He’s Not My Mr. Right

I remember standing on my porch a few years ago, wishing that I could hit a magic button and disappear.  It was a beautiful spring night and I had just been walked to my front door after an amazing date. “In my mind” we would end the night with a nice hug, a follow up text thanking each other for a great night and another date…in a week or so.  But I knew that wouldn’t be the case when he took a seat and hit me with the “sooooo” speech.

So what are we?

Wow.  So soon.  I mean maybe it wasn’t too soon, we had gone out a few times but I guess I hadn’t thought beyond simply enjoying his good company.  What’s wrong with taking our time?  I thought.  Who’s in a rush?  Who’s going to die tomorrow?  Hopefully not either of us.  Unfortunately he didn’t see it that way and I was forced to exit as safely as possible.  I just wasn’t ready for a relationship.  I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend.  I was just…you know taking one day at a time.

Well it definitely wasn’t what he wanted to hear and it didn’t take long before our good conversations turned to silent sessions, cancelled dates and eventually made us associates again.

And then one day I met someone.  Actually it was less than two months after that night on my porch. He was different in a different way.  He was the right match for me at the right time.  The person who was previously anti-relationships and commitment quickly found myself changing Facebook statuses, holding hands in public and standing on my porch again.  But this time, ready.

I ran into the first guy not too long after and I remember the look on his face.   I remember the second thing he said to me.  “Wow, so its crazy how you are in a relationship.”

I thought about it for a second.  I thought how quickly one person changed my desires and needs.  It was crazy how quickly I evolved but not really.

In reality, I’ve met a lot of great men and a lot of Mr. Rights but I’ve always been honest with myself in knowing that every Mr. Right ain’t my Mr. Right.  And there’s no sense in making him Mr. Right Now because when my true Mr. Right comes, nothing is more urgent than being with him. Remember Darius Lovehall’s quote, “This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you . That’s urgent like a motherfucker.”  [Love Jones]

And that is what I felt with the one who became my Mr. Right.

So what about you?  Can you look back and acknowledge that you’ve met some great people out there, but they just weren’t the best fit for you?

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love.  For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel visit www.ashleycharisma.com.

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  1. I met some great guys but I think I was too young and silly to recognize that the qualities they had were qualities I would want in a man in the long run.

  2. I’m currently going through a situation like this. I have recognized that he is Mr. Right for someone , just not me. I spent 7 months trying to convince myself that he is for me, and I’ve stopped lying to myself. He keeps coming back , and saying he wants to be with me. I just know in my heart that he is not “the one” for me, and I don’t want to settle. I’ve settled before , and thats why I’m divorced now. He is a nice man though.

  3. This is me to a Tee. For the longest I would say that I can’t meet anyone…then I realized it was not an issue of meeting men, I had met a lot, the issue is that they were not for me. Many of them very decent, but even few that left the impression that I was ready to proceed into a relationship.
    I hate to scream ‘independent woman over here’, because I wanted to so much to meet a man I could depend on…but I was not willing to give up my independence to just any man…I would rather be alone and happy then together and miserable. Plus, I was so use to my independent solo-flex; no kids, no man, no rules…beautiful unapologetic selfishness. How do you bring a man into that? In the end, I figured it would just happen naturally. I wouldn’t feel as if my life had been infiltrated, but rather that I had stepped out into a new world of holding hands, sleepovers, and future building.

  4. “Well it definitely wasn’t what he wanted to hear and it didn’t take long before our good conversations turned to silent sessions, cancelled dates and eventually made us associates again.”

  5. I spent nine months withs this man and recently felt as if I didnt even know this person. So many things happen so quick. So who did I fall in love with? As much as I want him to be, and God knows I dont know the futher, and as hard as it is for me to say but maybe he isnt my Mr. Right. Ive gotten so use to being with him that its hard to adjust. I didnt depend on him just enjoyed being with him. Now I just pray that God sends me my husband. *Mr.Right*

  6. Yes, I spent 7 years including an engagement trying to something right that was never meant to be.

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