“I Feel So Ugly”

It can be inconceivable to some that the most beautiful women strutting down the runways are plagued with insecurities. It can be inconceivable to some that our most admired female celebrities, who seem to have it all, could spend time focusing on their flaws. What I’ve come to learn for myself is that so many women are on a quest to truly loving themselves. It’s a quest that has a beginning, but I’m not sure if it truly ever has an end.

Bianca Golden, a contestant on America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 9, wrote a candid post on her blog about her own quest to truly loving herself. The following is an excerpt.

There have been many times on set when I have heard a photographer say, “Give me sexy,” and I think to myself, “How can I give you sexy when I just learned what being beautiful is?”

I get questions everyday on my social sites from young women asking me for advice or just wanting to tell someone their struggle with feeling awkward or just trying to learn to love themselves. For a very long time, I was unable to provide any guidance because I was struggling with the same issues myself. I grew up always being the tallest girl amongst my peers; being the skinniest, not having the best clothing, and always wanting to feel accepted, but never feeling beautiful. Never missing a beat, I maintained a false believable display of confidence because I never wanted to be perceived as being low in confidence. This was my reality and still is for a lot of young women today.

I work among the most strikingly beautiful women in the world, but on the inside, they’re the same girl I was and putting up the same façade. Why is it that the women society deems as the epitome and blueprint for beauty also question their looks and claim to have more flaws than the average woman? I don’t have the answers, but I do know that all women want to be “beautiful.” No one wants to be considered “ugly.” Maybe that’s why reality TV star, Heidi Montag, underwent 10 surgical procedures in one day to become what “beautiful” is to her. Is that why so many young women are getting backyard procedures such as nose jobs, breast implants, and the new craze of butt enhancements?

To read Bianca Golden’s very insightful post in its entirety, visit her blog at www.biancagoldenonline.blogspot.com.


  1. I’ve always been known as the ‘pretty girl’ to all my family and friends and anyone who told me I was pretty….and I always would feel that way sometimes not all the time….espically on my worst days

  2. BS,

    This is sooooooooooo Great!!!

    Beauty is indeed a vital gateway…enjoyed reading Bianca’s blog…today I saw another top model Fatima in the July issue of Marie Claire…awesome photos…what Tyra has done is nothing short of miraculous, all the lives she’s directly an indirectly impacted from Bianca to all the little girls who dreamed of becoming a top model and did…she was sometimes too silly for me on her show, but the first two seasons I loved…the social experiments, dealing with beauty and self-acceptance issues!

    Bianca’s making good with her opportunities and is also touching lives…the circle of good never ends!

  3. Loved Bianca’s Article..It is sooo true!

    What is Beautiful to me or to you? Is it formulated by the Magazines or the Actresses on T.V…

    Beauty is from within, you can be Beautiful or Drop Dead Gorgeous, But if you don’t Feel It and Believe It, then No One Will!

    That is why there are some Plus Size people who are so happy and bubbly and a slim person may question their Joy.

    But as I said before Joy comes from Within and Believing that you are Beautiful and Worth more than anything $$$$ can Buy.

    It starts with you. Be Blessed!

  4. I feel the same way on most days. I get compliments and admiration but I really don’t feel the way people see me. It could be that we are measuring ourselves to the airbrushed staged professional photos in magazines, etc… I love that there is a trend of female celebs doing pics that are not airbrushed or without makeup. Its a good move for young girls.

  5. Yea, I get told I am beautiful and pretty all the time. BUT at the same time, I don’t necessarily “dress the part.” At least by my standards. I am such a sweats and t-shirt type girl, I hate make-up, I’m not very sociable. Ask me if I’m pretty and I’d say I’m average. Tell me I’m pretty, I’d say thank you. Everyone has a different definition of being beautiful. The word ‘beautiful’ is such a strong word! I was had a friend who asked me if I ever got insecure and she’s into the whole modeling. My answer is OF COURSE. We all do! Most models get thier bodies done to make themselves “more beautiful.” But what does that tell you? They were insecure too. Point is, everyone just has a different definition of beauty. =)

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