Forum Topic Of The Day 1.24.2008

Taken from The Cocoa Lounge

Sistas- and brothas if you are reading this as well- What if any are your fears when it comes to relationships and dealing with members of the opposite sex?

Read my response from the forum on the next page and do add your own thoughts as well.

Originally posted by Wamuiru
being hurt again.

My Response

I don’t think I have this ability anymore. I think it is because I view love and relationships differently now that I am older. All that boo-hoo-hoo stuff and getting all wrapped up in other individual just doesn’t make any sense to me. I cannot fathom myself crying because a relationship has ended or someone doesn’t want me anymore. As I see it, people are meant to come into our lives for a certain amount of time and do what they do and leave. Each relationship is an experience we need to teach us something. Now that time may be a year or a few years but whatever the case, the notion of being “hurt” simply because another person decides to leave me is just quite foreign to me at this stage in my life. And so to answer the question- nothing. Nothing scares me about relationships or dealing with the opposite sex.


  1. Wow im feeling that this one. Im 33 years old woman when you get older you look at relationship different. I feel just like this person if a man do not want to be with me i’ll be hurt but i know how to move on and do my daily routine. Why people want to be with someone that do not really want them. First of all it wasting his time and yours. If you have kids why make them suffer, and it will take a toll on your body. So i agree with this person 100%. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

  2. I’m with Liyah I love topics like this too. For me and a lot of my friends we fear not the relationships but finding a relationship. It ‘s so hard to find a gentlemen these days and the older I get the more I fear I will end up alone. Most of my Friday and Saturday nights are spent with my girls rather than on a date. I don’t like the club scene and all the great places like bookstores, libraries and the supermarket seem to have men that are already taken. My neiece told me a change or scenery might help but I don’t know. If I can’t meet a potential mate in New York City where can I meet one at? 🙁

  3. Cree try the grown and sexy lounges in nyc sometime u can meet someone there.

  4. I don’t know if there is anything that I’m necessarily afraid of, but I’m definitely not as naive as I used to be. I think alot of times, we as women, (and men) ignore a lot of red flags in the beginning of a relationship. We let fantasies of love and marriage cloud our better judgement. Especially those of us 30 and over who may feel like time is running out for us. So sometimes, we set ourselves up to be hurt. You have to feel like your worthy enough to be treated like you deserve to be treated. Have some things that you demand in a relationship. Have some standards. Don’t feel like you have to compromise just to “have somebody”. I don’t care how old you are. We are just as fabulous in our singleness as we are when we’re with someone. Respect yourself! If you don’t, no one else will.

    Ok, I’m done. :mrgreen:

  5. My biggest fear is wasting my time,and meeting someone who turns out to be a gold digger. Yes I said it. Almost every friend I have who lives with their mate, the man moved into their house or apartment. Most of them are on subsidized housing but will let a man live with them for the sake of having a man. (so sad) I don’t mind being alone because I don’t want my 8 year old seeing me with a man living with us. Another big fear I have is a man trying something with my daughter because I am going straight to jail at that point muder1

  6. My biggest fear is…being hurt…then again it’s also not finding someone….Im 23…graduate of Penn State University, and single….I view this as a problem, but maybe it’s God’s plan for me……

  7. I fear being ‘heartbroken’ so to speak and being seen as weak.

  8. Im a Scorpio. 😆 Gotta preface my response with that and now that I have I’ll say its hard for me to trust, to open up; so I dont all the way… My biggest fear is my ‘my own worst enemy’ complex. 😆 Pray for me ya’ll LOL

  9. Suga J 23 is so young to even be worrying about that. He’s coming just do u and he will come.
    For me the bigest fear is that I will wake up oe day and will find that I married teh wrong person. At the moment i feel like i have defs married the right man but i have seen so many relationships fuck out, i dont wanna be that person.

    If i ever am ill leave it to God to help me move on be the fabulous strogn black woman i have always been :brownsista:

  10. I agree, some relationships aren’t meant to last. Some people come into our lives to teach us something then they move on….Sometimes we hold on to people that aren’t healthy for us because we fear being along or that we will never find anyone special…I had a long, long term relationship that ended but I was fortuante enough to find someone a year later who was a lot more compatiable for me, and I’m happier and a lot more experienced this second time around.


  11. I’m afraid to meet someone who is either a black hole or a gravitational force field. The 1st such all the life, love and happiness out of you. The other gets you stuck right where you met them in the first place, making you go round in circles.

  12. I’m not afraid but I AM trippin that I am a 38 year divorced single mother of two. Even though I AM AT MY BEST, I’m hard pressed to find someone who can meet my standards AND is emotionally available. I’m trippin that its so hard for me to find the right one.

  13. I am fearful of finding out the person I have been with is not who I made them out to be. I believe we make people into more than they are from time to time! Thats it ! :thumbsup:

  14. i’m young, just turned 21. and i’m afraid of marrying the wrong man. you guys say “oh you are young, you have lots of time” but really if it’s the right guy, is it ever too young? i want some of you more mature and eperienced ladies to answer for me please. also i’m afraid that my giving up my virginity to my current boyfriend is going to come back and haunt me. i grew up strict christian and i fear that if i break up with my current guy, guys after that will see me as tainted especially if i date in the church.

  15. I’m 24. I know that many will view that as young but the way I see it, many of my peers are engaged or in serious relationships and I am not, and I have never been in a relationship that I considered serious. Like many women out there, I have issues that are still with me from not having a great or even functional relationship with my father. Plus, I am a Cancer and we are known for being overly emotional and unable to let go. All that being said, I am afraid that I will not have a relationship that satisfies me in every way, or that I will be unable to let go of someone who is not for me. I am also afraid of being alone and unloved. Like the person above said, I am a virgin also and that seems to be a dark clous over my head. Many men around my age are not trying to deal with someone who is celibate.

  16. I’m am 29 years old and have been in and out of relationships since I was 20. I’ve made all the mistakes, being weak, being used, not realizing my selfworth, being physically abused.
    At the time I felt like a victim and each realtionship went from bad to worse. I now realize as bad as it was, it was supposed to happen. I have bounced back so strong it’s unbeliveable.
    I finally realized that I had to love myself and everything else would come into play. I was depending too much on the man to make me happy when I was not happy with myself.
    Knowing what you want is key. Knowing that sometimes certain men are not good enough for you will save you a lot of heartache. So now i’m not afraid of anything I’ve weathered the storm and then some.

Comments are closed.