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Sometimes it appears as though a “divide and conquer gene” has become intertwined into a segment of our DNA. And generation after generation, its dominance continues to be expressed in the form of the behavior that we sometimes exhibit toward one another; the behavior of bringing each other down. I am sure that if you have lived long enough, you probably have been the victim of this type of behavior or you probably have been on the opposite end of the spectrum and have been the one enforcing it. Either way, I have come to the clear conclusion that it’s no need for it!
Trying to bring another sista down doesn’t get you ahead! It doesn’t get you anywhere to be honest!
It just informs others about the insecurities and the self-hatred that you have for yourself. It let’s your fellow sistas know that you have become a slave to learned behaviors that our community often fosters.
You see, a sista who loves herself and is confident about herself, knows how to encourage and uplift other sistas.
She doesn’t have to stare you up and down or give you the evil eye when you walk into a room (quietly bringing you down with her eyes). Somebody knows what I am talking about! She doesn’t have to be envious of you and envious of all your accomplishments. But instead, she can open up her mouth and say hi or smile when she passes you on the sidewalk.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to see what would happen if some of us took that same time and energy that we put into trying to bring another sista down and refocus it on our own lives?
I am no fool and I know that we have been dealing with this issue for a long time. I know it want fade away over night.
But maybe, just maybe, these words could be another catalyst to help some of us develop a new set of attitudes, form a different perspective, and realize that the sky above is an enormous entity where there is plenty of room for all our stars to shine!
Sistas, stop trying to bring another sista down! We are better than that! We can do better than that!
I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT’S NO NEED FOR IT!
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I fought my way through my twenties because some women confuse pretty with weak. It’s sad I had to do that and I don’t want my daughter going through the same thing.The way I see it, the only way we can get some respect in society, is for us to stop tearing each other down, it just makes the black woman look so 2nd class and insecure.
i’m completely agree with you. I’m a young black woman who resides in europe and i see these attitudes everday!!
i don’t understand why, why are we like that?w
hy do we do things like that to ourselves?
it’s sad, very sad!!
we have to support each other, we have to be proud of each other it’s very important but unfortunately most ofthe time it’s about jealousy, envy and feelings like that.
i think it’s necessary to change the mentalities and the perception that we have about ourselves because that’s the main problem for me.
black women ,we have to be strong, talented, powerful, self confident, successful… TOGETHER not against each other!!
Think about it!!
excuse me if i made some faults but english is not mys first language and i’m not fluent but i try to improve it as much as i can.
this is so true. i am a guy raised in white majority schools. i find it hard to relate to some of my folks at times. i wasnt raised in the hood. my i understand my history. i feel it has affected my relations with my own people. its like im white but i know im not. however the way im looked at, beacause of the way i carry myself is not in a good light by my other peeps. i think we all have insecurities we need to work on. no matter how we were raised or where for that fact. thanks for popin this issue. i think it best for us to soloute each other and be humble.
this will take some work. the new generation of black kids, dont really see race as it was in the 90′s. things have changed a bit. we have a black president now…..lets hope we can change for the better.
I’ve never really had to deal with this. I’ve had shady friends who were jealous/are jealous and that kind of thing, but they’re white and latina LOL But I understand your post and applaud you bringing light to this. We should all support one another, lovingly, respectfully; doesn’t mean we can’t disagree or criticize, but we can do it in a way that is constructive and well, respectful LOL
I wholeheartedly agree with this but too many times I have come on to this site, read the comments and think what the author is saying will eventually fall on deaf ears (or eyes). What I planned to do is just encourage and support sisters who are positive. Sisters who dont find the need to be petty and childish.
Whats so sad is people on this site will cheer you on and bring you down all in one breath. This is how I feel, so dont try to argue with my opinion. However I will always support this site because a sister runs it and I love to see a sister doing it and making it big. :brownsista:
I think that people confuse telling the truth, expressing an opinion and bringing someone down, This whole article sounded like “koumbaya” to me, “let’s all hold hand and tell each other how beautiful we are” well that is wonderful thinking , i wish we could do that and make the world a perfect place but the reality of it is , some “sistas” are not so beautiful on the inside and if we don’t tell each other what is wrong when is wrong, how are we supposed to better ourselves? my sisters told me a few years ago that i was a very selfish individual and i took it upon myself to change that and today everyone talk about how shantey is giving and loving, People need to really stop thinking that everything is said to bring them down,that’s how people never change and unmistakably bring sorrow on themselves, dare i say it, a person who is always saying yes and clapping to every each of your actions IS the person who hate you and want you to make mistakes you can’t forgive yourself for…
Good Night
and to finish GET OVER YOURSELF ladies there are some jealous women in this world but everyone IS not tryin got be or be like you, i laugh when chicks says “girls didnt like me i had to learn how to fight” it’s like learn the power of your words you saying and thinking that people won’t like you because you’re oh so pretty will direct you in those situations
I agree with Voice. Everytime someone dares to say something negative about someone popular it is alwalys considered as jealousy or hate. Do you think you’re better because you praise her? (Most of the time in real life, the persons who praise her are the ones she treats like crap). It makes me think of the popular girls in High School: some of them are mean and total b*tches but they can get away with it because they know that people who will dare to call them out will be labelled as jealous, envious and will be the one being seen as bad people. I don’t say you have to criticize every popular persons but it’s not an obligation to love them either. As far as I’m concerned, I give props when they are due but if I see something wrong I tell it no matter who you are.
*Sorry for the syntax mistakes.
Oh Okay, Next time one of my sister dresses like a Hollywood hooker and ask me what i think i’ll nod and say “you go girl” to “bring her up”, next time i see a cousins sleeping with older men for money i’ll jump and say “you go girl” so it won’t look like i’m jealous of her accomplishment, Next time i come accross a girl who is dating a married guy i’ll smile at her and tell her that it is all good, so it won’t look like i’m giving her the evil eye, next time i see a sister using her body to get ahead oooh i’ll leave my career and i will join her in that lifestyle because guess what if i don’t “It just informs others about the insecurities and the self-hatred that you have for yourself. It let’s your fellow sistas know that you have become a slave to learned behaviors that our community often fosters.” Next time i see a sister staying in an abusing relationship yet project the confident and loving myself vibe i will “knows how to encourage and uplift her” Now let’s all hold hand around a fire and sing each other’s uplifting songs! This is Laughable at best what you should have written “a word for my sista” was how we need to be protective of one another, how we need to learn to tell people what is wrong and when is wrong before it’s too late, I cannot stand people who think they are so precious that anything that is said to/about them is pure evil and jealousy, I had females be mean to me in my life but a lot of them when i look back on it were just telling him like they saw it, I think once we stop thinking that people are jealous of us, and want to be us, Most of this “hate” won’t matter anymore and what kind of INSECURE woman check for evil eyes or stare down coming from another chick, When i walk into a room i already know i’m all that i do not need validation from another than my babies and my husband, so HERE is MY piece of advice: STOP trying to look for jealousy wherever you go and whatever you do THAT “informs others about the insecurities and the self-hatred that you have for yourself.” The sooner you learn that people are going to have an opinion no matter what, the better it will be,This is life, it is not a cheer camp, We have good and bad moment it is all about how you embrace it read “the game of life” oh but careful you are so “gorgeous” that if people know you can read they are going to “bring you down” …. I’ll type more but this right here is pathetic, pretty soon it is going to turn into a skin debate and i want no part of it.
sorry for the typos im going back to bed
Just like everyone here is entiled to their opinion I am entitled to mine. I wanted to share what happened in my experince. I am not going to get into a cyber fight with people I don’t even know. It’s ok to state your opinion without higlighting that you hate what I said. once again for any further statements directed towards me mostar74@yahoo.com
Angry People need to GET OVER THEMSEVES
Themselves
Loulou i’m with you , I really think that all of those screaming “i’m pretty so girls hate me” are really 1) Insecure 2)Pathetic 3)They need to say that to validate themselves and that is so so sad, I happen to know i am beautiful, and i do not need to portray myself as being the attack of other girl for being “oh so gorgeous” , I come across chicks like that everyday,all you have to do is look at their shoes and they swear you want to be them, all i feel in my heart is pain for you all, and those pathetic little comments is not going to make you feel more secure than you are already not
and loool White and latinas women are VICIOUS with one another, Will my African sisters stand up? Chicks in Africa sometimes do voodoo on each other by jealousy and hatred , In France some women JUMP others by jealousy, i know German chicks hire hit men to kill other By jealousy and as soon as one of yall get looked “evily” you wanna call jesus abi? Lmao Oh please, what you all need to address is that light-dark slave mentality , because to be honest all that talk is nothing but HOT AIR, But let me guess i am angry bitter and sad right? Lool Pitiful
Right after I read this article AWFMS, an incident from high school came to mine. A couple of my ESL school friends and I were in a classroom when one asked me a qestion in Haitian. I stumbled in both hearing and understanding what he asked; then,I answered either in full English or a mixture of English and Haitian. One of them rolled her eyes to the others, looked up and down, and she said I’m pretending like I can’t speak Haitian anymore. Consequently, I’m alienated from the group.
That took me aback. First, it made me realize we were just that, school friends. We didn’t know a thing about each other outside of campus. If we did, they would have known I have no reason to put my native tongue down in favor of English or any other language because these languages are on equal footing.
Second, she wasn’t being honest with me or the others. She could’ve called me out, straight up, on what was evident, my rudeness. “Hey! you’re rude. He’s talking to you in Haitian.” There was no need to add salt and pepper LOL, and all that negative energy. I was being rude to him when I answered in another language. Here, she could have taken the opportunities to correct a wrong [my rudeness], uplift [conversation etiquette], and clear the air…so could I for that matter.
I agree, there is no need to bring another person down under ANY guise. BTW, I like the new layout Stephanie *thumbsup*.
mind*
yes VOICE you took the words right out of my mouth. i couldn’t have said it any better.
however i would like to add something. we as black women always talk about supporting each other,but what about other women. i mean women of other races ? i believe that as women where made with a special kind of love and ability to empathize no matter where we come from, we are ALL supposed to strengthen and teach each other,and help each other grow to be better. lets remove the focus on ourselves a little bit, and broaden our mindsets, and we will see that each and everyone of us is created equally by God’s image and maybe by loving everyone, we will see the love we are supposed to give to our selves.
Sometimes, we as black women can be our own worse enemy! Sighs!
There is a difference between expressing an opinion or disagreeing with someone and bringing someone else down. When you truly love someone, you will always have their best interest at heart, and that means pointing out the right and the wrong things that they are doing. Supporting a fellow sista doesn’t mean you have to be her yes(wo)man; it means saying kudoos when she does something right, it means encouraging her when she’s trying to go up the ladder as well as when she wants to give up. It also means trying to stop her from making mistakes, advising her when you feel she is taking the wrong path in life, slapping her upside her head when she is doing utterly foolish. There is a way to tell someone that you disagree with him/her without having to break him/her down, without crushing his/her spirit. I think that is what the author is refering to. Disagreeing with the rest of the pack does not make you a hater. You don’t have to love every single human being on this earth. But dissing someone else, be it a sista or someone from another race, just so that you feel good, that equates you to a hater. Too many times I’ve heard women (not only BW) say they hate another woman because ” just cos she’s preety she thinks she’s all that”. Those are the very women with self-esteem issues. If you don’t like someone, move on past her, go on with your lie, do you. But don’t be leaving a trail of venom behind you.
oops I mant “go on with your life”. Sorry for anny other typos.
It might be a little different with black women but then naaahhh maybe not. A good amount of women in general can be like that PERIOD regardless of color.
Speak Haitian? What is that? I thought Haitians spoke either English, French or Haitian Creole.
@ Voice and dark sista I think I heart ya’ll lol.
No matter how you dissect this issue, there remains sistas out there who constantly illustrate behavior that is geared toward bringing another sista down. There is a difference between telling the truth. And to be honest (“your truth in many instances is subjective to your own perspective”). There is a difference between disagreement and the simple expression of your opinion.
Most of us have been subjective to criticism by those who love us the most. Whether we were doing something they disagreed with or was exhibiting a certain ill behavior, our family and friends came from a place of love and concern to let us know that what we were doing or how we were behaving needed to change. It was a way that they did it and they loved us enough to insure that their critiques did not shatter our spirits or pained us to the core.
When I talk about a sista who brings another sista down, I am talking about a sista who does not come from a place of love and concern. I am talking about a sista who is seeking to shatter another sista’s spirit and pain them to the core. I am not talking about a sista who is offering up an opinion.
So, I will repeat this again. Trying to bring another sista down doesn’t get you ahead! It doesn’t get you anywhere to be honest! It just informs others about the insecurities and the self-hatred that you have for yourself. It let’s your fellow sistas know that you have become a slave to learned behaviors that our community often fosters. If you are always on the hunt to shatter someone’s spirit and pain them to the core; yes you have some self-esteem issues and yes you have a become a slave to the learned behaviors that our community often fosters.
Whether you want to believe it or not, too many sistas in our community have very low self-esteem and it is usually those sistas who enforces the “bring them down” behavior.
This type of behavior spoke upon in this post is indeed exhibited in other cultures. And though Brown Sista is not exclusive to anyone, this post and much of what I write is geared toward the brown sista.
This is not a “Koumbaya” post. To be honest, I got more to offer than that. I stay true to who I am and talk about issues that I am passionate about. I don’t and will never back down from that. So if this post if laughable to you, laugh on, but let me just say it’s nothing funny about it, it is the truth.
I FEEL YOU MO’STAR SOME PEOPLE DO CONFUSE PRETTY FOR WEAK. BUT FOR SOME REASON I TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT BECAUSE I CAN TURN WEAK INTO STRONG
Ebz202
A very wise man once said the English people speak English, The French speaks French, the Spanish speaks Spanish, The Haitian people speak Haitian. I say amen to that. Haitian Creole is also right. Some Haitians speak more languages than those you restrict them to BTW
Check my wording I didn’t say they ONLY spoke those like that was the be all end all and that’s that I said I THOUGHT they only spoke English, French and Haitian Creole….you’re the first Haitian I come across that said they spoke um Haitian. I didn’t restrict them to anything btw.
I suppose you “thought” wrong Ebz202 when you said, “I thought Haitians spoke either English, French or Haitian Creole.”
“you’re the first Haitian I come across that said they spoke um Haitian” Ebz202.
Dear, there is a first time for EVERYTHING. It doesn’t have to be negative…you know.
I know theirs a first time for everything…..that’s the think about thinking it leaves room for error…… don’t mind being wrong and wasn’t being negative….still most I know don’t call it speaking uh Haitian….that’s the thing about text it sometimes can’t fully convey or correctly convey emotion….. sometimes it makes people think there’s more uh passion behind your words than there uh really is. Negativity requires energy I can put to better things….I like being happy and positive that’s my thing.
“I like being happy and positive that’s my thing” Ebz202.
Me three LOL. I agree that’s the way it should be. Keep that up lady
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I knew it. Everybody knows voicing your opinion and being hateful and ignorant is two different things. There is a difference between constructive criticism and just completely tearing somebody down, talking about them like you know them personally, being rude and stupid. Everybody in here can say what the hell they want to say because none of the women they talk about will have a chance to defend themselves. Everybody knows you can talk ish about someone confidently because your *** is sitting behind a computer screen acting all righteous.
Nobody said you have to be all lovey dovey, hugs and kisses. Like I said, I only support sisters who are positive, not petty or childish and have anger issues. While others keep dwelling on the negative and studying every little flaw, other black women will continue to keep flourshing. I will say though, I love how people hide their hate by calling it an “OPINION”.
And to think about it, I think its far better to compliment. I think Im way better by complimenting somebody especially when people always knit-pick and analyze somebody’s flaws.
Besides, do you think your freaking better because you have something nasty to say about someone????? Do fell like a better person. Does it make you feel better about youtself??? Answer that question.
*Yourself*
the moral of the story is lets stop being jelous of beyonce,can you read between the lines….okay i love you beyonce
The moral of the story is we should stop hating on each other period. Beyonce is not the only sister who gets hated on.
Thanks a word for my sista for taking the time to address me, There is am Emphasis on the “hating insecure” black woman and i am so sick of it
many sistas that come from hurt and abandon , they hate their skin color, hate their hair, do not feel complete enough and you know what they do? , they praise the “pretty popular girl” she can’t do no wrong in their eyes and if someone dare say something about them
they take it to the gut, those are who we candidly call “Stans”,Do not look far some are posted RIGHT HERE in front of you, so i do not get your point sister, DO NOT get me wrong, I know some sisters are jealous and envious I DONE point it out in my first post, But i am so sick of people thinking people “hate ” on them, want people to “hate” on them, or are just looking for people to “hate” on them it is pathetic, I know and understand where you come from, but enough is enough with people trying to put the black woman in a specific category especially when it is negative, Again what you should have talked about is how we need to know how to brush off what we consider “hating”, Have more self esteem so that those type of behavior do not hurt our feelings, and understand one another , just because i think such and such shoes are busted does not mean that i think she is busted, People need to get a grip and articles like this one is only giving more leverages to the simple minded INSECURE little girls to come out of the woodworks and sing the “hate” anthem, they already started
Ebz202 they going to far now, i am so tired of this people nt knowing anything else that “hatin” abi, anything you say you hating, you can even say their outfit is cute they say you hating ha ha yet they can talk all they want about european african and asian people and it’s not hating abi? it’s not fair it is just not, I remember saying that Kim kardashian had a good sens of fashion and literally got jump up in here, and that’s not hating eh? tchrrrr
I think some people are taking this article the wrong way. Obviously, discussing your opinion and letting someone you care about know the truth (no matter how harsh it might be or sound) is not “hating” or bringing another sister down. As long as its coming from a good place. I think this article are specifically targetting those sistas who hate and critize other sistas from a bad place. Those who in reality, don’t wanna see other sistas prosper or do better in life. Those who hate seeing other sistas being on top and becoming hugely successful. You don’t have to be a “yes” man(woman) or a fan of a certain sista in order to uplift that person.
So if you’re not a “hater”, then obviously this article isn’t really geared towards you. Why get mad??
@ Voice lol she does but I don’t like that chick too much.
*nods at good points by Teesha*
@ Voice, it’s safe to say that our perspective on this issue are on opposite ends of the spectrum. But you know what, that’s a part of life. Our experiences, whether good or bad, helps create our perspectives and helps molds us into the person that we become; making it almost inevitable that on many issues, we will disagree.
What I know all too well is the many issue that we face when it comes to our self-esteem. Truly loving ourselves is a process that takes many of us on a life long journey. This post is not meant to place emphasis on the “hating insecure black women.” I already know that you disagree, but this is a topic that was needed to be addressed; because first, it is a real problem, and second, it hinders our progress.
For a second, check my past postings:
Do you truly love yourself? (I asked sistas if they truly love themselves). And I encouraged them to do so.
Just one thing…..( I asked sistas to tell me one thing that they loved most about themselves).
When you think you have been through something…..(I shared the story of Ciara Anderson, who faced so many obstacles in life, but who was able to move forward in life in a positive light.
Are you living your life to the fullest? ( I encouraged sistas to follow their dreams and not become complacent in life).
So you see, my goal is to never put sistas in a “specific negative category“, but I will always write about issue that affects our progress. There’s no topic that I want back down from if I feel that it hinders our progress.
Check out my blog site, http://www.awordformysistas.blogspot.com. Check out my MySpace page at http://www.myspace.com/onetta121. I am a positive sista and I love my sistas, but I am always going to write about issues or situations, as I stated before, that hinders our progress.
*I start singing to myself “Girl just lettttt it gooooooo*
I can’t stand when grown folk act all brand new and “thick”, like they don’t get it…
Ok article. Nothing I haven’t read before though.
One thing I’ve wondered is why people never seem to address the reasons why ‘sistas’ (I think this term is so corny, lol) are ‘hating’ or ‘angry’ in a meaningful way?
LURKER – its not only uh ‘sistas’ that can be ‘hating’ or ‘angry’ in a mean way.
Its women of all races. Women in general can be awful to eachother. Its so silly to think its something that only black women have.
Anyway I dont pay attention to so called ‘haters’. I know I am blessed and so are they. The difference is that instead of enjoying their blessings they divert energy to negativity.
L’Afrique, Did I say Black women were the only ones who ‘hate’?
Why are you responding to points that I didn’t even make?
Reading comprehension ftw. lmao
L’afrique cest chic. En tout cas deh!
A word for my sistas, I can respect that, i think we need to be aware in real issues in our community rather than the ones that have been made up to force sisters into thinking that they can’t have a opinion because that would be hating Nevertheless, it is always a pleasure reading you, wheter i agree with it or not, you always bring out an emotion out of me something no one ever does on this board Much love to you
Ebz: and see when you say you don’t like her too much, that’s an opinion and a choice, now go say that about a black woman and you are “hating” on her, YOU “wish” you were her, you see the pattern?