On the Topic of Sexuality

July 4th marked a transformative moment in history – not only in the R & B and Hip Hop worlds but, the world at large. The day Frank Ocean proclaimed to the world that he is in fact a bi-sexual African-American man, ignited a long-standing conversation that needed to be had within our community, albeit not limited to our community alone. That Ocean has been steadily rising to fame in recent months with impressive works such as hits “Novacane,” and “Swim Good,” alongside his behind the scenes [ghost writing] jobs for the likes of Justin Bieber, Brandy Norwood, Beyonce Knowles and John Legend, to name a few – was put on the back burner: in his “coming out” moment, all of those success charting and critically-acclaimed notables instantaneously dissipated and then came back.

You see, the moment that Ocean came out, his sexuality became bigger than his talent…and then people came to their senses again. People having come to their senses again may have easily been attributed to the fact that the infamous “coming out” affair was supported by a few good men a.k.a popular culture magnates including: Jay-Z, Russell Simmons, members of Ocean’s crew Odd Future, and plentiful others. My greatest concern lies not in the “coming out.” Rather, my greatest concern lies in the fact that people spend their time caring about with whom Tom, Dick or Harry choose to sleep. Really? What’s it to you anyway?

The coming to their senses aspect of this entire event lies in the many people are just too darn nosy for their own good, so the moment they realize that they were over-zealous about someone else’s sex life, especially a celeb, who they will never spend a day in day in the life of – they recognize that the person is actually pretty talented or quite simply should not be defined by their sexuality. Not that sexuality doesn’t matter because to most of us it’s a big deal. It’s more a matter of sexuality being a huge public deal. I’m from the school of thought that believes that what a person does in the bedroom should be a private matter because if you’re really that interested, you should just join ‘em.

I think that’s where my concerns lie as it pertains to the whole sexual rights phenomenon. I don’t think there should ever have been a movement in the first place and that stems from the knowing that people poking their noses in what’s better known as “none of their business” was the cause of it all. It’s completely unnecessary for people to have to spend their time explaining why they choose to sleep with whom they choose to sleep. Personal beliefs aside, we’re all humans who may come from different vantage points on a variety of topics but, it is my belief that whether or not we agree with another’s preferences or choices – be they religious, sexual or other – we do have to respect them. So long as they are not harming anyone during the process of living their lives in the ways in which they so choose, then what gives?

With all this in mind, given the cultural climate, particularly as it relates to our community’s angst toward Black men’s sexuality, I thank Ocean for his bravery, his truth-telling nature, his talent, his voice, and his opening up of a can of worms for other Black boys and men who may one day choose to do the same.

Why do you think people care so much about others’ sexual preferences? How much of a factor do you believe religion is in peoples’ opinions around sexuality?
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Nikki delights in writing both informative and thought-provoking pieces that propel readers to choose a healthier alternative [in all facets of life]. Nikki views the Blogosphere as an educational space in which transformation and truthful dialogue can transpire for the purpose of unifying humanity, in spite of our differences. As such, Nikki intends to make use of her love for words and keen eye to ensure that the site delivers optimal pieces for your perusal. You can follow Nikki on Twitter @artculturemusic.

21 Comments

  1. I would never support this F.A.G. Bisexual black men are nothing but men who hid behind black women, openly dating them while secretly running around taking and giving it up the A.S. S.
    The black man has become such an embarrassment. Once proud and strong, now nothing but a B. I. T. C. H. and of course the media, black and white just eats it up. This man and his ilk should be shunned at all costs.

  2. @CAREN – What? Now before I specifically reply to this post/topic entirely, if he has admitted to his sexuality, how is he hiding? And it’s obvious you have low self esteem to even respond in that nature. I mean, people have their opinions and what not, but dang… your response screams hate… just because one man admits to something, doesn’t mean all men are like that. *Side Eye* You seem to have some bad experiences with men… but then again you wouldn’t me to assume anything right?

  3. This is how I see it: No matter if a man chooses to come out about his sexuality or not, they will always be bashed for it. If they come out about it themselves, they get negativity. If they struggle to hide it and someone tells, they get negativity. So what is it going to be? I’d prefer for men to admit what they are then to hide it. I am not into dating someone or becoming intimate with a bi-sexual man, but if that is their choice than so be it. There is someone out there for everyone and I am all for love!

  4. Black women stay losing because of simple bit|ches like you.
    Trying to steer the conversation towards me won’t change the fact that this man hid behind women, black women more than likely, until he felt like he no longer had to.

    I’d tell you to go suck a d. ick, but you probably already have, right along with Ocean. 😆

  5. Reports say that 51% of black men are homosexual. If true, why are we so shocked? Nothing shocks me anymore. Gay black men outnumber black men these days in places like Atlanta. As a matter of fact the ATL is called the black gay capital of the world. Ocean coming out is no shocker and most women who know how to spot down low men knew he was such. I don’t personally buy the bisexual label though. I just think he isn’t fully ready to call himself gay or potentially lose his fan base which I assume is, or was, mostly female.

  6. @CAREN – Black women stay losing when they have to result to calling another black woman a “bit|h” or stay saying “go suck a d.ick” to prove their point. So I’m not going to stoop to your level. Yea, you’re down there some where. You must honestly think I am mad or upset by your comments of calling me out my name. Please! LOL. Let me laugh right along with you!

  7. @CAREN – it’s obvious you have low self esteem to even respond in that nature. You seem to have some bad experiences with men…

    You came for me bi|tch. I just came back harder. You not laughing… you crying.

  8. Not really a fan of his so don’t really care…

    @Caren- bitter and hateful much?

  9. @Caren…..sweetie.

    Marry rich! (if you ever get married…smh)

  10. people need to stop a few years ago, the hbo show oz was really popular among black men. and that show was written by an openly gay man, and he said the show was a gay soap opera.

  11. The media stay trying to brain wash us back into Babylon. Forcing all this gay tolerance down or throats showing men kissing on TV and singing to our kids making them want to explore wicked things. The devil is working.

  12. 51% of black men are not gay! I would like to see the details of that report and examine how and where that study was done.

    Frank Ocean is telling his truth and in my book that is always a good thing. What is hurtful and damaging to us all as a community is the shame we instil in our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters which pushes them to present a front so that they will be accepted and loved.

    When we support everyone in our community to live in truth we will all be happier and better off. the truth shall set us all free.

  13. @ Safari,

    Thank you for the link…excellent…I recently submitted a youth program proposal and if I am called, I will add “teaching chess”…will read his book on this subject (effeminization) too! I think with SOME men, they find it too difficult to be man in today’s society, as his counterpart becomes more fearless and strong, out of necessity, she has no choice but to thrive or become a victim and predator herself. Men simply enjoy the company of other men way more than women who enjoy each other’s company.

    A friend of mine’s younger brother (who’s gay) told me growing up, he thought most men were gay because of all the so-called straight men, husbands and thugs that would hit on him.

    It is amazing that this is still a big issue, when so many people are gay and historically, there’s always been a huge gay population, it’s call “human nature.”

    Good read!

  14. Oh please all this bs about telling his truth…which for most is who the hell is Frank dam Ocean…?*sigh…There is no Bi its called Homosexual, which they despise being called a mental case…so GAY is exactly what he is!!! Most str8t women would never mess with a dude who has been with a man… not even one time…!LOL..Anyhoo its such a wrap for him because every song he puts out will leave a disturbing image behind it!! I don’t give a rats arse what u do behind your closed doors…but don’t be trying to bust mine down with that unnatural crap…And trust they feel it everyday..so media has found a way to play the blame game, its our fault that they hide…when in truth they hiding from themselves yep the flamboyant and All!!! No need to promote such a flawed weakness for greatness bcuz its truly and abomination!!! Sit down Beef Frank Ocean!!!

  15. Sista, I don’t understand how you (or whom/whatever) post these DISGUSTING,HATEFUL, JUDGE MENTAL and IGNORANT comments. This is not WSHH. Calling someone derogatory names is for low lives, which I can see from reading these comments, a lot people are. I hope some of these comments are deleted. I wouldn’t be surprised if its the same person using different screen posting their vitriol.

  16. If you think these few comments are bad, you must not have visited too many sites since this man came out.

  17. If he is bi then he is a gay man and I’m not a judgmental person…I can respect the fact that he’s a gay man as long as he hasn’t been lying to women, if a woman has a sexual relationship with a gay man and she knows he’s gay then that’s her problem! Sorry it’s just the truth! My friend is in a relationship with a gay and she enjoys it 0_o .

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