Being Labeled the Crazy Chick

posted by Yolanda Kirby on September 23rd, 2012 at 5:53 am

IT DOESNT MATTER 150x250 Being Labeled the Crazy Chick

I’ve spent the better part of a week trying to understand men. Trying to get an understanding on why they do the things that they do. What is it about our actions as women that cause their actions as men? I’ve had extensive conversations with male friends and ex-boyfriends trying to get to the root of what I see as an issue. Trying to see how I can bridge the gap of misunderstandings, not just for myself but for all the single women out there.


You see, I have a broken heart. I know I’m not alone, and I’m in better shape than most because I have faith. I had an issue. A question: “Why do men play the “ignore game”?” That bothers me. I will not lie, I will not try to sugar coat it… it bothers me. In my quest for answers I found it bothers a lot of women. When querying my male friends I found that most of them had ignored some woman at some time in their past. Their logic was “She’ll eventually get the picture.” Really? So instead of just having a potential “uncomfortable” conversation with someone, you’d rather she be upset and hurt… possibly forever? Seriously? Now, let me clarify, there is no one worth being hurt forever over, and I’m sure most women will agree with that. I’m sure most will say they have never been that upset over a man. I ask you to watch the women who say that. Watch how they say it. Most will say it with a head roll, or at least an eye roll. Not all. But a lot.


There are a lot of bitter women, some of which don’t even know they are bitter they have been that way for so very long. It is understandable. I recently had a conversation with a male family member who could not understand why a woman he had mistreated 10 years ago was still angry with him. Yes… 10 years is an extremely long time to hold on to anger… but I understand. You take the average woman over 30 that has never been married; chances are she has been mistreated 5-10 times maybe even more. She is frustrated. She is damaged. Odds are she is bitter and heartbroken. Again, this isn’t for the few of you that will claim that you have been able to just except and move on from a bad experience with no damage, no bitterness, and no heartbreak. There are many that are just above that, and will claim women that are not to just have low self-esteem. I’m glad for them, but for those that do know what I am talking about, I have done the research for you.


My question and my pain all stems from the avoidance. Why men feel the need to leave us to wonder why they do the things they do. Why just stop calling? Why just stop answering text messages or emails… why? Why not be a man, and tell us what we did… or what we didn’t do? Why don’t they know that makes things ten times worse than they have to be? That, for me anyway, causes the pain to linger. It causes the anger to fester. In the process of asking “why”, I became angry. Why is it we, women, always have to adjust our thinking to suite them? Why are we always told to “Think like a man”? Why are they never told to “Think like a woman”? I’m tired of trying to understand why they do what they do, and figure out the game I have to play to accommodate them. It’s crazy. I don’t play the “ignore” game… I confront. I’m an adult. I want to deal with other adults. I don’t want to play crazy games. I want to talk things out. I started to wonder if I was the only person left that felt that way. A friend told me once, “If you don’t want to play games, then you don’t want to be in a relationship.” I thought that was crazy, but I’m finding it to be true.

In the process of trying to understand what happened, in my quest to force this man to talk to me, I made a complete idiot of myself. I did things I would never ordinarily do. I sent 4 emails in 6 days. I wrote 2 articles. I was consumed. I went back and forth from anger to sadness. I lost myself. Then it happened. A male associate, someone I’m not close to at all, told me the truth. The answer I finally accepted as gospel. It could have been a number of things that caused this man to not want to talk to me anymore, but the bottom line was: IT DOESN’T MATTER! Whatever his reason, that was his issue. He wasn’t man enough to tell me, and I knew I hadn’t done anything, then IT DOESN’T MATTER! I was told men do things like that all of the time, and apparently I am to accept that and just move on. While I have seen that happen to friends and coworkers in the past, it has never happened to me personally. I will admit, I had no idea how to deal with it. Surely a man wouldn’t just go to the extreme this man did, for absolutely no reason. I had to have done something, or at least he thought I had done something horrific! I couldn’t rest until I knew what that was; it could have been a misunderstanding. It never crossed my mind that he had no reason. How is that even possible?

After this conversation, which I’m still not sure made me feel any better, I had to look at myself. Why did I even care? While this male associate was explaining the “male” thought process, he advised me my “friend” thought I was crazy. Why? Well, apparently sending a man emails asking him why he was ignoring you is enough for a man to think you’re insane. Really? I thought that was funny because I thought he was insane for ignoring me… I thought he was insane for not just telling me why, that was all I was asking. I never cursed. Never accused. Only asked what I did. I did ask it 4 times, but that’s what I asked. Now, I’ve earned the stigma of “insane”. I know I’ve heard men say that about women before, we all have… ”She was crazy, she kept calling me.” Or “She just stopped by my house…” Whatever the case may be. I’ve always heard those stories from men, but I never knew it took so little to become one of those stories. The guy that was informing me, I was now that “crazy chic” was telling me a story of a girl he thought was crazy. My question of course was “What did she do?” His response: “She sent me like 3 text messages I didn’t answer, and then she came to my house asking if we could talk about what going on with us.” “Really? That’s it? You ignored her, after you had been dating her, and she wanted to talk to you about it? That made her crazy?” He was dead serious. It had been years, and he still thought she was crazy. There was no rabbit cooking on the stove. There were no calls to his job. No random fruit baskets… nothing. She just wanted to talk to him, and made four attempts to do so.

I’m evidently from a different era. For me, crazy is, sitting outside someone’s house just waiting…. It’s coming to their job and causing a scene. It’s hang up phone calls. Threatening letters. It’s looking in your rearview mirror, and seeing them following you. It’s not someone that wants to know what they did to anger you. It’s not someone making an attempt to talk to you, and possibly work things out. Sure, if it’s done many times a day over an extended amount of time… that’s obsessive. I do not condone or agree with that, but I can understand. That’s where the think like a woman comes in. While it may not matter to most men, most women like closure. Unfortunately for a lot of us, if we are robbed of that closure it will cause some to behave in ways that we ordinarily would not. It will cause multiple messages, or to show up at your job and curse you. Please DO NOT think I am saying that is an excuse for bad behavior, but we all know it happens. I brought to his attention, that if he had talked to that girl, he may not have gotten the following messages. She may not have felt the need to come to his home. Had my “friend” talked to me after the first email… he wouldn’t have gotten the second, and certainly not the fourth. This was certainly a hard lesson for me to learn, but a necessary one. I will never pursue a man past one message, because I don’t want to be that “crazy” girl. I’ve never really been one to listen to a man call another woman crazy, but if I ever hear that again, I will certainly demand more details. Most importantly, and I hope those that are unaware get this, and I pray it helps someone the way it helped me: IT DOESN’T MATTER!



23 Comments

  1. Interesting read – thanks for sharing. I know many women who can relate to what you’ve written about. My take on it is that boys will ignore, while a mature man will air his feelings in a respectable manner.

  2. Its not that simple. Males in general want to avoid uncomfortable situations and prefer to ease out of relationships quietly rather than deal with drama. They know that no matter what they say the woman will be upset and that they want to avoid at all costs. The most men are willing to say is “Its not working out.” Don’t expect much more than that from them.

  3. Love your article i need help to just got out an verbal abuse relationship an hurt like hell!!!!

  4. just because someone labels you as crazy doesn’t mean you have to receive it

    most men are jerks. we know they are jerks, yet they don’t receive that label and carry on as if they are the cream of the crop

    so just do the same. know in your heard that guy was an idiot and that you’re not crazy. don’t you dare receive and internalize his perception. please love yourself more than that.

  5. You are not crazy Love; you are doing too much when it comes to relationships. Most women treat relationships like a science project and try too hard to find what/why men do what they do. Stop doing that!! I will give you an easy paradigm when it comes to most men: 1. Men want excitement and fun in their lives. 2. Men categorize or place a property value on women. This means we access what you are to us, or what we can use you for, and we label you. For Example, when we are out and about we look at women and scan to see what she is about and what we can get from her. If she acts like a vixen, that is how she will be treated. If she acts all emotional and whines a lot, we say she is crazy, bitter, or has too much baggage. If the woman ask as if she is strong and can hold her own we either respect that or go the punk route and say she has an attitude. If a woman seems like she is going to make a good wife and mother of his kids then we go for it. My advice to women: 1. Take the emotion out when dealing with men until he proves (in time) he deserves it. Many women just dive all in when dealing with a guy, and that leave them vulnerable to his BS and leads to heart-break. 2. Assess a man for what he is, accept it, and either move on or deal with it. Many women know that guy is a jerk, player, or has some major issue and they stick around to try to change him; Stop doing that Ladies! If you know he is a moron, kick him to the curb and keep it moving. 3. Stand up for what your standards are! If your standard is you won’t allow your man to cheat on you then let him know and stick to that. Unfortunately many women go against their standards and men prey on that weakness, BIG TIME!! . Stand your ground Love!! 4. Stop trying to understand what and why we do what we do. Most men are Morons (I admit I am)!! Women need to look at us and decide if they can deal with it, or not. 5. Stop trying to control us or tell us what to do. Many women get away with this but understand the men resent that. Many men just deal with it because of their insecurities, but there are a lot of men that deal with it because it is just “cheaper to keep her” and they have a woman on the side. Watch yourself and how you treat your man ladies; make him feel like a … Man. 6. Women need to be real and decide if his definition of “fun” matches theirs. It’s some nasty guys out there and they try to get their women to do freaky things. Problem is many women aren’t down with all the XXX stuff. If you aren’t, tell him and stand your ground. 7. Remember, a man can and will only do what a woman allows him to do. 8. Stop being afraid of ending the relationship or marriage. If you know it’s over or can’t take it anymore pop your collar, hold your head up, and move on. Keep your head up ladies and all the best!!!!!!!!

  6. I don’t normally post on my own articles, but the comments were so interesting I had to. First, I know I’M not crazy, and I don’t think he is either, in the process of writing this and speaking with many male friends I came to realize that men just have a low tolerance. I wish I didn’t send so many emails, and know that IF it ever happens again I will let go and let God a lot sooner. I learned that the more we, women, try to fixd things we usually make it worse and get that “crazy” tag. @Nikki…totally agree! That is the difference between a boy and a man! @Selena, I know you are hurting love, and trust I know that pain I’m feeling it too…keep your head up, and thank God for pulling you out! @Sandra, you better believe I don’t receive that sista! I’m not even ashamed (anynore), never be ashamed of doing what’s right, and giving love. I was an adult, and I can come out of this with a clear conscience. I’m a prize, and I know it, he truly missed out. @Old Popeye Salt…where were you last week when I was sent those emails! LOL! What you said was awesome!

  7. @Kirby, just trying to give the ladies some understanding of the dos and dont’s when dealing with men Love … Cheers!!

  8. Thank you Kirby for sharing your experience. I been married for 23 years and I remember like yesterday when a male I had dated briefly had ignored me suddenly. I remember being wounded because I was confused as to why he stop talking to me.I thought all was great between us. I made attempts to speak with him he became hostile and called my crazy. I was confused,sad and angry for awhile after that happen to me yet through being around family and friends who loved me and encouraged me move past my pain and confusion. I had a male cousin ask me would I rather he stayed around lying to me playing with my feelings or leave me alone? Of course I said the latter. End result is he made room for my husband to enter my life so I often thank him for his decision to exit my life and make room for the man who Im happy with.

    This can be a learning experience for anyone. People suddenly leave our lives in many ways sometimes gradual sometimes sudden through death moving or just drift apart. Mourn the sudden loss thank God for the good and the bad of knowing this dude.Take it one day at a time allow love ones to be around you keep the positive energy flowing around you.I bet one day you will thank God and dude for leaving your life.

  9. To Selena. If a man verbally abuses you, what have you to hurt over? Do people miss being verbally abused? You are better than that I hope, if not, someone else may need a door mat.

  10. I love this site i never had anybody answer me back thank u so much sweetie!! You know its hard for me i been with that guy 1year this month an i broke up with him for that foolish. I feel i waste my time god help me an give me strength!!!! I tell u i ache so bad but this to shall pass like grandma use to say. Have a bless day everyone love u cause all of u my sister in christ!! Not a christian but i love me some jesus!!!

  11. KIRBY, EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT POST!!!

    POPEYE SALT, WOW, you need to write a book for sure!

    It’s great to see discussions other than on celebrities, that’s cool, but this is what we all share…our humanity and it can hurt, rich, poor or somewhere in between!

    All the comments are great!

  12. Hi thank u if u were refering to me swettie!!!! If not have a bless day to all of u alright love u all my sisters!!!!

  13. I recently went through this for the first time and appreciated reading this.

  14. great article, wonderful insight to how men think…thanks

  15. I have new prospective now. I woke up yesterday, and I saw his updated picture on fb, and he was smiling from ear to ear. He was so happy. I had been miserable for almost two weeks, trying to understand what I did. Why he had gone to such an extreme to ignore and get rid of me totally out of the blue. Then I saw that smile, and it infuriated me! It wasn’t something I did, it was him. He just moved on. I wasn’t doing what he wanted so he moved on. My hurt and pain didn’t matter to him at all. I was appealing to his sense of decency, and he didn’t have one. Now I understand the anger and bitterness a lot of Black women seem have. I thought it was something that crept in slowly, but now I see it can happen with just one guy that pushes that right button. I never understood it before, even though I have friends and coworkers that have tried to explain it, I couldn’t identify with it. I’d never been angry only sad at the end of a relationship. There is a huge difference! The feeling anger puts on your heart is very heavy. The way you see people and the world is totally different. It’s a screw or be screwed reality. Leave or be left. Men leave us holding the bag, call us crazy, and just move on to the next without any consequence. I will never forget that smile, but one thing is for sure…it will NEVER happen to me again.

  16. U go kirby thank u all for advice this has become my favorite site!!!!! Love all of u today an be bless my sisters.

  17. “My take on it is that boys will ignore, while a mature man will air his feelings in a respectable manner.”

    YES NIKKI!!!

  18. These posts were awesome! I just seperated from my husband recently. I know that I never should have never married him but I did. Heart broken now, although I put him out. He hasn’t called since he left…so I guess he was ready to go! That fact that we took vows made this all the more hurtful. Thanks for the heart felt posts for my broken heart!
    It doesn’t matter!!!!!!!!!!

  19. Thanks soooooo much!!!!!!

  20. It irks my soul when men do this. Personally I think they do this on purpose knowing it irrtates women…jerks

  21. As someone who has been in those exact shoes, I definitely relate with this article.
    I agree with everything you wrote here.

  22. God bless all my classiac gals on here an me to!!! Bless all of u an happy holidays to all my applepies on here!!!! I thank god that i made it a month an 1 week today!!!! Pray 4 me ladies cause that fool on halloween afternoon knock me out like tyson thank god nothing was bruised or hurt i bit my inside jaw an it bleed!!! Very painful situation!!! He told me i was his slave an he :would pick at me call me fat funky but i am fat fine the men love it i would tell hiim!!! Lol!!!! Ladies pray for me ok please!! That fool is a demon i allowed him to destroy me an he did!!! God gave me strengh an u ladies to an i thank u gals!!!! By the way watch this movie black sisters revenge featuring jerri hayes. Her name emma in the movie an that man name jessie dog the h— out her!! His real name ernest williams2nd. Watch it order it at barnes an nobles ok only 9.99. 2 days to get back ok please get it ladies i got it an i have watched it 69 times an i gain so much strengh from that movie like that hurricane gain from that heated water lol!!!! Watch it ladies please!!! If i had the money i would order all u lovely gals a movie!!! Remember its called black sisters revenge written by jamaa fanaka. 1976 movie an its colored ok! Merry christmas my angels!!!! Goodbye!!!!

  23. I believe that men dont confront because they are going to lose the war of the words.

    To women, I will suggest, always bring him to the negotiating table. That is a sure way to win.

    To men, I will suggest that when a woman wants to talk to you, it is always to win. I have yet to meet a woman who does not think that way. It will be cathartic to lose mentally and never go to that so-called negotiating table. You are never going to win.