sorry for me and young women like me who had no clue about life and let alone marriage. At the time,I couldn’t comprehend what the heck she meant, but I then heard this same thing from my grandmother, great-aunts, and now my own mother.

    I’m now no longer in that marriage and engaged to be married again. However, I guess I can understand what all of those women meant (to a degree). In most of the cases (speaking from my own personal experiences), most of the women that stayed married for X-number of years, wasn’t necessarily b/c they couldn’t live without their husbands and they believed in the committment. They stayed b/c back in the day when women were having 10+ kids and it wasn’t like today’s society where women are able to work and be providers, they really had no choice. Plus on top of that, there was quite of abuse going on “back in the day” of the “good ole days.”

    Again, these are some of my personal experiences and I am a firm believer that life period is what you make it. I believe in marriage and I believe that if you know God, know you, then get to know someone else, it can definitely be a BEAUTIFUL thing. Thankfully, I was able to grow up in a household with two loving parents that were married until my father died in 96. They were great examples to me of what marriage can and should be.

    Just my thoughts though………….good post! :)

  4. I do believe in “it’s better to have loved & lost, then not loved at all”. I’m recently divorced from a marriage of 9 years but in the relationship for 12 years and even though my marriage ended the way it did, I now know exactly what I want from a relationship/marriage. In the future I want to be married and looking forward to it again. Without this experience I wouldn’t be the man I am today or know how to be married. I am very confident that I will make someone very happy. It was painful to let go but the key is understanding your worth and despite the pain I knew/know I deserved much more then what I was getting. There is no manual on marriage so it’s mostly just trial and error and sometimes the marriage can withstand but in today’s society people tend to think the “grass is greener on the other side”. In my case I don’t hate my ex-wife even though she wasn’t very civil when it came to ending things because I am happier now then I have been in years. I tried everything to save it, but you can’t get in the ring and fight alone. I don’t agree with divorce just as God doesn’t like it, however when your peace of mind is gone and you don’t want to go home then you have to make a choice to keep your sanity.
    As far as the “good old days” you have to understand the past to ensure you don’t repeat it. What people don’t understand is that the more things change the more they remain the same. I do believe many issues in today’s society was present in the past I don’t think all of these issues just started, however there wasn’t social media or the privacy invasion that goes on today. People just didn’t talk about them or hide their true feelings because they feared ostracization. Society has made many things “cool” to do so you see many issues play out right before your eyes without any thought.

  5. Life is a change of the remote, people do not want the truth.

    Love is pain, lies because if the other person had to tell you the truth….

  6. I don’t know if y’all ever seen school days, but at the end of that movie Lawrence Fishburne said, “WAKE UP.” wake up ppl, we live in a world where love and marriage is an industry. And devorce is just as lucrative as marriage. So to keep our society functioning properly, ppl must make up to brake up. Not to mention, monogomy and commitment ain’t valued at home anymore, not with TV and Internet raising our future. Propaganda influences the minds of us women from broken homes full of women with baby’s and no man in site. It’s because of Willie Lynch that men are not of any value amongst our women, our parents parents (Ancestors) who excepted this doctrine as sound advice and lived by this code of fear, distrust, and envy, and raise there sons and daughters on this philosophy. Now it’s in the DNA. Y’all hoes have a man, take his sperm, move on to the next, and keep repeating the same rituals, meanwhile baby dad is being bashed and sentenced to a label of deadbeat and extorted by childSupport orders and liens on his credit. Real women only plan familys with men who have similar values of having monogamy, commitment, and family structure. Hoes usually just breed with as many men as they can, seeing no harm and danger in struggling and bringing a new life to add on to the struggle so he or she can also struggle even more… Yet, never realizing the error in her ways…

  7. Never want to date men ever again i hate them forgive me god but i really do have a bless day everyone i will!!!!

  8. For “Soldjaboy”…did you really learn? Because it seems to me, when you learn something, you don’t repeat it, and you certainly don’t take it out on others. When someone is uncivil to you at the ending of a relationship, I can see in some cases, there is a reason behind that. Maybe you lied to them. Cheated on them. Caused them unspeakable hurt they can’t let go. If you learn a lesson you learn humility. You show the next person kindness. You learn to talk and communicate, not just avoid. Did you learn those lessons? If not, I guarantee you one thing…your next relationship and the one after, and everyone after will fail until you make things right. @Selena…it’s going to be okay girlie…I promise you many women have been fooled by men who talk a good game: ex: the comments made about: only to find they don’t back it up. Don’t give up on all men, just don’t ignore the signs in the beginning, and when you see something isn’t right…move on!

  9. Thank u mommy!!!