Girl Send Him Back Now!

Have you ever thought to yourself—how in the world did I allow myself to date this person?  What exactly was I thinking when I thought this was a good idea? Lord knows I’ve been there.  Lucky for me, not only was I able to get out quickly and unharmed, I can look back now and laugh at some of the foolish decisions I made.

For instance, Yuck-Mouth.  It was a summer night and he was sitting inside his parked car outside of the club.  Fail #1, he waited outside for the “let-out” in his car.  I hate  Now usually I don’t do this (R.Kelly voice) but I definitely had a few drinks and I social butterflied my way over to his car–not him.  It was a sexy gold drop top Lexus and to be honest I just wanted to take a ride in it.   At the time, I had a two door Eclipse that ran on prayers and prayers alone.  I gave him my number.  Now as I’ve told my friends, it was too dark for me to do a full canvas of the situation so I think that earns me a few sympathy points.  Because thats exactly what I needed when he met me for dinner.

Sigh.  This fool had a mouth full of gold teeth, circa Cash Money Juvenile. Lets just say that for the rest of the night I gave him plenty of eye contact.  The night became even more interesting when he asked me how to pronounce asparagus [uh-spare-a-gus].  We went over it several times only to conclude that he didn’t like it.

He capped the night of with a classic story that all women should hear on a first date.  He drove up on his ex-girlfriend and screamed at her and the guy in her passenger seat because she said she wasn’t dating anyone else.  OMGee!  He had a dead serious face.

I could not get out of that restaurant fast enough!  It was so unreal.  I jumped in my bucket and couldn’t wait to conference my girls.  “Girl, send him back now!” My friends joked.  No mistake that they were wrong for letting me give him my number in the first place but definitely right when they said move on. I know too many people who overlook red flags.

Have you ever heard crazy stories and thought, “why didn’t she send him back a long time ago?” And where are we sending them? Back to where they came from!  I personally believe the sooner you get rid of characters, the less likely you’ll fall for or fall in love with them.

Need more examples of the types you should send back? Here’s what you should look out for during the initial dating phase:

Men– if he doesn’t pay for the first date (at least) send him back.
Women– if she never offers to pay for anything or is already asking you to pay her bills or take her shopping, send her back!

Men- if he can’t wear dress shoes with a suit, send him back quick!
Women- if she won’t shave, has a dirty car (inside is the bigger issue) and has a dirty house (bathroom and kitchen are the bigger issues), send her back!

Men- if he has no ambition (even a promotion at Staples) send him back.  How can he afford a family?
Women- if she has no intention on going anywhere but to the mall with her paycheck,  send her back!

Men & Women: If they don’t want to wear condoms—send them back!

Of course, these are just a few reasons why you should send someone back to where they came from!  I could go on and on—but I won’t!

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love. For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel

You can also follow Ashley Charisma on:
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  1. This is good. If I could add a couple of my own…

    Encouragement – If he or she can not support your dreams or challenge you to pursue them, send them back. If they can’t respect or relate to your relationship with God, definitely send them back.

    Respect-If your mate can’t treat you as their equal and respect you as an individual, send them back. You can’t allow yourself to be cursed at, belittled, or made to feel insignificant.

    People (myself included) have a tendency to let certain categories falter because we like that person or we don’t want to be single. In my short relationship history I’ve learned it’s never wise to settle.

  2. I am so glad you put men/women. I remember being cute and broke and always looking for a guy with cash when I had nothing to offer because I was always taking my money spending it on superficial things. One day I was out with four of my male friends running my mouth about how I am worthy of this person with a lot of money and they broke me down!! I took there advice and create my own empire achieving not one degree but three and investing my money in greater things opposed to a 1500 pocketbook that I did not even have 20dollars to keep in it. Don;t get me wrong I am still cute just no longer broke! God also sent me a great guy and he’s not wealthy but he is working towards it and I am helping him every step of the way!
    Great Post

  3. Love this article and like you Myshel am glad both men and women were included. Love you whole comment Myshel. Totally had me rolling lol.

  4. This is too funny… Yet the damn truth.

    One of my Support Associates is always taking about what she wants and demands out of a man, like he has to make close to $100,000 a year, have his own house, car, and a college degree, no kids, in great shape etc. She works under me so I know she makes under $30,000 a year, she has a car, lives with her mom, no college degree but has been working towards it for at least ten years, always taking her paychecks and traveling. She will be 30 next year. She’s one of my Support Staff and we have developed sort of a sister-ship in the four years that I have known her, and I tell her all the time that she is demanding things from a man and she has noting to offer in return.
    If a man has all that she is asking for I’m sure he wouldn’t even date her, not off looks alone.

    I’m single but dating because I waited too long to send his a$$ back lol. Almost ten years, two children and, two called off weddings later. The important thing is that I woke up and I am moving foward with my life. Do I have an regrets?? Nope!! Just one of life’s many lessons.

    I am financially stable, I purchased my own home at 24, and paid it off ten years later!! YAYYY ME!!! So my expectations of a man are high!!! I will not take anything less than what I deserve and want. If he doesn’t meet my expectations I will send his a$$ back!!

    So how old is Summer-Raine I am 34 years old. I graduated high school at 17 went straight to college. Got my BSN (bachelor of science in nursing) at 22 worked in a hospital for a year and a half, went back to school got my masters at 27. Soon after getting my masters I went back to school to become a Nurse Practioner. I love love love my job. Last year I made almost $90,000.

    After I finished school I had children, whos father is also financially set. He just wasn’t $#it of a man to me in the end.

    So if a man can’t bring what I can bring to the table I will send his a$$ back!! LOL

  5. Proud of you Summer Raine. myshel, i loved your honest comment. Like attracts like for sure, you have to be someone to get with SOMEONE! Mwaa

  6. Had some issues with Myshels comment.I’ve been broke and dated wealthy men.There aint nothing wrong with dating or marrying up.

    What I got from your statement was NONE of those men bought you anything or helped you achieve anything but now your helping one of them come up?

    I think that’s silly.Not to start no stuff but wealthy black men do not require for their non black women to have a dime or even education to get with them.

    It seems to me that these requirements of “having her own” is a requirement that black men place solely on black women.

    I think it is sad that so many men are golddigging off of women and so many black women have been duped into providing for a “man”.

    Seems like you were your dudes come up Myshel.

    Will he at least pay you back for “helping” him?

    Who helped YOU get to where your’e at?

    Why is it good for you to help someone but noone to help you?

    And why would any woman applaud you for not being supported by a man but supporting your man instead?

  7. Lalia to answer your questions…..

    Will he at least pay you back for “helping” him?

    My husband pays me back everyday by being the best man he can possibly be a man of respect, loyalty, hard work ethics and a love for GOD like you cannot imagine. He pays me everyday that the Lord has blessed me with such a nice man. I am sorry you took the text as if I take care of him. He would not ever allow it.

    Who helped YOU get to where you’re at?

    God’s Grace, Mercy, family, friends, professors, classmates, work colleagues and a lot of wonderful strangers that cross my path in the midst of my struggles. When I dated guys that had a lot of money and I had nothing I always felt they had the upper hand and control at any time they wanted to pull out I still would be left with nothing because I had nothing…LOL The four male friends that I’ve mention in the above text were good friends that inspired me to be better and not expect something for nothing!

    Why is it good for you to help someone but no one to help you?

    I’ve received help from both men and women I do not discriminate. However, God has given me the gift of humility and having that gift you give without ever expecting anything in return. Sorry, to burst your bubble….My blessings are overflowing I can afford to give and not expect anything in return. You should try it….you would be surprise how much it would enrich your life.

    And why would any woman applaud you for not being supported by a man but supporting your man instead?

    I’ve never taken care of a man before however; if it came down to taking care of my husband and as good as he is to me….I would take care of him without any hesitations!

  8. love love love Mysels comment back to little miss Laila. While I dont knock any woman’s hustle I feel as if a woman with accomplishments whether black or white is far more relevant than a goldigger. I am personally making the preparations in my life needed to be wealthy educated and married to my fiance. Thanks for this post

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