How Far Is Too Far On A First Date?

Ladies, have you ever been on a date with a man and you were so attracted to him that you could feel your insides boiling over? He would be talking and in your mind all you could think about is how well “proportioned” he must be. You wanted him. You wanted to act on your whim but something inside of you held you back. Whether it was the fear of diseases, being a one nighter, loosing your good girl tag or the ultimate, being labeled as a jump off. In the year 2009 when people are as free with sex as they are with sharing the sidewalk with someone, is the fear of being labeled a hoe still prevalent? Do we make exceptions depending on the person or should this be an unbendable policy? How far would you go on a first date?

You might call me a prude but I try not to even kiss a guy until maybe the third date. This is dependent on how much I dig him. The intention is to create an atmosphere of them earning the loving and that nothing is going to come easy. not here buddy. However, as I see other women taking a different approach to dating and in essence being more successful than the more prudish, which leads me to wonder if my technique is played out. It seems that many of today’s women are not as concerned with being labeled or their appearance to the outside world or the guy. They are about getting what they desire from the situation. Gone are the days when a woman would sleep with a man on the first date and regret it. Or worry over whether he would call her anymore now that he has gotten to the honey pot. In fact, many of today’s women are the ones creeping out of the bed early the next morning. On one hand I want to high five that chick and say “yeah girl that’s right! You get yours and don’t worry about all that emotional nonsense. Get yours and keep it moving.” Then I put on some Destiny Child/TLC and we celebrate a victory for keeping control in what once was a situation where we maintained none. Hooray for expendable vulnerability! On the other hand I want to caution her not to make this behavior a habit because it is one that will never make you content if love is what you are truly searching for. More importantly no condom is 100 percent.

It seems like my approach of setting a precedence may be outdated. I will admit that I tried the “I’m just trying to get mine” approach and it did not feel like the most logical route. I felt like I was giving too much of myself and for what? Someone that I did not even know whether they truly cared for me or not. Which was ultimately what I was searching for. It is up for debate. Have we denounced all of the rules of dating/waiting that were installed in us by the generation before? How far is too far on the first date?

By: LJ Knight
yeahshesaidit.com and
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28 Comments

  1. there’s never a too far on a first date. but make you wrap it up.

  2. To each it’s on when deciding on how far to go on a first date, second or thirty-fifth.
    I’m rather old fashion… a bit of a prude 😐 but sometimes I imagine myself not being and that’s fine for me {in fantasy} because in real life, I just can’t get past the fact that one can get herpes from JUST kissing someone and that scares me sh!tless! The last thing I need to be concerned about on top of removing hair from my body, making sure my skin is clear of menstrual pimples and keeping this body toned, is some damn herpes on my lips! 🙁

  3. I think kissing is too far on a first date…unless its on the cheek…

  4. I think kissing is too far on a first date and sex is OUT OF THE QUESTION!

  5. Sex on the 1st date is too far unless one is merely looking for casual sex.

  6. i think a one night stand is fine every now and then. especially if you’ve been sexually deprived for a while. as women we have needs, and as long as you go about “getting yours” in a mature fashion, i don’t see anything wrong with it

  7. Swapping DNA, should definitely wait to find out if the person is clean inside out.

  8. Sometimes going all the way on the first date may be a good thing. For me it worked out I married the guy and we are still happily married!!!!

  9. I am with Tammy on this one. My hubby and I did the do on our very 1st date; the attraction was just that strong. Married 1.5 years later. Today we celebrate 7 years of marriage with 4 beautiful children. I say it is between 2 consenting adults.

  10. I believe majority of the time, it’s better not 2 open ur legs! Any self respecting woman would agree. It does however vary, depending on the situation. When I was a tad younger I slept with a guy on the second date!! Unwise, I know…blame it on the A-A-A-Age! As a result, that turned out to be one of my longest relationships! We’re still even friends today, so follow ur heart and intuition! If it feels wrong ladies, it probably is! Xxx

  11. only kids can be hoes? to each it’s own but a man has to work for my cookies. I ain’t sleeping with nobody until I know there full real name and where they stay. And my grandma always said you wait as, long as it takes to get his DL number or SSN and I can feel her on that. I know to many women who have babies by men and only know there street name~sorry I’ll pass on that.

  12. Having sex with a man on the first date while he’s sitting on the toilet is going to far… roflmao.

  13. I knew my husband a bit before we went on our first date. We worked together and talk on the phone endless hour before the first date when I gave it up. LOL That’s all she wrote…18 years and a son later, I can say my husband is the best thing that ever happen to me! =D

  14. To each its own, I have girlfriends who sleep with men on the first date, I don’t deem them as whores, Men do it all the time and it’s okay yet women have to be put in some type of category…It’s fine to do whatever you want as long as you stay safe…

  15. @Nichelle: Shiesty is so far one of my favorite Urban fiction character 😉

  16. My hubby and I waited until our wedding night. If course the urge was always there, but we were patient.

  17. well of course, first discuss all the options to each other before swapping any dna of any kind, being honest is about living a long and care free std life!! once that’s clear up…the dating begins, so when both parties feel confortable the decision is up to each other.

    For myself, i prefer sooner than later that’s how i can tell if i want to continue a relationship with that person. Because i might waste a lot of time finding out we don’t have anyting in common because i’m trying to be the social women and sometime that’s being phoney.

    if we open up and be ourselves we can have a lot more fun commicating what we really want in a person!!

    …and that’s when the sex becomes WOW!!

  18. It really depends on the situation. I have friends who have and are married. I have friends who have and didn’t want a relationship with the guy and the guy didn’t want a relationship with them. These are respectable women and role models in their community. If they were freaking a whole football team in one night that would be too much. Yet, they are with other consenting adults that decided to get their freak on. The only thing that gives me pause is diseases but for some they live in the moment. Remember HIV-AIDS and herpes and wrap it up!!!

  19. two consenting adults can do what they please (within reason of course) and as long as they both have the common sense to use protection…who are we to judge it? i get tired of hearing people crow about how you have to ‘know’ someone before sex and then talk about all the diseases that can transpire during sex. wake up folks… married folk have given one another diseases as have folk in ‘committed’ relationships. why? because unfortunately, people are dishonest with themselves and one another. i’m not being cynical, i’m being truthful and unfortunately, risk is risk. this is not me saying that women should run out and sleep with every man they go on a date with (that would be tom foolery at its finest) but i am saying, sleeping with a guy on the first date does not make you some horrible tramp/hoe/slut/whore. it makes you a human with needs who has decided to fulfill them SAFELY.

  20. A first night out together doesn’t mean you haven’t been talking or discussing “it” for a long while. So as long as it is consentual, it’s all good. Most grown women know what they’re doing, I hope.

  21. Kissing/sex/and groping is over the line IMO! You barely know the person. Don’t want to come off as being easy!! No matter how attracted you are to that person. OF course you’re going to be kind of excited because it’s someone NEW!

  22. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but even kissing is off limits on the first few dates, I went out with this guy he was cool on our date, but the more i talked too him the more I realized he was crazy as hell.

    @ Mercy

    You do have a point if you’ve really known each other for a while and you know he’s no virgin and won’t be waiting in your bushes, if you want go for it. But even then I still like to give it some time.

  23. I say as long as your safe and are both adults, whats the problem? The fact that many women where raised to be a “certain way” when it comes to sex is one reason why men have (or had) so much power. If women where raised with the same sexual “swagga” and independence that men are taught from day one things may be different. The fact that we call a sexually expressive woman a “hoe” or a “skIZA” and her male couterpart a “playa” or “the man” does not help our fight as women. A black womans love should be earned no question. but who are we to say that she has to be IN LOVE to enjoy sex?

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