Do you truly love yourself?

Maybe you let him beat you down both mentally and physically because you don’t truly love yourself. Maybe you are a promiscuous woman because you don’t truly love yourself. And maybe most of the problems that Black women face within our community are the result of us not truly loving ourselves.

The journey to get to the place where you truly love yourself and embrace all the imperfections and flaws that you think you may have, can be a long and difficult one. It’s a journey that so many women take regardless of their skin color, but a journey that appears on the surface to impact the lives of Black women a little deeper.

We are all aware of the standards of beauty that our society has forced upon us throughout history and our society continues to promote a standard of beauty that is not inclusive to everyone. Black women often find themselves not meeting the criteria for those imposed standards and the result is a misperception in our community about what true beauty really is. I have no doubt that how we view ourselves esthetically affects how much we are able to truly love ourselves.

I was once subconsciously affected by the images I saw everywhere that suggested to me what beauty looks like. Not aware of that fact at the time, I started to pay a little more attention to my nose. I felt that if I had a better shape noise, a more “European” nose perhaps, I would look more beautiful. It took many years later for me to realize that the nose I was born with was perfectly fine. The quest for a better nose prevented me from truly loving myself.

There‘s no cure all or an antidote that we can take to make us truly love ourselves. But the first step we can take is to realize that loving ourselves is important and we must begin to tackle self-hatred at the core.

We are beautiful and we have to begin to understand that the negative way we feel about ourselves or not truly loving ourselves keeps us from reaching our full potential in life. So I ask today, “Do you truly love yourself?” If the answer is no, I encourage you to go on a journey to discover what is preventing you from truly loving you. And I ask that today, you begin to tackle whatever that is at the core.


  1. Wow this is a wonderful topic. :bowdown: At one point i did not love myself. I was looking for a father figure in men. My father was living with us but he was no type of father figure. He never spend time with us. His children and wife was the bottle and drugs and the streets. But i learn to love myself because of my mother. We was so close she tought me to love myself first and everythings comes after that. I see her put her all into me and my sibling until she passed 6 yrs ago. So i keep her in spirit and keep moving on with life. Right now my life is good. Because i put god first then my daugther then me. Love my mother for that R.I.P.

  2. @Lady said sorry for your lost. Your statement was so beautiful. I would say 98% of the time I love myself and the other 2 I can’t stand myself. I can really get on my nerve sometimes.

  3. i wont say i don’t love myself, but i’m not completely happy with my body. I’m not fat, but i am overweight, and even though everyone tells me i look fine, and that i have a cute shape, i’m still not happy. i just want to get to a healthier weight. I’m scared that when i have kids i’ll blow up!! i just don’t want to have a kid a be one of those women who never gets her baby weight off. i want to be a healthy size, so i can be more confident in how i look all the time. i don’t want to have to worry about health problems in the future

  4. I bet people are going top blame the media image of black beauty on beyonce. I wouldn’t be surprised if they say beyonce cause self hatred in black women.

  5. Sometimes I wonder if not loving ourselves not only takes the form of not accepting our bodies and ethnic traits as they are, but also falling to the pressures of society in the workplace, universities and society in general. I think our issues with our bodies are symptomatic and go far beyond the mirror and start on the inside with us having to consistently fighting to maintain our confidence and positive spirits which are daily being smashed as we try to get ahead in the workplace. We are always trying to disprove the many stereotypes placed on us. These stereotypes take the form of black women being oversexed sex kittens, that we are lazy or do not work as hard as others in the workplace, or that our opinions and suggestions are not to be taken seriously in an intellectual environment. These things attack our psyche and without realizing it we take it out on the things we believe we have control over i.e. our physical appearances.

  6. mrsjones, i agree with you 200% lol :hifive: my friends tell me the same but i feel you, i just want to be healthy so 1 day when i start having kids i’ll already have healthy eating habits and won’t ballon and never get rid of the weight. As for loving myself, i do but there are things i want to change that are feasible but i’m a lil lazy 🙂 but i know that already so that’s why i do things to give myself a lil motivation to be abetter me. 😀

  7. I am still working on loving myself more. I suffered from low self esteem in my puberty & early teen years. I got called ugly alot and to this day (i’m in my early 30’s), I have NEVER had a boyfriend be faithful to me–even in my marriage. When I was married, everyday, I was emotionally abused. I got called stupid everyday by my then husband and I always went right back to him. He had numerous affairs on me which made my self estem just basically diminish. By the time i was in my mid-20’s, i was very depressed & I even briefly had thoughts of taking my own life. Even years after the divorce I allowed my ex-husband to control me & the household all while he was living up his newly single life. One day, i decided I had enough and stood up to him. :hifive: And now i’m working on me. Loving myself more and praying more. As long as I don’t love myself enough, I will always be miserable. And miserable I was indeed then. One day i was just sick & tired of feeling that way. Since then, i’ve been working on me, and even though my ex-husband still can be very cruel to me, I keep on going with my life. I keep on praying and following God on my path to healing and loving myself more. I’m now strong to my ex-husband (which he hates that) and I always remain a wonderful mother to our kids. And another thing, I’ve forgivin him but another obstacle im tackling now is that i’m working on forgiving myself, because if I would have loved myself more and knew myself worth as I do today, I would of NEVER allowed him to treat me so cruel. I just wouldn’t of put up with his cruel ways. NEVER!!! And to be honest with you, I am just counting down the days when our kids are grown and me dealing with my ex-husband is only once ina blue moon–graduations, weddings, births of grandchildren etc.

    The problem alot of us women do is we look for or think a man is going to bring us happiness. I believe that a man should never create your happiness, but rather simply just compliment it. :thumbsup:

  8. :iagree: I have to totally agree with this post and I must say that I wake up everyday with love in my heart for me b/c I’ve learned that I must first be able to love me in order to love anyone else in this world including God. I believe that once people get past society and the B.S. that is out there about everyone else’s standards for beauty, wealth, knowledge, and everything else we can all become better. As black women and women in general (but specifically to all my sistas) we must get to know who we are then learn to love us regardless of flaws and imperfections. God made all of us unique and we must learn to embrace what he’s given us and use it to know that I’m not like the next person but I am unique, and beautiful!!!!

    Much love to everyone and I pray that one day we all can unite in love for ourselves and each other!!!!

  9. I agree with everyone that this is a great topic and needs to have continuous address. I realized that I hated black people when I was in the 7th grade and hated women when I was in the 9th grade. I even wrote about the hating black people when I was in the 7th grade when we were asked to write how we felt about the riot we had back in Miami in the 1980’s. I was referred to my school counselor, but to no avail. To make a long story short, I realized that I hated myself and as such am on a journey for the rest of my life learning to love myself through all the pain that is to come, the trials, love, laughter and joy that is to come as well. As you mentioned, loving ourselves is a journey and it does not end until we breath our last breathe. There is so much to experience that alters how we feel about ourselves because we judge ourselves by what we see, what we experience and how we respond to what happens to us. But I am in a good place now because I was honest with myself when I admitted that no one ever told about love and my child life was filled with sexual abuse, physical abuse and hatred for myself. But through seeking help through the bible, I am learning to see myself in a more positive light than negative because I realize that it may not matter what happens because things will happen, but it makes more difference how I respond and treat myself. Thanks for this subject. I really appreciate it and love reading the other posts.

  10. It’s good to see how much people open up about such a sensitive topic, loving your self is hard but when your final get their you find out you are your greatest love of all.

  11. As a teenager i wanted to be plain or ugly,i hated the attention coz it drew nasty people,@14 was almost abducted by a man who wanted to rape me and at that moment i prayed but he was unsuccessful,2years later @16 was almost raped while i was stranded but i prayed and he was never succsesful,a year later @17 had a similar experience at a house party but i prayed in the midst of everything at that moment i realized how God loves me and is alway there for me in the midst of trouble that realy changed they way i felt about myself,i became hungry for knowledge of self-awareness and God coz i was realy feeling good and just loving myself coz i knew that im always safe thats when i found two books @ my grandmaz house:YOU CAN HEAL YOURSELF BY LOUISE HAYES AND IN THE MEANTIME BY IYANLA VANZANT…i was 17 and ready for love meaning healing and i fell in love with india arie and the rest of neo-soul music at that moment,i was ready to own my beauty and power,ready to let go of the patterns that i attracted ….yes do i follow beauty trends,fashion and the arts because i realised im a naturaly creative person and its my line of work but im not a slave to those things,they are not me just a part of me.God is our source of love,creativity,strength,beauty and income and God will forever supply us,i dnt worry that much,when im down i know how to get up by staying in touch with my maker and i even ask him what to wear,eat and creative advice

  12. I’ll leave my opinion on this topic when I get home. But for now…

    @ Kriss what does Beyonce have to do with this topic? Bey is just one form of black beauty. Black beauty and acceptance come in different shades, shapes, and sizes. For anything when black women fail to completely love ourselves it has to do with the life struggles, dysfunction, disrespect, etc. we’ve expereinced in our childhood, adolence, or in life in general. Though the media may play apart, I believe what we encounter on a daily has a greater effect on how we view oursleves.

  13. Hello if I was to tell my wife Jenaki to use spell check when she is typing, is that considered spousal abuse? Anyway my father was lost in my life and has yet to be found. I have my very own son and daughter that I try to give so much love to, with that said I strongly believe my father have damage my heart for life. My mother is strong and provided everything I needed from a parent but I still wonder what it would have been like. PS Jenaki is my wife and we have a beautiful family together.

  14. I love myself. There are habits I want to change but I love myself. I think one of the reasons why black women have so many health problems is because we don’t love ourselves. I think for some our obesity is a cause of us using food for comfort. The HIV/AIDS rate is high for sistas b/c we’d rather keep a man who doesn’t want to use a rubber, than use a condom. Imagine if more of us were told we were beautiful, smart and precious from the beginning. Imagine if our family members did a better job at protecting us from molesters and batterers when we were children. Imagine if we were told from the time we were little girls that we could achieve anything. It’s not too late ladies to tell yourself how wonderful you are. Love yourself, because in the end all you have is you. And that’s a good thing. If you believe it.

  15. I love myself, but I sometimes wonder why others don’t. I don’t usually handle it well when some one rejects me. I don’t think it’s the person, its the WHY!! I am a why person. I always like to know why. But like “Joyce Meyer” said, if you are going to be a christian in this world and if you want to make it in this world…get comfortable with NOT KNOWING! Cause we won’t know everything.
    I guess I am trying to say, I love myself, but I pic myself apart if some one is not too fond of me. I do that b/c its so easy to just say “Oh she’s just jealous”. That my not always be the case 🙁

  16. @Antoya :iagree: What does Beyonce have to do with this post. That was a little wierd too me. It’s about do you love yourself and obviously that person needs to work on themselves because when you answer about yourself using someone else and never mentioning yourself there is a problem.

  17. @Kriss as I said in my post before it was deleted the topic is, “Do you truly love yourself?” please stay on topic if you want to disguest artist go to their post. By the way I love myself :bowdown:

  18. you are right. woman has to love themselves first before they look for someone to love them. i pity those who do not love and value themselves. hope they can find way to overcome this things. (

  19. I am now. Sadly, I spent a great deal of my childhood and teen years not loving myself. I spent too much time wondering what other people thought of me. I spent too much time hoping for the acceptance of others and wanting to blend in. So I didn’t love me. I’m 20 years old now, and I love me. It took a lot of mental work for me to love me, and what I finally developed was an “Eff You” mentality. Eff you if you think I’m too short, too fat, too thin, too dark, stuck up, not black enough, too smart, too quiet, too noisy, whatever. And that mentality has led to a happier and more accepting me.

    Now my problem is not loving myself, it’s dealing with the backlash of loving myself. Sometimes people think I’m arrogant, because I don’t wallow in a pool of self-pity and “Please Love me! OMG Please like me!” mentality. Some people think I’m stuck up or Bougie or whatnot because I won’t waste my time listening to their bull. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I’m not less than anyone on this planet and there is no one that is better than me. I don’t think I’m all that, there are still things about myself that I dislike. But I work on them and that’s that.

  20. To everyone who’s shared (except for kriss because her comment was so “left-field” I just…SMH) anyway, to everyone who’s shared, thank you so much for doing so. It’s always good to read about how other women have learned to empower themselves, to ‘love’ themselves. I can identify on a lot of fronts in terms of low self-esteem, issues with family, issues with weight. I think we all go through at some point and part of the process, part of ‘growing’ is learning to accept, to change (where needed), to love, to grow, etc.

    Lately I’ve been having some issues with my health. Back and forth to the doctor’s every week. It’s nothing life-threatening, but it’s still something I’m going through; something that gets me down, but somehow I still get up and go to work, I go to church on Sundays, I hang with my friends, I keep going as if nothing is wrong because were I to let it get me too down in the dumps, my behind wouldn’t get out of bed……..and that can’t happen. I gotta work. LOL. If you don’t work, you don’t eat! That’s the Bible…but anyways LOL I’ll say this:

    I bought new mascara today :brownsista:

    I bought new mascara today because over the weekend I cleaned out my makeup drawer, organized it, got rid of old makeup, made a note of what new makeup I need to purchase, got online and visited a number of makeup blogs.

    I’ve been in a “stylistic-funk” for the past year. Looking back over images taken, I realize I’ve gotten so lazy; I’ve relied too heavily on “the natural look” (i.e. no makeup at all LOL) so I decided I’m going to change. I’m going to get crazy with my makeup (within reason though…I can’t look like a bag of skittles given the place I work LOL).

    Oh and I quit smoking! Easter Sunday I had an ‘epiphany’ of sorts. Maybe it’s ‘coz I’m getting older or maybe it’s ‘coz I’m tired of the funk I was in. So, I’ve got a new attitude (shoutout to Patti LaBelle LOL) and I’m more conscientious and focused on my health, my look, my mindset.

    Something as simple as playing around in my makeup and buying new items makes me feel good.

    When it comes down to it, you’ve got to love yourself; you have to figure out what makes you feel you because when you do, when you’re feeling good, you’ll look good and none of what others have to say will affect ‘you’. Just brush it off and focus on yourself first and foremost; everything and everyone else will fall in line.

    I’ve rambled for a minute, but I’d like to leave you all with a favorite quote of mine:

    “I love myself, when I am laughing…and, then again, when I am looking mean and impressive.” -Zora Neale Hurston


  21. good post.
    It is a journey and one that hopefully everyone completes.

  22. Good question. Not as much as I should. I’m not consumed with comparing myself to others as I once did for the better part of my life but I don’t take care of myself as I should.

    This weekend I was analyzing my spending habits for 2009 and was disappointed by what I found. Very little was spent on clothes, health, or beauty. Much was spent on attempting to decorate my home. My dwelling place does reflect who I am but few people get to see how I live. Everyone I meet sees ME. I should invest more in eating right, exercising and sprucing up my wardrobe.

    I believe how I spend money does reflect my values. My check register is saying that I value decorative pillows and picture frames more than doing or taking things that would boost my energy and increase my longevity.

  23. Hmmm. I see my check register also says that I got a little jones for Raising Cane’s chicken fingers & sweet tea, Smash Burgers and onion rings, and that chocolate eruption cake at Whole Foods.


  24. It’s crazy the things small children hold on to that later affect their behavior in adulthood. I’ve always been insecure about my smile because of a bad experience I had with teeth growth in my chilhood. It didn’t help, then, that my mom would tell me to shut my mouth because they were ugly. Eventually the grew “normal”. However, it is only recently, I’ve begun to make my piece with my current set. My teeth have always been healthy. The last time I went to the dentist, he complimented me LOL. However, I always wish they were very straight, and no gap in the middle, so that I could show them more often. It gets uncomfortable during picture time when everybody is like “say cheese.” I’m always with my trademark serious expression. I realize this is something I can fix. Until then, I will continue learning to love my smile.

    I love myself. I witness my love for self through my determination to excel. I’m very comfortable in my skin. Let me tell you something, I find myself pretty danm attractive naked. No, it’s not just physically. I love my personality. I appreciate my alone time. Some people can’t stand spending time alone, but I love that ish [Nothing like a good book and some gooood music]. I like that I’m reserve, love to converse with God and family, passion for learning [I enjoy learning about the past->world history & family history], love to debate, kind, sexy, naughty, nice, quiet, loud [When I need to be], cold [when I need to be], loving, respectful, trustworthy, recognize individuality, love freedom, recognize humanity in others, don’t dwell on things past, self motivated, a saver, patience…

  25. Great post!
    I must admit that I only recently began to that journey of loving myself, Id been puttin myself down for so long and I guess I just got tired of looking for love in others and decided to save some for myself for now. At first I was afraid – I thought “who am I to think I am better, who am I to think I deserve this and that” but I started anyway and I must say ITS BEEN AMAIZING!!! IM HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME! Yep, Im single and I had to let go of some friends who werent supportive/good to me and had to set some people straight – all of which was really hard – but there is nothing more rewarding than surrounding yourself with positive people who WANT to see you grow and keep encouraging you – it makes u feel better about yourself and more confident in achieving your goals! I’ve switched up my style and Ive even taken to wearing dresses (sounds odd to some of you but I’ve just recently discovered I have a nice figure lol). Strangely enough Ive found that Ive also become more spiritual along the way (made my mother very happy) and I read the bible everyday.
    Ive also learned to enjoy my own company and now spend my time making plans for my future, Ive just recently completed my Masters Degree and I feel such a great sense of accomplishment. I never thought Id do something like that. 🙂
    But all in all, for anyone who has been where I am or is planning on starting this journey – IT IS GREAT! I hope I can stay on this path forever cause I guess there’s so many layers to a person and Im loving discovering every single one of mine 🙂
    I hope I dont sound like Im braggin & if I am….oh well I guess Im just loving it!!!

    Thank you Stephanie :bowdown:

  26. @ Everyone on on here LIVE , LAUGH, LOVE.
    @Kanyade im so proud of you. Keep on doing your thang girl.

  27. @ lady you are right, we should live, laugh, and love.

    I would like to thank my daddy(rip) and my momma for always telling me I was beautiful and to embrace my color and my physical features from an early age. Good job folks :thumbsup: I would also like to thank the South where I was born and raised for red beans and rice. I love my thickness. :hifive:

  28. @SnijanaFleur

    girl i feel you on the gap thing!! i’m so tired of mine! at first i didn’t really care, but now i’m seriously considering invisalign! too bad i would probably have to rob a bank to get it considering how expensive it is. lol

  29. Dear :brownsista: ,
    Actually, the time I read this post..I was like who the hell cares about this silly question?
    But it actually does making sense…lots!

    I think I love my girl Rihanna more than I love myself lol..seriously!
    Is that normal? I’m a guy but I truly adore that girl…she’s bloody HOT!!!
    Gradually, I have been getting cosy admiring her the way she is..her personality!
    and of course her songs too…her beat is truly awesome and irresistable!

  30. mrsjones,
    What I’m realizing right now is to love my gap. You’re right. It costs an arm and a leg to get your teeth a certain way. The gap was never a bad thing growing up in my native land. I would see people with bigger gap then I, and they would receive compliment when they smile. Also, I don’t know if this true, a Caribbean descendent classmate was saying how some caribbean men find the gap very attractive in women because it shows they are very sensual? Maybe that claim can be supported cough [Let me stop] cough LoL. Let me tell you something woman, I was blushing all over the place when she said that. I suddenly felt I had a spotlight right above my head! It didn’t help that I had some admires in class that day LMAO. Still, I wanted to be a fly in the wall of their brains LoL. For real though, I’m starting to realize my gap isn’t really the root of my smilling insecurities.

  31. @SnijanaFleur and mrsjones i have a gap too but i love mines. But i just want to straighting it out a little bit . So i was looking up that invisalign too. How much does it cost.

  32. girl like $5000. and the dentist i went to tried to tell me it had to be paid up front! lol

  33. You must’ve been reading my mind A Word For My Sistas. I was just googling this very topic yesterday afternoon. Thats a big and important question we all must ask ourselves.

  34. gaps in teeth were im from are prized. just in the middle of the upper set.

  35. yeah, mine isn’t so bad i guess, if my mouth is closed you would never guess i had one. lol

  36. @mrsjones you is a mess. I know alot of men like it lol. So just give them a little smile lol.

  37. Geez, I didn’t know their were so many gaps gabbing up in here!

    Like Snijafleur, my mom would tell me to close my mouth and smile whenever it was time to take school pictures. Personally my gap did not bother me b/c there were people in my community who had gapped tooth smiles.

    My perception of myself changed when I was 9 yrs old. At that time I lost the upper left tooth prematurely due some some horsing around with a brother. When it grew back it came in crooked. It has been the bane of my existence ever since.

    One of the reasons I was reviewing my finances this past weekend was to see if could stomach going into debt to get braces to straighten my smile. I have learned to smile for the camera since 2004 because I find I look so much better flashing a crooked gap than not smiling at all. But I still shy away from certain social activities because I don’t like my smile.

    I am more than ready to remove ALL excuses from my life. Just a little impatient about achieving my goals.

  38. I read this yesterday and had to log off and ponder the question trough my day, And the answer is yes i love myself, I love myself so much that i stay single and excuse my language dickless,See when you love yourself like me? You don’t take a cheater or a liar, You don’t allow anyone to walk all over you,and when you love yourself like me booty calls are out of the question,sleepless nights wondering what he is doing is also out of the question, I used to date a very famous rapper, and when i broke up with him all my girlfriends were putting Vaseline on to jump me, but i told them i did it for myself, The point i am trying to make sistas, is when you have pride and self esteem like me you can’t find a man ,when you an all out Ho you can’t keep a man , So the question is not if one love themselves or not,The question is how low are you prepared to go to be accepted 🙂

  39. :bowdown: We all are a work in progress. Especially when we get into relationships and forget that we need to be taken care of as well. The conditions of our hearts alone are damaging. Dressing nice and looking good are only on the outside but when we dig deep forget about it. The funny thing is that we are mostly messed up due to MEN. And they spend most if not all of their lives trying to become a man. We readily put them in a position that they struggle to belong in from the beginning.

  40. @Voice
    Interesting post girl

    @All the sistas wondering if they should invest in their smiles
    DO IT! I’ve never regretted the $3k I spent several years ago on dental work. Think about’ll spend several thousand on your car, house, clothes, etc..but your smile will last a lifetime. Don’t let the dentist tell you that you have to pay upfront. There are payment plans for everything.

    I’ve really enjoyed reading everybody’s posts. People have really opened up on here. To me, self-love is a journey. There are definitely days when I love myself and days when I don’t. I must say that as I get closer to 30, I am becoming more comfortable in my skin. I’ve always taken care of myself, eaten well and exercised which I believe shows that I love myself. On the flip side, I’ve neglected to take care of my spirituality. Your spirituality needs just as much love and care as your physical body does. Yet, I have not loved myself enough to invest in my spiritual health. Lord knows when the last time I’ve been inside of a church. So, I am a work in progress.

  41. @ Luxe

    CONGRATULATIONS on the Master Degree!!! :thumbsup:

  42. :iagree: on the dental work. I spent about $4500, that included braces, whiting, and a veneer. It was so worth it. It was my investment into myself.

    I applaud all of you brown sistas for sharing your story. You know, we are more alike then not.
    I made 25 March 1. For the first time in my life I can honestly say I love myself and I feel like a woman. My journey to get to were I am now was not easy. I’ve experience a lot of neglect and abused as a child. In my young adult years, I experienced domestic violence and have been homeless.

    When I was 6, I was left to take care of my ill grandmother as I watched her slowly die at home of cancer. I had to clean her bowls off the floor, I went days and nights without eating, but more so then the cleaning up behind her and the not eating I as a 6 yr old watch the woman who I knew love me die and suffer in pain. I knew in my young heart that that situation was not going to turn out good. I worried about my well-being. I knew my mother could not take care of me as she was and is an alcoholic.

    Well after she died. I was put in a few foster homes. One foster lady made me take baths and dirty bath water, that other people had bath in and left their dirty water in the tub. Another foster lady made me eat spoil cottage cheese.
    When my mother got custody of me a year later. She called me bitches, dumb, stupid, there were times were I had to help her fight off her boyfriends; until this day my mother has not been to one parent conference. When I was 14 I got a lump in my gum above my right front tooth. It ached so bad, when I told my my I needed to go to the dentist she told me, “wait ’til you are 18 and take yourself.” I remember when I was about 12 I told my mom I wanted to kill myself and she said, “Go ahead.”

    Anyway, I’ve experienced many other struggles, hardships, and dysfunction; however, I always felt like there was something special about me. I have this inner strength that always carries me through. I thank God for all my experiences because it has helped mold me into the woman that I am today. I am a college student, my g.p.a is 3.3, My first book Beautiful will be in stores the end of the summer, and I aspire to be the first 5ft, 5 in high fashion runway model. I have only been modeling for 7 months and have done 5 photo shoots, I won Ms. Photogenic ina college wide contest they had at my school, and I already book my first runway job lat month.

    I hope we all realize that the things we have gone through, though it made have hurt us, was meant to help mold us into the women we are today.

    Anyway, I am going to close by saying, even if at this moment when you look in the mirror, and you do not like what you see, please find the strength to believe that you are worth more. You will not invest into yourself, love yourself, or leave situations that are not go fro you, until you believe you are worth more than your past or present situation. God bless you all and I love all my brown sistas.

    My first book Beautiful will be in stores end of this summer.

  43. amazing story antonya, :bowdown: i commend you for not letting anyone break your spirit!

  44. As I was reading over the comments it’s hard not to make a statement on this topic. But to answer the question yes I truly do love myself :bowdown: . I was always treated like a princess from a child and there was so much love poured into my spirit. I really have to thank God as well as my parents for giving me that strength to spread my wings and sore. However, where my problem came in growing up is unhappy people always trying to break my spirit and that still happens. But what I do when I realize that people are not serving to my higher good I get rid of them out of my life. I refuse to be around negative individuals that try to hinder me or in some way break my spirit. And you know when some one is trying to do that because you can really feel them always tugging at your spirit. And I have been tremendously blessed for choosing to be that way. Some relationships were more challenging than others to rid myself of but I refuse to accept anything but the best for my life and that includes people/relationships.

    @Majesa I can totally understand what you mean when you have confidence, respect and love for yourself how the backlash is people calling you arrogant. I still struggle with people always trying to break my spirits. But I have to thank God for my inner strength as well as the parents he gave me. I just have to throw my hands in the air and say Lord where would I be if I was rapped up into people’s opinions and society’s perceptions.

    @Antoya that was a beautiful story and I am glad you had that inner strength to over come. :bowdown: I can definitely understand what you mean when you say you just knew there was always something special about yourself. That inner flame I call God protecting us is what has been keeping me strong as well trust me out of the support group (family) I had when I had to deal with people on the outside they tried to strip me from the love and my inner peace.

  45. @ Y’all:
    Did y’all hear Chris Brown this morning? He said, “I ain’t no monster”. Yeah, right! He aslo said that the news media needs to stop telling all those lies on him. Hell, if the fool would keep his hands to himself, nobody would say Jack about him!

  46. this is a great topic,

    I do love myself but there are things i need to change, God is working on me. I’m learning how to be a humble person . i been through a lot of things in life and that it’s hard for me to trust another person. I just finished a 6 yrs relationship and i really need some healing . not loving yourself is not just base on how you look but how you connect yourself to the negative things that you go through in life.

  47. I have to say that I’ve always truly loved myself. I’ve been shy, I’ve been unhappy about a little weight gain, but I’ve always believed “I AM THE ISH”. And those aren’t just words. I REALLY believe that. God loves me. His presense has been right by my side for as long as I can remember. God made ME! That’s enough reason to love yourself if you don’t get anything else. My parents love me. Grandparents love me. Husband loves me. Son loves me . My family spoils me. HOW could I not love me?

    This leads me to my point: I really believe that if your parents give you a loving foundation — if they encourage you and if you KNOW they love the ish out of you — you really can’t help but love yourself.

    I really dont know how low my self esteem would be if I had negligent parents. Or parents who down talked me. Or parents who weren’t there for me. I’m sure I wouldn’t love myself very much. Or at least it would be very hard to love myself and I would probably just be arriving at that place of love right now.

    Yes, the media has a definite impact on how we view ourselves, but I really and truly believe that the media would have a much smaller impact if we had loving and uplifting parents. We’d carry ourselves beautifully and we’d be seen as beautiful by those who matter…. we wouldn’t even care about those who don’t matter. I know I damn sure don’t.

  48. @ Pearlsrevealed, I must say that I don’t like my smile either. And it’s because I have a few missing teeth at the bottom (side). God, THAT was hard to type. I have perfected just how to smile in pictures. It costs a lot of money (around $10K) to get the work done that I need. BUT I have a plan and I don’t care how ridiculous it sounds b/c peace of mind is top priority right now. I’m going to CHARGE the dental work and smile every time I make a payment.

  49. @ Smokie :hifive: and that”s real talk :thumbsup:

  50. Greetings and salutations, it’s not that we don’t love ourselves. we love who we are , how we look, our mentality, our work ethic, being altruistic ,”EVERYTHING” about us is the standard for others to follow. we battle with out shining others. how the game is set up, it’s about unnatural things, human value is not the standard. what we have aS HUMAN BEINGS is more important than being a HUMAN BEING. we are spiritual, we are who we are, but in order to operate in this system we have to be something else, and that something else that other is who we have a problem with. when you go to an interview you can’t really “be Yourself”, you have to turn into the alternative. “WE” have something that is inherent, inalienable, it can’t be replicated or duplicated. so the existence of “it” is denied, mocked, brings about shame. as long as the system is set up to disregard human life, we will disregard what is best in us. this is no “victim stance” we are empowered, we can do. but we want to be included, we want to be acknowledged.
    so we can be “alone with our shine” or interact and “dull it”

  51. •Hello Step, David Guetta and Kelly Rowland have shot their new video for “WHEN LOVES TAKES OVER” has the behind scenes of the video. I would like for you guys to upload it. The official video will be released on Saturday. The song is major and it’s being very well received across the globe. Thank you and I hope you have a safe weekend.

  52. @ Jenaki as soon as I saw your post I ran to check it out Ms. Kelly is looking good. And they said look out for her brand new label as well. I wish her all the best she definitly seems a great deal more confident. :bowdown:

  53. When I was younger my mom said that I was really proud of myself
    it’s during my adolescence that I started hearing horrible things from people
    My mom is african and my father is caucasian jewish
    But my skin is brown, my lips are full the only thing that I took from by father’s side is probably my nose lol, I’m tired of hearing people say How come your name seems to be from poland? bla bla bla bla
    I’m who I am and I’m proud of myself

    My Black is beautiful

    Love you all

  54. Hey Stephanie are you still celebrating the holiday.

  55. I have never had a problem of not loving myself because I’m black. I love being black and have always considered it an asset. Even with the racism I have faced in my life, I have never thought of myself as the problem.

    I don’t understand how anyone could allow society or anyone else to shape their opinion of themselves. :stop:

  56. :lol2: @ Real Talk that was me Andre Le Dale saying that May 29, 2009 at 4:33 am 2 days, 19 hours after, lol Jenaki is my wife I forgot to change the name over. Yeah I’m so exicted for Kelly this time around, a person has put up a statment about what label Kelly has signed to. Go check it out on and click on the comments about the behind the scenes video or simply do to I had sent the info to Stephanie all ready and concreteloop.

  57. This is a great site! This is my first visit and I am glad to see such honesty and depth. I love myself, although I grew up with neglect and abuse, etc. I often feel alone in this world, but I know that my creator has blessed me with light and has kept me through these years. I have fallen off. I used to work out six days a week, was a vegan, had a really focused spiritual period, yet I still allowed internal and external influences to throw me off and ending up gaining weight(although I still don’t eat meat) and not living up to my full potential (although I have four college degrees). I still love myself and that’s what pushes me to keep going and strive for greatness. I’ve fallen many times, but I can never really lose because that’s not my destiny. In life we get what we need, even if it is not what we want. Everything is supposed to teach us. One thing that has caused me to question my self-love the most is examining my relationships with men. I have settled way too many times. Which makes sense because my father wasn’t there and rarely was my mother, so I had to learn the hard way!

    I have a gap too, but I have always thought it was special to be different. I won’t lie braces have entered my mind a few times, but then I felt like what’s the point of trying to be like everyone else? Like Lauryn Hill said “you are your own standard.” Now all these celebrities are getting veneers and things and have the same smiles! But I understand to each his/her own. I just try my best to accept what God gave me tightly coiled hair, gap toothed smile, hard knock life, etc. There is a reason for it all. Best wishes to all of you.

  58. It’s hard 2 erase 300 years of slavery which formed division in our community- Let’s be honest the lightskin/darkskin issue still exists in our community, of course, not as prevalent as 30 years ago but still there. Self-hatred is engraved in many black people minds. Look at the videos that parade our women around as blatant sex objects. What do our lil girls see? They see that sex sells. Of course we have exceptions and women who will not succumb to society’s standard of beauty, but 4 the most part many do and let it affect their self-esteem. Do you know how many times i have heard the term, “pretty for a darkskinned girl” applied 2 myself and others. The people saying this honestly don’t know what they are saying, as if being dark is a handicap and their amazed you still managed 2b pretty with that complexion. Even a darkskinned girl said this about another. Crazy rite??Black females have 2 instill this in their children, don’t let the media tell them what is attractive and when you love God you realize if your accepted by Him, nothing or no one else’s opinions matter.

  59. Smokie- you are so on point. People don’t know how powerful
    God is. There is nothing more attractive than a man or woman of God. There is a definite inner glow that comes out. What happened 2 the times when parents dragged their children to church. I was one of them. I will admit after i wasn’t forced to go i stopped, but once the foundation is laid its hard to ignore it. I strayed throughout the years, but i always knew He was with me and found Him again a year ago and now i don’t need any1 2 tell me i’m beautiful when i have a Father like him. Amen.

  60. Antoya: I will definitely be gettin that book- You sound amazing. God Bless!

  61. Extremely awakening and Enlightenling Post! Thanks to all for sharing, each post I read is inimate and a pure reflection on how our society, media, our world can shape and defines our ideals of beauty.

    I always held on the the saying that inner beauty surpasses all physical beauty, so whatever flaws you might think you have, our creator has instilled something into us far more beautiful than physical features…its a soul, spirit, personality. So if we ove ourselves fom the inside out, then nothing can challenge our understanding of our beauty.

    I fell in love with myself when I was a younger….a teenager, discovering truly what made me happy, and being able to express myself to the fullest through writing and speaking help that. My only insecurity was with my smile…parents couldnt afford for me to have braces, and I was constantly reminded of how imperfect my smile was, by siblings, and peers, so I believed them. It took me until I was 17 to smile in a picture and now I cant stop smiling:) its 8 years later and I still havent gotten braces but guess what? I dont need them! Ive grown into this imperfect smile, you cant stop me from smiling, and nowadays people often say thats my greatest physical attribute. LOVE Y-O-U !!!

  62. @Smokie


    You made my day. That is exactly what I was thinking about doing.

    Slowly but surely, I have been getting out of debt. I dread going in the opposite direction but I know my smile is a major issue for me. I believe I subconsciously limit my activity/opportunities because it bothers me so much.

    Unlike most of the debt I have incurred, at least the braces would be a visible or I will have “something to show for” the debt I guess.

  63. I am getting better at loving me. That’s why I have the SN: Triracialbelle. I have come to the fact that I am a beautiful Black/Caucasian/Semetic woman who has all these wonderful qualities that benefit people all around me. That took me time to know that. It took me time to love me knowing that I was a child both of molestation and incest. I even used to hate my freckles just because it reminded of who my father was(my late uncle). But I realized that this is isn’t going anywhere, and if the Creator deemed me worthy to live then I am special and I never to realize that. So I ahve. I am not perfect, but that’s ok. I appreciate what I do have and work on what I need to grow into the kind of woman that I want to be.

  64. A Word for My Sista and Brown Sista…I just linked you. I love your writing and keep doing what you do…


  65. I’ve probaby loved myself a bit too much over the years. Never had an issue with my weight, my features, my caramel brown skin, teeth, my thick hair, etc. At one point I was probably too into myself and learned to get some modesty.

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