Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell…

COLORFUL BLACK LOVE

“Let’s talk about sex baby…let’s talk about you and me…let’s talk about sex…” Well I think that’s how the refrain from that classic Salt ‘N Pepa rap song goes. Women in large numbers are lying about the amount of sex and or men they’re getting or seeing. The reason? For fear of being labeled a slut, ho, skank, doorknob…just pick any misogynist label, or create your own…that’s always fun. It’s common for women in New York (and other large cities in the U.S.) to lie about this part of their lives because as forward thinking we’d like to think that we are…we’re really not. It’s still not socially acceptable for women to sleep with a lot of men as it is for men to sleep with a lot of women. Most women will blatantly lie, by reducing the numbers down to single digits.

I remember several years ago, Angelina Jolie revealed that she slept with only 4 guys (yeah right…). I laughed hard at that one. With all her admitted drugging, drinking, cutting on her skin and other abhorrent behaviors—all is conducive to sexual promiscuity. And if it is true that she only slept with 4 guys, it’s only because she slept with mostly women since she’s an admitted bi-sexual/lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Most women will tell a man that she’s serious about, that she only slept with 4-5 guys; but some guys are not as dumb as they look.

Generally, if a woman is in her 30’s-40’s or 50’s, and make that claim, that means that she’s been married or in a committed relationship for a very long time (such as myself, I’ve been married since I was 23 and a half years old!). If you make that claim and have never been married or in a long committed relationship AND been dating for over 20 years, please expect a few skeptical and raised eyebrows…especially if you’re an attractive woman. Yes-yes, I know that these are just blanket statements and opinions, but it rings true…doesn’t it?

Why do women have to lie to men about their sex lives? Because they’re afraid of being left; they don’t want that man to judge them or look at them disapprovingly. Also, maybe a small part of it is that they feel ashamed of themselves. Your mother’s voice telling you as a teenager, “Wait until your wedding night…don’t throw away your precious virginity like confetti…” Most men want an experienced woman…just not that experienced and one who’s been with numerous sex partners either.

So what’s an acceptable number to fib about? And why do men have to know how many guys you had sex with anyway? Well, guys usually ask when things start to get serious. Plus, guys are insecure; they want to know who has or had the biggest penis, which man pleasured you the best and all the other testosterone filled insecurities. There’s no acceptable number over 3 or 4. Women also try to justify their mistakes. “Well he doesn’t count because, I was drunk and it happened only that one time…I barely remember his name…”

For guys, it’s a totally different double standard story: Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain braggingly claimed to have had sex with over 20,000 women. Charlie Sheen claimed to have slept with 5,000; Gene Simmons from the rock group KISS, said he slept with 4,600 and Diana Ross was one of his conquests!! Men can boast and lie about large numbers of women they’ve bedded. It’s of course an old stereotype and double standard. Also men are supposed to be more experienced than women. But men—come on…? Do you seriously want a woman who can’t “slob a knob” correctly—I know you don’t!!! Sorry if I’m being tacky, but let’s be real!! So stop complaining; unless she brings you a disease, you have nothing to complain about!!! Better yet, stop asking these women their personal business. They had a life before you came into the picture…also men, lest we forget…where do you think you’re getting all of YOUR experience from? THAT’S RIGHT, WOMEN…SO STOP JUDGING!!!

4 Comments

  1. If a man asked how many men I have been with I would run. Its a sign of insecurity. A better question is if you know your AIDS status. But men never ask that.

  2. @ Grace, exactly!!!! If some grown dude asked me how many men I’d been with and expected me to drop a number, I’d know immediately he isn’t the one for me. Now asking about sexual health is a conversation everyone should have and also getting tested for STD’s together before anything sexual goes down.

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