How Are You Doing… Really?

Ever run into someone or just pass by folks and they ask “How ya doing?” But you know they don’t really care cause they don’t even stop to wait for your answer? Well, in the spirit of mushiness and just because I haven’t much felt like posting celebrity news lately, I take this moment to ask each and everyone of you who visits this blog daily- How are you- really?


  1. Wow…you are right BS very few people ask that question without an intention to hear the reply..the honest reply!Ok back to the question at hand..i’m doing fine!I’m in London but come from a Zimbabwe, so right now i’m just worried about the political situation there and hope that no matter the outcome of the elections peace reigns!I love my country, it embodies who i am, how i talk and well thats my home!So today, i pray that peace & justice reigns!!Thats how m doing!!

  2. sorry i meant very few ask that question with an intention to hear the reply!!

  3. I am one of those people. I don’t mean to be. I think its because I am always hurried and I try to be polite and it’s not that I don’t care. I just don’t have time to listen.

  4. I know i don’t feel good. Should had stay home now i’m in school…but i can’t miss no more days and school is about to be out in May anyways.

  5. Why don’t you feel well raven? Are you physically ill or are you experiencing some sort of depression that plagues you daily?

  6. Im doing good today i feel great. I just getting ready for the weekend. Going to the mall today to touch up my outfit for the madison square garden party sat nite and get my daughter a shirt for her dance friday nite. Going to dance my life away lol. I can not complain at all today. Just happy to be breathing and seeing another day. Thank for asking.

  7. I am doing real good and thanks for asking. How are you Brown sista? Most websites don’t even ask that question.

  8. I actually am about to go to see my doctor. I have been having headaches for three days now. I don’t normally get headaches. I work at a hospital , the operating room gave me 600mg of Tylenol. It’s not working. When I was at work yesterday I had my blood pressure taken and it was 198/50. The nurse suggested I go to my primary care doctor. How are you doing today,Stephanie?

  9. I have had a headache for 3 days now. I don’t normally get headaches. I work at a hospital and the operating room gave me 600mg of Tylenol. It is not working. I had my blood pressure taken yesterday and it was 198/50. The nurse suggested that I go to my primary care doctor. I am hoping that she dosen’t send me to the hospital. I hate sleeping in hospitals. Besides I don’t want my daughter to be afraid. She saw an ambulance pick me up when she was in the first grade and she made the teacher take her to the office 3 times that day to call me. How are you doing Stephanie?

  10. Well, if anybody cares- I’m doing just OK. I’m struggling with the knowledge that all the things I thought would bring me happiness have not. No matter what I have or what I buy- something is missing. Everyone else around me is happy but I am not. I think I’m struggling with the “L” word (lonliness)

  11. Im sorry to hear that step. I would thought that you be happy with everything. How long you been the “l” words.

  12. Good question Stephanie, you have the best site.

    I had to do some overhauling after the holidays and get my discipline together. Things come easy to be–but over time, that made me Lazy. I’m on track now, but I wonder how much farther ahead I would be if I was disciplined all the time.

    Just recently broke a shopping addiction. No joke I burned through $7000 in two days–on nothing substantial. I didn’t invest or save–i just started spending. I always feel like I can’t give my kids enough because I grew up poor and don’t want them to feel that sense of “less than” but I know burning through money is not the answer.

    I understand the l word Stephanie. I have my husband and children so its not so much lonely, but I do feel very isolated. I’m the only black female attorney in my company. Heck…come to think of it, I’m the only black in my department or on my floor period. Its isolating on a deep level. Just this constant sense of “otherness”.

    But I’m too busy chasing money to really examine it.

    The democratic primary race makes me furious. I can’t read the news anymore because Clinton and the media make me so angry. I thought I outgrew that in college…

    In all though, I’m just constantly aware that I’m “weird” and “don’t fit”. I make money but I’m not bougie” my roots are humble and that’s part of me…

    I speak “like a white girl” but I am a hip hop fanatic.

    Everything about me is just weird and I realize people don’t “get me” because if I wasn’t me—I wouldn’t get me either.

    I’ve felt this way for 30 years. It is isolating.

    Thanks Stephanie. I pray and send good energy to you. I hope you find what makes you happy.

  13. Just recently broke a shopping addiction. No joke I burned through $7000 in two days–on nothing substantial. I didn’t invest or save–i just started spending. I always feel like I can’t give my kids enough because I grew up poor and don’t want them to feel that sense of “less than” but I know burning through money is not the answer.

    Oh my gosh I stopped reading after this part because I just had to write my thoughts down now.

    I know what you are going through. I had the same addiction and it was hard to break. What I discovered though Nef is the shopping is a way to fill a void we have inside. Some people drink, do drugs, overeat- we overspend.

    I seriously thought once I became financially able to leave a loveless relationship after nearly 20 years, that my life would just fall into place but it hasn’t. I think I spent so much time taking care of others and concentrating on making money, that I let the human side of me die a slow death. Sometimes I seriously feel dead inside- like I am completely hollow.

  14. prayerful.
    Man I hope I get this job. Pray for me despite all the unmentionable things me and my husband did last night. (Wink) but really………………….pray ya’ll

  15. I think we use that term so much as a way to say hello we forget we’re actually asking a question lol.

    I’m feeling great! I just started my third trimester and I can’t wait for my lil bundle to arrive. I’m a first time mommy so I’m buying everything I can get my hands on lol. Mom says if I don’t stop I won’t need a baby shower LOL.

  16. @Stephanie,

    I think there is a connection between what you are feeling and the former co-dependent relationship. And you are so right, shopping is to fill a. Void just like eating, sex, drugs and other things. I was. Consciously aware that I was addicted to that and the internet. I decided to replace them with exercise, now my trainer is telling me I’m “obsessive” and that I am too rigid in my insistence that I do it 7 days a week at 5am…

    I know she is right, but I figure if I’m going to have an obsession, then its at least got to benefit me. (Twisted I know).

    The shopping obsession hurts because at days end–its just stuff…

    I broke it like AA people do. I just don’t go to stores at all. My husband agreed to do the grocery shopping so on the weekend I park in the garage and don’t leave.

    I drafted a Trust for my boys and arranged to funnel money there. That will help.

    I love pretty things. I just love pretty things on me and around me…makes me happy. But also feeds my shopping habit.

    As for internet, I am on my blackberry now because I unplug the laptop in my office and only connect to check mail.

    It sucks to replace addiction with addic tion–but it works.

    For now working out is the addiction of choice.

    For the lonliness Steph, for me, spirituality helped somewhat. Not necessarily religion but rather spiritual centerdness regardless of religion.

  17. I hate to get religious, but here it goes…

    That void that you all are feeling can only be filled by God. It’s your spirit that’s lonely, not you. Everyone has a spirit, and your spirit naturally tries to find something to cling to. So for some people, it’s a man or woman. For others, it’s wealth or prestige. But whatever you substitute, it will only last for so long. Eventually that empty feeling will come back. You can never really know true happiness and joy until
    you allow God to permeate your spirit.

    Ok I’m done. I know I done started something here! But I just felt like I had to say it.


    I’m out!

  18. @Nia and Stephanie
    As long as noone attempts to dictate to others what “God” means, then I agree with you.

    God the spiritual entity responsible for our creation and existence, has existed forever, that means before the advent of any one religion or culture. Forever means before manmade limitations and definitions came into being, therefore God is greater than man’s puny limitations and no religion has a monopoly on the path to God…

    So yes Stephanie, when I said “spiritual” I did so to refer to God without limiting or defining your experience of God.

    I hear churchy people say all the time that their version of God is the answer to all your problems, Right before they pRoceed to tell you all THEIR problems.

    I love righteous people but can’t stand hypocrisy. So seek your creator and a connection to the divine source, but don’t get blinded or confused into thinking religion and God aRe the same.

    God is, and has always been.

    Religion was made by human beings and contains all of our very human flaws.

  19. When people ask how you’re doing, the general response is “fine”. Really, I’m usually pretty down and depressed but I’ve learned to try to put it in the back of my mind and suppress it most days. I’m actually not really happy right now because I want to be in school, and some of my friends call me and tell me all the fun and interesting stuff they’re doing in college and it upsets me for the most part. I’m not sure they know that, and I don’t think they have that intention, so I just listen and try to be upbeat and interested. It gets pretty lonely not being around all my peers the way I want to be, and really I just feel a little closed off. I’m also not working right now, so I’m frustrated with looking for a new job (and my is the market a tough one!), so yeah just feeling like I’m rotting away. Hopefully I’ll find something, but until then I’ll just keep laughing instead of crying, because it feels a lot better. Thanks for the Rant!

  20. At times I’m not happy either, Stephanie. I’m mad at myself for walking away from a job several years ago that would have brought me a monthly income of $15,000. I’m mad at myself for not being able to get over wanting my ex-boyfriend to admit he screwed up even though I’ve been married to an awesome man for almost 16 years. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he was my first and only boyfriend prior to getting married. I don’t know, but my point is, there is always something we struggle with; know that you’re not alone in that sense. Other than that, I’m doing okay too.

  21. Me? I’m doing great, I’m glad God blessed me with another day. BUT I am slightly stressed. Waiting to receive an acceptance letter for Grad school (already denied from 3:( )is torture. I’m trying to stay positive, you know?! But it gets hard sometimes.

    Oh my 6 year anni with my BF is coming up! Exciting…finding my soulmate/lover/sweetie this early in life has really been a blessing. Well that’s all.

  22. I have always wanted to tell people that asked me how I was doing the truth whether it is “I feel like hell”, “I’m horny”, “I feel like hurting someone” or ” I feel good, but could be better”. But they couldn’t handle the truth, they would probably think I was crazy and would go out of their way to avoid my pathetic self.
    So instead I go with the normal ….I’m doing good, how about you?

  23. About 15 years ago I started asking those who would ask “how are you doing?” ” Do you really want to know?” Some folks would not speak to me when they detected that I was “in a mood”. (Ha Ha)…anywho…today I am blessed and highly favored and yes that is my final answer. The facts of my life don’t reflect this gospel truth but the thought helps me keep my head up.

    Work–the stomach flu has laid many of my coworkers low and once again I have to pick up the slack. This sucks because I’m behind on writing yearly employee performance reviews. Just had an eye exam this morning and my vision is blurred so it’s hard to see and type.

    Just got a speeding ticket, whoppee! I have concluded that this incident and other circumstances that I am currently experiencing is God’s way of purging me of pride, anger, distrust of authority. Hope I pass this spiritual test real soon or I’m gonna kill somebody.

    My eldest sister just became a grandma. This would have been our parents first great grand but they both passed away more than a decade ago–so sad.

    Still trying to control my emotions/finances. I completed Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace money management class in December. It was an extremely emotional experience. Suzy Orman is right for trying to get inside people’s head when discussing finances. That’s where the real problem is–not how much money you make but how & why you choose your priorities.

  24. damn…..nef. i don’t think i’ve ever had 7000$ much less 700$ to my name ever. but to spend that in two days is wild. well at least you broke your shopping addiction. that’s good for you.

    to answer the main question…how am i doing…really?
    i’m good…..well? yeah i’m aighty. everything is blah to me. i finally got my driver permit. but my mother is such a fraidy-boo she won’t teach me how to drive. so i’m waiting on my uncle to teach me. he said he would anyway. i’m good. i even have a little song i sing everytime i get behind the “BIG wheel”…..i’ve been stuck on bicycles for so long now haha……..the song is “i got to drive, i got to drive!”…..i sing it like a church choir would….clapping and all that. haha.

    i finally found out that they are re-running kenan and kel and all that. so now i have to record it to watch but that’s good for me. i keep missing spongbob……but it’s all good.

    i’m waitng for tha janet tour to come about….i’m trying to save for front row tickets…..i’m going hard or i’ll just stay my cute behind……in the nosebleeds haha. i’m going no matter what. i’ll smack a granny to go. haha……i’m not that crazy but you get my point.

    i have no really exciting stories to tell. i need to lose some weight. it’s not cool that i get winded from running from the bathroom to the kitchen….never mind that i have asthma….that’s just not acceptable. i used to be active but…..i’m not gonna tell that story. i wanna keep this light and semi-positive if i can. so the heavy stuff will be left out. so i guess all in all i’m good.


  25. @LaDomina,

    I didn’t have it to spend either sis. It was a bonus for accepting relocation. I should have saved it but I felt like I had to make sure my children didn’t feel “poor” at their new school and make sure nobody at my office saw how truly tight I am…the funny thing is that I’m extremely frugal and always have been–too frugal in fact, that’s probably why once I convinced myseLf it was ok to spend—i just went nuts for a good 6 months…

    Then I realized what I was doing and went cold turkey.

    You are young. You will have way more thAn 7K to spend. Just be smart with it and not like me…

    Its easier to not form the habit than it is to break it.

    My only salvaTion is that by nature, I will squeeze a dollar till it bleeds. So getting back to that hasn’t been hard. But I went nuts for a minute.

  26. Steph, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you soon…you bring us so much joy. As for me, I recently started a new birth control that my husband and I chose…..the Nuvaring. The down side of it is that you bleed for the first three weeks, needless to say I have been very tired latley. 🙁

  27. I never thought about that question much when any one ask me I usually respond fine and respond with the same question. I always figure when people ask the question they want to be in your business. But coming on this site and reading that question has really made me think because not to many blogs ask the questions it’s gossip about celebrities and most people comment on celebrities life instead maybe they should look at there on.

  28. *BIG HUGS* to Steph 🙂

    @ Pearls, I feel ya! Sometimes I want to scream “Do you really want to know how I’m doing!?!?!” because I know people DON’T. I get so sick and tired of formality. I get to the point where my response is, “Fine and how are you?” But I don’t mean it; don’t mean it at all. 🙁 I just answer them so that they might go on their way and I go mine. And when I say them, I refer primarily to the people at work, not really family or friends or just generic people I run into out and about. Usually I ‘mean’ it when I speak to folks elsewhere; it’s just my job is so stressful sometimes that I tend to stress myself when folks attempt ‘niceness’ or typical ‘politeness’.


    Oh well. Any way, I’m not a total grump everyday…just most. 🙁 As for how I’m doing today?

    Well, I’ll tell ya. Let me preface my ‘weirdness’ by saying that I’m a Scorpio and I total blame all things lame, weird and ‘off’ on my sign. LOL. Currently I’m single. No big surprise there. Usually I’m fine with the ‘l’ word because I’ve got great friends and family and great ‘distractions’. My distraction, as of late, has somehow interwoven itself with the ‘l’ word factor (I’ll even go so far as to say ‘double-l’-word: love, lonliness).

    I’m a big fan of TV show dvd boxsets. I distract myself by watching certain shows…>RELIGIOUSLY<, so much so that these characters are in my DREAMS. 😆 I’m a reader, but I don’t read much anymore. I watch boxsets. I don’t have cable; haven’t had it for three years. I watch boxsets. I listen to my music when I’m alone; will occasionally do a little drawing and painting and of course, living-room concert karaoke (with myself…how sad!), but I haven’t done much of that lately…because I WATCH BOXSETS. 😆

    Lately it’s been “24”. Oh my GOD, this show is awesome. Kiefer Sutherland has never seemed more MANLY to me than he does as “Jack Bauer”. Have I mentioned that I’ve been having dreams??? LOL Yes. Those kinds of dreams about a fictitious character portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland.

    Errrr, crazy? Yeah, I might be. LOL. Weird? I’m thinking, sho’ nuff. My point? I get the doldrums something fierce (usually around ‘that’ time of months), I’m single, I see no prospects on the horizon. Some might say, “Kanyade, don’t you go out? Don’t you meet people?” Errr, not really. I’m not a hermit by any means, but gas is expensive, I don’t have the extra ends for clubbing. I don’t want to meet my man in a pool hall. I do the whole coffee shop/bookstore thing and occasionally strike up a conversation, but it never pans out. 🙁 This gets to me sometimes……..and usually when it does? My bee-hind is at the video store renting Seasons 1-6 of Scrubs or 24 or Prison Break or … You get my drift.

    Is this healthy? Don’t know…but it ‘is’ how I’m ‘really’ doing. 😆

  29. See? …That’s why I love this site!

    I’m content these days (since realizing how ridiculous my little “heartbreak” thingy was).

    I was feeling so silly today that I’m now sitting here in a pink tutu on top of my black knee tights and black tee that I’m getting ready to workout in. I just finished jumping in the bed while screaming and laughing like I’m some 5 yr old…. I just felt like getting that outta my system when I felt this kinda sad emotion come over me as I watching The Cosby Show. I was daydreaming and thinking about some things as far my life is concerned and got a little sad so,
    since there isn’t anything I can really do about the things I was thinking about- I got up and put on my workout clothes and saw my tutu hangin in the back of my closet and decided to put it on and pretend I was 80’s Madonna then pretend I was 5.

    I’m at peace now!

  30. @ mostar, I hope your headaches get better and eventually go away.
    @ liyah, I hope you stop bleeding and feel better and get your energy back!


    @ Majesa, I wish you well in finding a job. You’re right, the market is hella tough right now!
    @ NefChocolate, now that you know what it feels like to go ‘beserk’ with the spending, do you feel you’ll ever do that again if given the chance? (i.e. the extra money?) Thanks for sharing your story. 7K in two days. Phew!
    @Pearls, Suze Orman MUST be good. Whenever I watch Oprah and she’s on, I’m like ‘crying’ or getting teary-eyed. I like a lot of what she has to say; don’t know that I’ve consciously applied anything to my life. Nope, haven’t. Sad! I really should!
    @ thanksforasking, good luck with Grad School 🙂
    @ Deborah, the public, people can’t handle the truth, but oh yes, it’d be so nice to really just SAY what you felt 😆
    @ jazi, congrats on your little bundle of joy!

  31. @Kanyade

    I might go on another spree in the future. But if I do, it will be a planned spree–meaning something I intentionally and thoughtfullly do.

    I’d like to take my mother out and watch her blow through $10,000 just to see her excitement. She never has experienced that or anything near it.

    About every 6 months, I’ve taken $500 and gone out with my sons and told them to get what they want. I do that because I don’t want them to attach as much emotion to money as I grew up attaching. I want them to know it is something that is a tool–but that it can be gone, as quickly as it comes in if you aren’t careful. I think that spending sprees might be from the same part of the brain as eating binges (feeling deprived for long periods of time)

    But the next time I do something like this, I will have put aside in savings, at least as much as I plan to spend. The $7000 spree was not thoughtful or intentional–it was more like a “jones”. I barely remember it and but for the purses and shoes in my closet, I can’t even remember what I spent it on. THAT is unacceptable.

    Thanks for asking

  32. Thanx for a nice simple question that full of sympathy.

    I just broke up with my selfish boyfriend who always think about himself. But thank God that I found someone better than him and show me he want to try a relationship with me. We started to learn each other and hope this time will be better than the last.

    Janet Jackson helped me a lot to get over with the ex by her song `Truth`.She helped me from the emotional depression.I am totally fine now.

  33. @Kanyade,

    Hmmm we are a LOT alike. I don’t feel as weird and isolated now! My TV show fixes are:

    1. The X files
    2. CSI (Original Series)
    3. The Boondocks
    4. The Wire (before David Simon pissed me off this last season.

    You and I would have fun. That is if we could get out of our hermit crab shells long enough to do that!

  34. @Liyah

    Sending you prayers and positive energy. I hope that stops soon.

  35. I am a little scared…I realized I am 37 been single for 9 years, dateless for 5 years and haven’t had sex in 4 years. I also have fibroids. It just hit me that I am seeing less and less black men dating black women and the black men who are dating black are dating the women in their 20’s.

    I want to get married and have a child but it seems my window of opportunity is slipping away from me! Man to think I cheated on a great boyfriend in college and aborted his child……………………………………….Is this the Universe paying me back?

  36. It’s crazy but I feel like a lot of you guys. I’m blessed and grateful for the life that I have but I can never vent about the parts of my life I don’t like. I’m glad it’s a new month because I get a clean slate. I’m hoping to kick my performance up a notch at work. Ughhh, I just switched positions within my company and I think my performance is mediocre right now. My new manager says it’s fine because I’m just starting out. In due time I know it will happen but I can’t stop comparing myself to my seasoned team members.

    Unlike Liyah, my birth control-Depo shot has stopped my period completely, no bleeds, no spotting…I couldn’t be happier about this. I don’t like my period…I cant even decide what I like better tampons or pads because I hate my period. (“,)

    I want to go back to school but I’m lazy. My employer will pay 100% of my tuition if I go to public university or 80% for private 1 but I’m too lazy to register. My 2008 resolution was to start 1 or 2 courses in the summer and I just haven’t registered. I donno why. Perhaps I do: A bad case of self destruction.

    Like Neffie I just cant stand the news anymore, I get really upset. I’m an Obamamaniac and it pains me when I watch the press butcher O. I dont watch Fox at all and watch Anderson 360 on CNN in bits and pieces. I cannot stand the “Head On” and “Active On” ads so I mute them. I hate Lou Dobbs on CNN…I watch Bill Maher but his views on religion irritate me. I can’t honestly say when I got this passionate about politic but one moment I was just another Dem the next I was fiercely debating issues.

    I donno what to do with my hair. I wanna put a relaxer in it, I want to lock it up then I wanna stay natural or just shave it all off. It’s not manageable anymore.

    Like Stephanie…I feel lonely, perhaps more alone than lonely. Sometimes I’m around peeps but I just feel like there is no connection. This might be exacerbated by the fact that my potential prince turned out to be a nasty frog…I was just getting to know him and he told me he has a girlfriend:( My friends don’t understand that I’m hurt because I “hadnt known him long and couldn’t possibly have gotten attached”

    Besides that I’m in good health and my skin looks great. I’m ready for summer.

    To answer your qustion I would still probably say “I’m fine thanks, how are you”. Most people dont wanna hear all that.

  37. @Monica

    You’ll be “So Much Betta” after a while sis. And Janets song “Truth” is so beautiful. I played that song for a month straight in my car when I first heard it.

  38. @ NefChocPeach instead of taking your sons to spend 500 why dnt u allow them to invest the money so they can see that money is a tool that should be grown!!!! There are lots of options that allow Kids to invest…goggle Kidshare or oneshare investments. Your kids can buy and track stock in Disney and lots of things they are familiar with.

    By allowing them to spend on things that depreciate you are teaching them the inverse of the value of are teaching them to dispose of it. Also how are you making them earn that money, people (kids) never value things they do not earn!!!

    Not to sound all preachy but I can give you all my credentials in that area but I just dnt want to type them out

  39. thanks Kayande I have to go for an MRI tommorow. I am nervous but at least I will get to the bottom of whats going on.

  40. I’m feeling blah. I’m excited yet nervous about the future, relaxed yet stressed out about life, lonely yet in dire need of some me-time, confused yet sane, confident yet self-conscious. It’s a real emotional rollercoaster. I am listening to some India Arie right now, she’s the only one who can get me to clear my head and get me on the right path.
    Thank you for asking Steph.

  41. @Marissa P

    You don’t sound preachy–you sound reasonable.

    I don’t need a person’s credentials to appreciate good advice.

    That being said, perhaps I ddn’t give enough information and that is the root of your misunderstanding.

    First, I have four sons aged 14, 12, 10, and 9. The 14 year old is autistic. They did earn the money I gave them. They are four little black boys who are on honor roll in a high ranked school system every quarter. That is their job–go to school, do well, learn everything you can. They don’t need to worry about money–that’s a parent’s job.

    Your investment advice is well taken and wise. They already have investments and are more knowledgeable about money than most adults. I didn’t invest them in Disney though–they hold T Bonds and CD’s and have individual savings in fiduciary accounts. I invested them in debt rather than equity because of my paranoia about the economy. The younger 3 also have very well funded college savings accounts but the oldest needed a special needs trust more than college.

    The problem is not theirs–its mine. I am a bargain driver and a horse trader–I’m very very very cheap…and I recognize that its a problem. I have tried to do better by them than my parents were able to do for me.

    Just like dieting too strictly–my tightness led to a meltdown. I do have lots of pretty jewelry, clothes, and purses to show for it. Although the miser in me is embarrassed to admit it–I think that after 34 years of life, and 20 years of school, I probably deserved a splurge. I just prefer that the splurge be a concsious choice and not a compulsive reaction.

    The information that I think was misunderstood was that my purpose in spending $500 on them (and for 4 children, that’s only $150 a piece, hardly a large amount), is to allow them to RELAX about money a bit and to not let it have too much power over them. I do this for them–because nobody did it for me. When I die, they will be very very well taken care of.

    The fact that nobody taught me to “relax” about it is why I have a tight fisted, unhealthy relationship with money, which led to the shopping spree.

  42. @mo’star

    Will be sending you prayers and positive thoughts tomorrow. You will be fine. You deserve credit for actually going and taking care of yourself. Too many of us just let health slide–because we are “too busy” (myself included and Ive been working on changing that.

  43. This is why I love this site! The openess and true sisterhood! Thank you Stephanie!!!!!!!! I pray for health, peace, guidance, and a sense of wholeness for each of you. I am not a person who goes to church every Sunday or every day, (let me be real, I haven’t been to church in almost a year) but I am a believer in God and what God can and will do for you. Many blessings to you all.

    @ Nef, I have read many of your blogs on here and you are inspiring! I read what you post and think man, that is a woman with great wisdom. Thank you for sharing yourself on here.

    To answer the question, I am tired of my job. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do ( I am an HIV/AIDS Educator and Tester), but my agency is draining me. It seems that there are people who work there that are only there for the paycheck. I am sick and tired of the people at my agency. I don’t want to quit because people are becoming infected everyday and the need for someone like me in our community is needed, but my biggest fear is that everything that I have worked for in this agency will be for nothing. Has anyone ever had that problem before? Working somewhere and loving what you do, but can’t stand the people you are working with.

  44. @ NefChoc, U have got it together and it is so awesome that your children are on honor roll and have lots of financial knowledge!

    Positive thoughts to everyone and Mo’star in particular.

  45. @MarissaP
    I don’t have it too together–a tax lawyer who can’t count!!! $125 a piece not $150

    The boys are cool kids. THey make life worth all the hassle.

  46. I am filled with peace and gratitude. I live a charmed life and I’m happy. It wasn’t easy getting to this state of mind, but every action, thought or spoken word led me to where I am today so I have no regrets.

    I wish everyone on this site love and well-being.

  47. @ Nef
    I enjoy your posts. You are one real sister. I relate to NEVER fitting in. Unfortunately, I have become too comfortable being an isolationist–down right proud of it!

    @ Mo star
    By His strips you are healed. It is done.

    @ Kenyade
    If you live in a town of more than 75,000 try Meet for social groups to check out and get out of the house. A friend in Dallas went to a natural hair meetup and LOVED IT.

    @ Rae
    Sisterlocks Rock! Transitioning to a natural hair style is hard and takes great patience (6months to 1 year) but it is WORTH IT. I have worn mine for 3 years and I don’t miss the braids, twist-outs or the hot comb.

    When you return to school only take 1 class. Before that point make up your mind to overcome a fear of failure. There are great books written on success so go to the library or bookstore and make an investment in your future. As that silly proverb says “Elephants are eaten one bite at a time”.

    I took a new position in my company 1.5 years ago and I am so glad I did it. At that time I HATED my job and was ready to move back South. God sent angels in the form of 2 coworkers who literally made me (kicking and screaming on my way to destiny) fill out the application and put me through a mock interview. I knew I was capable of doing the job but I had no passion for it. I am so glad I hung in there. Just have some confidence yet remain humble and grateful and you’ll be all right.

    @ Steph
    Thanks for making BrownSista the best blog on the planet. When I turn on my computer upon arrival to work, I don’t check my email or voice messages. I check the latest on BrownSista. I can’t believe I still have a job.

  48. @ NEF
    well that’s good.and planned spree’s are all the more satisfying. knowing that you are not hurting your wallet in the process is what makes it so much fun. hope the future planned shopping spree works in your favour. peace out. 1

  49. @mo’star I hope you recover well. If you feel safe here let us know how it goes!


    You are definitely making a difference. You’re doing us–all of us–a great service. Try to find a support community of AIDS workers online. Caretakers need care too because the work is so draining. And with AIDS there is so much willful ignorance–AIDS outreach workers get harassed in some countries. But those are the hazards of the jobs of biggest sacrifice (soldiers, nuns,…)

    And as far as your co-workers, think of it this way: they are doing the job. The Army has raised the signing bonus for recruits. Why? Not enough were joining because of patriotism. Still, bullets don’t distinguish. Your co-workers may be doing the right thing for the wrong reason but the thing is getting done.

    If I dig up a link to an AIDS worker support group, I’ll post it!

  50. Yawl really wanna know???? I’m cool, I’m middle aged by myself, emptynestor who really don’t wanna be bothered with drama, tho occasionally it finds me anyway. But that is life you have to learn how to dodge bullets literally, to make it worth your while. I’m Blessed!!!!

  51. Oh, im feeling much better now. Ms Arie can set in a sister’s head like no other. The soul searching is not over yet but i sure am on the right path. Hope all is well for you guys too

  52. i am not doing well at all. i am confused, tired, paranoid, depressed.

    With all the things in this world that are wrong, and all that’s wrong in my life, I feel extraterrestrial. I feel like I never belonged here.
    I wish I could disappear into the shadows of the universe…

  53. To all my sister on this site i give you so much credit just sharing a part of your life with me. It make me stronger as a woman and look at life different when i read other people comments. The ones that r down i pray for you and i hope god make a way for u to be happy. To nefe and liyah you r my girls. @nefe love that fact you speak the truth all the time i hope we can get up at the concert. Liyah u know u my girl i hook up with you next month.

  54. Thanks for asking how I am doing today! How are you doing? Today, I am going through that day when after you break up with your boyfriend, its been a week and you start missing him because you aren’t mad anymore. That is what I am dealing with today. Also, the pollen count is off the charts today so, my allergies are giving me fits. Other than that…I am ok. Thanks for caring enough to ask… 🙂

  55. Well isn’t this sweet of you to ask everyone how they’re doing & mean it. Most ppl could careless. As for me today I feel confused & completely out of the loop. It’s just 1 of those days. Hey we all have them where we’re just wandering around aimlessly. As for those who are feeling for worst than myself, I hope that you feel better & that you find that sense of peace. One thing that I’ve learned in this crazy life is that trouble doesn’t last always. Be Blessed guys.

  56. rene said,
    April 4, 2008 at9:12 am

    To Rene,
    Man I have felt like this sometimes, but you have got to get into something that makes you advance and not just simmer in life. stop feeling sorry and admit you’re f’ed up and still going to try to make it. You need counseling. get some help for real. Depression is a form of self mutilation if you let it do what it wants to you. Fight girl. get a buddy to talk to, but when you do make sure that you don’t run them off. you may need vitamins, or prozac. hit me up if you need me. sorry i can’t help further.

  57. to WhoCares,

    thanks… i’m trying. good fortune to you, sis.


  59. To All Who Suffer with Depression:
    Dr. Murray’s RXOmega-3 Factors ~$15.00
    3 capsules @ breakfast per day
    I discovered by not taking these regularly that taking 3 capsules in the morning has a positive impact on my mood and helps me concentrate. I have since found through a Google search the European doctors prescribe high doses of omega-3 supplements to children and teens diagnosed with depression and ADHD instead of Ritalin and anti-depressants which can causes suicidal thoughts in children.

  60. I would like to thank everyone for their prayers and well wishes. I won’t get the results until Monday or Tuesday. For now the doctor put me on a water pill to lower my blood pressure. I am now on a strict diet. Pray for me yall. I know it’s for my own good but lifestyle changes are diffucult. No more lattes every morning. No more salt. Although I don’t eat meat, salt and caffine were like my best friends. Again thank you all for your concern. It actually put a little lump in my throat when I read the responses. I hope and pray that whatever is bothering all of you spiritually, phisically, or emotionally, we will subside. WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS. sorry about the caps Kanyade. LOL

  61. Hey BSses ,

    I just thank GOD that I’m alive, in my right mind, and with the use and activity of my limbs… different aspects of my life aren’t the way I want them to be but I accept them for what they are and I keep praying and trying for the best. I’m actually excited today because my birthday is tomorrow. I’ll be 23 years old, just my lil toe in the grown up water as my Granny often says. It’s been a rough year 22 for me and I know that everything is gonna be better this year. The number 8 represents new beginnings so to all my BrownSistas out there if there ever was a time to change, to stop, to do, to be, etc THE TIME IS NOW!!!

    Love yall

  62. I feel stressed because I have a load of work due in the next two weeks. But I am hanging on to the light at the end of the tunnel and reminding myself that like everything else this too shall pass

  63. Hey Rene, I just wanted to drop a quick note – I swear not just 18 months ago I felt EXACTLY what you posted. Shoot, to be honest, I felt that way for several years until 18 months ago. Just know this, sista, you got it going on and you control your destiny. It was hard for me to find peace but all I had to do was realized peace, love and happiness was already within me.

    I don’t mean to single you out, but seriously, word for word you described exactly what was going through my mind not too long ago.

    love, blessings and happiness!

  64. feeling a lot better today than what Ifelt last night. Does anyone else on here that has turned 25 or thrity yet get the really depressed want to cry PMS blues.Cause that i show I feel now since I’ve turned 33 years old and I never felt like that in my 20’s and late 20’s or when I turned 30.but at age 32 is when its started and it sucks.An the gynecologists just wants to presribe medicine instead of trying help you . Its annoying how all they want to do is give med’s for every darn thang. Oh well let me stop babbling and move on. Hope everyone had good workday or school day this Friday. An I hope you have a even better weekend and a blessed work & school week. One Love

  65. @ Pearlsrevealed Thanks for your wise words. I’m hitting the library on Monday. I think taking just one class is a geat idea and it will allow me to balance work and school. As for my hair, I’m struggling with about 6inches of natural relaxer-free hair. I need to put my second Aphogee protein treatment in it. Someone suggested I use it before I switch to relaxed hair. Now I think I’ll lock it instead of relaxing it.(“,)

    I’m glad you watch Suze Orman, I’ve had a date with her every Saturday for the past 3 years and my peeps now think of me as some Personal Finance guru. You may also want to try Glinda Bridgforth’s Girl, Get Your Money Straight and Girl, Make Your Money Grow. I wish you all the best:x

    @ Kudiwa, it’s sad and disheartening that a week after the Zimbabwe presidential elections there are still no results. I’m surprised this gross injustice has not received more coverage in the international media. I wish people cared more about other nations. I pray and hope the country will not erupt into civil war like Kenya did.

    To everyone else, Thanks for taking the time out of your day to touch the lives of other sistas. It’s beautiful. The love shared here is beautiful. Hope y’all have a great weekend:x

    To everyone else: Thank

  66. @Everyone with kind words

    Thanks. I get a lot of encouragement and strength just by interacting with you. I don’t feel as isolated as I did before this site. @Lady–yes as soon as we find out when and where the tour dates are going to be, we can figure out how to make it work. @Liyah–gotcha back. Sometimes I pray for menopause. I empathize with you. @Pearlsrevealed, I enjoy your posts as well. The isolationist thing does keep a person out of trouble-and that’s a plus! @LaDomina, I want to see you use the site to grow up wise and avoid a lot of the BS your big sisters (the rest of us) have had to wade through. You stay focused on you.
    @Stephanie, Your site makes a diference and I hope you know that’s true. We all appreciate it and that’s why we keep coming back. Thank you. I really hope that you find your happiness because I know you deserve it.

    @depression–guys that is the blackwoman’s “dirty little secret”. A large number of black women are clinically depressed and it doesn’t get diagnosed and treated. Extreme stress, marginalization, lonliness, disregard, disrespect, and invisibility–heck, we are blessed that we are still alive and kicking–let alone depressed.

    Don’t let the strong black woman disease stop you from getting help for it. We didn’t make it through 400 plus years of slavery and oppression by ourselves–we did it together. We no longer have the wise old women in the community who could whip up an herb tea to treat our ailments–so go to the doctor and get help please.

    Also, exercise really helped me with what I thought was depression. Turns out that my body just wanted and needed to MOVE and Dance and Sweat and feel taken care of.

    Try to adjust your diet (less sugar—much less sugar, because it leads to downturns in bloodsugar that feel like depression). Then add just a 30 minute walk everyday. Listen to music, talk to god, think about yourself, imagine pretty things. If that doesn’t help improve your mood after a few weeks, please consider seeing a professional.

    Love you guys–and I want to see us continue to thrive…now I’m going to turn on my Janet JAckson CD and clean my house 🙂

  67. Hi,
    I need some reasurrance from my sisters, regarding my earlier post:
    I am a little scared…I realized I am 37 been single for 9 years, dateless for 5 years and haven’t had sex in 4 years. I also have fibroids. It just hit me that I am seeing less and less black men dating black women and the black men who are dating black are dating the women in their 20’s.

    I want to get married and have a child but it seems my window of opportunity is slipping away from me! Man to think I cheated on a great boyfriend in college and aborted his child……………………………………….Is this the Universe paying me back?

  68. Can anyone tell me what happen?
    I left the country to visit a relative when 1 night after drinks I hooked up with one of his friends. Now I did not want to be with him or anything but was drawn to him because he seemed different, any way after gazing in my eyes and making suggestions to see me again before I left, I started to get excited like…Man this guy just might be my type. Yeah only 3 days later for him to tell me his baby mama and the kid coming to visit for awhile. I dont know why I cant shake it but I was really upset and have been since.
    I know it was only 1 night but I just really thought he was different. I have been single for awhile so I was comfortable in my own skin but now I am still all jacked up behind this and it sounds crazy but I havent been able to get over it. If he tried to explain I probably would want to throw up, I know I dont want him because I realize he is a dog, but why do I have these feelings????

  69. No the universe is not paying you back for something so small that happened in your youth. We all make mistakes or do things when we are young that we wouldn’t dow now and that is what it sounds like with you. If I was you Mariss I would start just looking to meet a good man of any color rather than just a Black man. Embrace all men who approach you like a gentlemen and go from there. I can’t really give you much advice cause I don’t really know you. I suggest going out to nice places in hopes of meeting men and always have a smile on your face and seem pleasant as that attracts men.

    Good luck and God bless.

  70. @ ILBW

    Thanks for the words of encouragement. It really meant alot. I will seek those support groups you were talking about.

    @MarissaP: Never think that it is payback. I have to agree with Sarati, don’t limit yourself.

    Continued love and blessings.

  71. @MarissaP

    No, I don’t believe you are being “paid back” by the Universe for anything either. There are too many sisters who are feeling what you are feeling.

  72. @ Rae
    I have the Bridgeforth books but I haven’t read them.

    @ Marissa P
    God forgave Peter for disowning Christ and He forgave Paul for stoning Christians. He has forgiven millions for all those who have sought Him for forgiveness fro all sorts of things. His blood is strong enough to cover an abortion and mistreating others. Choose to walk away from shame, guilt and self-condemnation. Forgive yourself today and raise your expectations. God has great plans for each one of us but you must believe this is true. “The Secret” is basically biblical concepts without acknowledging Christ but the message is the same. BELIEVE IT AND YOU CAN ACHIEVE.

  73. i’m doing good my twins are doing great and my husband too …

  74. Thanks to all for the feedback. I want to share one other thing I have been promoted to a new position that typically requires a masters degree. I made mention that I was going back/in school to get my masters and the Universe delivered that job to me. Meaning it was a pretty much mention that I was interested and the job was given to me. I am scared that I am faking, since I intend to get a masters but I have to finish my Grad degree first. I am doing so much to sabotage myself but the Universe “God” keeps covering for me…I wait til the last minute to work on projects, I stay up all night to deliver a project that was assigned to me MONTHS in advance. But the work I do turn in is graded has Good or Excellent.

    Why do I keep sabotaging myself in this way?

  75. I haven’t commented in a while and I saw this the other day when I was feeling like crap and I started to post then but I would have been too emotional, so I didn’t. You all have inspired me, so I figured I will try now.

    Steph, I like this post too, because people do ask this question all the time, but no one really wants to know the truth, “They can’t handle the truth!”

    Sistas, thanks for sharing your stories, it good to know that when you’re not happy with things in your life or you have issues, that you are not the only one.

    I relate to your post somewhat. I have just turned 30, single and no kids and I really want to be married and have kids. Six of my closest girlfriends are pregnant, three with their first. I was shopping the other day and everywhere I looked I saw someone that was pregnant. All of a sudden thoughts entered my head that I was too old, overweight, and independent for any man to want me now, and I would never be a wife and mother. I had missed my chance when I was in the so called “prime” I became so sad and emotional. In the midst of crying uncontrollably, another voice reminded me that it was not too late, that I was beautiful, intelligent, I was older but with age I was also wiser, stronger, and better than I had ever been in my life. I was reminded that I am going to make a wonderful wife and mother one day but right now I am not ready(spiritually, financially, emotionally, etc) but I am being prepared for the most important jobs I will ever have in my life, being a wife and mother.
    Disclaimer: I have to get spiritual right now because I am a spiritual person, I’m sorry if you can’t relate or if this offends anyone.
    I know that the first voice which was negative was the devil on my shoulder putting negative thoughts into my head. The second voice was God’s reminding me and giving me assurance that I will be a wife and mother and that the devil wants me to believe that I am not good enough and that I will never happen for me, so that I can give up. If I give into the negativity, I will never get what I want and the devil wins. After god’s voice spoke to me, my tears dried right up and I smiled knowing who I am and most importantly who’s I am and I was going to be a wife and mother. So Marrisa, don’t let the actions of the past have you believing that you won’t be a wife and mother believe that it’s going to happen for you and that you are just being prepared for it.

  76. Wow reading through some of your comments really got to me. You really never know how a person is doing until you invest the time to find out. I am not doing so well. I have said this to myself but not to anyone else. I keep things bottled inside. I have friends that I can talk to but they need to talk to me more than I seem to need them. I am the one who will call someone to talk about myself and end up on the phone hearing about their hard time, their failed relationship, their dead end job. I am the one that people always think is ok. People say you have it all together, you always seem so happy, you are so helpful, you are so sincere…etc but I have issues to. So in the spirit of getting things out in the open and hopefully someone reads this cause just typing this much and “saying it out loud” is big for me.

    I have had the same job for 2 years and everyone loves me gives me praise call me all the time for special projects etc..but it is soooo hard to move up (because no one ever quits and rarely get fired) and I am sick to death of what I do. I’ve been trying to find another career path but it is not easy.

    It has been so long since I had a real relationship with a man that I wanted to be with. You know not the guy I keep on the back burner for those lonely nights or those times I need an escort, but a man that I WANT to see because I have real feelings for him! I’ve been so confused about that one that I started questioning my sexuality!

    I don’t even think I want to live in this city anymore! Maybe I am going through a mid 20’s life crisis if there is such a thing.

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