Does Your Boo Need Training?

A couple of months ago, a friend of mine dodged the idea of motherhood by purchasing her first pet.  She argued that she’d get all of the practice she needed by caring for her poodle Gigi.  I thought it was an awesome idea and was quite impressed with how committed she became to this pet.  She immediately enrolled Gigi into obedience school and upon my visit to her house; it was obvious that Gigi was now well groomed and behaved.

When my friend began opening up about how her boyfriend on the other hand, came home at all hours of the night, barely cleaned and wasn’t as romantic as when they first began dating, I couldn’t help but laugh at the revelation that Gigi brought to mind.  I looked at her and said, “Men need to be trained from day one.”  It was at that moment that her boyfriend walked in and of course I added, “As do women.”?? It wasn’t a phrase that earned me any fans in that house but it’s an idea that I won’t back down from.  I’m reminded of the saying, ‘people only do what you allow them to’ and that’s how Gigi would have operated had she not been trained.

I truly believe that the moment you allow someone into your life, you instantly have a power that you control, loosen or lose altogether.  Think about it, do you allow that person to call you at all times of the day?  Are they allowed to visit your house whenever they want?  Whether you know it or not, you’re training that person to live by your rules and most likely its vice versa.

Rules are meant to be broken and people should live with certain flexibility, however rules are important.  They set a certain standard for the relationship.  If you tell your mate from day one how you feel about certain things, they either have to respect it or challenge it and hope for a compromise.  When you choose to let things go and refuse to set boundaries, then like Gigi, if untrained they’ll be messing all over the place.

Fellas, you have to lay the law down with women the first time she does something that makes you uncomfortable.  If she screams at you, threatens you or even tells you what you can’t do as a grown man—its your responsibility to call her on it immediately.  If not, that behavior could go from her checking your phone to scratching your new paint job.

Ladies, don’t accept the ‘okey dokey’ from him just because he’s better than most men.  If you are tired of his lack of appreciation for doing his laundry or covering his tab when he’s without, cut all of that and then some off until he gets the picture.?? People get ahead of themselves.  Give them an inch and they want a yard and they stop wanting to work for it all at the same time.  Just as my friend took an interest in her pet, as lovers we have to remain just as committed and passionate as we were during the first few months of dating.  We cannot lose that excitement and we cannot lose appreciation for each other.?? If you have something worth holding onto put in the work and patience that it requires.  As my friend would say, all of that training will help the fellas to tame their dames and the ladies to mold him into gold.

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love.  For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel visit

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