Did I Commit A Dating Faux Pas?

I want to talk about the awkward moments that occur during the dating process. You know. The moments where there may or may not be an awkward silence afterward. The moments where you wonder if the person will call you back after the date. Yeah, those moments. The moments that happen when you are single and dating different guys. On the hunt for your Mr. Right. These moments happen to women every day and when they catch us off our game, they can throw us off. Which is why I put together a short list of embarrassing moments that women go through while dating. Why don’t we all be a dear and give a little advice on how to handle these uncomfortable dating situations.

1. Oh my God! Attack of the bubble guts!

Okay, I have had those moments when I was on a date with a guy and maybe had something to eat that did not agree with me. I had to spend the rest of the date holding my gas. Battling with the decision of passing gas in front of my date or running to the bathroom every ten minutes to pass gas. Leaving his bathroom smelling like raw death. Once you have been dating a guy for a significant amount of time, when is it okay to proceed with the gas? No guy can expect you to realistically hold it forever. Can he?

2. Can I eat that for you?

I sho’ is hungry! Ladies are supposed to be known for their small appetites. Blah, blah, blah. Not me specifically though because I go hard. Anywho, at what point is it ok for your to eat like you eat at home in front of your date. No holds bar. Burp, suck your teeth. Have that 5th slice of pizza if you want it and not be met with eyes of shame and judgment from across the table. Let’s take it even further. Is it ever okay to eat off his plate? I mean, what if he is not going to finish it? Can’t let good food go to waste!

3. Sorry boo, I need to drop the kids off at the pool.

Picture this. (clearing throat) You and your new guy are having quiet time at his house. You are cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. Laughing and kissing. There is a lot of cooing going on. Suddenly, you feel that nights dinner moving around in your stomach. You need to take a number 2 and quick! What do you do? Run to the bathroom and blow HIS bathroom up and have him tell his friends who from that point will refer to you as incarcerated Rappers Da Brats classic hit “So Funktafied”? Or politely end the date way early and risk him assuming that you were not feeling him or he did something wrong? Decisions, decisions.

4. So many boos in here. Who to choose?

You are on a date with one of your boos. The atmosphere is chill and you are enjoying his company. Suddenly your phone rings and it is your other boo who you like equally but haven’t talked to that day. Do you excuse yourself and have a quick convo with boo #2. Or, ignore his call till later. Shoot! Its boo *1 ‘s time. But what if by doing that you risk either of them getting the wrong impression? Hmmm. What’s a dating girl to do?

5. No girl, not that one! The other one!

You are on a date with your special guy. You are strolling through the park. He has is arms wrapped around you and you are thinking that you made the right decision by going out with him tonight instead of boo #2. Suddenly you come across one of your home girls who is walking her dog. You come up to her and you guys give your hello’s. Your home girl then pulls a dummy and says ” So this is Calvin. I have heard so much about you!” Unfortunately you are not on a date with Calvin who is boo#2. You are out with boo#1 Charles. What to do, Somebody needs a quick fix!

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  1. Honestly I think you should eat how u eat at home from the jump. I personally have fairly nice table manners but even if I didn’t I would rep my true self as authentically as possible ’cause “nice gloves” at the beginning of a courtship are not what’s up. Yes, you should reveal urself slowly, BUT make sure whom your revealing is truly you so ur potential mr.right doesn’t fall for the fake you.

    Next, when it comes to gas, I pass it, SILENTLY and SLOooooWLY and my date never notices, and on the rare chance he does smell something, after he says “do you smell that?” I’ll usually say something like “smell what?….Oh, wow, what is that?Wow….that’s weird, is that coming from ur kitchen? lol”….and when it comes to the funkin up his bathroom. After I come out, I jokingly let him know ahead of time he might not wanna go in there.lol

    When it comes to eating of my plate, if I’m done he’s welcome. But I refuse to eat offa other people cause I’m “nice-nasty” like that so once he’s touched it I’m done, but if I want more and he asks. I kindly explain that after I get done eating another few bites he’s welcome to have whatever’s left, but I don’t eat off of other people, and I’m still a lil’ hungry. If he asks if I want something from his plate, again, I don’t eat offa others so I kindly explain that and joke that’s “a white-people thing”–usually I date white guys so it adds to the light-hearted atmophere…brothers definitely laugh when I say that too.

    lastly, on the girlfriend blowin ur cover; all you say is

    “no sweetie, his name is Charlie, not calvin. Close but no, and girl stop lettin him know my sectrets that I talk about him all the time, don’t want it to go to his head lol”

    keep in mind u have this whole convo in front of boo #1 who thinks he’s o so special cause ur supoosedly talkin bout him, and homegirl learns not to talk about how smitten u are in front of the boo. lol also even if the names are far apart like Jerimiah and and Fred u can say the same dialog except add in the intro—

    “FRED???!!Girl no, I told u his name is Jeremiah, don’t u listen sweeetie lol, I’m dating Jeremiah, Fred was the nice man who walked me to my car after the club the other night I told u about–I’m not dating Fred, he’s a complete stranger I barely met, gotta get ‘em straight girl…lol”

    If u and Fred went to the club and he walked u to ur car ur not lying…lol haha I’m out.

  2. OMG. LOL. I have had experiences with bubble guts. The fix is simple for bubble guts keep a pack immodium ad. Take 2 and down a ginger ale. that should subside feelings of bubble gut in about 10-20 minutes.

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