As an urban, young African American woman, I have had my experience in the dating world. I have come to the point where I have mastered what is a necessity and what I can do without. There are some things that you cannot tolerate when dating. If he commits these acts, then you are running a risk that you might not be happy in the relationship in the future. These are just a few tips I have picked up along the way. If we really wanted to do a true list then it would never end for some women. Feel free to add your own in the comments. Share the knowledge!
1. Ladies, he needs to spend some money. Sorry fellas, but no one wants to sit in your house and watch the game every time. Ladies, you need to set the precedence in the initial dating phase that you enjoy going out on actual dates. That means movies, dinner, etc. I personally enjoy going to museums, so whatever floats your boat. I know every man is not a “baller” but there is nothing wrong with a simple date as well. Either way he should be willing to provide it. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for it, as we all have been at one point. Think of it this way, most men are not ashamed or shy about asking for some ass, so consider it an even exchange of honesty. Basically he needs to know in dating you; he will have to actually DATE you. You know, court, go out. Not sit in his house, momma house, auntie basement, wherever.
2. On a side note. If you decide that you like your broke guy and don’t mind coming to his house on a regular and sitting in his aunt’s basement, then don’t allow yourself to be forced to watch “Sports Center” all damn day! The sh** is not fair. If you are a guest in his house, then you should be treated like that. Stop playing yourself and suffering from boredom. He needs to be placing the remote in your hand as soon as your ass hits the couch. Feel me? Or at least find a common ground to what you BOTH enjoy watching.
3. When you do go out with him, make sure he knows that it is okay for him to keep his hands to himself. In other words, if you are not comfortable with him showing you excessive affection or sexual contact, then ladies shut that sh** down. If he won’t keep his hands to himself, per your request, then he does not need another date. Basically he is so thirsty to get in your panties that he can’t even be a gentleman. He can beat it like “Thriller.”
4. If he only calls you when it is convenient for him, then don’t date him. If the only time he calls you are doing creep hours, then let him know you are not feeling it. He should be able to call you during business hours and not at 3 a.m., unless the man works nights and that it the only time he can talk. There are some exceptions, but for the most part, consistent late night calls are not a good look. What it says is that he only has time for you when he wants to be bothered or wants something from you. Or perhaps that he has a woman and you are his side dip.Unfortunately if you are getting those late night calls, then you already know what he wants from you.
5. If he won’t show any interest in his kids, then don’t date him. I know we have heard this one before ladies. If you are dating someone and he shows no real interest in his kids, then that is a warning sign. For instance, if he is getting bamboozled on the visiting tip with his kids and does no action about it. Not a good look. Not only is he a lazy man in taking care of his business, but he is a lazy father. Even if it means going the legal route to get proper visitation and finances arranged, a real father would be on top of that. Please ladies don’t listen to the old faithful line about how “my baby mama is crazy and she hates me. It’s all her fault why I can’t see my kids”. True enough, there are some crazy BM’s out there, but that is even more the reason why he would have to go about things the grown up route, instead of arguing on the phone with this chick for hours. He needs to seek legal counseling. Don’t assume that he is going to be so much more involved in the child, you and him have together life. That is not a guarantee, even if you and him stay cool. A lazy ass father might always be just that.
6. If you get the sense that he has soaked up the sh** on rap videos from your first encounter, then don’t date his ass. You know the type. All in your face looking at you like you are a piece of meat. He can barely look you in your face because he is focused on your body and is “ewwing” and “awwing” loudly. Unfortunately for hip-hop, some of the images of women aren’t very positive. We all know this. However, most people have the common sense to live in reality and know that the sh** on the video is not real. All women are not hanging on a guy’s leg, hoping for a piece of his time. However, many of these regular dudes see this hype and believe it. No honey, you will not get a fan club from your $10.50 an hour Asst. Manager position at Home Depot. Unfortunately, there are a lot of gold diggers out there and that is usually the reason why the rappers get away with so much negativity towards women in their videos and lifestyles. She just wants a piece. Don’t let a Gucci Mane video get you confused about life dear. You will not be allowed to treat me in any manner because you believe in your mind you are fly. Why should I let you or anyone else? You and your 2006 rimmed out Impala can get out of here. I personally don’t believe you should let any man get away with being intolerable towards you no matter his fiscal state.
7. He has to see you as person. This connects to number six. He should not see you as just another girl or easily replaceable. You are a whole person who is not perfect and has several different aspects to your personality. Just as he does. What you are not is a smiling object. Some men have developed the habit of viewing women as beings or things. They just see walking p****. Remember it is much easier to disrespect someone once you dehumanize them. If you are not a whole person, then you don’t deserve respect or consideration or even love. Think I’m tripping? Think about how slaves were treated. It was much easier to perform heinous acts on slaves because they were not considered human beings or people. It is the oldest trick in the book.
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It begins…..
He feels some sort of social responsibility. A man who cares nothing about his community (i.e. church, temple, synagogue, volunteer work, mentoring, etc). most likely will be limited in his interests. He should be well rounded and into something bigger than himself. And if he can’t be involved on the regular, he should at least have a desire to do so, or be able to acknowledge this. Same goes for us ladies, don’t be only into shopping and clubbing but want a well-rounded man. It doesn’t work that way.
true especially the last one
All of that is great advice. I absolutely hate dating. I would much rather spend time with my grandkids. It is more beneficial and positive.
Very good points!
@ Miss Andi K: Good point, one thing I hate is a man or woman who is socially unaware of what’s going on in the community or politics.
if you’re looking for a strong and healthy relationship but the man says he’s only looking for a good friend to have fun/sex with
don’t allow this, throw him in garbage
this way of thinking speads hiv and it’s not worth it
I work for a huge company with approx 35,000 employees and came across one of my co-workers on Don’tdatehimgirl.com. I was dying!
I would add to the list…STAY AWAY FROM POSSESIVE MEN. Posessiveness is NOT love…it’s a product of extreme insecurity and it’s no way to live. So really I would say stay away from men who are severely insecure.
well i got most of that sh*t down,Terrel knows not to mess with me, He is a gentleman, a baller, a great lover too good to be true so you know im keeping my walls up for now…
I knew all these already lol.