There is another side to this story that has not been revealed. While it is true that prison, high unemployment rates among black men, interracial dating and homosexuality limit the number of single black men, these are just a few reasons black women remain unhitched.
The real truth is that black women need to take a hard look at themselves and examine their beliefs, thoughts, and actions when it comes to finding, attracting and keeping a good black man.
Ci Ci Foster, a relationship advice columnist and author, has written a brief, yet powerful article that will help women with their dating struggles. In an article, Ci Ci asserts the following reasons women don’t succeed in finding or dating Mr. Right:
1. They settle for Mr. Wrong and try to turn him into Mr. Right.
Black women date/commit to men who don’t meet their basic standards of what they want in a mate, but believe they can ‘fix’ him into being their prince charming. They are oblivious to the fact that Mr. Wrong can never be Mr. Right, no matter how they try. Some black women spend years with Mr. Wrong, only to find out that he will never change because he was Mr. Wrong from the beginning.
2. They don’t love themselves first.
Black women often seek love from men without loving themselves first, which sets them up for verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse. A man can’t love a woman who doesn’t love herself. He will treat her the way she treats herself. The more you love yourself, the men you attract will see that and treat you accordingly.
3. They try to turn a booty call situation into ‘love’ or a relationship.
Some black women make the mistake of having a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, but try to turn it into something more. The truth is, you can’t turn a booty call into love. If sex is all a man wants, you can’t get love. He’s not there for love, just sex. Most women equate sex with love, but men who want booty calls want just that. Please remember: No amount of good pu* *y is going to change his mind!
If you truly want love, don’t settle for less! This arrangement will only set you up for pain and emptiness, and block you from being available for Mr. Right.
4. Black women spoil men too early in the relationship.
I have seen this time and time again, especially with young black women. They meet a guy and immediately start buying him things, giving him money, etc, without knowing him or establishing a relationship with him first. In turn, the man does not take them seriously and just uses them for what they have.
The man sees the woman as an ATM, and loses respect for her because she is trying to buy his love or affection. This is not allowing him to be a man, and makes the woman vulnerable and a target for abuse. If you want a real relationship, start off respecting yourself-including your finances! Men can only respect you if you respect yourself!
5. Staying in bad/non-committed relationships because the sex is good.
Let’s face it: Sex is powerful! But it is not love! No matter how good a brotha is in the bedroom, it does not take the place of a loving relationship. Many black women get caught up with good sex and ignore all of the bad qualities in a man. Remember that sex is just one important part of a relationship, but not all of it. If the sex is good but the relationship isn’t, get out! Don’t waste time on someone who does not have the complete package you are seeking. Sex is usually always better with love!
6. They listen to their girlfriends/family opinions instead of their own hearts.
A lot of black men complain that black women listen to their girlfriends/family members and it gets in the way of their relationship. You know you have a good man, but you let your friends’ opinions about your man get in the way and sabotage the relationship. Just because your friends don’t see the good qualities in your mate, or believe you can do better, does not mean they are right! Always focus on your own heart and your own feelings! If you are happy, that is all that really matters! Trust yourself and keep friends and family out of your relationship!
7. Black Women don’t heal after bad relationships.
While it is true that some men are liars, cheaters, and abusers, there are some great men out there. However, there are women who carry anger and resentment about their past relationships and expect the worst! They put out negative energy, so they will attract men who will give them more of the same-negative experiences. If you have not healed your past hurts, you can often turn a good man away with your negative vibes and actions. To find and attract a good man, you must believe one exists! Work on yourself to heal the past, and start expecting to meet a good man. A positive attitude goes a long way, and is more attractive than anger or resentment. Remember, you get what you expect!
8. They date/pursue married, bi, or emotionally unavailable men.
This one is a biggie!! Black women talk about what they want in a mate, but often date men who cannot give them what they want! Bisexual, married, or emotionally unavailable men should be off limits at all times in order to have lasting love.
It all boils down to one thing: black women need to love themselves. Once they do that, and know what they want in a relationship, they should never settle for less than what they really want.
Ci Ci Foster has been featured in The Chocolate Voice, FeSaad Magazine, Suavv Magazine , XI magazine, Fever Magazine, Gloss Magazine, Get Money Magazine, The Black Urban Times and has been a special guest on radio shows such as Large FM, The Dedan Tolbert Show, and many others. Visit www.CiCiFoster.com, www.DiggIntoBooks.com, or www.FlowerGoddessProductions.com for more info.