Another Take on Keri Hilson’s Twitter Rant


Keri Hilson Men-Women Behavior Debate

Last week, singer Keri Hilson posted a picture with an interesting statement on her instagram. On the black and white photo of a couple, the text read:

“I often wonder if more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would feel challenged to be gentlemen.”

Her captioned photo created an interesting dialogue (or debate, if you will) on whether or not women should be held accountable for men’s actions.

Some commenters said:

anseauxpins: I disagree. If a man really wanted to be a gentleman, he would do it regardless of how a woman was behaving. I’m not saying that woman should not act like a lady. I believe they should. I just think that we should not hold a woman accountable for the way a man acts.

troubletroublesme: Um, how about no! Instead people should work to be better human beings. Don’t put the blame on only one group of people because it goes both ways.

mfsexxie88: News flash my bra burning comrades: you teach people how to treat you. If a girl dresses like a whore and acts like a whore then she will be treated like one. Expecting someone else to “be a gentleman” or a lady for that matter, to everyone is like saying “don’t give that duck breadcrumbs! It says it’s a rabbit”

On her twitter, @KeriHilson had a lot to say about the reactions:

Interesting comments on my last ig post…quite a stir. But I don’t see the confusion. Ladies don’t get it twisted. It DOES start with YOU!!

Unfortunately, every man doesn’t possess some standard high amount of respect for every woman they encounter…ctnd…
…just as every woman doesn’t exude the same amount of confidence, class, or self respect.

This is not a perfect world, where men treat “hoes” with the same respect they give “ladies” just because their mother taught them well.

Bottom line is, a man will treat you according to the “messages” YOU put out there. That’s the way of the world…reality.

If you exude sex, you will attract men who want that from you. If you exude self respect, you will attract the type of men who respect women

In this world, you attract what you exude. Ladies, WE set the tone!! NEVER forget that!! We have the power to change our experiences w/ men.

After reading all this, what do all of you think, sistas?

Is it on the women to “control” how a man approaches them? Is it true that whatever you put out there is what you’re going to get back? Do we really have the power and influence?

Or, does it come down to good old-fashioned home training? Are these men out here being disrespectful toward women and only looking for one thing because they weren’t raised to treat women as ladies?

My take? Unlike Miss Keri baby’s classic photo, I don’t think it’s such a black-and-white issue. I do agree that women have the ability to affect how they are viewed, approached, and, ultimately treated…but to an extent. And I also agree that a lot of how men view and treat women has to do with how he was raised, and, overall, just who he is as a person.

Like Keri said, we can and should set the tone. Women should have standards (as should men) because standards create boundaries. Men need to know what they can and cannot do to and/or with you because you’ve set those standards. For example, I do not allow men to talk to me disrespectfully, nor call me the N-word (and that’s actually for everyone). This is something I demand from the beginning, not in a rude, arrogant way or anything, but I let men know up front I don’t tolerate being talked to in certain manners. I am a woman and am worthy enough for any man to correct his speech when he’s in my presence. And you know what, sistas? The ones who are respectful do just that. Even those who are just my friends try not to curse a lot around me and say rude, disrespectful things about women because they know, “Not with Shala.”

Yet, notice I said the ones who are respectful. Understand, you can be the classiest woman out there, exude confidence and have the highest standards, but the bottom line is some men will still approach and treat you the wrong way. That’s reality.

Michelle Obama is classy, beautiful and intelligent. Many men respect her and speak highly of her, yet there are still plenty of others who say disrespectful, negative things. Why? Because not every man is at that level of maturity nor has that wisdom to recognize a “true lady” and understand how to treat her so. That’s why I don’t feel like it’s always 100 percent that whatever you put out there, you’ll get back. There is some middle ground (both positive and negative).

On the other point, some commenters believed men’s behavior when it comes to women all have to do with how they’re raised. Again, I don’t think this is completely black and white, although I do believe, for the most part, home training plays a large part in how a man views and treats a woman. Almost everything starts in the home and how an individual was raised. Yet, just like that small percentage of men who will still treat women disrespectfully even though a woman may only “put out” classiness, there are some people who do not grow up to be a product of their “good” environments.

I’ve seen many kids raised in two-parent homes, biblical values and/or morals, good education with a loving family and they still grow up to be totally opposite of that “he/she was raised right” persona. Some kids totally turn against the good their parents taught them, yet that doesn’t mean they weren’t initially raised right. The same holds true for some of these men.

Enough of my thoughts, though. What about you, sistas? Is it on the women, the men, or the parents from jump?


Service is her passion, writing is her platform, women and the Black Community are her avenues. Shala Marks is a writer, editor and soon-to-be author. Through her work, Marks aspires to demonstrate “The Craft of Writing, and the Art of Efficacy.” She has a B.A. in journalism from Arizona State University. Connect with her at:




  1. I agree that this may not necessarily be a cut and dry issue. However, in my world it is. If any man had approached me in any way that I deemed disrespectful, he would be shown the door. I don’t carry myself in a “loosy-goosy” manner and I never expected to be treated that way. When hubby came along, the “gentleman” in him spoke to the “lady” in me and here we are 18 years later. While I do agree, ultimately an individual has to decide what kind of person he/she wants to be, I do say it most certainly is up to YOU whether or not to accept certain behaviors into your life. Whatever you may believe, I believe a woman does have the ability to attract the kind of attention she gets….good or bad.

  2. Unfortunately our society blames men for a lot of bad things when it comes to relationships and the treatment of women. I’ve always taught my daughter the principle “A man only does to you what you allow him to do to you”. Example, if a man hits you, you stay, and he hits you again and again you have to bare that responsibilty. Women have to demand to be treated like women/human beings, period. This means the standard has to be set high and not negotiable. Many women lower their standards because they are so desparate for a love/relationship it costs them in so many ways So, my suggestion to all women is act like a lady, stay strong in your indepedence, and challenge men to be a gentleman around you. In the end you can’t change a person, but you can chnage how that person will treat you…

  3. I believe the power of attraction definitely depends on the individual that exudes that positive or negative image. Like forces attract. If you are someone that commands respect from either sex, that respect will be given. Some individuals are conflicting with their own insecurities which may effect the way that they treat you. Some men were raised with the mentality that women are subjects or were created to please men. There are men that don’t command a certain respect and can be used and abused by a dominate woman if allowed. It’s human nature; We can only get away with what is allowed. If a woman that wants to be respected as a business woman, and intellectual or a just a respected figure, that woman will exude that aspect by the way she walks, talks, dress and carry herself. Boundaries are often tested, that human nature. Ultimately each individual has the power to control the way they are perceived which will result in the way they are treated. There will always be the good and bad in life. The only thing we can control is how much good we produce to attract the greatness life has to offer.

  4. I couldn’t agree more with you, it all boils down to you in the end. I also feel as though we women have a tendency of contradicting ourselves, or in this case, the ‘image’ we try to send off in our communities . It doesn’t help one talking about their standards and what-not’s, then turning around and allowing your actions to do the complete opposite. Its a very thin line, that needs to properly be established

  5. The bottom line is in LIFE you have to train people on how to treat you, and that goes for everybody, anything, anywhere. We’re all human and all deserve mutual respect as human beings.

  6. If i am a respectful person and love myself i will respect you no matter who or what you are or represent. Just because you act ugly or act and dress like a degenerate, does not mean i have to treat you like one. Only a degenerate will treat another degenerate like one. like the saying goes it takes one to know one. People act the way they are deep inside and no matter whether you command respect or not people gonna treat you the way they want so it starts from the individual. It is like telling a racist that hates blacks that he can treat blacks bad because he thinks that blacks are beneath him or that they have the right to judge someone because they feel blacks are inferior to them based on their skin color. If you are decent you will act and treat others the same way you want to be treated no matter what.

  7. Well I always say “you get what you put out” is just a common sense life rule. That goes for women and men. I don’t think what she posted was off base at all. I think it’s true in most situations.

  8. Southern women like Keri are raised to be subservient to a man. In the old days, where people rarely got divorced and the woman could always count on the man to provide, it wasn’t a bad deal.

    But with today’s divorce rate, a woman can not sit around catering to a man’s every whim. She’s got to be out their working earning her own money. Keri Boo hasn’t agreed to a marriage date as far as I know, and I dont think she better put all her eggs in his basket, and get back to her career. Even if he does marry her, she needs her own money. She doesn’t need to be sitting around the house cooking and cleaning counting on him to do right.

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