Commentary: Stop Saying I’m Diseased

As a Black woman, I’m so sick and tired of every time there is a media story about HIV/AIDS, a Black woman is featured predominately front and center. For example, Black In America, which was watched by nearly 5 million people in CNN’s two-day airing, dedicated nearly the entire HIV/AIDS segment enforcing the poster person to be a Black female, but there are numerous other examples. Making a Black female the face of HIV/AIDS is a radical form of racism at its highest level and more proof that there is a conspiracy to keep Black women without love. This image of Black women creates more negative stereotypes that Black women are diseased and along with being loud, fat, bitches and hos, who are overbearing, booty-bouncing, undesirable she-men, no wonder Black women are the least married; sadly unbeknown, Black Women Need Love, Too!

The trickery to take the stigma of HIV/AIDS from being a White male homosexual disease to being a Black female heterosexual disease is consistent with racism in America. I cannot allow this type of deliberate prejudice to continue, especially since this is a big fallacy and here’s why:

According to , the fastest growing group of HIV/AIDS cases TODAY are young Black males between the ages of 13-24, which is quite upsetting since I’m the mother of a 13 year old son to whom I tell NOT to ever have backdoor sex, with a boy or a girl, because that high risk behavior is very likely to cost you your health and ultimately, your life. This is advice that must be spread wide and far to lessen the number of infections in the Black community and worldwide among all groups of people.

The latest so-called breakdown of HIV/AIDS infections (figuring in one of four who are undiagnosed, of course, the vast majority being added to the Black heterosexual tally) is as follows ( ): 53 percent is homosexual and bi-sexual men, and trip this, 4 percent homosexual men that inject drugs, why not just say 57 percent?? Thirty one percent is high-risk heterosexual sex, which is code for backdoor sex. Ladies, DO NOT allow this even with a condom because condoms break easier in the anus than in the front door, and twelve percent is injection drug use. These are all the main transmission routes of such a deadly disease. Over 80 percent of women with HIV/AIDS got it from heterosexual high-risk sex.

Since the beginning of this epidemic (circa 1981) through 2005, only 19 percent of all HIV/AIDS diagnosis has been women and a mere 16 percent of women have died from this dreadful disease. In other words, 81 percent of all diagnosis is MEN and 84 percent of all AIDS deaths have been men. http://www.cdc. gov/hiv/topics/ women/resources/ factsheets/ women.htm# 3

HIV/AIDS is NOT a female disease! Black women have NEVER encompassed the highest number of HIV/AIDS cases—the quote was “Black women are the FASTEST growing group of HIV/AIDS”, which is no longer true, meaning Black women were growing in numbers fastest, but are not the most. Then why are Black women positioned predominately everywhere when this virus is discussed? The answer is RACISM and MISOGYNY at its finest.

Taking all this into consideration, backdoor sex accounts for nearly 82 percent of all transmission routes, but it seems everyone is afraid to tell the truth. I suppose, it’s easier to let people continue to contract and spread this disease and die? Ladies, common sense demands we stop booty-bouncing, booty posturing, and laughing at butt jokes, because this is not funny, people are dying!

I would like to remind everyone that I posted the high risk of backdoor sex on blog over a year ago. I also contacted the Magic Johnson Foundation to alert the public about the huge hazard of backdoor sex, but of course, too many of us are more interested in being politically correct than telling the life-saving truth. Also, while conducting an interview on a popular blogtalkradio. com show, I was shocked and amazed by the arrogance of ignorance in regards to the dangers of backdoor sex. The response was my interview was banned because too many refused to acknowledge truth, and consistent with a popular mindset, defensiveness was the result. Lastly, I asked a friend, who is a gay activist (no confirmed cases of women to women or lesbian contraction of the virus) to help spread the word about the dangers of backdoor sex. I was told she couldn’t believe that people didn’t know the dangers of backdoor sex. Well, isn’t that quite obvious, due to the alarming rates of HIV/AIDS cases.

The arrogance of ignorance is mind-blowing, along with the fear associated with telling the hard-to-hear- truth is very disappointing and cowardly. Plus, it is like being an accomplice to murder for all the HIV/AIDS agencies to withhold the truth from the masses, when the obvious culprit (backdoor sex) is being hidden from the public at large.

So, I’m asking all of you to spread the word that RECEPTIVE BACKDOOR SEX is THE riskiest form of sex, whether performed on a male or female, and backdoor sex has at least a 50 times higher transmission rate than penis and vaginal sex. Plus, it is 500 times harder for women to spread this disease to men than it is for men to give it to women (deposit of teaspoons of semen vs. small slit in penis for fluid transfer). http://www.sfcitycl

Of course, AN ANSWER is using condoms, but it is not safe sex–only SAFER sex. Abstinence without injection drug use is the best way to stay clear of HIV/AIDS, but the species must continue via heterosexual front door sex, so let’s have safer responsible committed sex with someone to whom we know loves, honors, and cherishes us enough to NEVER cheat.

Also, it has been brought to my attention; males as well as females are participating in backdoor sex as an exchange for vaginal sex to prevent pregnancy. It’s so very unfortunate that too many people don’t understand the dangers of backdoor sex, which is much more deadly than getting pregnant. It’s safe to assume, they use no protection.

BTW, the number one cause of death for Black women between the ages of 24-35 is HIV/AIDS, so ladies you have been warned! The fact is, too many Black women are having too much backdoor sex. Black males have told me they didn’t know that a Booty-Call meant front door sex, so they went for the backdoor thinking it was the “in” thing to do. And Ladies, when dealing with men who have served time in jail, do not have any sex with them until you KNOW they don’t have HIV/AIDS by getting tested.

Everyone must participate in educating our family members, friends, and associates with this life-saving article. Without HIV/AIDS, young Black women would be among the healthiest.

Pearl Jr, author of Black Women Need Love Too.


  1. the more i think about the more i am inclined to think that the black in america series was trash. ( i actually watched it.) there were more stereotypes in that show. i agree with most of what you said. the jail/prison thing is out of control and a lot of these men have women “waiting” at home for them. i am almost inclined to say don’t date a man who has been to prison, because he is more likely to have been involved in so called risky behavior.

  2. Very interesting post; I agree that the media is using STD stats to further stigmatize Black women and Black people in general. Also so-called Black leaders are apart of this by repeating stats over and over again without context.

    One more thing; I found it kind of odd that the poster referred to anal sex as backdoor sex. If you are going to have an adult conversation about this very serious subject I think it would be better to refer to things as they are rather than using semi-euphemisms.

  3. WOW WOW WOW im going to let u know right now. We all adult on here i do not do the back door thing at all. My mother told me a story about this nursing home she use to work at. She took care of this woman and she never can hold her self. She had too much sex in the back door. My mother told me it made for stuff to come out not in. But it a sad that people r being all stupid about the disease call HIV/AIDS. If guy like having sex with u more in the backdoor then the front i think he have a problem. I know it more tight but damn i think the whole anal sex thing it not for me. Each it own but no no no. We need to stay protecting r self. Alot of people is playing russian rulet with there life. It only take 1 time to get that disease. So wrap it up please.

  4. This post is deep. You are so right though, we are always made to seem undesirable in many ways. I have had Dominican women say to my face that black women look like monkeys because of our nose and lips. I have a a white guy ask me how long it took me to grow my hair beyond shoulder length because usually blacks have short hair (his words). I was afraid of a dog and a white man said to me “Don’t worry my dog prefers blondes”. I can go on and on. All of this just made me dive further into the word of God, to remind myself that I am precious in his sight. This world is made up of Good and Evil in different forms, but satan blinds us by using color.

  5. Wow liyah that hurt me for someone saying that to u. Damn people. But topic like this do make us women upset because alot of us is not like that. It just a sad topic that all i have to say. But if you believe in yourself and happy with yourself hell with it and keep it moving. Love all my black sista. Can not forget about the brotha too.

  6. I’m so glad to see this article. I talk about stuff like this with my friends all the time. Everything you said is so true. Now I don’t feel alone when I express my dissappointment with the way the media is handeling the HIV issue. Black women have become the poster children for this disease. It alienates black women. Let’s tell the WHOLE story about HIV and its infected population. Tell the truth about the dangers of risky behavior. I hope the media stops putting out half truths. The public needs to b educated about everything.

  7. Liyah,

    I feel your pain about society labeling black women as unattractive. I’ve had co-workers make fun of my name and call me Shananae’ (the character from Martin). My name begins with the letter “T”. Why would they say such a thing? I have a college degree from a top ranked Division 1 school, and on my first day on a new job, two people asked me if I was the new receptionist. No, I’m the freakin’ manager! I have long hair, and people always touch it and ask me if it’s real. I have a thin frame because I ran track… My friend told me I should gain weight because people think all skinny black women have AIDS!!! I’m so sick of these stereotypes. I’m an educated, healthy, down-to-earth person. I’m tired of people judging me before they even know me. That’s why I’m really feelin’ this article.

  8. I understand you Teeda. I think this is why many women suffer with depression. We have to KNOW our worth and not be side tracked by what people would have us to think. Plenty of races have things about themselves that are wrong but they keep it under wraps. It is like I told my homegirl above (Lady) We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Don’t forget it.

  9. Damn Teeda notice that too i seen white people call black women that all the time. One time when i was at work someone call me that too my name start with A. They call me that i went off in a nice way they went crying to the boss. So i told the boss if u can not pronounce my name correctly do not nounce it at all. Alike damn what the hell but that negative with people make me strong for real. I can be what i want to be nobody can not tell me nothing but the man above.

  10. I never understand why a man would want to insert his penis in someone’s anus or why a woman would allow a man to penetrate her anally..It just seems painful first of all and just plain disgusting, nasty and unsanitary..This is where a person passes waste which is infectious and septic and you’re inserting you penis in someone’s a$$hole..I personally wouldn’t want to engage in vaginal sex with any man who gets down like that, the thought of a man putting his penis in me after it’s neem someone’s a$$ is a definate no! no!


    This was an excellent post very informative “BLACK woman are the fastest growing group of HIV/AIDS but are not the most”..But it’s funny how the media keep stressing two word FASTEST GROWING without breaking down the actual numbers, this is just another example of how the media throws facts out there to brainwash, scare, and mislead the public.

  11. I do HIV/AIDS education and testing and I always tell people that when you are looking at stats on HIV/AIDS you have to read between the lines. The poster is right about Anal Sex being the most riskiest sex that ANY person can have. But I wish she said that UNPROTECTED Anal Sex increases the risk of HIV infection.

    Just because you are not into a certain sexual behavior does not mean that no one on the planet should engage in it. As long as you are being RESPONSIBLE that is what matters. And yes, we as women need to make sure that we are REQUIRING men to wear condoms if we don’t know their status and to be comfortable in asking for that. We have to realize that we are worth protecting.

  12. I enjoyed reading the article because it brought something to my attn that never really crossed my mind, surprisingly {no, not the backdoor sex thing}. I’m going to ponder upon these thoughts a little more…

  13. Honestly, this is not an issue of anal sex. We’re not protecting ourselves whehter we’re taking it from the back, the front, in the mouth etc. Black women aren’t using condoms at the rate we should. That’s the problem. I know people are tired of hearing about the HIV/AIDS rate amongst black women but it’s a fact. And maybe if we keep hearing it, then we’re start protecting ourselves. I have friends who aren’t sure if their man is faithful and they still don’t use condoms. Just like that girl they profiled on CNN. Sistas need to stop letting brothas convince them to have unprotected sex.

  14. I remember when AIDS first came out they called it the “Gay Man’s Disease” because they were the only ones known to have it at that time. I was educated about this in high school, that Anal is the easiest way to contract AIDS. But Chocolategirl, you are right. I know plenty of black women who just don’t protect themselves. Shoot, look @ the pregnancy rate, no one is protecting themselves, it’s foreign to them. I grew up with a young lady of whom I LITERALLY had to beg to use condoms!! I was scared for her. She recently ran into a scare, then began using them, after the smoke cleared and the test was negative, she went right back to doing it raw 😐

  15. i was just discussing this on another blog about the same exact thing. this is another way to keep black women single. to scare other men into not dating us. but im not going to let that hinder me from love, for as long as God knows who my husband to be is, this little scare tatics won’t stop him.

    everyone should be taking sex seriously and not treat it like an orgy party. it won’t be long to we hear how ww are the leading cases of HIV/AIDS.

  16. We, as black people, should be hip to the game of corporate/white America by now. It has never been the intent of the “mainstream” media to act in our best interest. In fact it is nothing more than a tool to dumb us down. All of what we see in the mass media has been censored by the elitists; i.e. The Rockefellers, The Rothschilds, etc. These are The elitists, The International Bankers, who own and control the mass media as well as every inch of The United States. It is they, and the lobbyists, who run the government. The real significant laws passed has to have their stamp of approval. Did you not know that it is not just the people who fund wars but these International Bankers?

    Rockefeller, Rothschilds, and company, live as kings as they and their puppets profit greatly from war. This atrocity is only a prelude to their many more crimes. So indeed the mass media is part of the whole grand scheme. In fact it is nothing more than a political weapon of “Satanic” people. What does this Government care if facts/statistics are distorted in reference to HIV/Aids or anything else? You`re dealing with a criminal enterprise here at the highest level.

    Damn right, the series, “Black In America” only served to pacify us and keep us dumbed down into thinking they were giving a genuine look at our issues. We are looking to the criminal to be honest and forthright; that`s an oxymoron. Chicanery is the language that these devils speak while oftentimes implementing semanics to cover their evil doing. Nowadays we really all just about need to be well versed in linguistics to know the hidden truths of their secret chambers..

    Judging by my views I guess some one consider myself to be radical/militant/angry/a trouble maker. Well I consider myself one who tries to train my mental capacity in order to think outside the box. I use my hero, Malcolm X, as the criterion to meet that end. Afterall, he was a “brilliant” thinker who could confound the best of the scholars of The West and make them look like childs play. He thought beyond the norm and he didn`t need their degrees/validation /letters in order to tear them to pieces.

    So judging from he being my hero, I guess this for some would serve as further proof of my being radical/militant/angry/a trouble maker. However, if that`s some indictment of me then I shall consider it a badge of honor….For it implies that I`m not a “house negro” as Malcolm would say. As far as The Aids epidemic among our people that is no accident. Conspiracy theory you say; well if we all refuse to gobble down everything from the mass media and did more research perhaps there would be less theories and more hidden truths revealed.

    Now I close by asking you all to google the following:

    “The History Of The Development Of Aids”

    “Schiller Institute-Kissinger`s 1974 Genocide Plan-NSSM 200″

    It is absolutely ‘MIND BLOWING”..

    I also recommend the following books:

    “Medical Apartheid”-by Harriett A. Washington

    “Emerging Viruses-Aids and Ebola”-by Dr. Leonard Horowitz

    You can also view some of his lectures/interviews on YouTube as well as Harriett Washington

    I also recommend that you research “The Tuskegee Experiment”. Then tell me about “conspiracy theories”.


    MJ and The 80s forever!!!

  17. I thought I was the only one to feel this way. I think that those statistics were exaggerated. I think it is an organized effort too keep black women by ourselves. We have comdians black women will do this or black women will do that. We have these terrible videos that have grossley mis-characterized us, and now we have every other AIDS/HIV advertisement showing us. It’s enough already.

    I saw some of that Black In America and I didn’t like it. I agree it showed nothing positive about us. Everything in that serious was sad and depressing. You know who is black in America Barak & Michelle Obama. Those are the images I cling too.

  18. Great post much needed information. This information needs to be broadcasted to the masses.

  19. I for one didn’t think Anal sex was the big reason people contract HIV/AIDS. I lean more towards unprotected sex, not being picky about partners, and women not checking out the men they’re sleeping with. Personally, I get tired of it being pushed on Black Women as well. Like we’re the ones carrying it around and passing it out like candy. It’s just not true. For me, I won’t be sleeping with anyone until I know them inside and out, know they care about me, and I know for sure I’m not risking my life being with them.

    I also can’t believe some of the ignorance displayed in general towards black women. It takes a lot to be educated, intelligent, capable, and confident when so many people think that’s some kind of oddity among black women. I’ve gone through people touching my hair, too. I’ve gone on interviews for various things and have had the interviewer say “You’re actually very well spoken.” My response is, “Did you think I wouldn’t be?” When you have such a awful image being broadcast on you all the times, it’s all the more difficult to prove people wrong.

  20. I do not agree with the poster. If anything this post kind of upset me. BEWARE of sistas giving this sort of advice. The poster is also peddling half truths IMO. It isn’t just anal sex that is high risk behavior it’s unprotected sexual contact with anyone man/woman. FYI a lesbian could transmit the virus to her partner. It’s low risk behavior but you can still pass the disease. Your safest bet is to use a dental dam with a man/woman. AIDS stats are very tricky. Everyone and their momma has their stat sheet.

    UNAIDS says globally women still account for a lil over 50% of people living with HIV/AIDS, most of these women are in Sub-Saharan Africa and they get it through vaginal sex with their life partners. These women are sistas…that is why you see Black women on AIDS posters. I’m all for women getting empowered to get an HIV test with any potential partners(not just the ones that are fresh from the pen), I have even bought an at home test kit just so we would know before when I thought my beau wouldn’t wanna go to a test center. I’m all for using condoms and dental dams for every sexual activity unless you are absolutely 100% committed!

    An AIDS poster with a Black woman is going to save a Black woman. She might be N.American, African or South American. IMO there is nothing racist about a sista on an AIDS poster. I’m happy when I see sisters reaching out and sharing their status on CNN. I watched that Black in America episode and I was glad that girl was on CNN. I’m really close to a Black heteresexual couple living positively with the virus. I also watched my aunt (she got HIV from her husband, she knew he had cheated-they had resolved it)take antiretroviral after antiretroviral after antiretriviral until her body just couldn’t cope with the side effects. We shared my room for a while so she would count those pills, some for the pain, others for the side effects and then more for actually fighting the virus. A total of 13 she would make count with her every night. I consider myself blessed for that experience. I have talked to several HIV+ sistas and the 1 thing that’s constant is they say they wish someone woulda told them they weren’t invincible…told them how to initiate condom use…told them how they could talk about getting tested…told them to carry a condom just in case he didn’t have one…told them to wait because SEX IS NOT WORTH IT!

    A Black woman on an AIDS poster is not advocating extra-marital sex, booty-dancing, children out of wedlock or anything else sistas are stereotyped on. SHE IS NOT A SIGN OF RACISM. She can only help the situation!

  21. Oh, I wanted to say that I have friends that tell me they have absolutely no clue how to ask their boyfriends to use protection or walk away from a guy who doesn’t wanna wait. Their moms don’t talk to them about how to demand a condom. If you have kids or sisters or friends and you know how to assert yourself please talk to them. It could save a life and help contain the disease. Also please if you haven’t done so lately GET TESTED for HIV/AIDS??? One love.

  22. “AIDS stats are very tricky. Everyone and their momma has their stat sheet”

    Exactly, which is why I am apprehensive of all the information put out there about AIDS. It seems that there is new and conflicting information presented about this disease all of the time. I truly do not believe that the government/CDC or whoever is being completely honest and forthright about the true nature of this disease, what it exactly is, and how it is indeed spread. All I can say: is be safe, be an advocate for your health, stay strong, use your best judgment, and get tested.

  23. @Rae said: I have friends like that too and I tell them too grow up or stop having sex. Because I don’t understand why you would have a problem or you could just supply your own.

  24. OMG, I agree with the post.

    It’s funny because they have all of these stats for black folks but I NEVER hear any stats thrown out about white folks or any other race for that matter.

    I live and work in “college town” one that’s pretty big and the white kids around here I swear once they get that liquor in them they would sleep with a fish. And I know they’re not using protection they’re too freakin drunk to use common sense.

    I’m not trying to bash white ppl but come on I’m just wondering why when AID/HIV is mention and stats are quoted like they came from the good book, white folks/everybody else isn’t mentioned, just us?????

  25. The reason why white people aren’t addressed when it comes to HIV/AIDS is because they’re not contracting it at the rates blacks are. Brazil, Africa, even Washington, DC–all places with a lot of black folks. All with high infection rates. Why is this? I don’t know. It may be a conspiriacy. But instead of saying these ads featuring black women are racist, we need to find out how are we going to combat this disease. It’s killing us! And black folks, including the church, ain’t doing s**t about it. And for those who believe the numbers are exaggerated, keep in mind you can’t look at someone and tell they have the disease. It can be in your body for years and you never know. Also, the HIV drugs today make you live longer. So we really don’t know how many people are walking around here with AIDS.

    Black people need to get real about sex. People screw. People have orgys, people sleep with the same sex and the opposite sex, people masturbate, people have anal sex, people have oral sex. Sex is a part of life and there’s NOTHING wrong with having consentual sex. I don’t care what your sexaul orientation is. And because we as a people don’t talk about sex and educate our children about sex, our ignorance is killing us.

    Like I said before it’s not about whether these ads are racist, it’s about how are we going to protect ourselves and save lives. White folks and the government ain’t go save us. It’s up to the black community to step up so we can save ourselves.

  26. I am so glad I am not the only black woman who feels the way many of you do. I hate the way the media represents us as black women. I am sick of all the negative publicity from HIV, to all black women have attitudes and are loud. I feel that the media is just trying to isolate us from eachother as a people. I have a good black man, but I feel that the media has brainwashed some of them as well. We are not the face of beauty, even though, people pay to have our features from the lips to the butty. This new approach to HIV is just another way to keep us down. I know we have a problem in our community with HIV, but this is everyone’s problem and they need to put that out there.

  27. @Chocoalte Girl,

    I get what you’re saying but how do you know or any of us for that matter, know that whites and other races are being affected as bad??? That’s the problem right there. You said yourself sex is a real. That means everyone has it all types of ways including NON blacks so don’t tell me we’re the ONLY one’s that are being dramatically affected.

    Up to the black community and the church to save US, we’ll I’ll have to disagree. It’s up to the individual to SAVE THEMSELVES. I think everyone has a duty to be aware and become educated. Nowaday’s I don’t know how ppl can continue to be ignorant about this subject especially when you have posts and articles like this?????

    It’s time for ppl to wake up and take their lives seriously, this isn’t a fairy tale.

  28. There’s a conspiracy going on? Get serious! The only “conspiracy” happening is called having “unprotected sex”. Ladies, if he doesn’t want to put on a “life jacket”, then tell him to go fuk off and send him on his way. Ms. “Rae”, thank you for your posts, they were very well said. “Conspiracy Theory”? That’s hilarious!

  29. What is racist is that the heterosexual ads have not featured people of colour up until now and so straight black men and women haven’t thought that they were likely to get AIDS. As a result the rates of infection in the African American community are still going through the roof while everyone else is seeing a decline. Including brown and black faces in HIV/AIDS awareness campaigns is the right thing to do and we all have to stand up and force our community to talk about HIV/AIDS. I have seen too many young people get sick and die and nowadays when everyone thinks that the drugs will cure them, they get sick and have to take up to 25 pills each day for the rest of their lives. Not hip, not cool and definitely not fun. Time for us all to get real about this disease. It’s only been around for over 25 years.

  30. Loooooooool at Badgirl23,

    Girl I live in Quebec Canada, and I also go to college and it is exactly the same damn thing with white folks, ” they drink to death and sleep with whatever you can imagine”

  31. This is such a heavy topic..I agree that black women have been targeted as the new face of HIV/AIDS, however, I am not sure how much of that I would call racism. To be truthful, SubSaharan Africans are dying of this disease at an alarming rate and no one is doing anything about it. Women are contracting the virus from their husbands and in turn, are passing it on to their children (while pregnant). Hundreds of thousands of orphans are living on the continent without parents. Too many young lives are being claimed by this disease. This has got to stop. Maybe this campaign was put in place to make black women stand up and pay attention. Maybe if we see women who have HIV/AIDS who look like us, it will make it “closer to home.” I support whatever works as long as it gets women talking, asking questions and getting tested.

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