You wouldn’t think someone as beautiful as Gabrielle Union would have insecurities when she looks in the mirror- however the actress says that in spite of her success in an industry that puts a premium on good looks- she still has days in which she doubts her worth and beauty. Read what the actress calls “Things You Generally Don’t Share” on her official online blog below…
If you ask my parents they would say I was a perfect child, a model child, because I did everything that was asked of me. I got great grades, I was a great athlete, I was a student leader, the police were never called, there were never any major scandals on our cul-de-sac…but what was going on inside, and what I was dealing with individually and as a group of girls, was absolute turmoil. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, we were forced to deal with a lot of adult issues and situations as a collective, and often times we wouldn’t turn to each other, we would internalize everything, we didn’t have an outlet. So, I was going through MAJOR low self esteem. I was a black girl in an all white school in an all white community, never feeling good enough, but always being encouraged by my parents to be bigger, badder and better. And perfect is the standard. That’s an immense amount of pressure to put on a child. Then I’m starting to like guys. And in my own town, with me being THE black girl, the white guys weren’t really checking for me in that way. When I got to go to basketball camp and I got be around black boys, I was like cool…until I got dumped…for a light skinned girl. And then that whole thing started. My hair isn’t straight enough. My nose isn’t pointy enough. My lips are too big. My boobs aren’t big enough. And you start going through all of that. And I realize as I’ve gotten older a lot of issues that I was dealing with at 15, I am still dealing with today.
My niece is a teenager and is dealing with her skin, she’s dealing with her hair, she’s dealing with what clothes to wear, the music she listens to…I would love to say a lot has changed, but I certainly believe that there is a lot more work to do be done.
In the business that I am in now, it is incredibly tough, and to be honest, sometimes it is is hard to keep my head above the water, sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. I’m just really fortunate to have people, friends I can call on at any hour. You don’t get a job, and you immediately want to blame it on, if my hair was different, or maybe if my nose…or they just want to go with light-skin girls, and you start to doubt yourself, and the self-doubts and the low self-esteem starts to creep in. When that happens I know that I can call on a good friend. One day, he made me do this exercise, which I thought was ridiculous at first, standing in the mirror and finding things about my face that I loved, whether it be the freckles or my eyebrows, and just concentrating on all of the positive things…and I thought it was a load…and then, I found myself doing it one day and I found myself feeling a little bit better. So I texted him and I was like, “it worked.” But what I found is that it’s great that I have a group of girlfriends that I can rely on, but it can’t just be this one-way street of women validating women.
There’s something about a platonic, non-sexual male voice in your life, ideally your parent, your father, relative or brother, which should be a steady, consistent source of nothing but positivity. And having this friend inspired me to reach out to my own dad and tell him that he’s got to tell my niece everyday that she is a beautiful princess. I can tell her that she has a lovely jump shot, or she does well in school, but what she’s gonna start looking out for from other people, from other men, is to tell her how beautiful she is, and she’s gonna find validation in all the wrong ways. So, it is important to be that mentor, to be that guiding figure in her life, so she doesn’t accept validation from the wrong places.
We don’t generally share these stories. These are things that you generally take to the grave with you. You don’t want people to know that I hate my nose. You don’t want people to know that I have this fear a light-skinned woman walking into the room, ya’ know, you don’t want people to know that, so you take that your grave. So, I write this to let you all know that I’m still in it, but it’s getting better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. And when a young person has a mentor, it only makes the light seem that much more real.
-Gabrielle
‘I think’ shes really insecure. But, whatever….you cant please everyone.
Opinions are not facts. People have to keep that in mind too.
Just cause someone likes a ‘certain something’ and says its ‘better’, that doesn’t make it true.
I really hate when young girls and women start thinking less of themselves, when they get a boyfriend. Some guys are more insecure than women, thats why they try and make you feel just like them, but even worse.
Every boyfriend I had, broke up with me cause I didn’t want to have sex. And at one time, I did think, ‘why don’t I just give in’? But NO…I didn’t and I wont. I’m still a virgin. When i meet a guy that can respect my decision, that will be great.
Until then…..I’m not spreading my legs to keep a man.
And that whole light-skin/dark-skin crap gets on my damn nerves.
I hate when Black women divide themselves, cause some Black boy prefers one over the other.
Its really sad, cause women seem to always fight over men. Why are the opinions of these guys so important?
Have you seen some of these guys too? Ughh they’re not even worth it. Some black women prefer to divided themselves, cause a certain amount of Black men like lighter women. That’s not right. When did the opinion of some men, become fact?
‘Some’ of these guys are insecure and they want you to feel less of yourself. But in the end, “THEY” are getting the last laugh. While you ‘chickens’ are fighting over nothing.
“Bros before hoes” ladies. Thats their motto. You think they give a crap?
ever wonder why you never hear about it, vice versa? hmm….
now thats something to talk about. black women need to start some changes
in my books she is the most beautiful woman ever,chocolate natural tan,you’d never think she is going thru issues,i can relate with the nose part its something that i went through but its better now,have entertained the idea of sugery a couple of times in the past but there fear of messing around with nature kind of saved me.
the light-skinned girl issue,you dnt have to dispise or worship,issues are there too coz you dnt know if are loved for being a woman with a beautiful soul or just a light chick….Gabby has a complexion to die for,i get xcited when my whole skin turns from light golden brown to deep brown thats when i feel most beautiful,i dnt understand how people wud find deep brown disgusting it amazes me,Alicia Keys likes to tan too though she get its wrong sometimes orange lol! even Amber-rose and most of you hate her calling her white she isnt,ive got issues too i dnt like dating light dudes,i can admire them and i do acknowledge that they sexy and all like boris kodjou and shemar more but they arent my type, mention Lance Gross,Akon,Morris Chestnut and Idriss in the same sentence then we can talk
All the more reason why she shouldn’t be messing with a married man who has a dark skinned wife.
this is a powerful piece its good when a celebrity lets the world know they are human and suffer from the same insecurities that everyone else does i experienced the same low self esteem issues throughout life that Gabrielle has and currently is i have the dark skin, wide nose and thick wavy hair i had to force myself to believe that im beautiful because i was never told i was in my 30′s when i finAlly believed it All women are beautiful and different in our own way I tell my girls everyday that i love them,they are beautifful and unique i dont want them to need validation from anyone else just remember if we were all the same none of us would be desireable thanks for sharing Gabrielle and thanks for posting Brown Sista
I liked her honesty, although it’s hard to believe Gabby suffers from low self esteem. But that just goes to show everyone suffers from it from time to time.
This was a beautiful piece. I could relate GREATLY. I’ve grown up the only Black Girl in the suburbs of Kansas since I was 5 and it really is a major struggle that many don’t understand. you learn to “speak properly” and your own, call you a “white girl” when I could pass as wesley snipes’ beautiful love-child lol!
Forget the girl’s personal life for a minute, that’s her business. I was able to look past all that to the heart of this woman and I am so touched.Truly I didn’t realize how alike me and Gabby are, I never knew any of this. I will definitely add her blog to my list of regulars such as brownsista and yeashshesaidit.com It is so rare to see such honesty and I wish we as women wouldn’t tear her town with her reported mistakes when she’s trying to lift others up by revealing her own insecurites. We all have them. So stop hating ya’ll.
This is such a real piece. Authenticity in Hollywood and the Entertainment industry as a whole is DEEPLY rare so value it for what it’s worth when you discover it.
Gabby is very brave to write something like this! She is beautiful and talented!
Gabrielle is fine and Dwayne is a lucky man. *sidenote* doesn’t Gabrielle have a birthmark or something on her face?
or was I dreaming or something lol?
I guess this explains the nose job and messing around with a married man. We all go thru this and I actually looked up to Gabrielle because she was a darkskinned sister doing her thing and looking beautiful while at it. But after all the mistress crap,Im embarrassed.
i think the reason she feels this way, is because she trys to be this perfect little girl but behind all that it just mess with her head. Sometimes it’s god to break a little rule
Exactly @ SMOKE. I read a forward she wrote for a book called “Letters To A Young Sister” where she talked about the same thing. I felt sorry for her. But now I don’t. We all go through things like that cause we are human. But I don’t pay her any mind while she messing around with a married man now. I find that type of situation to be a low and no respect for yourself.