Karrine Steffans: Vixen Diaries
Video vixen Karrine Steffans has sat down with Essence magazine to talk about her upcoming book, The Vixen Diaries, and as usual she holds nothing back. Among other things, Karrine touches on her relationship with her mother and why she was able to forgive certain men in her life who may have wronged her but not the woman who gave her life. I found the interview to somewhat interesting, not enough to make me buy the book, but interesting nonetheless.
ESSENCE.com: You put a lot of folks’ business on blast in Confessions. What more is there to say and how is Vixen Diaries going to be different?
Karrine Steffans: It’s a diary and reads like a reality show. I wrote this in real time. Whatever happened that night, I would come home and write it as soon as I got home, so it’s still very much in the moment and very fresh. And this book is more Hollywood, where the first book was mostly music, and I no longer live in that world. I live in L.A.
ESSENCE.com: Since Confessions are you persona non grata in Hollywood, New York, Miami and Atlanta?
K.S.: I was like the plague until people realized I wasn’t going away after the international success of my book. Now I find that a lot of people want to be in my book because they want to be immortalized. It’s almost like being a gossip guru but so much deeper than that. People will tell me things and say, “Be sure you write about this… Can I be in your book?” It’s become this “club” that people want to join. I made it to Oprah, so people want to jump on the bandwagon.
ESSENCE.com: So now you have groupies?
K.S.: (Laughs) Believe it or not, I have more male groupies. I had a weird experience with Jamie Foxx with whom I have a long history and we’re cool. He was acting like he was in awe of me, and I’m like, “Yeah, right, you’re the famous one with an Oscar.”
ESSENCE.com: Speaking of famous people, is it true that you and Ne-Yo are an item?
K.S.: Ne-Yo and I are friends, but he’s just not my type of person. I had to have a conversation with him because he thought that I had written a detailed description of our sex life in my book. Instead of asking me, he responded to a reporter’s question in a tone that I didn’t appreciate, implying that I’d been telling lies about our relationship. I never claimed him as my boyfriend. Once I told him he wasn’t in my book, then he was cool.
ESSENCE.com: What about you and New Orleans rapper Lil’ Wayne?
K.S.: He’s not my boyfriend, but I’m closer to Wayne and we’ve spoken every day for the last six months. I can’t start or end my day without talking to him. And we don’t necessarily talk on the phone, but we text each other all the time. It’s a perfect relationship. He knows that no matter who he’s with and vice versa, we love each other. We don’t have any surprises. If I were to see him kissing a girl tomorrow, it would be okay because I already know about it.
ESSENCE.com: Are you concerned that people will think of you as the woman who sleeps around and writes about it?
K.S.: Again, I don’t have as much sex as people think I do. Honestly, I don’t even want to have sex. I am focused on my company and making things happen. So, again, I haven’t slept with as many people as most think I have, and my sex life is really not that different from anyone else’s.
ESSENCE.com: Many were surprised that Confessions of a Video Vixen became an instant New York Times best seller. Do you feel pressure to top the sales of that book?
K.S.: You never want to be a one-time Oprah guest or a one-time best seller. Every artist has that fear of the sophomore jinx and thinks, Can I do it again? Because Confessions did so well, my concern is simply whether or not I can outdo myself. It’s like Jennifer Hudson who won an Oscar after her acting debut (in Dreamgirls), and if she never wins another one, then you’ll think her winning the first time was a fluke.
ESSENCE.com: Will some of the allegations that you make about some very well-known people catch them by surprise?
K.S.: At the end of the day, it’s business not personal. I can’t afford to ruin my professional life simply to save face with my friends. But I also don’t want to lose my friends for the love of the almighty dollar, and I think I found a good balance with this book.
ESSENCE.com: Any regrets about Confessions?
K.S.: I was apprehensive about the way I described situations, and I believe I accomplished that in the least malicious way. I know the first book was a big shock to other people, but to the people that were involved, it was a cakewalk because they knew what really happened and how it could have been written. For me, it’s about figuring out how to take a tacky situation and finessing it so that it isn’t tacky and destroying people’s images or my friendships.
ESSENCE.com: So did you write the first book for love or money?
K.S.: After I had appeared in several magazines without a book deal, HarperCollins called me and asked me to write my memoir. It was divine intervention because that same day I had an eviction notice on my door, and I had just borrowed $500 from Mike Tyson. It wasn’t a day for me to slap God in the face. When HarperCollins calls, you don’t say, “No, thank you.” I got a whole lot more out of it than I bargained for, and I am glad because I have single-handedly reshaped my culture.
ESSENCE.com: So this time around do you feel as if you’re selling your soul?
K.S.: I didn’t sell my soul, but I did have a moment where I was told to make this book more like the first one, and I couldn’t do it because the person that existed in the first book no longer exists. My life is nowhere near as juicy as it used to be, but people don’t believe that. I’m like, “Look, I haven’t had sex in two months! I don’t know what the hell you want from me, but I don’t have an addiction.” I gave them some juicy things, but I held back a lot too. I had to ask myself, Who can I afford to throw under the bus?
ESSENCE.com: How did you determine which people you’d put in and keep out of Diaries?
K.S.: I disclose any situation based on how it affected me. Even though that part of my life is over, people like Ice-T and Irv Gotti were so important to me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Gotti.
ESSENCE.com: Most people would argue that Gotti was more like a pimp than a friend to you.
K.S.: Irv allowed me to live, and I love him to pieces for that. Whenever there was a music conference or big investors visiting the city who needed to be shown a good time, I was the “good time.” Although the circumstances were a little shady, the people I met during that time in my life are still around and I wouldn’t be where I am without them, and I still love them.
ESSENCE.com: After the mistreatment you endured, how could you love him?
K.S.: Because he’s not a bad person and didn’t make me do anything. Sure it would have been nice if someone had said, “Hold on li’l girl, you shouldn’t be doing that.” But I can’t put that blame on anyone but myself. The thing is, I love everyone and I don’t mean in a romantic emotion, but just generally. Honestly, I’ve never been with a man I didn’t love, and I’m the kind of person that no matter what you do to me, I’m going to always love you. I’d rather you sh– on me than me on you because that’s where my blessings come from. Even if my blessing came through derogatory measures, it taught me a lot about myself and I have to love him for that.
ESSENCE.com: You once wrote that you couldn’t forgive your mom. But why not forgive the woman who gave you life?
K.S.: My mother could call me and be stranded in the street, and I would not send her sh–. I could care less what happens to her. I can forgive others because none of them have ever done me wrong. Once you become an adult, you make decisions, and if your choices allow you to have bad experiences, then it’s your fault. So you see, Gotti never did me wrong. I did wrong things to myself. Now my mother? She did things to me when I was a child, unable to make my own decisions with nowhere else to go. And I had to endure things that she did to me. That doesn’t get forgiveness, because when God gives you a child, you don’t slap Him in the face because I’m a blessing. What I do have is an understanding of why she did what she did because she had a horrible childhood, but it doesn’t warrant forgiveness.
ESSENCE.com: Have you ever thought about settling down?
K.S.: Society says women need to settle down, have kids, and get married. I don’t follow rules because I draw outside the lines. No one has this talk about men. Newsflash: You’ve been socialized wrong, and it’s not right! It’s true. I don’t want to be tied down. I’m a free spirit. After six months of dating someone, I get bored. I like to have new experiences and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Check back tomorrow when Steffans talks to essence.com about raising her son as a single mom, and what really happened between her, Bobby and Whitney.
Search Brown Sista for more: Believe, Bored, Confessions, Dating, Essence, Relationships, Whatever
Smokie said,
You know, without folks like Superhead, the entertainment world would be pretty boring. LOVE HER.
Stephanie said,
I empathize with her.
Smokie said,
I empathyze with her too. Everyone dogs Superhead so much, but really, no one forces the guys to hook up with her. Men want to talk/rap about the women they’ve slept with - why can’t Karrine Steffans? And if the wives want to get all upset behind the TRUTH, they should have married a faithful man - or at least not blame the WOMAN for telling.
I think she’s articulate, not physically harming anyone, and she’s living her life how she sees fit. If she wants to write a book about her life…so be it. I’ll read it - and enjoy every minute.
prettyparker said,
Well said Smokie.
I actually admire the business sense this woman has - taking control of her life and making an opportunity for herself. She is direct, honest with herself and articulate.
I may not think highly her former profession, nor of sharing her bedroom secrets with everyone, but I respect her hustle. If she were male and rhyming about her custom car designer line, fancy hotel suites, home, cars and the people she slept with, she would be glorified. But as a woman she is disrespected.
The stuff she mentions about her mother sounds weird. Maybe it is because I don’t know her story but it is ridiculous to love a man who pimped you out yet not send your mother sh- if she were stranded in the streets.
Mee said,
Wow, Stephanie you’ve really been regulating the post lately.Why’d you take down Vans post he/she wasn’t cursing. You also took down one of mines the other day and I said nothing mean, disrespectful, or profane.
Anyways Karrine can keep screwing around and putting her business out there for a buck, it’s her life she can live it how she wishes, but I won’t be paying to read about it.She’s not doing anything worth applause in my opinion at the end of the day the people aren’t reading her books to hear about her life but really for all the dirt they can get on other celebs.Can’t knock her hustle though, I just hope she can forgive her mother one day holding a grudge like that especially against the woman who gave her life even if it wasn’t the best life isn’t good.Her mother may have done her wrong when she was a child and had no choice but someone doing you wrong when you have a choice but don’t have a clue isn’t any better. She needs to get it together and let it go.
Debra said,
More than likely Mee your comment was lost during the migration from our old server to the new one. As for van, his or her comments were removed because they were off topic and spam. The exact same comment to buy Common’s album was posted in 4 different articles.
Lovher said,
She’s dirty. When she was on Tyra’s show she was acting all ashamed and now as soon as she got money off of being dirty she just wants to get dirtier. Well I hope she is having fun becuase on the day of revalation it will all come up.Money shouldn’t be worth your soul.
zillz said,
she’s ridiculous.
“Look Who Sucked Off This Time And It Still Ain’t My Fault” coming to a Borders near you.
Brand said,
I really can’t look down upon this girl, because she was doing things that men have been doing for years…but the only difference is that she is tellin the world about her stories instead of her “boys”. Sure she seems a little immature, but this is reality people. This is one part of the entertainment industry and she is stepping out and letting it be known. I don’t applaud her doings, but I can definitely respect her hustle.
prettyparker said,
I want to add to my earlier comment. Akon’s Smack That mentions his Lamborghini and bending women over to look back at him. T Pain’s Buy You A Drink brags on his money in the bank, Grey Cadillac & women in the bed. The first verse of Shop Boyz’ Party Like A Rock Star is too graphic to mention on this site. $.50’s Candy Shop isn’t suitable either no matter how much he says ‘lollipop.’
I’m not hating on rap because the R&B singers get rich from spilling personal beans too. Why is it cool for R. Kelly to be a pimp or for J. Holiday to share his bedroom secrets on the radio and they are both rewarded with hit singles and industry support?
I have nothing against any of these artists and they have a right to achieve their career goals like everyone else. However, I do think Karrin was smart to take advantage of her situation. Being famous for superhead has to be shameful. Yet when life gave her lemons, this chick made lemonade.
lvoe said,
or.. when life gave her lemons… she sucked someone off then drank lemonade
Stef said,
Wheather its a man or women either way it’s disgusting and reckless…Men and woman alike both spread disease and make babies…And true enough she may be getting paid but at the price of selling her diginity, and being a publicized who**, what a horrible way to make a living…She’s obviously still miserable to still be doing what she’s doing…Why don’t she take that money and make a better life for herself and her son or better yet invest in a good therapist.
However, I do sympathize with her for having a bad childhood and a abusive mother which partly made her what she is today.
Madame Zenobia said,
I just read a list of all the men/women in the industry that she’s been with and I was like :confused: Maybe that list is conjecture or fake, but she gave measurements and said whether they were good or bad! Juicy stuff! But what will her son think of his mother when he’s 18… She can spill the goods as long as folks keep buying it; I just hope her son can/does cope well with his mom’s past/present/future.
LieDecrypter said,
It is quite Unfortunate when some women show empathy and or support for people like Karrine Steffans while in the same breath they are condemning hip hop for being misogynistic. This speaks to a double standard that is blocking any truly honest debate on this matter. For example when there is an open forum on this matter such as when Oprah did it with artists, industry exec’s and activists on her show a few months ago. Much of the blame was aimed at the artists, exec’s even society this is not to say that there were no valid points. However one key culprit was barely even mentioned and that is all the women who VOLUNTARILY lend themselves as fodder for these booty videos. There seems to be a tendency for some women to make excuses for these women such as “oh they are only doing it to take care of their kids” or “They are working their way through school”. I don’t buy it these women are profiting from degrading the images of women in much the same way the artists are. They are at least %50 to blame so why don’t they receive it? I think this is born out of some basic societal double standards given to women (but note I agree with some) such as if a women kicks a man in the groin in a movie or slaps him it’s funny however vice versa not so much. This is a good double standard because men have a built in size and strength advantage over women. Men however don’t have a built in moral superiority to women and therefore they should be treated equally in that arena. So ladies don’t support women who are complicit in degrading you I know you may feel you are showing solidarity to your sista girl gender but it reeks of hypocrisy.
Liyah said,
Lovher I agree with you. On judgment day nothing else matters but your soul. And how dare she mention God. “It wasn’t a day for her to slap God in the face?” I am sorry but God didn’t contribute to a book like that. And if she is just telling these things to help out young girls like she claims…why do you need to name drop and go into sexual details. She knows just what she is doing and she wants the money. I can’t stand when people do sneaky things and try to pretend them meant no harm. Girl Pleeeze
TinaMiranda said,
LieDecrypter thank you. I just read this interview and to me it’s just a bunch of B.S. It seems like she’s going to write about her scandalous behavior post-confessions. Exactly how is this suppose to help young women and girls whom she so claim to care about including her son? By telling them how easy it is to get in it on with famous folks? Oh please. I think she recognizes her game of how easy it is to degrade herself so she make a profit but yet fall victum at the same time.
Which brings me to the conclusing of how some women don’t mind making excuses for other women’s wrong doing yet want to condemn the men. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Yes I call the rappers, producers, executives, actors wh**** too and always will because for one they are probably married or in a relationship but they just didn’t care and neither did Karrine. I’m sorry she had a rough-childhood but nobodys life is all roses. I thought she would learn from her mistakes and have a little more class.
LieDecrypter said,
You are Welcome Tina and I’m glad to see that there are women out there who can see past her game and others like her. In my estimation her type set women back far more than any of the B.S. coming out of these so called “rappers” mouths.
prettyparker said,
I do not condone what Karrine did to get famous. Others would be hella shamed in her shoes and rightfully so. I simply see that of the many video girls like her, she was the only one to have turned her experience into a multi-book publishing deal with residual income.
In general, I do question why men are accepted for bragging about their sexual conquests through music and lyrics but a woman is the devil herself for writing about hers? (Okay, I’m guilty of passing judgment on Lil Kim, etc.) Talk about double standards. :hmph:
jummpy said,
Yes I’m in agreement also i don’t condone what she did to get famous either but look at Nicole Ritchie Paris “STANK” Hilton and Kim Kadashan and a many others . their no better the used the same thing to get were that at, but bottom line this is a society we made it OK to denigrate yourself to get ahead we raise our boys to treat women like garbage
You can see it the music scene just society itself
Personally I’m glad she calling a lot of the entrainer’s out so peoples holding up some of these actors,actress,rappers,singers,etc…….to staure.Really see they are just as human as you and i flaws and all like the rest of us mere mortals out here.
Stephanie said,
@ LieDecrypter
Long before Karrine chose to tell her story, men whom she had been with were out bragging about sleeping with her and no one said a word. Karrine then comes out with her own account of the situation and all of a sudden she is a ***** who needs to be silenced. The only double standard that exists here is the one afforded to men to talk about women any way they see fit and never have to pay a penalty.
Karrine cannot be compared to rappers because she isn’t bashing men in general or at all. So attempting to compare her to rappers who abuse all women verbally is totally unwarranted. One has nothing to do with another.
Karrine was abused sexually as a child and pimped out by a grown man (Kool G Rap) at the tender age of 17. These men who took advantage of her when she wasn’t able to make decisions for herself are directly responsible for creating the woman we see today and that is why I have empathy for her.
LieDecrypter said,
Stephanie
My exposing of the hypocrisy that exists when women who are acessories to the denegration of other women but are held to a different standard in no way shape or form gives a free pass to the men who do the same thing. In fact if I were to place in heiarchy the contributing factors to the desentigration of the Black family at the top of my list would be black men who have failed in their duties and responsibilities as husbands and fathers. I feel that men set the tone and direction for the culture of a race and that women are the gate keepers of that culture. So if men create a tone and culture that is negative and abusive (such as your aforementioned Kool G Rap example) women will tend to preserve it and pass it on their children. While I tend to be harder on men for the break down of our race as a whole this does not absolve women from their personal resposibilty to make better choices. While it is ok to empathize with the troubles she has faced in her life her choices however should not receive as much fanfare. Women who truly despise the negative way in which they are depicted should be just as vehemently opposed to these type of women as a consious black man should be to an uncle tom. Now you could make the argument that I should empathize with the tom considering we are both black men and maybe have experienced the same type of racism. However I unlike the tom am NOT bending over backward and “cooning for massa” for the crumbs off his table. I am working hard every day while maintaining my integrity in being that which so many hate a real BLACK MAN and I detest the way in which he contributes to the denegration of my people. So why I ask are women supporting those who sell out their gender for chicken change while having no concern for how that makes them look as a whole?
Vanessa said,
Stop Hammer Time! :dance2:
I’ll probably put the book on my Amazon wishlist for one of my groupies to buy for me, LOL. I lead the same life as Steph. First with rockers and then with Dj’s and producers. It was an exicting world. But I’ve since found a great guy who’s not in the entertainment business and I am faithful and were happy. Hey more power to you! What’s the point of leading an exciting life surrounded by exciting people if you have noone to tell about it and hell, if u can make a buck on the side for it…hell yea! More power to ya girl!
Stef said,
I completely understand why Karrine is the kind of woman she is today….Having a crazy, abusive mother and being raped as a teenager has contributed to what she has become…My issue with her is she continues to do the same type of trash that she was doing in the beginning as oppose to using this opoportunity to better herself and get out of the game…Just simply going around sleeping with different men and writing about it, what kind of life is that, when you now know better and you have a child…She talks about trying to show other girls what not to do in the industry while capitlalizing on her ho game at the same time… And I don’t believe in that old fashion double standard for men when it come to sleeping around because its NASTY and RISKY either way… It’s just as wrong for a man as it is for a woman and like women men are who*** too.
There were points in her life where she was making good money and she blew it on luxury cars and $200 jeans and designer clothes… Like I said, I do sympathize with her to a point, but she has to take responsibiity for some of the back lash that’s she’s receiving…
S. Dot said,
One this chick need to shut her mouth, NO only is she looking like a SUPER *** but now she looking untrustworthy, in which she is.
Second, why would these famous people keep sleeping with her knowing she’s going to tell all their business. I was reading her list this morning and BOY did she go in to detail. I mean can the men even feel her walls anymore? She has so much d*** up in there! GOD women like that should be VANISHED! YUCK!
:noway:
Stef said,
JUMMPY,
I’m all in favor of her calling the men out, they deserve it especially the married ones….I don’t take up for these men in no shape, form or fashion….And believe it or not some of these losers mess with her because they want to get in her book and get recognition…Sad…And as far as Paris, Lindsey Hohan, Brittany, and Kim K. they are nothing but sleeze too make no mistake about that….Paris is the queen ho of white women, she’s setting the trend for sex tapes and the party girl image & she has herpes.
des said,
I don’t empathize with Karrine at all. She is an adult now and has choices. Her first book was pretty interesting, especially since she got revenge on those that did her wrong. Calling out those men by their names was GOOD and well warranted. But that topic is getting real old now - she should move on to bigger, better and respectable things. Even more so because she’s a mom.
If I was her I would have taken that once in a life time meeting with Oprah to collaborate with her and become more involved in saving the lives of young woman. Maybe become a regular on the show to mentor women on self esteem and how to survive sexual abuse. Karrine is always talking about empowering women - so why not put your money where your mouth is.
She is extremely articulate so I am sure that she could have won Oprah over.
She’s nothing but a ***** - and in public she seems to be ok with that - but I have a strong feeling that she has a problem sleeping well at night.
songbird09 said,
I’M NOT GOING TO PUT HER DOWN BY SAYING SHE NASTY BECAUSE YOU SEE RAPPERS TALKIN NEGGATIVE ABOUT WOMEN BUT I’M NOT GONE’ ACT LIKE WHAT SHE’S DOIN’ IS OK EITHER. WHEN SHE WAS ON OPRAH SHE MADE IT SEEM LIKE THE RAPPERS MADE HER SLEEP WITH THEM AND THAT SHE WAS THROUGH WITH THAT STUFF AND IT WAS ALL ABOUT LEARNING FROM HER PAST AND TAKING CARE OF HER SON, BUT NOW SHE’S STILL DOIN IT. RAPPERS DO IT AND YES IT’S NASTY, BUT HOMEGIRL IS PUTTIN HERSELF OUT THERE LIKE IT’S OK. INSTEAD OF WRITING A BOOK ABOUT HOW MANY RAPPERS YOU SLEPT WITH OR THE SIZE OF THEIR STUFF, WRITE A BOOK ABOUT HOW WOMEN CAN GET OVER BEING TREATED LIKE TRASH IN THE INDUSTRY, HOW THEY CAN BE SUCCESSFUL WITHOUT DEGRATING THEMSELVES. I’M NOT MAKING EXCUSES FOR RAPPERS OR ANYTHING BUT I FEEL LIKE SHE CAN USE ALL THE THE HORRIBLE THINGS SHE BEEN THROUGH AND TURN IT INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE.
prettyparker said,
Ugh, I’m through with this book thing now. :bag:
I just got an email with a link that showed the list of her partners was a made up joke on a hip hop website. The list that MTO claimed was leaked from a source was just a copy of that joke. Ooh I hate that site. While I still don’t condone what made her famous, I will admit she’s not as bad as I thought yesterday.
jummpy said,
I have a question i which think a valid one. When as a society “African American men @ women”, when are we going to stop having this slave mentality better yet just being plan ignorant,even better oblivious, about how women of color are being exploited. For the gain of power, money & sex form our own brothers & sisters,Also with that trying to capitalize own what some might call part of our culture I’m referring to (B.E.T Ghetto Hot Mess”)
Rodneisha said,
:stop: You cant talk about being blessed and then say you can’t forgive someone. Just like if Irv would not have pimped her she would not have met certain people if her mom had not made mistakes when she raised her she would have never met Irv. If you can forgive a man you can forgive your mom even if you were a child then you are an adult now and she cannot control how you feel or act. I am speaking from experience i was verbally and physically abused by my mom but i forgive her because i am a grown *** woman now and if she ever tries to talk stupid or jump crazy i can speak my mind respectfully and go home with out being put out or hit in the mouth!
Karen still has some growing up to do.
Tracy said,
:brownsista: I believe that she suffers from an addiction….an addiction to sex caused by a childhood that demonstrated that sex was a good way to get what you want and comfort you for the the short term. Most of us have our own vices…I do not agree with what she does, I just pray that she breaks the cycle. As with most addictions regardless of it it is sex, food, gambling, shopping, smoking, drinking…it takes different lengths of time to break the addiction depending on the person. Some women use sex as a bargaining tool in marriages…I guess that would mean that Karrine’s only fault is that she was not monogamous. :brownsista:
Diane Maldonado said,
:bowdown: You know people should just enjoy a good book. I was so into the book I read it in two days. I am a married person with two kids, and I understand all of her pain and suffering she had to go thru. A child needs her mother no matter what, I actually wish I had the pleasure of meeting her and telling her I am proud that she wasn’t ashamed of her past!! :thumbsup:
S. Dot said,
I’m sorry this chick is not fooling me. I think she is a well spoken HO! Call a spade a spade. Pretty Parker I’ve seen that email too and I’ve heard Miss Jones and Egypt talking about it on the radio and she’s nasty. She’s had a lot of men privates all up in her and have the nerve to sit up here and say, “I haven’t had that much sex”. Yeah ok, but yet still your writing another book on more sex you had. Whatever. I’m not knocking her hustle, make your money but please know your nasty and I hope this women never ever have a daughter because Man…….SMH……. :thumbsdown: