My Love Ideal: In Honour of Those Who Came Before

I want what my grandparents had. They were married for over 50 years. And, I don’t just want it for the sake of merely wanting it. I want it because it’s no longer viewed as plausible. It’s rather passé to some, and for others it’s perceived as being darn right near impossible. Yet others’ opinions as it regards Black love still leave me unwavering in my perspective. I maintain that I desire to experience a Black love affair that lasts forever. For me, that would be a revolution of epic proportions. I would liken it to a silent war, as opposed to a noisy revolution. A lengthy love affair with a Black man would stand to erase the very notion that stability with regard to the notion of the Black family is not a prospect that could become a reality; whereas the disintegration of the Black family currently stands as the norm. Now, I’m not suggesting that those who would rather opt for a life of perpetual singledom, serial monogamy, an open relationship, polygamy, or anything that goes against the standard heteronormative relationship experience, wouldn’t wind up being just as fulfilled – I’m simply stating what I desire, along with the reasons for it.

Amid the chaos and confusion that has been disseminated throughout popular culture conduits, namely the World Wide Web, which really don’t seem to be lessening in terms of the wide availability of editorials, videos and research that go viral in a matter of a few hours – with Satoshi Kanazawa’s, Why are Black women rated less physically attractive than other women?, being the tip of the iceberg, to the litany of tirades against Black men as criminals, deadbeat fathers and washed-up-has-beens – only further propels me to want to establish an amorous, secure and equally-beneficial union with a Black male counterpart. Given the climate of the post-racial meme which we are presently supposed to be experiencing, it almost seems as though it’s a slight for me to be pro-Black love.

I don’t offer my opinion to imply that my pro-Black love views are anti-any other type of love affair. Rather, my longing for a Black love affair that lasts forever is deep-seated, heavily shaped by the historical experiences of Black peoples, and is primarily for the purpose of ascertaining for the masses of naysayers that in spite of the would-be congratulators, who tend to suggest that a Black woman’s education, curvaceous body, and headstrong attitudinal ways are much too much for any Black man to be able to handle. I thought those were good qualities? I would venture to agree to disagree on this matter. Instead, I offer to completely disavow the claim that I or any other Black person will not be able to: a) find a spouse/life partner; or b) maintain a lifetime relationship with said spouse/partner [one that is relatively free of strife of course]. And, if it weren’t for the ideas floating around to suggest that the aforementioned were implausible, we would have far less reservations when searching for our potential mate.

Perhaps, it’s just in my nature to be both up for a challenge, as well as to challenge the status quo but, I’ve about had it with all of these statistics, psychological analyses gone awry, timelines to suggest at which age we should get married and quite frankly, the culture of fear being privy to our most intimate of thoughts. We shouldn’t feel as though we have been placed in a situation whereby we fear venturing into one of the most sacred and coveted of human acts: partnership. The only person who will ever be able to hold you back from finding the love of your life is you. But really, how amazing would it feel to be able to have a “you said I wasn’t gonna be able to but, I did it anyway” moment with your spouse 60 years from now despite all of the triumph we’ve had to overcome as a people?


  1. Wonderful article, Nicole.

    I don’t make apologies for wanting to marry black and produce black children, and no black woman should.

    To mass media has been a tirade to destroy the black family for years but things intensified greatly when the Obamas took office.

    This stable black family with a visibly black woman at the head sent the haters into a tizzy. They’ve been working overtime since to convince us that we could never have what Michelle have. But I know we can because I see it daily.

    Sistas need to hang strong and not let the media trick them into distrusting black men or thinking no good black men exist.




  3. Black love forever! Nothing like it and there never will be nothing like it.

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