To my readers….
I have been quite busy the last few weeks dealing with a family crisis. Many of you know my daughter was diagnosed with leukemia last year, so I think that pretty much explains all. My days and nights are usually spent in various emergency rooms and hospitals. Despite this, I am still very much aware of what is going on in the world around me, which is why I am sharing this correspondence I have been having online with a friend. It pretty much sums up how I have been feeling for a while now.
You know Joy, I have been struggling with guilt for weeks. I actually called up my most down for the cause friend (lol) the other day to get his opinion on what kind of person I am. Everywhere I go online I am inundated with posts, articles, images and memes of all the atrocities that are happening to our ppl here and around the world. It has gotten to the point where I try to pass it all by. Ignore it. I no longer want to see, hear or read it. However, doesn’t that make me one of the ppl who gladly bury their heads in the sand?
I feel hopeless and helpless. How can I help, I ask myself? What can I do? Marching? That doesn’t work? Get out! That’s what I have been telling myself lately. Find a decent country for black and brown people, pack your bags and run, Shawna. But hell, I can’t even really do that. I am trapped. I told my friend I find myself looking at black people with young children- babies even, and wondering what the hell were they thinking. Why would you bring a black life into being in this country? I cannot foresee anything for them here except pain and torment.
We’ve been here well over 400 years and how far have we really come when one presidential election leaves us feeling like we’re one step closer to being put back into slavery? What have we really accomplished? We own nothing. We have no support systems set up to aid our ppl. We truly are dependent on others.
I am stressed to the bone and fed up. I am fed up with us having nothing as a people. I’m fed up with the complaining, the whoa-is-me attitude. I’m fed up with the pain I see us causing our children because we have not tried to build a world that would nurture and protect them. But most of all, I’m fed up because I don’t know what to do. How to help. How to stop what is happening.
Just to add on, I am not despondent about a Trump presidency. I have not been gnashing my teeth because Hillary lost. Rather, I find myself pissed at my people and our response to the election’s outcome.
All I see are our people crying, whining and scaring our children shitless. Seriously, why is a racist white man running the country news to any of us? Have we not dealt with it before- for as long as we have been here? As I posted on Twitter, if I was a black child witnessing my black parent fall apart, I would ask them why have they not prepared for my future? Why have they not created safe spaces for me? Why did they continually depend on the others for my safety? Aren’t they the very people who made us unsafe?
With black spending power at an all-time high, we should have something to show for it- like hospitals and schools where our children can be educated properly. We should have been building a system that enabled us to be able to take care of ourselves. Had we done that, rather than look to integrate into a system that didn’t want us, we would not be in this situation.
At the end of the day, I know this fear I am seeing in black people comes from the realization that they are powerless to help themselves and have become dependent on democrats and the government to keep them safe. Interestingly enough, we have a black president and he was hardly able to keep us safe, so for the life of me I can’t understand why some of us thought Hillary could.
Every few years there is some huge tragedy and we tell ourselves we better wake up, work together, stick together- but then we always manage to get comfortable and fall back asleep, having accomplished nothing. Still, I will say it: Wake up black people. Do something for yourselves. Create businesses and hire your people. Build schools and educate our children properly. Increasingly they are coming under attack in public schools for simply doing things like wearing their hair in its natural state.
Finally… and I know this is going to be controversial… buy a gun so you can protect yourself and your family from the crazies. When that war folks have been prophesizing for years finally comes, he who has the superior fire power will win. Remember, Africa was conquered with the gun, and unless you prepare, you will be too.