Today, I went back way deep into Tariq’s archives and stumbled across a segment entitled, Basic Ass Chicks. Now, I’ve never considered mysself to be basic by any means, yet I was compelled to listen the segment solely due to pure curiosity. What defines a chick as basic? What dare probes a man, specifically, to look at any woman through a basic lense. As I listened carefully, I started to feel slightly uncomfortable. If I can be all the way honest, I almost felt darn right offended. I was peepin’ game from this man that I admire and as he broke down the reasons why Black women often are considered to be basic, I began to identify some of the ‘basic’ qualities to be directly tied to me! And many of the women I am connected with. Now, let me make something VERY clear! I know I, personally, possess some dynamic qualities! There is no need to list any of them because I know who I am, and who I am not; But, as I began to process Tariq’s interpretation of a basic chick, I noticed that, dammit, I could be considered a basic chick through the eyes of an exceptional man!
I’m not here to air out my dirty laundry, but I want to be as transparent as possible so that women who are reading this article may understand that we ALL have mess to work through! So, again, as I’m listening to Tariq school us on basic chicks, he mentions that many times women, want props for being basic. Some of us want men to give us accolades and acknowledgement for things we’re supposed to do at minimum. For instance. “I have my own money. My own car. I live in a house.”, AND I want recognition for having things I should, at 30 years old, already possess. Those things don’t make me exceptional!!! Those things make me a grown ass woman! Again, these are monetary things that we as women, and men, should possess at the very least.
I have a son. and I am the sole provider for him. Okay, well, if his father isn’t going to contribute, that’s something I am supposed to do anyhow! I shouldn’t receive anything more for being a mother, in which I chose to be. Many times us women believe that the world owes us something for doing exactly what is expected of us. And I know you may think I’m going in a little harder than usual on women, but, I definitely agree with Tariq Nasheed that we need to set a even higher standard for ourselves if we plan on attracting men of a higher caliber. Listen, just as much as women don’t want to raise no man, trust me, a man doesn’t want to raise a woman. The things that we expect a man to have, we must also possess and it’s not always in the realm of material things. Men want us to be of sound-mind, dedicated, trustworthy, honest, loyal, sincere, understanding, supportive, independent balanced with a little submissiveness and when we lack some or most of these traits, it is very hard for a man to see potential in us. So, back to the basics we go!
Whew! Okay, so I did a lot of tearing down, but it’s only to build back up! At this point, you may be asking, “so, what makes a woman exceptional?”. Very good question. At best, I think women should first internally have the love for themselves that they want a man to display for them. Feeling and believing that you are exceptional makes a world of difference, and men are able to catch on to how high or low your self-esteem is. Now you may have some “basic traits” but invest in cultivating the exceptional traits you possess as a woman; your strength, your ability to motivate, your spirituality; your entrepreneurship spirit, etc. Next, whatever you do, do it in decency and in order with a spirit of excellence!!! Treat your job likes it’s your last! treasure your children and family like they are golden! advance in your purpose or calling! take pride in your appearance! Third, become financially fit and sound. There is nothing sexier to a man than a woman that has her money together. You can purchase anything you want! Give him the OPTION to want to spend on you, don’t make him feel like it’s a priority.
Exceptional is defined as- rare; unprecedented; unexpected; surprising. Women, we must come in rare form if we want to attract a man who also inhabits rarity himself. BASICally, we need to step our game up as well ladies. We can’t expect a man to bring more to the table than we have to offer. It’s not fair and it’s unrealistic. At this point, I have decided to become the woman I want in a man. I want to be exceptional not only in my relationship, but in my everyday life as well.
Kara Warner is an upcoming author, blogger, and educator from Omaha, NE, by way of Hammond, IN. She has placed much emphasis on supporting, and becoming an advocate for women and youth who struggle with self- esteem, image, and perception issues.
In 2009, Kara founded a program entitled, ‘Beauty Is Skin Deep Movement, Inc.” in order to reconstruct the perception and image of women of color in American society. She has conducted classes for the YMCA, Urban League of Nebraska, Middle School Learning Center, and Girls Incorporated of Omaha.
Kara is currently working on a book titled, ” False Feelings Appearing Real”, a compilation of experiences and stories by women who have, throughout their life, struggled with understanding their feelings and are now learning how to cope with them.
Twitter @Livlifewpurpose IG @Conquistanoir For booking inquiries please email Kara at firstname.lastname@example.org