Does Forever Exist In A Relationship?

Halle Berry recently made some interesting comments concerning her relationship with her baby daddy and marriage itself. See Below courtesy of TVOne Blog:

THE SPIN:

For the millionth time, Halle Berry doesn’t want to become Mrs. Gabriel Aubry.

When asked by Britain’s You magazine if she’ll ever walk back down the aisle, Halle gave a polite “hell no.”

She said:

“I’m so not the relationship go-to girl. But I’m much clearer about what a relationship is, which is why I will never marry again. Gabriel and I have a great partnership and a lovely daughter. But I once was stupid enough to say, in a previous relationship, ‘I’m going to be with this person for ever,’ and realized, as I grew, that I don’t know if for ever is possible.

Gabriel and I don’t look at our relationship in terms of for ever, we look at it as right here today. And today means being the best people we can be, the best parents we can be. It’s wonderful, but neither one of us feels the need to attach ourselves to each other for life – because it may not be that.”

Someone’s been burned. Despite not wanting to be anyone’s bride, she hasn’t turned down the possibility of being his baby mama the second time around.

She added: “I’m certainly open to having another, so I hope so. Motherhood will always be my priority now, especially because I had a child for the first time at 41. My priority had been myself for a long, long time, but now it will always be Nahla. You think you know what love is – until you have a child and discover that unconditional mother love.”

Is it so impossible to think that in 2009 you can get married and be with someone forever? Through their life changes as well as their own individual growth. I look at my Grandparents who have been together for over fifty years and that gives me a glimmer of hope. However, I also consider the fact that they are from a different generation who had different ideologies towards marriage and the relationship between a man and woman. In today’s world where there are so many temptations it makes it easier to give up on a person and want to move on. Your man is getting on your nerves.. Go to the club and get a new one! Your girl put on some weight? Don’t fret! Get a new one! You been with your wife for over ten years and you are bored? Sounds like it is time for an upgrade! Go find yourself someone 20 years younger than you! These are circumstances that happen everyday and marriages fall apart due to them.

Does Halle have a point about not expecting to realistically be with someone forever? Is it truly not possible any more? Or is it a personal decision between a man and a woman that no matter what life throws at them they will continue to maintain their relationship. Will and Jada Smith, who I’m sure have their own set of issues such as the rumor about them participating in menage a trois, have managed to make their marriage last for over 10 years. That is a long time in Hollywood time. One of the key elements seems to be that divorce is not an option for them according to Will. Is it as simple as eliminating the choice of divorce? Or is it deeper than that? Is Halle settling by only being a baby mama? Or is it simply that Halle has given up on love?

Thoughts?

LJ Knight
www.yeahshesaidit.com

19 Comments

  1. To each it’s own but it’s something sorta sad about her opinion on relationships.
    To me, she just comes off as someone who’s been burned when it comes to marriage.

    That’s perfectl fine to live in the “right here, right now” but it is almost as if she’s saying that that is not possible if you want forever with someone and me, believing in God and all and knowing His Word… I know that NOT to be the deal.

  2. She’s been married before, so at one point she believed in love and marriage. But now, not so much. Maybe she’s been burned (well, we all know she has), but she might also just be like whatever with her boring boyfriend. lol We go through phases in life and it seems like this is her “I don’t believe in marriage” phase….

  3. I think she hopes for forever but is too scared to just come out and say it because of her past failed relationships. So she is protecting herself.

  4. I think everyone need someone they can trust, someone they can lean on, but if the expectations let you down, it’d better not to expect much about things and just be at the middle of it. It is so Buddhism way of living.

  5. I dunno. I just think she has been hurt so many times & she is in a space where she doesn’t want to go that route again. She is protecting her heart. Which I can understand. Maybe thru the yrs she may change her mind.

    As for marriages in the present & in the past. I agree that alot has changed, some things for the better & somethings for the worst. But the key element that I think is different in marriages then & now is tolerance. Those older couples put up w/ alot of mess & never left. Ppl nowadays won’t put up w/ alot of the foolishness that went on back in the day. I know too many older couples who have stuck it out thru the yrs, but thru all the stickin it was the constant cheatin & etc they experienced w/ their mate. They did it all b/c of the refusal to separate. I think it just all comes down to individual. If u REALLY want the marriage & the other person feels the same.. u can make it work. But both ppl have to be on the same level.

  6. Halle is bitter, bitter and bitter!!! Although she does have some points,but hey,, i just feel Love makes the world go round. you have to work at it just like everything elese. Love is the greatest thing in the World…

  7. I think people expect the actual marriage to be just like it was when they were dating and that is what does not last forever. We have this image of the person from when we first met them and if we would take our time and see who these people really are we could probably avoid a lot of unnecessary drama.

    I don’t know about her but when you marry someone you have to take the good with the bad and stop thinking that at 40 or 50 years old someone is still suppose to look like they looked at twenty. Without some kind of sugery that just does not happen. We are to invested in the fantasy of marriage instead of the reality of marriage. Our grandparents had the same temptaions that we have now. But they understood I think a little better what those vows mean. We are not the first generation to have temptaitions we are just a more vain and self centered generation.

  8. I agree with the generation now days having differet value system with marriage, it is easier for couples to give up with so many temptations for young and old to ever be satisfied with what they have.

  9. Marriage IMO or a serious close relationship doesn’t have to be on paper IMO. I don’t get why it’s so ridiculous or crazy for some people to believe that you can be together for 30 or 40 yrs and be pretty happy together WITHOUT a big ceremony or a hop to the justice of the peace. If you can have a “sacred” and close and loving relationship without I signing a dotted line. BUT I feel like if you’re going to be making children you need to be very careful about who you get into a relationship and make kids with because that person needs to be in it for the long haul and will do whatever it takes to make it work for the two of you and the family you want to create.

    Marriage IMO should mean a lot more and even pass just the license you two decided to sign. While she makes some good points I think Halle sounds bitter and a little scared and that makes me sad but not necessarily sad of her views on marriage but where she’s been for her to feel the way she does. You can have expectations without losing reality I mean if you’re making a family with someone they need to be on board to make it work out when things get bad and not leave just because you don’t have papers on them. I feel like I dunno if she’s settling but I think she’s given up a little bit. I don’t think it’s impossible to be fairly happy in a marriage until you are old and gray and gray but I don’t think you need to be married either to be happy together until you are old and gray.

  10. I don’t know why people are calling her bitter. Or faulting her for having a certain belief for herself after being hurt. There is a tone with some of these comments that blames this woman for previous loves that didn’t work out and the way they shaped her view. I don’t see anything wrong with what she is saying. What does marriage mean? Does it mean true love? Happiness? Genuine care between two people? Respect? What does marriage mean definitively? Does it mean commitment? I’m a proponent of marriage, don’t get me wrong. Put a ring on it is my take when it comes to me. However, I’m not so naive to think (anymore) that marriage is right for everyone. And I really don’t like how some people throw out the word bitter in such an evil way. She doesn’t sound bitter. She sounds like she loves her daughter and her man but that she understands not everything lasts forever. It’s simply the truth that she is speakking.

  11. Halle can do whatever she wants but i think people that leave relationships at the 1st sign of change or trouble aren’t really in it in the 1st place. If you call yourself lovin this person you will try to figure out what’s goin on so you can work on it. If i see my baby gettin a lil pudgy i would stop bringing home fried foods, snacks, and sugary items and buy lettuce and sum fat-free dressing. And encourage activities such as walking together and maybe goin 4 a bike ride.

    If the sex is gettin scare i would ask if he’s bein affected by work or family issues. Then switch up my style of gettin that good good. maybe gettin a few new “slutty” outfits or doing it in a different room in the house or whatever will change up from the routine. It’s work cuz both of yall aint gonna be happy with each other 24/7.

  12. Halle’s problem is Halle. She jumps from relationship to relationship. That’s why she keeps picking bad men. Maybe if she would analyze why she picks the wrong men and thoroughly vet her lovers she wouldn’t pick scumbags and be resistant to marriage. Hopefully, this guy is better to her than her previous lovers.

  13. To each its own…I rather eventually be tied down and be sleeping with one man and one man only..Dont need to be giving every dude my body…becuase thats what it boils down to,lol…with out a commitment under GOD.

  14. @Bee i agree but this generation they give up on relationship so quick over stupid stuff. The divorce rate is soooooo high because they do not take there vow seriously.

    Or they still want to sleep around with other people. Or some people what that big ring on there finger to say they married.

    Some people go into married knowing they not right or the person they married is not right.

    Some people think they can change a person but not they have to change there self.

  15. @ Bee I agree 🙂

    IMO Marriage is a not only a commitment ordained by God but also a commitment to yourself and your partner. People do not honestly take the time to get to know themselves well enough before “committing” to someone else and personally I believe that that is the leading cause for failed marriages. What you want @ 25 may not necessarily be what you want @ 30.

    Speaking as a divorcee, I can say that getting to know was my first priority after my divorce and it’s been 6 yrs and I’ve successfully been able to maintain a healthy relationship with my guy for over a year now.

    At the end of the day if this is your reality and you have in your mind that “my marriage is going to work and divorce is not an option” then that’s what it will be. Your reality is how your life will end up, PERIOD!!

  16. I’m on a far more secular vibe with the marriage thing but anyways…..

    @ Drea “i think people that leave relationships at the 1st sign of change or trouble aren’t really in it in the 1st place. If you call yourself lovin this person you will try to figure out what’s goin on so you can work on it”.

    Phhhh yeah *nods*

    And another thing oh yeah I’m not even going to ride with the shame on this generation for not taking marriage seriously because maaaannnn I’m seeing too many people my mama age and older whoring around. I know of a pastor (yeah I said it) sleeping with a younger woman and I’ve been hit on myself by too many um married (how you doin’ go away) “god-fearing” men LMAO smh.

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