Dear Ask Y and X
Dear Ask Y and X,
I love your site, I first saw your writings on Brownsista and thought how great it is to talk or secretly vent about real life situations.
Any way I have a situation I want to share and I hope you post it so I can see what others opinions are and get their comments.
I’m a 33 year old woman in love with a man already in a relationship. He isn’t aware of my feelings I don’t think. I met him through a friend at a party. We saw each other a few times again at other functions and eventually exchanged numbers. We began talking on the phone a lot about everything, he is a fun person to talk to. He told me he has 2 kids and he also has a girlfriend(not the mother of his children). I also have two kids so I suggested he attend a birthday party with me and bring his kids. Since then we hang out all the time, at least 4 to 5 times a week. He is fun and exciting to be around, and we can talk about anything. Now I am wanting more of his time all the time and want more of a relationship rather than friendship with him. He is kind, funny and sexy. Why didn’t I meet him sooner.
Well one day I decided I would tell him my feelings so I stopped by his house. I knew he was there because his car was there, but there was also another car in his driveway. I didn’t think anything of it so I rang the door bell. He answered and had a surprised look on his face, like oh shit. It seems that other car was his girlfriend. That just made me so mad to see him there with her. He should be my man, I can treat him better. Plus we have a lot in common. Although we don’t speak of her much, he hasn’t said that he wants to leave her and has never spoke negatively of her. But I figured we were getting closer so eventually she would be out the picture. Well he asked me to leave and said I shouldn’t have just came by like that. I told him I tried to call but he didn’t answer. Guess it was like when he’s with me and don’t answer, I just assume it’s her calling. My feelings were so hurt, I just cried and said I thought we were going to be together. Again he just asked me to leave.
Now that his girlfriend has figured I am the woman he’s been spending so much time with I think she’s mad and is leaving him. He didn’t say too much just that we could no longer be friends because it’s affecting his relationship. I told him let her leave and be with me and that I love him. He said maybe us being friends wasn’t such a good idea. But I don’t believe that he wants to stop seeing me. I think he loves me too.
What should I do next?
Ask Y and X discusses the real life day to day relationship issues, good or bad. I invite everyone to visit, www.askyandx.blogspot.com, to read more posts like this one.
Search Brown Sista for more: Askyandx.blogspot.com, Black Love, Relationships
UnalteredBeauty said,
Oh wow. You’ve got to chalk this one up as a lost, sweetie, or else it’s more unhealthy behavior, heartbreak and embarrassment. It hurts but it’s the only solution.
Torya said,
I agree with UnalteredBeauty.
If he was going to leave his girlfriend for you, he would have done it. Dry your eyes and move on. He doesn’t seem like the type of person you would want to be with anyway. He had a girlfriend, yet he was spending time with you. What do you think he would do to you, if you became his girlfriend.
ms_micia said,
Well u are treading dangerous waters however speaking as someone who has been in this predicament(add the fact im in a relationship to the equation) I understand where ur coming from. And i kno people are going hate me for this but…how long has he been in a relationship with this woman. Is it serious? If u are able to spend this much time with him it doesnt seem its that serious however be honest with ur friend. It might hurt but despite the outcome tell him how u feel instead of wollowing in ur own unrequited feelings. Another peice of advice would be careful about how u go about this. Ur children have obviously met this man, if u get too close and it winds up that he is serious with this woman u will be the one on the losing end. I had eventually give up my dream of being with my mystery dude simply because of all the reprecussions of us being together. It sucks but this decision doesnt just affect u so think it through carefully…if u do get together will it be the best thing for all involved or just what U want? Think about it, prey on it and if Mr. Too Good To Be True is for u it will happen. Jus dont make any hasty decision that could ruin it (being a homewrecker is not cute!) However if u and this man are really meant for each other i feel in a relationship or not it will happen for u. Jus handle with care gurl. Ur a mature grown woman im pretty sure u kno how to handle urself so jus think it through and u should be fine. Good luck!
God bless
ms_micia said,
*pray (thinkin about tyler perry’s new movie i guess LOL)
ms_micia said,
Okay my comment was based on the first paragraph not the whole thing. Gurrl he’s a dog. Leave him alone. He is not worth ur tears or ur pain! Whether he leaves his gurl or not this is not a good thing for u. If he didnt care enough about ur feeling to be real wit u and his gurl he doesnt care about u. CUT HIM OFF! COMPLETELY! I kno it may hurt and it really will take some time but it seems he’s made his decision. He just wants his cake and to eat it too. U’ll be his mistress but u’ll never be his gurl. If ur willing to live that way…ur grown, i cant stop u. But since u have children think of the example ur setting by selling urself short. Dry ur eyes beautiful black woman, rise up and find a REAL man…they’re out there i promise. Dont settle for less. (sigh) I retract my whole above statement after that. smh at triflin *** men. why, why,why? LOL
Smooth Thug said,
To begin with, I don’t think too much of the man involved in all of this. If he has a lady, what in tarnation is he doing with you? But let’s dispence with him at this time and instead deal with you!
You state that you “stopped by his house”, right? With out any information to the contrary, I will assume that you dropped by unannounced. But that’s not the point. No, the point this that when you learned that his lady was there, you had the nerve to get upset! Excuse me? That’s his lady. She can be there any time she feels like being there!! You further state that this guy should be your man because you feel that “[you] can treat him better”. That’s a joke because you don’t know how good the girlfriend treats him!
Your problem is that you live in a delusional world of your own making: you were the one who “figured [you] were getting closer so eventually she would be out of the picture”. You also state that now that the girlfriend has found you out, “I think she is mad and is leaving him.” There you go again; YOU DON”T KNOW THAT! That is just your La-La Land wishful thinking! And wishful thinking is not reality! And you are 33 years old with kids of your own? Do yourself, and your kids, a big favor. Go talk to Dr. Phil ’cause you sound like you have a problem. Now as for this guy, I highly advise him to go get a restraining order on your butt. Why? Because you sound like you are starting to turn into a “fatal attraction” stalker. Why do I say that? Because you, yourself have stated to him to “let her leave and be with me and that [you] love him.” You further state that you don’t believe that “he wants to stop seeing [you].”, and that “[You] think he loves [you] Too.” That kind of talk is “fatal attraction” and stalker talk.
What should you do next, you ask? First of all, as I said, go talk to somebody about your self; you got a problem. Secondly, make sure a guy tells you expressly, and in no uncertain terms, that he wants to get with you before you go throwing yourself at him the way you did, like a overgown highschool girl! You are lucky you’re still alive. When you dropped in unannouced that way you did, the girlfriend might have been just as crazy as you and pulled out a gun and started to shoot! Not every lady is gonna stand there and let another woman throw herself at her man.
Sick Of It said,
I totally agree on your whole comment Smooth Thug.
ms_micia said,
Lol at smooth thug…u r soooo rite! lmao dayum nail on the head…didnt even think of that before. still laughing
Get Togetha said,
“People show you who they are.” They don’t tell you. They show you.”
When a man loves you you won’t have to guess. Trust that he will put it out there and make it known.
Imma go ahead and say that sometimes we as women like to play mind games with ourselves; especially when we fall hard. There’s a lesson for you to learn in this situation.
I hate hate giving gurlfriend advice cause ten times out of ten a woman has already made her mind up about her course of action. She wants advice (*wink *wink*) for either confirmation of effed-up-ness or to see whether you’ll judge her.
MANDY said,
This is what is wrong with soooooooooo many black women….too needy. Raise your kids, youve had your romance..its time to face reality and be a MOTHER first and in doing that everything including your tingling has to be put on hold. Its time to grow up and face the bed you made for yourself..which is motherhood. Too many black women are busy chasing a man when they need to be raising their children!
sky said,
testing
sky said,
im sorry for the testing thing, it just always says that it can’t post anyway…
what should you do next? leave this man alone
you put all this emotional investment into this man who really never promised you anything. the moment he told you he was involved with someone else you should have thrown away your feelings for him and kept it moving. why is it that whenever a woman has a good conversation on the phone w/ a guy or a good time then she suddenly thinks they’ll be together. no honey it just means that you two had a good time.
should he call you and suggest or even entertain the thought of going out with you just tell him thanks but no thanks and keep it moving. just call this mini-episode in your life “Lesson Learned”.
Liyah said,
Honey I hate to say it, but that’s the price of being “The other Woman”. Men rarely leave the “main squeeze”. They will do what they do but not too many want to leave their women. I am tring to hold my tongue but I hate situations like this. Being in a relationship is hard enough at times but when other women get in the middle it makes for bigger trouble and broken hearts in the end. Carry on and get some one who doesn’t have another girlfriend. FYI it was not a good idea to go to his house un-announced, especially when you KNOW he has some one else. Women need to respect each other. If a man has a lady already don’t continue with him that is disrespect to yourself AND the other woman. Get your own
Rainywaters said,
Please go back and read the comments on Celebrate the Good Men. This is what love involves. I’m not going to write to long on this because i have a feeling you have already made up your mind and will go after this man until he breaks your heart or you come out of this fog your in regarding this.
I totally agree with smooth thug..this letter kind of seems like he may have been just venting one day and you took it to a new level. please instead of running after something that is already someone else’s. refocus your energy on yourself and your children and seek some conseling to help with your self-esteem.
Stef said,
I think what you’re doing is wrong, having an emotional attachment to another woman’s man is not good and what he doing is wrong as well..This is a form of cheating, cheating is not always about sex, cheating is lying, sneaking and keeping secrets..And believe me if you continue to spend time with this man that you are so attracted to eventually you will end up in bed with him.
If you win this man over by interfering in his relationship and stepping on another woman this will backfire in your face..I say leave him alone and if he truly wants to be with you he’ll make the right choice.
Maglet said,
What in the world? He has a girlfriend, he thought it was fun to hang out with you (although, there must have been some reason he was hanging out with you without his girlfriend being around all those times), and you still “fell” for him? Now, you know that’s not right. You KNOW that’s not right! LOL!
There are so many UNattached guys out there–go find one of those and ring his doorbell.
Catching feelings for a man that already has a girlfriend is no-no #1. Catching feelings for a man who has a girlfriend and then showing up at his house is no-no#2. Frankly, it’s foolish. Don’t be foolish like that anymore. I’m sure the author of this is a nice woman–there are plenty of guys that would be more than willing to give you what you’re after.
lady said,
@Smooththug u hit it right on the nail and Mandy. I use to be the other woman and u know what it no fun at all. At the time yes we had some much in common we hang out, had good conversation and whole nine. But i realize that it was not good for ME or his WOMAN. So i had broke it off because u know what i realize i wanted my own man not no body elses. I was 25 years old back then i did not know no better. His words allway got me but at the end it was just a heartache to me. But now im a single woman im 33 years old. Just heal baby girl get your mind right for them kids. Plus u do not want nobody like that around your childrens. One thing i hate about a mother is when they have a no good man or men around there kids thinking all of them r daddy. I believe that saying what goes around comes around. If u get with him he going to do it to you ten times worst believe me. So just raise them children and put it in gods hands. He will bless you with a single man that would love you and them kids. Because you r a package deal baby. Keep your head up and just pray and see all the blessing that come your way.
oh man.... said,
well sorry to say but this whole situation is just wrong. He is already with someone else and if he hasnt left the other woman to be with you then it wont happen. I mean if he was really feeling you like you are him, then you two would be in a relationship right now. And… for him to be spending so much time with you when he has a woman is not right. This will only lead to people getting hurt. I have been in a similar situation before… i think the best thing to do is to stop hanging out with him cause it will only reinforce your feelings for him and move on to find someone else who isnt taken and obviously would like to be in an exclusive relationship with you… I feel sorry for his woman.. I hope she wakes up….
Tanya said,
I believe men and women can be just friends. This man never expressed any romantic intrest and he never tried to “get with” her or bash his woman in front of her in anyway. It is obvious that he is not interested. If a man is interested he will let you know right or wrong or whether he is in a relationship or not. What you should do next is leave him alone…he asked you to leave his home and he stated he did not want to be your friend. Just leave him alone and give your love, time and dedication to someone who wants it. If you keep pushing it and something does happen with you guys I don’t think it will end very well. Walk away while you can before you get even more emotionally involved and hurt even more.
Tanya said,
Upon reading this again I must comment further…Please don’t ever waste your time “falling in love” with someone who has expressed no commitment to you or romantic interest in you. That is just setting your self up to be used and hurt. If this man was a total a**hole he could have used you for all you were worth because you just made your self vulnerable, open and available to someone who you are not even in a relationship with. You are an old enough woman to know better. You set yourself up to wanting more from someone who never expressed any interest in you to begin with. Major no-no! Even after you cried to him and told him you thought you two were going to be together..he still asked you to leave! Then later told you that he did not even want to be your friend. I hope that you heard and fully comprehend what he told you and do not puruse this any further because if you do I do not think it will end well for you.
bria said,
I think you need counseling. I am listening to your words and you sound as if you are getting ready to stalk this man. I am not saying that to be funny nor cruel, but, you sound as if you are a little unstable. You build this relationship up in your mind and convinced yourself that you love him and you have also convinced yourself that he loves you. From listening to you it does not seem he gave you any indications that that is what he wanted. You see alot of times we as women tend to like to see what we want to see. You wanted to see that you were in a relationship so that what you made yourself see. Unfortunately there was thing called reality that you wouldn’t allow yourself to see. He told you from your own words at the very beginning that he was in a relationship. He treated you nice and probably enjoyed the play dates with you and your kids.
Girl, you can’t just show up at a man’s house who is not your man. And what did you expect him to do put his girlfriend out and invite you in. Or invite you in to be starring at his girlfriend making her uncomfortable to the point where she is living. The sad part is you seem to have lost a good friend who was nice, honest, and treated you with respect. Because he told you that you are not more important than his woman. And you think if this woman leaves him that he’s just going to come and be with you. Even he did get with you after that it will be a booty call. But I think he sees now that you are not stable. You knew he had a woman when you saw that other car in the drive way you should have kept going.
He does not want you and you might as well accept that and move on. Because you have now even lost him as a friend. Let the reality of the situation set in and don’t start stocking this man and his girlfriend and if you have started already stop it. He does not want you in that way and probably never did. You need to swallow a big dose of reality. You wanted a father for those two kids and didn’t want to be alone and thought you had finally been rescued. GET OVER IT GIRL HE DOES NOT WANT YOU!!!!!! SO MOVE ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BEFORE YOU GET IN SERIOUS TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!STALKING IS AGAINST THE LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
BellaHoney said,
I feel like some of these posts are giving too much credit to what you had. It was merely a friendship that in your mind was on the brink of a relationship, not “the other woman” situation, and I bet if you look back at everything from a friend prospective, it will seem so ordinary. Women are hopeless romatics and the smallest thing a guy does can seem like he is secretly trying to tell you that you are the one. This is never true, they will indeed let you know if they feel that way. You do have your babies to take care of, but dont miss out on the opportunity to be with someone you can share your life with. On that same note, finding a man is definitely no priority in your situation. You need to know your worth more than this, that a womans good love is so valuable and there are men waiting to cash in on it!
TT said,
I wholeheartedly agree with Smooth Thug and BellaHoney. From your letter, it doesn’t appear that you were EVER the “other woman.” Although his spending so much time with you is a little suspect. It sounds like you two spent a lot of time together but nothing romantic even happened, unless you’re leaving that out. And even if it did, I don’t feel sorry for you at all because you INTENTIONALLY asked out a man who just told you he had a girlfriend. That was before you developed feelings for him, so that shows me that you had no guilty conscience about it and still don’t. That’s the first thing you need to check. What makes you want someone else’s man? You yourself said he didn’t bash his girlfriend, so why do you think you would be so much better for him?
You definitely need to sit back and think about all that you have done. And don’t do ANYthing else when it comes to him. Don’t contact him at ALL! He expressed his wishes to you and that’s that. Get some help and prayer before you pass this low self-esteem and desperation on to your kids.
caribbeauty@yahoo.com said,
Wow, you ladies are the best!! Come here and talk and not be yelled calling people fools, ignorant, etc… just giving out advice.
Stef said,
I read some of the other post and some women feel like theres “no harm done” because she never actually had a romantic relaitonship with this man which is true, but at the same time she has stated that she has strong feelings for this man and has hung out with him which leaves the door open for soemthing to happen..When you are attracted to someone temptation is very hard to resist, this is exactly how affairs start which is why it is best to stay away from this man.
MRSJONES3 said,
oOMG, i’m sorry but u kinda sound like a stalker. He sat there and told u he didn’t want to see u anymore and how bad it’s affecting his relationship, but u think he loves u. Please don’t continue to play yourself like this. IMO u should have never tried to get involved with someone in a relationship anyway. The other woman rarely comes out on top in these situations. just get over it and move on, u’ll live…believe me
sanchez said,
Stupid stupid stupid. Why would anyone put themselves in this situation is beyond me. You lucky his girlfriend didn’t hurt you. Poppin’ up at somebody’s house unannounced you must be stupid.
It is clear that this man was going to make you his f*k buddy! And that’s all you would have been. Another lonely desparate conquest for him to brag to his buddies about. Men can easily separate the emotional from the physical. You would have just been a sexual vessel or someone he could play mind games with. He loves his girlfriend not you. He told you to your face and you still think he wants you.
You knew he was in a relationship and you still tried to get with him. He has no morals and it looks like you have none either. Yep, sounds like you both deserve each other.
oh man.... said,
i just have to comment again cause i didnt read the entire post…
you went to his house?! oh man, what a wrong move…. please move on and leave him alone. See this situation for what it is… dont get caught up with “how you feel” IT HAS APPARENTLY LED YOU DOWN THE WRONG ROAD. And i agree with another commentor on here, you are too grown for this mess… and maybe seeking some sort of counseling isnt a bad idea… the fact that you went that far may mean you have deeper issues to deal with cause I doubt that you telling us the WHOLE story… or even things that you have dealt with in the past from a man.
Eva said,
Don’t bothere, please it sounds like too much drama.
Eva said,
I just read Smooth Thug’s post. I totally agree, that’s telling it like it is. More people should be like you.
Eva said,
@ghprod..
Like bad TV drama. No way, sounds like the plot of a tacky movie. Like the book, “He’s just not that into you.” Let’s turn this around,what if she, the writer of this letter met a man who was just a friend, and she had a boyfriend and told her friend that. What if this friend showed up at her house and she was with her boyfriend? She would be scared to death and would have called the police.
Tiffany said,
Honey, leave him alone. He does not want you. If he did, the two of you would be together. You cannot be that naive into thinking that he is going to leave his girlfriend for you! You can’t possibly be thinking that! He is not going to leave his girlfriend! NEVER! Right now, he is probably telling her that you are CRAZY! He does not care about you. If he cared so much about you, he would not have let things get this far. If he cared about you, he would have left you alone a long time ago because he would not want to see you hurt. And sweetie, please stop thinking that you can take him away from his girlfriend! WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO! He is a liar and a cheater! HE IS NO GOOD! He cares more about her than you because he told you that he can’t be your friend anymore because if is affecting HIS relationship with his girlfriend. Why don’t you think that you deserve to have a man of your own? Why do you have to settle for someone else’s man? He is NOT going to leave her BOO!
Tiffany said,
AND WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU ASK OUT A MAN WHO HAS A GIRLFRIEND?!!!!!!!! I hat women like you. When a man tells you that he has a girlfriend or wife, LEAVE HIM ALONE!! HE IS NO GOOD! He is going to be no good for his woman or you!! This is just disgusting!!!!
Tiffany said,
Correction…
I HATE WOMAN LIKE YOU!!!!
Blame it on tha Rain said,
Well sista, all I can say is that you set yourself up for this drama. The 1st mistake that you made was STILL allowing yourself to get involved emotionally & mentally with a man who has ALREADY told you that he is in a RELATIONSHIP. Right there you should have told yourself that he was a waste of time & moved on. There is NO need to get upset with the girlfriend that you KNEW about from jump… she was there long before you. As for the guy, well he is a user & a manuipilater(sp?) I am quite sure thru your body language & the time that you spent together he knew you liked him MORE than just a friend, but he saw that he could use you in some form, shape , or fashion… & he went with it.
My question to you however, is seeing how all this went down… why are you still inluv/after him? If he TRULY loved you, like you think ,he would have LEFT the girlfriend long ago & been exclusively with you. Instead he dismissed you, that’s NOT luv. I think that you need time alone to look in the mirror & discover your self worth. I think you need to find out what in you makes you want a LOSER like this guy. I hope that you find out how valuable you truly are b/c when that happens… you will NEVER allow your emotions to pull you into another screwed up situation like this. Until then, you’ll only find this type of behavior replaying itself thru out your luv life.
Tiffany D said,
It is truly unfortunate that you have gotten yourself in this predicament. It is clear that you have reached a point that you have fallen hard for someone that does not belong to you. Clearly you do not feel that to have someone of your own is something that you do deserve. There will come a time that you will know you deserve better and better will enter your life.
It is my advice that you completely seperate yourself from this man and not get attached to any other man until you can get a better grasp on why you have made the decisions you made. You are delusional and since this man will not tell what you want to hear some how along the way you have just told yourself these things and now you believe it but sweetheart they are lies. His heart is with the woman he is with and you need to respect that and move on, least when you do feel like you have a man of your own your KARMA will show up in a mini skirt and bulging breast. You reap what you sow.
Nia said,
Boring! You knew the answer to this question before you posted this story. He has a girlfriend who he will not leave, move on! Back to celebrity pics please!
Please Excuse Me said,
Smooth Thug is right…get some help and leave that man alone.
Goldilox said,
What everyone is saying is so true but I think maybe a bit harsh because this woman is clearly not in a good space.
Honey, you are 33-thats grown so act grown. Men can smell desperation from a mile away and they will use it to their advantage.
You probably got excited coz u were getting some attention, it doesnt mean a thing. He does NOT want you. He does NOT deserve you and you NEED to believe u are worth more than this messy situation. Until you realise your own worth u will find yourself in these silly situations. Pray-spend time on that instead of pining for someone else’s man. God will show you the way coz the road you are on now is disillusioned.
Another piece of advice is: When a man loves you you will know. Sometimes its good to let the man speak up first. If he loved u he would have told you that. Instead you jumped the gun and made yourself look silly.
You can heal from this,learn, pray and move on.
You and your kids deserve much better.
P.S. WHY WOULD U WANNA BE WITH A MAN WHO COULD DUMP HIS WOMAN SO EASILY, DONT YOU THINK HE WOULD DO THE SAME TO YOU.
LADIES IF WE KEEPINMG FIGHTING EACH OTHER OVER MEN, THE MADNESS WILL NEVER STOP COZ THEY STILL MAINTAIN THE POWER.
ITS GREAT TO TO SEE SMART BLACK WOMEN TRYING TO SCHOOL ONE OF OUR LOST SISTAZ, LETS HOPE SHE COMES RIGHT
Lataz
mo'star said,
LOL @Nia …………now that’s telling it like it is.
KSH said,
Any man that is spending that kind of time with you and still has a girlfriend is not trying to be your friend. He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He is a single guy and evidentally his relationship with his girlfriend was not that serious. He is showing you who he really is. He is telling you to leave and step off b/c he has to make things right with the girlfriend. As soon as he has done that, he will try to get back in your life. Just chalk this up as a loss. I don’t think he is necessarily a dog, I just think he might like having her as the sure thing and you as the fun thing.
Chrissy G. said,
Now, I read this passage & I have commentations regarding this:
Sweetheart, you have 2 children to care for, why worry about a man who has a girlfriend and told you about her from jump? You have 2 lives you’re responsible for; good things come to those who wait, yes?
I’m suprised no one brought up this question: Where are the father(s) of your children? Evidently, someone must’ve loved you enough to give you 2 children. I’m not gonna bash you & call you uneccessary names or anything, but its plain to see you’re “stuck” on someone who isn’t worthy of you. With that being said, handle your business for those 2 kids & you, recognise one’s self-worth, let things happen naturally & a man would appreciate you & your package deal.
Jah Bless & Godspeed in your future endeavors, Ma.
well well well said,
SMooooooth Thug is the winner!
Why in the heck would you have gone to his house? You have two children and your crying over a man ,who is not your man! Have you ever thought he was chilling with you because he knew you were desperate? Not only that,stop chasing him! If a man wants you, you better believe he will show and prove. As a Social Worker, You need some counseling.I’m not trying to be mean but tha fact you “know” he loves you and all the deluisonal thoughts are scary. You fel he is your dream man but what kind of DREam would he be if your consedred 2nd? ANy other women who is labled a “girlfriend” is is chic! YOU ARE NOT! So, what dream coudl this be ? You wnat someone that wants to be with you only! Why would you have settled for less? You thought you could steal him? This would help that self-esteem of yours huh? Doubt it! Most women who think that”I can take him girl” are usually already playing second fiddle.HEnce” I can take HIm” verses I already have him.You need to take some time and learn about you. Obviously, you have some issues you need to deal with. I bet your very hard to give advice to and I’m sure you have done this before and it hasn’t worked. Counseling …please and where were the kids while you were being a FATAL Attraction? Some girls I know from back in the day would have beat you to the ground….you the type that would have came back …lol.Get some help and fosuc on soem other goals .Having a man …any man doesn’t make you more or less than a women,
Red said,
Im sorry, but you were wrong for stopping by his house unannounced, knowing that he had a girlfriend. You cant say, u saw another car there and thought nothing of it. You knew there was a chance that was his girlfriends car. You are too old to be doing stuff like that and if he did that to you, you wouldnt have liked it either. If you was cheating on his girlfriend spending that much time with you, he would do the same thing to you if you were together, believe me b/c a man like that doesnt change. You need to be strong and realize that you are worth more than that and that you dont deserve to be treated like that. I know a good black man is scarce these days, but u need to work on being ok by yourself. Its not worth it to go thru all that just to have a man. You have kids to worry about. Forget about him. Its gonna be hard and you will miss him like crazy but eventually, you will get over it, it just takes alot of time. Just keep telling yourself, if it dont kill u, it will make you stronger.
Smooth Thug said,
OK, y’all. I’ve discussed the lady involved in this mess. Let me now deal with the gentleman, and I use the term “gentleman” very, very loosely!
I think this: to put it plain and very simple, I think he was setting this lady up to turn her into his “booty call”. Why else would he go along with secret get togethers at the park and at other locations? Why else would he let this lady know where he lives just to have her show up at his place unannounced? I though this was supposed to be only a casual friendship. And where is the girlfriend in all of this? If this guy had good intensions in his heart, why didn’t he introduce the girlfriend to this lady? The only thing he did was mention his girlfriend. To me, that’s not quite the same. Because he never properly introduced the girlfriend to this lady, it is safe to assume that behind his girlfriend’s back, he was runnin’-n-hidin’-n-slippin’-n-slidin’. And as one poster put it, and I agree, cheating doesn’t always have to necessarily involve sex. Cheating can also mean lying and/or holding secrets from the other party in a relationship. What do all y’all in the house think? Amen?
Deidra said,
Please consider that you and this man had a friendship where you enjoyed each other’s company and conversation. He didn’t mislead you. Your post is clear that he was honest with you. Your romantic feelings simply aren’t mutual. Contrary to popular belief, men and women can be “just friends.” I have several male friends that I hang out with regularly…you know why? Because I’m not attracted to them — that makes platonic friendships quite easy. Healthy women know that even an attractive, intelligent, fun woman isn’t every man’s cup of tea. But you certainly will dazzle some other man. Your former friend has asked you to move on, which shows integrity on his part. Unless you think he OWES you his love (which means you have deeper issues than you revealed in your letter), move on.
KIM said,
wow….ask yourself wat if you were the girlfriend…! Would you want your man to be hanging out 4 to 5 times a week with some other female. Not only is he disrespecting his girlfriend you are disrespecting his girlfriend!!! Seems to me you are being a bit selfish…find a man…OF YOUR OWN SIS…a single one…its sisters like you wreck good relationships.
Angel Cakes said,
I have a cousin in a similar situation. The difference is she is 35 and the dude she is dating is 23. She has 3 kids and he has a live in girlfriend who is 26. The situation is even more disturbing because they only have been dating for almost 3 weeks and he’s been staying with her for the past 2 and a half weeks. His live-in girlfriend been asking around to see where her boyfriend is. I just couldn’t believe my ears because she has young children in the house (3 year old boy, 8 year old girl and a 17 year old girl). This situation is disgusting to me because this is my big cuz and I always looked up to her, but the past couple of years she has mad some crazy *** decisions with the selection of guys. What do yaw think about this situation. I can’t believe my cousin is playing herself like that. It just sounds DESPERATE!