Let’s talk about the emotions that are really behind the words: hater, haterade, hater tots, and hater status.
  1. Envy. The fixation on what someone else has and deeming it better than. Envy is the result ofhabitual comparative thinking.
  2. Jealousy. The act of being in a “envious state” and is a one two punch of envy and insecurity. Jealousy is connected with poor self worth and can be combined with revenge, vindictiveness and malice.
  3. Resentment. The belief that you are unlucky in life and that others have it easier. Resentment is a perpetual belief system that builds and gains momentum over a significant period of time and is a dangerous emotional cocktail of anger, envy, jealousy, petty thinking, blockage, inferiority, frustration, and bitterness. 
Now GT wont’ lie. I’ve had more than my fair share of all three emotional cocktails. Some all at the same time.(*Winces and Cringes*) But it wasn’t until GT had a “riddle me this?” moment three years ago that I realized that at my core of core’s I felt small and unlucky
GT Living Quality Philosophy:  See in yourself what you are willing to see in others.
So speak Brown Sistas. Is GT the only one? Does life seem to favor some people’s lives over others? Can people be born lucky? What triggers your envy, jealousy or resentment?



  1. Hey GT. No you aren’t the only one. I have two lovely sisters that are older than me, who by nature are smaller than me. We are all hour glass shaped but, let’s just say I have a few more hours 🙂 I love my body but I wish I didn’t have some of the worries that I do. They have beautiful children and their bodies are bounced back beautifully. Me on the other hand, I don’t think my body will bounce back as well when I have children. I can laugh at it b/c I love them, but I do have the height advantage over them. I am 5’9 and they are about 5’5. LOL!! So I have something they want too 😉

  2. One other thing, I really had to study hard in school where as, some people just seem to know things automatically. I really had to study but the best part is this: Once I get something down pat, I TOTALLY ACE IT!

  3. ohhh this is a good one. i have envy and resentment sometimes about my not having a baby. i something have a big, big cry at the news when i see the women throwing their babies away. Or the lady the burn her babies with cigrattes and so on and so on…i just want to cry out lord why are they with child and i’m am not…i struggle with that seems like more now than ever. I cry alot i’m not going to lie but i try to put myself in the spirit of gratidute. I tell myself what i have in my life to be thankful for and it usually shakes me out of that mood.

  4. Out of all three mentioned I have resentment issues occasionally. It’s nothing extreme but it’s always a little of: yes, things just go easier for them. But I get over myself because no matter how bad off you ‘think’ you are, there’s always someone ten times worse. And if there’s a goal you want to achieve, something you think that maybe others had an easier go with, then get off your bum and do it. There are too many brownsista examples for pulling up your bootstraps and achieving what you deem unattainable. With that said, I think about Oprah…A LOT when I get down about finances and whatnot. There’s a slight resentment but again I quickly get over it because if that woman could go through and suffer and come from nothing to be one of the richest women in the world, then hey, we can do that, “I” can do that, too. 🙂 Great topic.

  5. @ RainyWaters – just have faith, things may change. If not God has other plans. You really woke me up b/c I have always had fear of giving birth, to the point where I said, I’m not going to have any children. But I shouldn’t be so selfish…. The joy of children is worth more than the pain!

  6. OK. I’m a “Brown Brotha”, but I have some experience with this issue. My older bro was the star athlete in our teen years. He broke records at the small high school he attened. I caught him getting “frisky” with an older woman (not much older, though) when we were teens. He also grasped complicated math /science concepts in school pretty easily. Finally, because of this situation, he made friends who respected him pretty easily.

    Meanwhile, lil bro has to scrape and struggle for success in areas that wouldn’t make me look like a geek or nerd. (Back in the late 80s, if a kid loved computers, it wasn’t cool. I was a computer nut.) Growing up, I was never as “cool” as my older bro.

    I slowly grew into loving who I am and what I can do. I’ve accepted that I can’t excel in areas that aren’t God-given talents, and that the opinions of others aren’t money in the bank. Plus, ironically, the world has caught up in some ways to enjoy what I’ve been loving to do since childhood, like the fact that the Internet is such the rage that kids who don’t have a computer with WWW access in their home are “weird”.

    Tackling this topic successfully in life requires patience, maturity and courage, but it can be done.

  7. I occasionally get jealous, but it’s not alarming LOL. I want dreads in the near future. Every time I see them beautiful locks on people’s head, I go, “Jealous” lol. I know my time will come. Until then, I’ ll continue to dream dreads lol. I can be patient when I put my mind into it.

    Hateraid on my part…not so much. If I dislike a person or thing, I simply ignore them. Why spend so much time & energy on people you hate just for the sake of hating on them. I’d rather use that time & enegy on those I like. It’s much more enjoyable. I notice this happens mostly with artists. Nevertheless, I’m sometimes tempted to check some artist I’m not a big fan of [Just to check what’s new with them]. If I’m impress, Isay so. I won’t say anything bad when I’m not. What’s the point? In most cases, if you got nothing good to say, keep it moving!

    I don’t easily forgive. I should work on that. How can I ask God’s forgiveness when mines are stingy? I have some resentment towards my mother. There is a wall between us mostly because of it. I exported this resentment from my last vacation in the Carib to NYC. During a heated discussion my mother declares, “That’s why my brother is her favorite child”. Surprisingly, I don’t care who her favorite child is. I understand we, humans, have preferences. If my brother is hers, fine. What bothers me the most is the fact she threw it in my face. No parent should throw this in their children’s faces no matter what because it hurts. Naturally, I confronted her. I ask, “Why is she telling me this? Why doen’t she call my brother, her favorite child, and tell him in their private time?” I called her out. I say, “You trying to make me jealous, you trying to hurt me, and it’s not working”. She gave me this surreal laugh; then, she blurts out,”It working”. It’s was working, but not the way she wanted. My brother is my brother. I not jealous of him. What I am though is resentful towards my mother and her actions. How dare she try to make me jealous of my brother? How dare she try to hurt me like this? Since she’s always throwing Bible verses around, you’d think she’d know better then causing others to sin LOL. It took several days for me to get over what she said & how she said it. Eventually, I share this with my brother. The release helped and it confirmed I’m not jeolous of him. Funny though, he always thought I was the favorite child LOL. All this hurt and resentment was unecessary & avoidable. If anything, I hope it helps my brother stop believing I’m my parent’s favorite.

  8. I’m dealing with jealousy and resentment now. I’ve been praying about it but then, sometimes, I get really upset with God because I’m experiencing it in the first place. I guess I never dealt with any of it before because I always had it all in the sense that I was happy physically, emotionally and materialistcally. Then you get grown and well… life takes place and no ones spoiling you anymore. I never thought I’d be in a somewhat insecure state at this age {28} and it’s difficult but I”m learning from it and trying to better myself one day at a time, instead of complaing like I use to. I think sometimes, we think by the time we get a certain age, we won’t deal with certain issues but- it’s just life and everyone grows differently. I won’t even get into my jealousy/resentment issues. I’ll just ask that you “say a little prayer” for me 😉

  9. Jealousy is a big one for me. I live on the other side of the equator and we are going into summer! some gals look so good in shorts! my african behind wount allow for for anything above my knees. Yes, my colour for this season is green!

  10. This post couldn’t come at a better time GT. You don’t have to look no further than the Beyonce post to get an idea of how salty people are in general. As for myself I feel that we all have been on the other side of the tracks when it comes to feeling illy. But you’ve got to check yourself and do the best you can with what you have. I personally think all words related to hater are overused and overdone.

    And it’s all right to have an unfavorable opinion but when it gets scathing that’s when people need to get a life. For the most part I think celeb gossip is what triggers the ugly side of people cause people like myself used to love seeing celebs FAIL. It’s like a high until you realize that KARMA is real and that if you think small beans you’ll get well…small beans in life.

  11. Of all three, I have had issues with resentment. Especially when I was in high school. I would see the older popular/pretty girls and think why can’t I be like that. But then I would get to know them and they were not people I would want to hang around. Or they had more issues than I did. To this day, sometimes resentment would creep up. Every once in a while I would find myself falling into that when I see a woman who looks “perfect”. Thank God I am able to get out of that and come to my senses. As a grown woman, I have learned to love myself and become comfortable in my own skin. When I look around, I really have nothing to be resentful about. Yes, I would love to have more money, but I couldn’t replace the people in my life.

  12. wowwwwwwwwwww! Good topic lol. No GT u are NOT the only one. All of us in some point have those emotions. I do NOT think that a person can be born lucky, however, I think that we all have specific journeys in our life. With those journeys comes the necessary tools for ppl to get to their destination. Now does this curve ones envy… no lol.

    I find myself having those envious moments, when ur working ur tail off to make something go right & every time u give it ur all it back fires. Then u look on the side & the OTHER person breezes right thru it. But what I do is I have to remind myself, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Yes that person is having major success in one area of their lives, but they too have failures in other areas. We are all human & none of us are perfect. We have faults & flaws like the rest. When that comes into mind, I let it go & continue on my journey b/c I know that some way & how everything will work out.

  13. Brown Sistas and Brothas

    I read all your comments and I love them….so keep them coming. Your comments inspire me to live in truth and keep it real when it comes to matters of heart and spirit. Resentment is real and like Harlem Chic said its small beans compared to the type of life we can really create for ourselves.

  14. Everyone got at least ONE person in their lives hating them for no reason
    but honestly i think folks just use the word haters so they don’t have to look deep inside of themselves and see what is it that disturb people we all have flaws and maybe just maybe if people stop thinking everyone jealouses them we will all better ourselves

Comments are closed.