I’m not an “it’s them, it’s not me” type of girl. I don’t place blame, I solve issues. I don’t run and hide at the first sign of trouble. I want to find a way to fix things. I won’t insult anyone by giving the definition of insanity, but I had to look at myself. Was I “insane”? I didn’t think I was repeating past mistakes, I thought I was learning something from each relationship. I wasn’t holding on to any baggage, I was giving each new man the benefit of the doubt. I was one of the few non-bitter Black women left. I was proud of that.
I just had a man disappear. Don’t know why. He didn’t feel me relevant enough to tell me. I’m sure I did something, and I wanted to know what so I could fix it. So I could take that lesson into whatever new relationship God gave me. Nothing. Silence. I was flabbergasted. I thought this guy was awesome. You know the type ladies… they start out with nonstop calls, and the compliments never end. He certainly wasn’t a head turner, and he had a lot of baggage, but I saw something in him I didn’t see in many men. I saw maturity. I called friends, family, anyone that would listen to me. I cried. He thought I was so bad he’s now indifferent to me. This man I thought just may be “the one.” This man my God had brought into my life for some special purpose, because I don’t believe in accidents. In a matter of days I became nothing to him. Why?
Then a male friend, whom I adore dearly, told me: “It’s not you… it’s him!” My response: “It can’t always be the other person. I did something, and I need YOU to help me figure out what it was… so I can fix it.” My dear sweet friend said something totally unexpected. “It is ALWAYS them. There is nothing wrong with you, if they don’t see it, then KEEP IT MOVING until the one that does see it finds you.”
I instantly felt better. I never doubted that I was fabulous, but I had to wonder why I was still single. I had to wonder what I was doing, or better wasn’t doing, that kept me from getting that ring. Come on single ladies, I know I’m not here by myself. I know I’m not the only one that has wondered why the other girl got a man. What did she do to get that man to propose that I’m not doing? I blamed it on a lot of factors. Maybe I talked too much. Maybe I didn’t talk enough. Maybe if I had slept with him. It drove me to distraction. The “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU” thing didn’t work for me. I needed to know WHY, as fabulous as I am, wouldn’t he be “into” me.
Funny how one conversation can change your entire life. That’s what my friend did for me. Changed my life with one thought. A simple statement that kept me from slipping into being another BBW (Bitter Black Woman). A statement that gave me the peace this man denied me of. So I share this with you, my single ladies, don’t worry about what he thinks. Don’t worry about why you weren’t “the one” for him. You are wonderfully and magnificently made, don’t try to change yourself, because the right one will come along, and love you exactly the way you are. Always remember these few words: Gay, Straight, Young, or Old some men are just assholes!