It’s been years since our love affair ended. I’ve gone through short hair, long hair, blonde hair, bangs, bobs and even grew out my relaxer and went natural. The seasons have changed and so have the pictures in the frames. I’ve healed, I’ve dated, and I’ve lived and have even fallen in love again. Yet, with it all, there remains an elephant in the room of my conscience. What happened to us?
It became apparent after having drinks with a good friend of mine recently. We both chatted about our pasts loves and when we finished there was an odd pause where we both equally wondered what happened?
How after, seemingly good relationships, did they both end so quickly and drastically? Where did it go wrong? When did it begin? Why?
It’s strange. I mean, I’m not looking to reunite with the person I once thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. But there are moments in my life where I reflect and just wonder. Is that wrong?
I imagine it’s just like a parentless child wanting to know why their parents left them behind or gave them up. Not as deep, of course.
But no matter how often I think about it, I’ve never reached out and really asked what happened. I moved on with life and so did he. But I’d be lying if I said it’s never crossed my mind.
So given that, does he really owe me anything? Do people on the receiving end of a break up deserve any type of closure? Or should we just get over it already?
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I find myself currently thinking the same thing…I mean we didn’t have a “break up” but we went on with our lives….I find myself wondering, do what happened and why don’t I have closure concerning us..
I think that we as women are the ones that initially need the closure to relationships, even if we were the one’s to end it. However, with age, past and present relationships, and wisdom, I’ve come to realize that men traditionally don’t give closure. That’s not something that they “require” in order to move on.
Now in time, they will and do provide their partners with some form of closure but it’s not something that you should expect (per se). I do feel though that closure is an important part of any and all relationships (of all kinds).
I was in a long term relationship about two years ago and really thought the next step would be marriage. When it ended suddenly out of blue I was shocked and devastated. I mean I had invested almost five years of my life into that relationship and really thought the next step would be marriage, children and happily ever after.
When he ended things I was left floored but moved on with no malice in my heart. When he turned up married just over a year later I needed answers. I was fine until I found out about the marriage but when I did I was left wondering why not me. What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I marriage material?
So yes, women do want closure and I think for us closure is all about finding out why we were left. I think deep down we want to be enlightened so we can make sure not to make the same mistake/s again.
Don’t know why someone would need closure if they did the dumping SWEET SERENITY
Some things just don’t need closure……RUN!!! Get the hell away and never look back!! Seek God for the closure!
Isn’t it crazy that we’ve all been there? I think Jenna hit it right on the nail, I think most of us just want to know so that we’ll learn from whatever we may or may not have contributed to what happened.
All wounds heal with time but the scar will always be there. Just a testimony of life I guess:)
Thanks for reading ladies!
I believe in the old cliché, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” And sometimes in our friendships and relationships, we plan to have some people in our life for a lifetime, while God only plans to have them there for a reason and season.
And I believe that sometimes seeking closure in our relationships is a way to fully heal from them and learn from our mistakes, miscommunications, and misunderstandings. But at the same time, sometimes when we search for closure, we tend to open ourselves to possible traps to let people back in and give them undeserving second/third/fourth chances, while also opening the door of “what if(s)”.
As much as I would like to get closure from several of my failed relationships and friendships, to see what I did wrong and to gain understanding and wisdom from the whole situation, I know that it is better to just walk away and seek closure in God and just continue to live my life for me and not others.