Is It Still Good to You?


I was talking to a friend, about what it takes to be a good wife. She’s been married for 25 years, while I’m still…. “hopeful”. I always describe myself as a wife without a husband. My friend posed to me, what kind of wife do you plan to be?

I always planned to be a “good” wife. I planned to follow God’s word. I will be the submissive wife. The domestic… wife. The fun sexy wife. The bible says you are not to deny each other… I have no intentions of ever doing that. I figured I was set.

While I cleaned my house, a Teddy Pendergrass song, Is it still good to you, started to play. Ladies, while I know I stay on you, I encourage you all to take 4 minutes, and truly listen to the lyrics of this song. While you may think this is a song for the men… it is not. It’s almost a guide of how a man wants to be treated. While not a “biblical” song, it does fall in line.

Being a single lady, I say often to my married sisters: Do you really appreciate that man? More often than not I get responses like: He should appreciate me… Girl, it is not what you think it is etc. I’m sure it isn’t, but are YOU doing all YOU can to make it that way? Do you ask that man how his day was? Do you cook? Do you keep a clean house. Do you wake up, and touch that man in the night? How long has it been since you told that man how wonderful he is, and how blessed you are to have him in your life? Now this is not to say the man isn’t/shouldn’t do the same (he absolutely should, one person can’t make, or break for that matter, a relationship), but right now I’m talking to you…the ladies. You can only control what you do. What you will be put up with. I pose the question: If you start it, and be consistent… do you think he will follow your lead?

I asked a friend when was the last time she kissed her husband… she could not tell me. I thought that was amazing. When did you stop kissing? I asked another, and got basically the same response. When I suggested that she go home and do that, she acted like I told her to go change the oil in his car. Then we wonder why our men are always stepping out on their marriage. With a straight face you ask a question like that. Now, I do not condone that by any stretch, cheating isn’t acceptable in any situation, but if I’m not fulfilling every need you have then… It’s not right. It isn’t fair. It is deplorable… however, we all know men. We know how they are, and how they think. Again, please do not misunderstand me to be saying it is okay, What I am saying is, as much as I hate it, we do have to program ourselves to think more as they do.

The very next song to come across my mp3 was If I Were Your Woman… MMMHHHHHHHH, one of my favorites. Have you really ever listened to the lyrics of this song?

If you had the strength, to walk out that door… my love will over -rule my sense, and I’d call you back for more.

She tears you down darling… says you’re nothing at all, but I’ll build you up darling when she lets you fall. You’re like a diamond, but she treats you like glass. Yet you beg her to love you, but me you don’t ask…

I know it seems that I’m jumping all over the place, but these songs are saying the same thing, just from different points of view. The man is saying how he wants to be treated, how she started out treating him. She is saying how she WOULD treat him, if he belonged to her. How the woman he has now is not appreciating him, but she would. Ladies, I say this out of love, those lyrics are very true… and admit it or not, you know that I’m right. What you won’t do for your man, there are 100 other women that will do it… GLADLY. Men know this. Don’t get caught slipping out of pride. Don’t get too comfortable, and stop doing what you did to get that man. I say again, I do not condone cheating, and I certainly don’t approve of messing around with someone else’s man. I just say… again with love, appreciate your man, and let him know it as often as you can, in every way you can think of. You don’t ever want to have the regret that he stepped out because of what you didn’t do. If he cheats or leaves let your conscience be clear that you did all you could, and he just was not the man to appreciate all the fabulousness that is you. Do it for us ladies that can’t wait to have a man to treat like just that… a man.


  1. I love, love, love your articles Yolanda.

    This is such a true article. The same things you did you get your man/woman is what you have to do to keep them.

  2. Took me awhile to find a good man. At 66 and one failed marriage I do everything I can to always make mine feel important in my life and let him know he is truly loved.

  3. I have had several friends through the years whose husbands have cheated on them. Most of my girlfriends have been good wives from what I could see and did all the things mentioned in the article including submitting to their men. Their husbands just didn’t see it as anything special. One thing I noticed with all my friends who got cheated on. They all were so anxious to please and put their men ahead of themselves. Men are attractive to women who takes care of themselves and loves themselves just as much if not more than them. It’s better for the man to love you more (I know that sounds bad but think about it). Don’t get me wrong I’d do anything for my husband (I cook, clean, and all that other stuff) and love him with all my heart but I also love me and do it for me; loving yourself, demands others to love you too. Love yourself and he will love you. Don’t be so quick to give everything your have to give to one person that’s not fair to you. They don’t respond to that the way you’d think, leave that maternal need we as women have to take of him for his mother (especially in the beginning for it can be mistaken for being smothering, needy, or controlling) . You are his woman, partner, and confidante. Just go with that and you’ll be happy and marriage won’t be such a chore. Single ladies pamper yourself and be used to being pampered. He’ll appreciate that more than you think. Married women be a little selfish and fall in love with taking care of your needs as well. And if you still don’t get appreciated maybe you are with a little boy who needs a mother figure rather than a mature woman

  4. Blacksista, that is very very good advice! I too have noticed that as much as men will say they want an “attentive” woman, they rarely respond to that, and do see it as smoothering. Wonderfully said!

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