Hate The Natural Hair Community

I mean really, who wouldn’t want to hate us. We’re bold, beautiful and walk around with an “S” on our chest. But has our confident language and lioness manes produced an unwritten, yet very visible “No Trespassing” sign outside our lavish community gates?

Many times when you are in the “in” crowd you can’t see any harm in what you’re doing.
You go through the day hanging out with your friends and label the motives of those against you with one word “HATERS.” We figure “you hate me cause you ain’t me.” The question is: Is the natural hair community any different?

We are the current “cool” kids in the Black online community. Us along with the celebrity gossip/fashion sites. The difference being our community is soley built on top of a foundation of love — the love of natural hair, the love of spreading knowledge and for many of us the newly found self-love. Yet, in this on and off-line community of organic love some people don’t feel welcome and you know who I’m talking about. The relaxed sista. She just can’t seem to feel relaxed in some of our presence. She feels that we have created a community that speaks down to the personal choice they have made to wear their hair straight.

I remember being in middle school and writing a poem about black love. All the white kids started calling me racist and I couldn’t understand why. Because I believed back then as I believe today that preaching black love is not simultaneous to preaching white hate. And I believe this principle can be carried over into the natural black hair community. Preaching natural hair love is not preaching relaxed hair hate.

But how do we explain this to our relaxed hair sista, because its imperative that she be informed.

For years we have read in magazines and people have published numerous books about the hating community of Black women. They claimed we beat each other up with our insensitive words and “what the hell she starring at” eye language. But here in 2010 the natural hair community stands as a force rivaling these beliefs. On and offline we are calling each other beautiful. We are embracing our “natural hair.” We are building a community so strong and large that Big Brother himself has to take a gander at his reflection before trying to barge in and market us his products.

We have a good thing going here and we should let our relaxed sisters in on it. We can’t let them think we are putting them down for being in the same situation we were in a couple of years, months or days ago. So how do we do it? How do we allow all of our sistas to feel welcomed into this community of love? How do we invite them to partake in our conversations about the power of hair, because they have a voice too?

Do you think we should even care? Or just carry on as we were because we didn’t mean any harm?

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18 Comments

  1. I see people keep passing this post by (and for good reason) but uhhh… ok so 1st off why does the lady in the picture have on a wig? I know I’m not supposed to believe that is her natural hair, with them extra silky smooth curls glistening like that?!##*&! 2nd, So relaxed sistas are made uncomfortable by natural sistas because of the natural sistas confidence in their own way??? Jesus help us. I think I just wasted 3 minutes of my life.

    Moving on… Personally I don’t care what people say about my hair, I DO WHAT WORKS FOR ME. To each his own.

    #theend

  2. I don’t think its THAT serious. I have natural and relaxed woman in my family and friend circle and there is no special invite to get in.

    You just do you, imma do me….!

    We are ALL together in this, we just like different things and there is NOTHING wrong with that. It WILL not be used as another way to tear us apart either.

    A hair style is ART and whatever a sista is feeling that day is what she should display!

    I TRULY hope that no one is feeling put down or left out. A hair journey is a PERSONAL journey and it will not be interrupted by yet another superficial war that we are trying to create!

    The DEVIL IS A LIAR……we will nto fall for this ANYMORE!

  3. There is no need to hate and snub my relaxed sistas because that was me for most of my adult life. I loved me then and I love me now. If you are relaxed than that is you. If you are relaxed that is you as well. We are more than our hair. Its how you carry yourself and how you treat people that matters.

  4. I think that for the most part the only relaxed sistas who will feel unwelcome are the ones who hate natural hair. Of course I have run across other naturals who have the extremist philosophy that ANY woman who relaxes her hair hates herself and natural hair and will put naturals down from here to Sunday, which is ridiculous.

    To be honest though, I’m not sure if making relaxed women feel more ‘welcome’ should be a priority. Why? Because naturals are STILL the minority and are least likely to be accepted by other Black people (at least in my neck of the woods).

  5. THIS POST IS PATHETIC. A HAIR JOURNEY IS PERSONAL AND VERY SUBJECTIVE FOR EVERY WOMAN. DONT START TO FEEL SPECIAL BECAUSE YOU ARE NATURAL. DID YOU REREAD THE POST BEFORE YOU EVEN POSTED?? SORRY I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE, BUT YOUR COMMENT IN THIS AREA “We have a good thing going here and we should let our relaxed sisters in on it. We can’t let them think we are putting them down for being in the same situation we were in a couple of years, months or days ago. So how do we do it? How do we allow all of our sistas to feel welcomed into this community of love? How do we invite them to partake in our conversations about the power of hair, because they have a voice too?” RETARDED!! AND YOUR PATRONIZING TONE IS AN EXAMPLE OF PART OF WHAT BRINGS OUT THE “CATTINESS” IN SOME FEMALES. DONT THINK YOU ARE SUDDENLY IN THE LIGHT CUZ YOU ARE NATURAL… GOING NATUAL IS NOT AN EASY THING TO DO BY ANY STANDARD. REMEMBER EVERY HAIR TEXTURE IS DIFFERENT. EVERY ONE IS REALLY DIFFENET. I’VE ALWAYS BEEN NATUAL AND NEVER PUT ANYTHING IN MY HAIR, I AM 21, I ONLY DID JHERRI CURL WHEN I WAS 18… IT WAS A CHOICE I MADE FOR ME… I’VE STOPEED, NOW I JUST WEAR MY WIGS, WEAVE, BRAIDS WHATEVER THE HECK I FEEL LIKE DOING. STOP FEELING YOUR SELF TOO MUCH. IM GETTING REALLY TIRED OF THESE POST MAN.

    PEACE.

  6. We’ve become a slave to relaxed hair. Black females slaves in 2010 and sold themselves into it.

  7. Hair is just that…HAIR! There are bigger more pressing issues dividing the black community. And anyone who feels “left out” by this “natural/relaxed” thing has inner demons to deal with. WTF!..How trivial. Wow! 🙁

  8. Its not as divisive as you make it seem. The Relxed vs. Natural, is not as hateful as the Loose curl vs. Tight curls, within the Natural community itself.

    So people may want to look into that before pointing at women who still relax their hair. I’ve visited message boards and I’ve seen the discussions. Its worse because the race issue is always brought up.

  9. @Lola, yeah I agree, too much ado about nothing.
    @SHELS, tell ’em.

    Since this post had me just about totally bewildered in the beginning (as to why it was even on here, & who would care about this etc.), I almost wanted to go ahead and ask -yeah what about the kinky curl vs the smooth curl in the natural community Sista Angela? That would perhaps be interesting to hear from you about but you know what, you do not even have to answer that. : )

    LESSON: People are going to hate no matter what you do. I’m moving on, join me.

    #theend

  10. I think *some* relaxed women automatically assume that because I’m natural I hate wigs/extensions/relaxed hair. This is far from the truth.

    I don’t feel they’re for me but I don’t look down on them, either. If a woman, ANY woman, feels less about herself just because my hair is natural, then that’s a reflection of her, not me.

    I’m open to sharing anything I know about natural hair, but I don’t force it or act superior to those who don’t have it. And none of my natural friends do, either.

  11. can someone tell me why this post is even here? i mean really… with all the division between black women, why are we constantly having people throw more wrenches into the groove and trying to separate us further? gimme a break already. just stop.

  12. OMG its just HAIR!!!! That being said, Ive been thinking about going natural. Since i am deployed in Afghan I am about 3 months overdue for a relaxer. *sigh* To perm or not to perm that is the question. LOL

  13. To be quite honest, this post is doing way too much (and I’m natural, so no defensiveness here). The author seems to put natural hair on a pedestal, calling natural haired women the “cool kids” and saying that we should have haters, then says that relaxed haired women should get over it because we didn’t really mean to surpass them in coolness, so sorry ladies, we’re just cool, we might let you in if you’re good. What? I’m not even sure how that makes sense or is even relevant. Hair is hair, and when you seek out a community for your hair, you will find it. There are plenty of online boards and communities that cater to relaxed hair, long hair, “black” hair (I use quotes because, what really is black hair? But I digress.), but it seems the poster hasn’t looked for those. And the part about “bringing them in”? Last time I checked, natural hair wasn’t some secret club that your needed a special password to get the scoop on. This article enhances a division that is only as serious as we make it, when it’s really not serious at all.

  14. I agree with alot of the comments. I don’t understand why we as Black women have to hate on each other about our own diversity. God made us different. We can wear our hair in different styles whether it be relaxed, natural, weave or texrelax. It doesn’t matter in the words of Rodney King “can’t we all just get along.”

  15. Hi. i have natural hair and i am not a bold sister. i tend to be just the opposite. i am quiet i keep to myself. i went natural to save money and found that with my texture of hair that i could go from curly to straight without alot of hassle. so as a divorced mom of 3. it was very cost effective. its just another cliche that we allow people to put on us into a category. get over the hair. love the woman, love the beautiful women we are inside and out. its just hair.

  16. Thats great. Now take your nappy heads and beady beads down to the polls this November and keep Congress in Democrats control so our first black president can have the support he needs. While we are fighting over trivial things, everything that our forefathers fought for may be slipping away. Stay focused people. We are not our hair. We are above and beyond something growing out of our heads. We can;t let small minded things like this divide us! Stop trying to raise above one another and start lifting each other up! ROck on!

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