Are You Ready for an Open Relationship?

By now you’ve read about the Jill Scott tweets on open relationships and you’ve probably taken your position on it.  Are you open to the idea like Jill or completely against it like Usher’s ex-girlfriend Chilli?

In case you missed it:

Jill: “What do u think about “open” relationships? Been considering. Many friends are making it work. Not sure if I’m that girl, but not sure if I’m not. Sometimes there’s an understanding that nobody else gets. I’m really not saying I’m into it. Just curious and considering. I think it’s cool 4 the guy but when it’s the girls turn..pralum. For some it’s a turn-on. I’m certain of what I want and deserve. Still so many marriages fail. Worth the questions. Worth the thought.”

Chill: “HELL NAW to open relationships!!!! I’m about to call u cuz u can’t b in nobody’s OPEN relationship!! talk about a horrible situation!!! so answer ur phone!!”

I would have loved to be the third party on that call, listening to the back and forth debate about an issue that I don’t think has hit mainstream relationships like cheating, down low brothas and STD’s has.  But if one thing is certain, it seems to be moving at a nice pace. Who knows maybe this time next year someone large will write a book and you’ll be chatting about the pros and cons with your girls or homies over drinks.

Is the world really ready for open relationships?  Yes.  And I say that because some people are in one-sided open relationships and just don’t know it.  Wouldn’t it be nice if your partner told you the truth about what they do when you aren’t around and gave you the option to stay or leave?

Do all relationships need to be open? No.  Sigh, can we have some faith and hope in monogamous relationships?

Does the world need open relationships? Hell to the no.  It’s just too many dynamics.  Too much could go wrong.  It’s rare to meet people who can truly handle what comes with an open relationship.

I think about the married couple that I was with last week at a wine festival.  The wife was ready to cut the husband because he stood and talked to a stranger too long.  And he was actually just giving her instructions on the wine festival experience.

Some people aren’t built for an open relationship and I mean both men and women.

Some people are.

So where do you fall with the situation?

If you were with the perfect person for you but wanted to test the waters would you do it and would you let your spouse do it?

I share my paycheck, my food, my time but sharing my guy is just something I’m not ready for yet.  #KanyeShrug

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love.  For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel visit

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  1. For me this is not an option. There are just too many men in this world to ever have to consider sharing one.

    Open relationships are for women who have given up.

  2. I’ve been reading a lot of different articles lately about Jill’s opinions/”advice” on relationships…..Jill is a broken spirit. =( I wish she knew that marriage takes three, not two (no matter how well-intentioned the both of you are).

  3. Jill was just asking a question and all of a sudden everyone is acting as if she is a desperate woman.

    Anyway, to answer the question- for me the answer would be no.

    I agree with Dana. The world us full of too many men to ever have to share one with someone else. No many would knowingly share his woman and neither will I.

  4. Personally, I love being married to my husband of 16 years and living in an open marriage. I enjoy the freedom and knowing that I can have any man I desire at any time. He too enjoys this freedom. And we always have one another. We are best friends…

    In terms of jealousy – I think of it as an anger that I do not want to thrive in my mind. I daily do meditations to rid myself of that non-sense. Everyone should be able to tell the truth and have exactly what we desire.

    Love and Light!

    Kenya K

  5. What is going on with people. Open relationship=no bond between two people who are married to each other. If you have to share, then you both have a problem. If they can imagine you with someone else, then they doin’t care about your feelings, just their desire to be sexully fulfilled but not your heart. Real love won’t allow it. Just my opinion

  6. I think that when people are in an open relationship, it says that the you are not enough for your spouse and vice versa. i can’t fanthom being with a man that is willing to share me with another man. I would think that my husband desires, wants, lusts, etc after me, to the point that thinking, viewing or knowing that i’m with another man would literally destroy him. when you are married , that person becomes apart of you body and soul, you are connected, so why would you want another man or woman in that. if my husband told me, that he wanted to explore other options, that telling me that he wants to be single, so he could keep it pushing.

    Is this article, indirectly leading to a Will and Jada situation? Will already said that they have no relationship that is open. Personally, if Jada is attracted to Marc Anthony, I can deeply 100% understand that. Marc Anthony has a magnetism that is natural sex appeal, and an allure. And that love scene was way too caliente. But, since that rumor has already been debunked, I guess I have to endure watching my least favorite couple of all time continue to be together. BTW: Black folks stop it with the Will and Jada empitomy(sp) of black love, that title should go to Michelle and Barack Obama- now they are a couple that is the hottest. Obama actions towards his wife is pure sexy. lol.

  7. I respect open relationships for their honesty. The said truth is quite a few married women are in open relationships and don’t know it. Women don’t realize men are carriers for various health issues that affect women like cervical cancer, bacterial infections and several other conditions.If you have been in a long term “monogamous” relationship and all of a sudden u get a bacterial infection or cervical cancer, chances are you are in an open relationship, only it’s your husband having all the fun. I was friends with a couple years ago and they would take “breaks” and during these times they would both sleep with other people and tell each other the truth when they got back together. I had always believed they were crazy. Now that I have a lived more life and observed the dynamics of several relationships I have a new respect for them. They would get tested and no one was blindsided. Honestly I wish I had a man like him.

  8. Well, everyone should I think undergo this kind of situation and that’s the time you will realized how it feels and of course know its consequences. Oh this very exciting but it means having more responsibility on the both parts of the men and women. Anyway, it’s natural for in love being

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