Is Abstinence Worth Having Meaningful Sex?

Six years is a long time. Actually, it translates to 2,190 days, and a lot can happen to a person in that amount of time. It is said that the average married couple has sex 109 times a year. Single people, on the other hand, are free to live a more liberated sex life. They can dibble and dabble with as many people as they like. There are risks involved, of course. But, you get my drift.

With that being said, singer Brandy recently confessed to the world that she has been abstinent for the past six years. Yes, you read correctly. She has been penis free for roughly 2,190 days, ladies. She says she is abstaining because she has not been in a relationship for six years, and she likes to share that experience with someone that she is committed to. I can dig it. I couldn’t pull it off, but I can respect her choice not to give her body to a man who she is in not in a committed relationship with. But, the slightest bit of penis in Brandy’s life might make her loose all of her good sense, at this point. I digress.

I thought about the idea of being penis free for so long, and I wondered why Brandy would want to reveal such a private fact with the world. Could it be to attract interest? The only time she is mentioned on blogs is when they mention her younger brother Ray J, who probably has not been vagina free since he left his mother’s womb. But, she has been getting quite a bit of press since her Dancing With The Stars stint began. More importantly, I wondered how many other people could make such a life defining choice? Sex is a huge component of some people’s lives, relationships, and days. There are some who cannot go an entire day without getting some. Obviously, if you are married, there is the expectation of sex. But, what if you are single and dating? Is it wise to keep your private parts private?

Brandy thinks so and so do other people. Then, there are others who don’t think sex has to be a magical experience. They believe that every sexual encounter you have doesn’t require the humming birds and angels to come out playing harps for the event. Some of us…I mean them, just want to get down and dirty. This brings up another thought. Does random sex with random people skeet out (figuratively speaking) all of the tender moments that come with sex? Does sex become less meaningful when it is not done with someone you care for? Is it better to remain abstinent until you have met someone that you at least care about in order to have a spectacular sexual experience?

I say, not necessarily. While I respect Brandy’s decision, I generally do not think that a six-year bid of abstinence is necessary. I think there are different types of sexual experiences and all of them can be equally amazing in their own way. You do not necessarily have to be abstinent and wait for The Art Of Noise’s “Moments In Love” to play for your sex scene to go down and for it be breathtaking and meaningful in some way. There are other sexual experiences one can have and they can be also be stupendously orgasmic and have their own significant meaning. For instance, there is the “I just met you and I don’t regularly do this, but you are so hot that I can’t keep my little grubby hands off you. I must have you now! Now!” Then there is the “ I don’t necessarily want to do this but what the hell? I need to waste time before Real Housewives Of Atlanta comes on.” We also have the “I really don’t know you or want to get to know you any more than I already do for that matter, but I do want you to come over and do me and then quickly leave after as you always do.” I could go on, but you get my point.

All of these sexual experiences, while each very different, are necessary. There is no one way to approach sex and there is no one designated superior sexual experience. Sure, you are allowed to have a preference but Brandy’s preference may be quite different from Ray J’s. She prefers to wait until she is in a relationship with a man that she loves. So, for her, abstinence is worth waiting on her preferred sexual experience. Love is a part of her preferred sexual experience, and that is absolutely fine. A hard spank on the a** may be a necessity in another person’s preferred sexual experience. That is all good as well. What is your preferred sexual experience? Are you willing to be abstinent and wait to have it? Is six years of abstinence worth the encounter?
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La’Juanda “LJ” Knight
“If You Don’t Say It, I Will”


  1. i do not think that every sexually encouter has to do with love and that every sexually encouter sholud be with someone we love. if so we would have all stayed virgins and waied till marriage. and sometimes u need to just get u sum. but i do belive in waiting untill u are ready and sex should only be done we u are ready do it.

  2. I think it is worth the wait and i disagree with u MIMI. God wants us to value or Bodies which are his temple/vessel and it shouldn’t be given to just anyone especially someone u don’t love just because as u put it”U want Some”.

  3. I think it is a personal decision that depends on what a person prefers, likes and can handle. You definitely have to be comfortable with and know who you are and what you want out of life.

    I’ve been where Brandy is, so I understand and respect her decision. I’ve also been on the opposite side and understand & respect that as well.

    Personally, I prefer to be in a relationship.

  4. I agree, Respect U. I am 23 and still a virgin, I prefer to wait until I marry the man I am in love with to have sex- I believe it will be worth so much the wait.

  5. Well im waiting too. I do not know about 6 yrs because you know your body. Just wait awhile like janet jackson said.

  6. Six years is a long time to go without sexual contact. I personally think its unhealthy(punishing yourself) and promote high expectations on relationships. I believe that sex and relationships are separate. You dont always have to be in a meaningful relationship to have great sex! Abstinence is not the answer. Seeking meaningful relationships is a more realistic way to achieve meaningful sex. In the meantime… I say getcha freak on and be responsible about it. If you like and occasional alcoholic beverage do you wait until your at a party or dont you go get a drink?

  7. If I didn’t know that most folks who are banging most frequently could care less about a Temple, God or Jesus, then I might actually read & comment on this entire article. BUT I’ll just say…

    Respect U has got it!… Thank you Maam!
    VOO9oo Congrats Child! Do you!

    Keep 2 pennies between ya knees people! AND that’s my 2 cents. ; )


  8. Ihave been without sex for at least six month now.But whenever I decide to have it. I could last an hour. Sex is a matter of agreement.

  9. I’m not waiting on marriage to lose my virginity, but I’m definitely waiting in love.

  10. I am in complete agreement I was single and celibate for five years prior to meeting my husband it was a committment I made to God and myself. It was wonderful and I wish i would have done it long time ago. In those five years I’ve learned how precious my jewels was and how I wasted so much time on jerks and dogs that was not even worthy of my gifts. In the process of being alone I learned a lot about myself sel-worth and develop a high self esteem never to settle.

  11. I believe that whatever floats your boat then do it. I have been celibate for almost two years and have no interest in holding myself out for any man or marriage. I made myself a eunuch for religious purposes and believe me you, i have been enjoying having my body to myself and not having to deal with another person’s desires or compromising my own for their satisfaction. I love it and just say congrats to anyone who decides to be celibate, but congrats as well to anyone who decides to have relations with another. To each his own.

  12. I think it depends on your spiritual beliefs. But, it was worth the wait for me.

  13. I’m the type of girl that believes that having sex with a man, Means giving him a lot of power, and i am more than uncomfortable giving that power to a stranger, With me, You’ve got to earn the cookies…

  14. I agree with Respect U. I’ve been waiting for a while (not nearly as long as 6 years, but a record for me right now), and I’ve also been on the other side. And personally I’d much rather wait than give myself up to some loser who wants nothing more than the goods. Been there, done that, over it. It’s not healthy physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. To me, sex is more than an act to make the body feel good. You don’t need to have to sex to feel alive. But having sex with the person God wants you to be with and the person who will undoubeted want all of you and not just the goods — that’s not just healthy: that’s perfection.

  15. yes Respect U and ELLA UMBRELLA thank you! and VOO900. i’m 21 too and a virgin. Im waiting for the Man God has created for me. its hard. to be honest it is one of the hardest things i’ve done/going through. but by His grace… when i was abut 15-17 when all my friends were “doing it” for the first time. i did not understand whet the heck they were “feeling” but now by body wants some things man. i cannot even explain. i dream about it. i’m human, i need it, and i havent even had anyman touch me. i cant imagine hoe Brandy is doing. Kudos to her if she is honest in her decision i beleive God is giving her the strength daily. its something that i hope that my future husband will absolutely respect and adore me for. i hope its worth it. to God i know it is, but with human beings…

  16. I too respect Brandy’s decision. I believe abstinence does have its rewards. And its all how you look at it and your perspective on sex in general. Coming from a religious background, you may say abstinence until marriage…from a more liberal, less religious background, sex is could definitely be a hobby for some. I don’t judge…to each is own. I’m 26, still a virgin, I have no regrets! I’m in a relationship, and he respects that too…because worth the wait and its a personal decision. I want sex to be a spiritual union for me, not just a hobby. Sex is not a mystery to me though, because I don’t shy away from talking about it. We live in a society that is so over sexed, it hard to think of someone who id NOT “doing it”..i respect it…Go Brandy!!!

  17. MOONYA that is such a Valid Point you made there. Very much the truth if we were all to be honest about it. I love that no man has ever been awarded that opportunity with me because it keeps him wondering! and it assures me that the (ONE) who does get to enjoy ALL my goodies is the one God has tailor made for me. I think the best gift is one that nobody else has ever had before:) Having held on to my virginity thus far (24) I commend you TUTU & BERRYLYNN. I also agree that talking about it will make for a healthy sex life when the time does come! That is not to make anyone who believes differently feel bad, but trust me, we have to keep our V-cards tucked safely behind our I.D’s because that is not what defines us altogether!

  18. V009oo! You too Ma’am:)
    P.S. my vagina doesn’t define WHO I am because all women have them. It is simply a part of WHAT I am. But The Man that will “Vow to Love & to Cherish” WHO I am, and Only Me, can get WHATEVER he wants;)

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