Forum Topic Of The Day 07.29.2008

So He Doesn’t Open The Car Door For You…

sistas, does that mean you will stand outside, next to the car door while he’s getting in on the other side or would you open your own car door and get in without raising hell over it? Fellas, what would you do if a woman did that? Almost as though she’s wanting you to catch the hint that you “forgot” to open her door.


  1. This question reminds me of a scene in the movie A Bronx Tale where the young Italian boy wanted to date a black girl, but he was getting flack from his friends. But his Godfather told him that it does not matter what color she is, but whether or not she was a good person. So he told the young boy that he would let him borrow his car. He told him to open the door for the girl to get in but if she did not reach over and unlock and open the door for him before he got around to his door then forget her because she is a selfish person and was not worth wasting his time over. She did reach over and open the door for him. Needless to say, I actually met two men, whom I wasn’t dating who opened the door for me to get in the car and to get out and I thought that was the most amazing and gentlemen thing to do. I was not used to that. I sure did like it, but don’t really expect that from a date. But it would be nice if he did. I would not complain.

  2. I must say that I’ve been blessed that the last two men I’ve dated, opened the car door for me. However, I have dated a man, that opened NO door for me. It took him about a week to get that straight, but it also gave me an idea of the past women he dated. Moving on…I would stand there (as I have before). Who says chivalry is dead?

  3. well my fiance doesn’t do it all the time, but he does do it, so it really isn’t that big of a deal to me

  4. My husband opens the door for me most times. But now I have gotten into the habit of opening the door for him and doing things that he would do for me. I want him to know that I can and am willing to do those things for him too! He is my prince 🙂

  5. My boyfriend opens doors for me, it is not all the time but he always makes the attempt to do so. He is a strong believer in a girl should not lift a finger. If we have four grocery bags I will try and carry two or atleast one and he will not let me. If he physically can do it then he wants to do it. He is a sweetheart, I am blessed.

  6. I’ve dated a man who’s never open the car door and would look at other women while we drove in his car. Needless to say I dumped that zero. Small actions like those are in indication of how a person will treat you. He wasn’t kind or generous.

    But chilvary is not dead. Chivalry will come naturally to a good man. He won’t debate on whether to give up his seat for an old lady, a woman with many bags, an expecting mother, or small children. He’ll hold the door for a woman; a not expect something in return. Cause chilvary is a chance for him to show the world that his momma raised him right and that he’s a gentleman. It’s called Common Courtesy.

  7. @lola love the picture of nelly he really look good in them sean john underwear mmmm. But back to the story yes i love the movie bronx tale. I had it done for me a couple of time it does feel good to have that done sometimes.

  8. Liyah,
    We think somewhat alike on this issue. I WANT to be the gentille woman who opens doors for my man and other folks. I don’t do it because I want to receive thanks. I do it, for it makes ME feel good inside to do simple things for others. It doesn’t even bother me much when folks don’t say thanks after I hold a door open for them.

    Because I don’t mind opening my own door, I wouldn’t make a big deal if my date doesn’t open it for me.

  9. SnijanaFleur,
    I hear ya. But I must say it DOES bother me if someone doesn’t say thank you. I think it’s so rude. But it is nice to do things like that…..for your man and others. It’s true that you reap what you sow. So we should so good things so Good things can happen to us too!!!!

  10. @ Subari: I love that movie and I always talk about that part about the car door! lol.

    My husband opens doors for me, but I don’t stress about opening car doors. Sometimes he does it. I get more upset if I’m walking through a door behind someone and they don’t hold the door open for me. I hate that!

  11. Sorry, I meant Surabi, sorry for messing up your name 🙂

  12. Open the door myself and then unlock the door for him if I need too. Chivalry is very sweet but it’s not mandatory. Sometimes my husband opens the door for me and sometimes he doesn’t, I would love him the same either way.

  13. I couldn’t see myself just standing there waiting for a guy to open a door for me. I’d say something about it (once in the car or store & not raise hell, just a slight mention) but I wouldn’t just stand and wait. Every once in a while though, I’ma need for him to open doors for me. I was most definitely raised with all the men in my home doing so…. so, he would need to make it happen.

  14. i know that this is slightly off topic. however, i hear a lot that men don’t feel women (especially black women) are feminine enough. i wonder do any of you feel that there is a certain chivalry missing in today’s man as well?

  15. Iris, I think I see what you mean. A lot of women have been forced to be so independant that is almost comes off masculine. Thank God I am indpendant, but not to that regard. My mom is soft and sweet, I am as well but with a little edge. I try to be a little more soft and pink for my husband at certain times 😉

    Sometimes I think women are SO INDEPENDENT that they make men feel like we don’t need them. I dont’ think such is th case though, I think they just feel like “No one will take care of me, like me”

  16. I don’t really know my man is well mannered and always open the door , pull the chair,let the ladies in first and KNOW HOW TO EAT WITH HIS COVERS [i hate people that don’t know how to act in front of a fork and a knife]
    So i don’t know but if it was not the case i can seriously say that i cannot date an unmannered man

  17. My soon to be husband is chivalrous, he knows how to treat a lady. He opens the car door for me all the time.

  18. i once dated a guy who had SUCH a problem opening the door 4 me that he ended up breaking up with me!!!
    but my mom always told me that a man should always open the door 4 a woman. my dad ALWAYS did it everytime…no matter what….now when ur getting OUT the car that’s fine, but going 2 the car, 2 a restaurant anywhere he needs 2 open the door.
    and yes i have stood outside and waited 4 the guy 2 catch the hint…i don’t make a scene and start cussin him out…i patiently wait until it clicks with him…
    that’s all i do and then he starts doin it on the regular.

  19. Torya: It is ok for misspelling my name. But to respond to your comment, I hate that too when someone will walk in front of you and don’t hold open the door. Now that is rude.

  20. @lady…..isn’t he lovely? *licks lips*


    @naomi- I agree with everything you said, and I think it depends the man’s upbringing

  21. it’s not that serious to me. the only time i expect door opening is when i’m dressed up for some after-five event or something.

  22. My husband always, always, always opens my car door for me when we’re on a date, same with other doors. When we’re at home and we’re going to Target with the kids in tow, maybe not. But then, I don’t mind jumping in and buckling myself in at any time–I loves me some Target! LOL

    Before we were married, he opened doors, opened car doors, made sure I walked on the building side of a street (putting me farthest away from the street), led me by the small of my back when in a crowd or at a party, made sure I never broke a sweat (unless we were making sexy time hahahaha!), and made sure I was happy. It’s the same now that we’re married. Delicious, is all I have to say about that. DELICIOUS!

    Now, what is this business I see all the time with guys walking ahead of their gals, and practically dragging them down the street? I see it all the time. I also see guys walking ahead of their gals, not holding hands. Both of my parents told me that a guy should always walk beside his gal–he can’t protect you if a wild bobcat jumps out of the bushes while you’re on a date if he’s ALL up ahead of you! HAHAHAHA! Love my parents for that! But it’s true, I think.

    Chivalry is definitely not dead, but I do think that it’s slowed down a bit. Sad, but there a lot of young men that don’t get it drilled into their minds like they did back in the day.

    Liyah… yes, ma’am! I agree with everything you’ve written. He’s catered to because he’s wonderful. I do NOT mind pampering him the same way he does me. 🙂

  23. Good point Rene its nice to have them open the door for a formal event.

  24. @Maglet,

    I agree with everything that you said. Your husband should teach a class – maybe these men will learn something. LOL!

  25. I am dating a man that I pray is a til death do us part. Because he is such a wonderful person and an awesome gentleman. I have always dated guys that have open the door for me, but, this guy is just unbelievable. And, I almost fell into the trap of listening to my friends that was saying if he is too good to be true then something is wrong. It’s several years later and he still acts as if we just started dating. So chivalry is not dead. I also think that there are alot of men out here who just has not been taught. A lot of them have not had fathers or any male figures to teach them those things and I am learning that some of them just don’t know. So I don’t think it will hurt too maybe tell them that that is what you like. If the guy cares for you he will begin to do what makes you happy and if not move on. But I do believe that most men are nice men, but, just have not been told what to do.

  26. oh and 2day i wuz gettin outta class and as i wuz walkin 2 the door ( i wuz the first one ALMOST out the door) and this guy RUNS 2 the door opens it and then leaves with just enough room 4 him 2 get by! hello? there’s a woman standing RIGHT THERE. ugh…i wonder how he treats his wife….geez.

  27. i think in the beginning of a relationship it says alot about the man if he does it. My husband did and i had plenty who didnt and can clearly see the difference in character. it should be taught to the young men especially these days and times. though its not supposed to be a requirement or way of life because we as women have to do things on our own and fight to say we can.

    i remember when i started dating if a guy pulled up and blew the horn or didnt open the door for me i wasnt going ANYWHERE because my mother would pull me to the side, squint her eyes (to say she wasnt playing) and tell me “you are gonna have to see him some other time because i dont like him and his rude ways! say good night!” and the date would be over before it started! the first guy to blow the horn she wouldnt let me out till he got out the car and came inside!

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