Does Being A Side Chick Hold More Clout Than Being A Wife?


I have to admit, I am a die-hard reality show fan. I faithfully follow the story line of Love & Hip-Hop, Housewives of Atlanta and Ex Wives of Holywood/LA; and as much as I have tried to convince myself that I am supporting a very toxic and negative perception of Black women, I can’t help but to be enthralled by the deception and the drama that has manifested in these people’s lives.

Whether the story line is fantasy or reality, it’s definitely low-quality entertainment that keeps the anticipation going amongst thousands of viewers each week. However, I have noticed a very peculiar trend within the most recent seasons of these reality shows. Many of the male cast members have left their “main chick” for their “side chick”, with no remorse or shame.

If any of you have followed some of the relationships represented on these shows, you have more than likely observed that many of the girlfriends, fiancés, and wives have been with these men for years; have supported them when they literally had nothing. To make matters worse, the “other woman” is typically savvy to all the family business, has been around the children, has ridden in the family vehicle before, and receives equal amount, if not more, financial support than the women who have been holding their men down for years. The side chick has become the most secured and extolled party amongst many of the love triangles that are exhibited on these reality shows, and sadly it has become the bitter reality amongst many relationships off camera as well.

I have been exposed to many different relationship scenarios in my life time, and have also experienced many of the dysfunction we see on television. I have yet to understand why the mistress receives better treatment than the wife? I was speaking to a male co-worker the other day, and his theory is that, “what a man isn’t getting at home, he can easily receive it elsewhere.” I do agree, in part, with his theory. I also believe that when men have been in a relationship for so long, they tend to feel as if they are missing out on something “better”, “prettier”, or more “exciting”. If a wife becomes complacent and is not willing to meet her husband’s fantasies and needs, whether sexual, mental or otherwise, it becomes simple for him to seek attention from someone else.

The side chick’s role is to solely meet the needs of the man she has involved herself with. She is the getaway when the man needs to get-a-way from his reality. She IS the fantasy…with NO strings attached! The side chick’s role is to be the solace within a complicated dual energy amongst a husband and wife. It is very easy for the man to fall in love with this false perception of perfection within one woman.

After a while, the side chick will begin negotiating with a man so that her needs are now met in return. She will start demanding shopping sprees, jewelry, money, more time, etc. and before you know it, the man is now having to juggle his time between two women who he has mistakenly began to love equally. Keep in mind, the side chick is STILL doing all the things that are not being done at home! In the man’s mind, the side chick holds less liability…in his MIND, that is! So what does he do? He decides to leave his reality for a fantasy, not fully realizing that he will, one day, wake up to a total nightmare; what goes around comes back on around again!

It most certainly appears that wives are receiving the short end of the stick as it relates to modern day marriages. Today’s society has accepted infidelity and has almost glorified it in a way that makes it the social norm for men to exalt their side chick and treat their wives like trash. I do believe that reality TV is the one to blame. It is true that men have been messing around probably since the creation of man, but it hasn’t been until most recently that men have been comfortable with toting their mistresses around so carelessly.

Back in the day, a mistress knew her place. She knew not to expect wife like treatment, and quite frankly, she was content with the “relationship arrangements”. Nowadays, the side chick is calling the shots because she has begun to use a man’s fantasies as a manipulative weapon in order to receive what she wants, and that’s to ultimately take the place of the wife. Now that there has been a legitimate title, with benefits, established amongst women who are willing to be the other woman, should more wives become more concerned about fulfilling their husband’s fantasies?


Kara Warner is an upcoming author, blogger, and educator from Omaha, NE, by way of Hammond, IN. She has placed much emphasis on supporting, and becoming an advocate for women and youth who struggle with self- esteem, image, and perception issues.

In 2009, Kara founded a program entitled, ‘Beauty Is Skin Deep Movement, Inc.” in order to reconstruct the perception and image of women of color in American society. She has conducted classes for the YMCA, Urban League of Nebraska, Middle School Learning Center, and Girls Incorporated of Omaha.

Kara is currently working on a book titled, ” False Feelings Appearing Real”, a compilation of experiences and stories by women who have, throughout their life, struggled with understanding their feelings and are now learning how to cope with them.

Follow Kara @Conquistanoir (IG) Livelifwpurpose (Twitter)

One Comment

  1. This subject matter is always one that piques my curiousity. I have been married before, but thankfully, a side chick was not my demise (I’m not sure how I would have handled that reality). However, the fantasy part of a relationship (IMHO)plays just as much of a vital role, as does the reality. I don’t necessarily see this epidemic being solely the issue of just married women, but also married men.

    I cannot tell you how many countless times I’m approached by men who are just as willing to play the “side guy” role as women are. I believe that it all boils down to access. We live in a society where EVERYTHING is accessible and we are exposed to EVERYTHING. The fact that this microwave society has given us access to whatever we want, when we want it, and how we want it, we’ve started losing sight of why it is important in the first place.

    There have been “side chicks” since the beginning of time and there will continue to be. No matter what the wife does or doesn’t do, will not stop a man from wanting more. I heard a saying once growing up from a minister in my church and this statement has really proven to be true…

    “A man wants EVERY woman to fulfill his ONE need and a woman wants for ONE man to fulfill her EVERY need.”

    It’s really that simple and that’s why things will continue to be as they are.

    Just my two cents….

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