Second Chances

I have never been a fan of second chances. When people make significant relationship/friendship altering mistakes it is not difficult for me to cut them off and remove them from my life. I know that forgiveness is a principle that should be practiced on a regular basis because nobody is perfect. People make mistakes and we are all human. But are some indiscretions unforgivable? Does everyone deserve a second chance?

I have never been in a relationship where I was fully cognizant of my partner cheating or lying to me and I continued in that relationship. But what do you do when you find out that you’ve been lied to or worse cheated on while you are still in the relationship? How can you muster up the strength to forgive someone after you’ve given them all that you’ve got and they’ve hurt you? When you have given someone everything and they’ve broken your trust how could you possibly learn to trust them again? Trust is the key to every relationship. If you trust your mate, you don’t leave room for speculation and suspicions. They say trust is like glass and once it has been shattered, it will never be back to its original form. I wholeheartedly believe this. It’s one thing to be with someone who has done something to break your trust but who had the audacity and dignity to let you know that they had committed transgressions; it’s another thing to be with someone and find out about their wrongdoings on your own. Not that I am condoning wrongdoings in any way but I would have a lot more respect for someone who lets me know that they’ve made a mistake rather than letting me find out on my own. But the shame, the embarrassment and the pain is still there regardless of the delivery method.

It is complicated to be with someone after they’ve shattered your trust; in the back of your mind you may have lingering doubts and worries. Learning how to trust someone again is one of the hardest things you can do in a relationship and is a skill that many never master. Even if you cannot learn to trust that person again everyone at least deserves forgiveness; judge not lest ye be judged. Two wrongs don’t make it right either, so if you’re thinking about evening the score because you’ve been heartbroken then think again. Seeking revenge on someone that has hurt you doesn’t make the pain go away and it speaks volumes about you as a person. Take the high road. Everyone makes mistakes and just because one party has made a detrimental decision in the relationship does not mean they cannot and will not change for the better.

Janice Gassam is a graduate student currently getting her degree in Industrial Organizational Psychology. To contact Janice her email is gassamjz@gmail.com.
You can also add her on any of the following social network sites.
Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/janice.jnice
Twitter:
http://twitter.com/#!/JaniceGassam
Tumblr:
http://janicejnice.tumblr.com/
Youtube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/1987jbaby?feature=mhsn

7 Comments

  1. Depending on what they did to me I may give girlfriends a second chance. Rarely do I give men a second chance to do me wrong though. In relationships, one strike and you’re out.

  2. This unforgiving attitude is in large part why I am an atheist. I would bet most people that ascribe to non forgiveness also claim to be christians. Its no wonder so many black women are without a man and without a clue as to why. Mistakes can be made by all. In a relationship if you only give one strike, you only deserve one and then no one ever has a defined resilient relationship because relationships are developed by trial, not perfection.
    glad you feel this way because there are so many men you will get passed around by until you meet your Jesus. Next……….

  3. Giving people who have wronged you a second chance is akin to giving them permission to do it. Forgiveness and second chances are two different things. If you steal something out of my purse I may forgive you, but I’ll be damn if I ever leave my purse around you and give you a second chance to steal from me again.

  4. Every time I hear this black women are alone crap from a black man I know he is the devil. I know plenty of unmarried black women but I know few if any who are alone, with only their ten cats to keep them company.

    Kevin is an atheist and a nut. He can’t figure out what to be mad about.

    *Troll alert*

    Angry black men are like white people. They invade the place of blacks to spew their misguided hate. In the case of Kevin, he showed up to spew his black women hate, prolly cause his white queen left him for one of her own.

  5. I HAVE NO FATHER TOO BUT IT DOESN’T MEANS THAT I SHOULD HATE OR DESTROY MY OWN RACE? AND MAKE MYSELF LIKE DUMB SELF-HATING WHITE MAN’S SEX SLAVE WH0RE! I AM BLACK MAN WHO ONLY DATE BLACK OR MIXED WOMEN (NOT WHITE MAN’S PORNO WH0RES) AND I HOPE WILL MARRY ONE. STOP B!TCHING AND TRYING DATE GOOD BLACK MEN NO MATTER HOW HE LOOKING AND MAKE MORE REAL DARK SKIN BLACK KIDS FOR BLACK RACE TO KEEP YOUR RACE AND CULTURE STILL? ALIFE JUST LIKE UGLY PALE SMART WHITE PPL DO!

  6. Safari – nowhere in my post did I disparage you or any black woman. I “so many” black women are without a man and this is indeed a statistical fact your outrage cannot refute. I was not referring to white women because the problems of white people are not of my concern. As for my being an athiest, that does not make me a nutcase, but an evolutionist or humanist.
    Safari, I am far from an angry black man. I am a happy black man with every reason to be so. I own my home. I am a college graduate and not just some guy that took two courses at JUCO. I have many fulfilling relationships and two wonderful sons. It was kind of selfrighteous of you and presumptuous of you to assume me angry. When you assume, it makes u an ass. Your post put against mine would more accurately potray you as an angry black man.
    I am disturbed by the trend of my sisters and mothers having to raise kids with no help from the father or even family. It is real. You can pretend I am not being truthful and cling to the belief that all sisters that want a man have one. Get a grip.
    As for *troll* names don’t bother me. I live in a gated community and not under a bridge. I wish you well. You sound like the typical judgmental christian quick to become upset. Enjoy life.peace to you.

  7. The thing is, if you choose to stay with them and forgive them, then you have to hold fast to that. I find that people will SAY they forgive a partner for cheating, but they never look at their partner or their relationship the same again. That to me is more damaging than parting ways. I am a firm believer that no matter what a person says, once trust in a relationship is compromised things are never the same. But if you choose to take your man or woman back, you can’t hold their mistake over their head or throw it in their face, you can’t try to manipulate how they live and socialize, or any of that. If you do all of that, then you are not giving the person a second chance. That’s why I don’t know if second chances really exist, because even though we may forgive we NEVER forget.

Comments are closed.