I’m A Battered Woman

A few weeks ago I looked into my bank account and realized a significant amount of money had been removed.  The first thing I did was lay my head on my desk.  I knew immediately that it could only have been one person.  One person who I’d believe was the last person who would betray me to that extent.  A family member.

I called the bank of course, only to hear what I already knew, they couldn’t do anything about it.  That person had full rights to my money.  You know how you always think, if something happens to me, this is the most reliable person to have access to everything.  This is the one person I trust to take care of everything for me.  Well, take this time to think again if that person you’ve chosen is the right person.

I called my closest friend just to get the bad news off of my chest. In reality, I knew and know I’ll never see that money again.  Surprisingly, after much discussion, it seemed my friend was more upset than I was.  She was ready to set it off.  Don’t get me wrong, I was upset. I was actually furious.  But it quickly turned into my being hurt.  This was someone who influenced a great part of my life, someone who mentored me and stepped into a parental role when no one else would.  And that became the basis for my making excuses for the person.  Hoping it was a mistake or an action that was made based off of a drastic need.  But the person wouldn’t answer or return my calls.

One thing that my friend said to me that stuck out was that I may suffer from a mild case of being a battered woman. A woman who has it all figured out but when it comes to one particular person, no matter how many times they beat me down, because of what they gave me in life, I cover up the bruises and find a way to make it work.  And I’m not talking physical abuse.  I’m talking about emotional abuse and actions that people take and make that ultimately never have my best interest at heart.

I wasn’t going to share this story.  It’s almost embarrassing to really tell you who did this to me.  But last week I interviewed R&B singer KeKe Wyatt and one thing she said to me was she would have never left her abusive husband until the judge threatened to take her kids.  Then I thought, what will it take for me to leave an abusive family member?  I don’t have kids.

When is enough going to be enough for me?  It’s hard.  As a person who believe people can change and believing that I must forgive people who hurt me, it’s hard for me to walk away.  But what I’m challenging myself on is that you can forgive people but sometimes you have to remind yourself of what they did so that you’ll never forget to protect yourself again.  That and of course, shut the bank account down ASAP!

I seriously love the person who offended me, but it’s become painstakingly obvious, that this person loves them self more than they love me.  And that’s something I must accept.  It’s also a learning lesson.  You can love some people until the day you die, but not everyone has to travel so closely with you on your journey.  Everyone has a place and time.  It is I who must respect that.

-Ashley Charisma is the author of School of Black Love.  For more info on Ashley Charisma and the novel visit www.ashleycharisma.com.

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10 Comments

  1. who was the person -your mom or child?
    that person sounds toxic. Rule of thumb- if there is someone in your life that you are attached to now, but say you didn’t know them and you met them for the first time and you wouldnt like them- then it’s time to cut ties.

    Easier said than done I know. I think we let people treat us the way we think they OUGHT to treat us subconciously. Like if it’s your mom abusing you, is it you feel that she did so much for you and she had a hard life growing up raising you so you need to put up with it?

  2. yes emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse.

  3. There is a marked difference between being an abused woman and being a sucker. That is all.

  4. I hope I can express this statement clearly because it is a lesson I had to learn on my own. You cannot put all your faith in people and hold them to a certain standard. They will always disappoint you because nobody is perfect. Its always best to depend on yourself and God because those two will never let you down unless there is a lesson to be learned. It is unfair to believe that someone will always do right by you and be everything you need them to be. I am not talking about them stealing because that was wrong. What i am saying is stop trying to fill a void with a person. You have to look within yourself and God for the satisfaction you because you may never find it.

  5. I felt so much emotion as I read this familiar thread!

    I know people can give advice, cautionary warnings, many or most of us have lived this in some form, to some degree, we all just call or color it something else.

    Life is a learning curve and no one goes exempt!

    This person did this to you because, in spite of how much they may have been there, actually been supportive…he or she was jealous and envious of you (the reason envy one of the 7 deadly sins?)…I know we tend to use these terms of passion freely or the word hater excessively…but, sometimes people envy some of the most remote things about you…usually, it’s your “essence.”

    It’s said that behind every action there’s a motivation…you are wealthy way beyond your years…your writing…your assertiveness…your favor…your beauty…generosity…how you make things happen…me reading this post…whatever is you…what people are jealous of they don’t like, what we don’t like we tend to hate (along with that thin line that can separate love). Jealousy CAN make us want to destroy, disrespect, take from…but, this too shall pass!

    Check out if you haven’t already Jill Scott’s Poetry reading at the Whitehouse…I’m sure you’ll see yourself! BEAUTIFUL!

  6. Okay..,you write “seriously love the person who offended me, but it’s become painstakingly obvious, that this person loves them self more than they love me”. Question: DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF? I am not going to beat you down, however, this narcissist, social-pathic,self center, self seeking and self-center thief needs an act of tough love. You stated the bank said there is nothing they could do? You can always go to small claims court. I know I did I took my brother and his wife they forfeited on an apartment lease agreement that I’ve signed for them. Then in turn had a 45,000 wedding which I was one of the bridesmaids. Family is something else it took two years to get my money back however, people need to be taught a lesson…especially thieves

  7. … maybe because im not abused, never been abused, i cant relate. Everybody i know would be scared to cross me like that. Theres thos u can and thos u know u better not (me)

  8. Those lessons hurt the most. When u trust someone who should b worthy of your trust sounds like a close family member if u can’t trust family who can u trust as u can nvr change a bloodline…

  9. left an abusive marriage and returned to the household of an abusive mother (more emotional than physical, but not above slaps). The final straw came 3 weeks ago and I’m finally free.

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