Is Love Cursed by Monogamy?

Kanye West begs us to ponder a crucial question when it comes to exclusive relationships and marriage: “Is love cursed by monogamy?” In this day and age it’s very likely that you’ve either been cheated on before, have cheated on your significant other, will cheat on your significant other in the future or will be cheated on. Is this a sad reality that we will have to come to terms with or is it possible to have a monogamous and loving relationship for a sufficient amount of time?

Imagine a world where polygamy was the norm and people were expected to date more than one person at a time. Polyamorous is a word used to describe a person who has several intimate relationships at a time. When sitting to consider the benefits of being in this type of relationship and having the acceptance of all parties involved it sounds ideal. You get to basically have your cake and eat it too. But if you are a woman dating three different men who all know about each other, you may reach a point where you start developing stronger feelings for one of the men that you’re dating…then what? It is an innate human desire to want to be with someone and experience a close relationship but what happens when you want someone exclusively to yourself? The thought of someone you love being intimate with someone else is enough to insight the green-eyed monster in anyone. How can you be nonchalant while watching the person you love, loving someone else?

I’ve heard the saying “if you’re not ready to be exclusive, don’t be in a relationship,” but what about those in polyamorous relationships? The beauty of a relationship or marriage lies in knowing that you have found someone who cherishes and loves you enough to make a commitment to be with only you. Without that sense of security, the glamour of a relationship fades. Why even be in a relationship with someone if you guys are free to date and commit to many other people? Monogamy, although a difficult concept for many to grasp, is what makes a relationship so amazing. Despite the temptations of others around you, perhaps the true test of love is being able to commit to one person and only one person. Being in a polyamorous relationship could be fun at first; the ability to have relationships with several men sounds appealing. But at some point it’s nice to feel like someone loves and cares about you enough to commit to you and share their life with you and only you.

Janice Gassam is a graduate student currently getting her degree in Industrial Organizational Psychology. To contact Janice her email is
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  1. Janice, girl you’d better get out of my brain………………LOL

    Along with the other post that you wrote on, I too, was having this same conversation with the same young lady about this issue. For me, there is so much more to be gained from a monogamy vs. polygamy. That’s the beauty of it all. If you want to get spiritual, it is the same as serving one God vs many. That’s my reality.

    Another great post!!!! 🙂

  2. Um no. Love — true love — is the beauty of monogamy.

    Polygamy or even polyamourous relaitonships open you up to heartache, STDs, insecurities, disappointments, just to name a few of the downsides.

    Being a faithful, committed relationship gives you security, reduces disappointment, eliminates heartache and disease. Our society doesn’t seem to value monogamy any more, but those who truly love each other, stick it out, and grow with each other reap its full benefits.

  3. Love and monogamy have nothing to do with each other. The minute ppl learn that relationships will be happier. It is possible to have sex with someone else and still love your significant other/spouse. This is why some ppl cheat but never leave their longterm partners. It’s just sex ppl.

  4. You CLEARLY don’t understand what polygamy is. As a Muslim cheating is cheating. If you are fucking someone and you are married to me then not only will i go to the Islamic courts and charge you with cheating, emotional distress but also adultery. And honey adultery is nonpunishable by stoning. Polygamy is when you are married to more than 1 woman at a time. That means your other wives already know and they have given their consent. That means if you aren’t a virgin then you are required to provide paper with a list of your known disease, that means by the time it comes to fucking everyone involved is ok with it.

  5. i totaly agree with ella umbrella cause i think if you truly love somebody you wil never hurt that special 1 in anyway:)

  6. I am 43 and am ready for marriage. I’m not looking for someone who can’t keep his pants up. I can’t imagine being in some poloyamorous thing. I learned about that on a talk show. How do people keep that straight? First, there is the place you first met, then the job, the kid, cleaning the house, kids’ activities and the dates among things. How do they find the time?

  7. Sister.. you are using a totally Eurocentric lens to view the situation.
    Assuming that polygamy implies that someone does not love and respect you . is missing the unlimited capacity of love..
    And maybe you have not heard of cultures where the women have multiple husbands ..
    Sister .. It is really dangerous to take the particular of Europe or the western world, and generalize that on the rest of humanity.

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