Co-Dependency

posted by Jacque on March 16, 2010

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You never know dear how much I love you

Please don’t take my sunshine away

I’m sure the majority of those reading this post has either had someone sing that song to them or they have sang that song to someone.  It was first recorded in 1939 and written by Jimmie Davis a Louisiana governor.  Although the song appears to be adorable, sweet and loving, it is also laced with fear of rejection, fear of abandonment and co-dependency.  Let me share a few more versus from the song.

I’ll always love you and make you happy

If you will only same the same

But if you leave me and love another

You’ll regret it all some day

You told me once dear, you really loved me

And no one else could come between

But now you’ve left me and love another

You have shattered all of my dreams

Now do you see the ‘dangers’ that this song implicates?

Before I go any farther, let me share with you what Mental Health America says about co-dependency.  MHA states that co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another.  It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.  It is also known as the ‘relationship addiction’ because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.  The disorder was first identified about 10 years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics and drug addicts.  Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Wheww, I know that was an eyeful; however, I felt it important that I share that explanation with you.  From this explanation, you can see that co-dependency does not just happen.  It is a LEARNED behavior.  It begins in our childhood and if not corrected will bleed into our adult relationships.

As children, we depend on our parents/caregivers for shelter, food and clothing.  We also depend on them for love, support and acceptance.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.  That’s normal.  However, it’s when a parent’s life ‘revolves’ around the child and vice versa does this become dangerous.  When a parent answers a child’s every cry and works out every problem, it sets that child up for disappointment.  It teaches the child that someone else is ‘responsible’ for them.  They LEARN co-dependent behavior.  Then they take this learned behavior into their adult relationships.

According to the American Bar Association, approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically abused by their intimate partners every year.  I’m sure those numbers are much higher than that as most people don’t report such abuse.  This type of behavior is common in a codependent relationship.  You have one that plays the role of the ‘addicted’ and one that plays the role of ‘co-dependent’.  We tend to make excuses for the behavior.  He/she hit me because he/she loves me.  He/she hit me because I mad him/her anger.  We have ‘learned’ dependency and to accept this type of treatment.

It is not until we become intimate with ourselves that we see the danger(s) of co-dependency.  We MUST learn to love ourselves enough to leave these types of relationships.  It’s great to love and care for someone, but not at the expense of losing yourself in the relationship.  You can’t truly love another until you have learned to love yourself.  Besides no one finds needy, clingy, smothering attractive.

In love,

J-licious

Melanie Fiona Gets “Checked”

posted by Sista on March 16, 2010

Melanie Fiona will make her Walmart Soundcheck debut on April 1st. The Canadian born singer will be performing tracks from her debut album “The Bridge,” including her number one R n’ B hit “It Kills Me.” Melanie also gives a bit of insight into the making of her critically acclaimed debut disc, as well as what it’s like to be serving as the opening act on Alicia Keys’ “Element of Freedom” tour.

Did Nicki Minaj Make Gay Female Rappers Cool?

posted by LJ Knight on March 15, 2010

I find it interesting that novice Rap star Nicki Minaj has came on the scene with all of her Harajuku Barbie flavor and self proclaimed bisexual (even though she says she likes girls more) antics and suddenly it is perfectly acceptable for a female rapper to be out of the closet. In fact, you can be so out of the closet with it that you can also go around signing boobies. While other equally talented (or even more so talented in some cases) female rappers like Missy Elliot, Da Brat, Mc Lyte, Queen Latifah…. Click Here For The Rest Of The Article.

For More Go To YeahSheSaidIt

BY: LJ Knight



Stacey Dash Preps New Reality Show

posted by Sista on March 15, 2010

Celebrities looking to regain the popularity most of them lost a long time ago are now turning to the reality series genre to make that happen. Adding their name to list is actress Stacey Dash, who is best known for her role in the 1995 cult classic Clueless. According to Stacey her show will air this summer on VH-1 (where else) and chronicle her life as she attempts to balance both career and motherhood. Besides her new reality show you will also be able to catch the 44 year old actress in the upcoming movies House Arrest and Close Quarters.

FYI: Stay tuned for a fabulous new photo shoot from the actress… it’s beyond HOT!

Kelis Rocks Out At Club 57

posted by Sista on March 15, 2010

Contrary to popular opinion, Kelis is not just sitting around waiting for a check from Nas. The singer is set to go on tour this summer and is now out actively promoting her single “Acapella,” which is featured on her upcoming “Flesh Tone” album. Kelis hit up Club 57 over the weekend to perform tracks from her upcoming May 4th opus and put on quite a show for her loyal gay following… check the video below.

Its girls night out and you have an hour to transform your everyday look into an extraordinary style. You just washed your hair with Pantene’s Intensive Moisturizing Shampoo. Now you need a conditioner that will not only strengthen and condition your hair, but give you volume and control as well. Pantene’s new Relaxed and Natural Intensive Moisturizing Conditioning Mask goes beyond a regular conditioner. This advanced formulated deep moisturizing mask, specifically made for women of color, not only protects hair against damage, shedding, or breakage, but creates fuller, thicker, voluminous hair. Simply apply the amount you need, and you can leave it on for as long as you desire. Be careful! Your new look is sure to bring lots of fun.

The Joys Of Oral Pleasure

posted by LJ Knight on March 13, 2010

I love receiving oral sex from my man. The licking, the sucking, the slurping, the noises all of it is a complete turn on to me. Most importantly, it is all about me. It gives me a brief moment to be a recluse and disappear into the abyss of pleasure. For a few moments nothing else matters to me. There is nothing else on my mind. I don’t give a damn about going to work. I’m not worrying about my family. I’m not even thinking of this damn site. All that matters to me in that moment is the pleasure that I am receiving. I enjoy tongue caressing so much so that the idea of me dating a man who was against performing it is foreign to me. I’m looking at him like he is a VCR, like I have no use for you honey.

Seriously, he would have to be some kind of special for me to continue on into a serious relationship with him knowing he does not go low. So, now that I have said my piece (clears throat and places pearls back on) I extend the question out to you. How important is receiving oral sex from your man to you ladies?

Don’t Be Scared. Click here For More Oral Stimulation…

By: LJ Knight

Add Me On Facebook and Twitter

Monica And Her Fiancé Call It Quits

posted by Sista on March 12, 2010

Just weeks before her comeback CD ‘Still Standing’ is slated to hit stores, R&B star Monica announced that she has split with her fiancé, rapper Rodney “Rocko” Hill. Amid rumors that Rocko has cheated on the ‘Boy Is Mine’ singer, Monica took to twitter to confirm that the two have gone their separate ways. “Thank U everyone for all the love you’re sending. @Rocko4Real is a great father and we will continue to love and parent our children. The rest is a private matter between @Rocko4Real and I. He is a good person. We all make mistakes. Even separated we will always be family. I say thank U again to U all,” she wrote. The Atlanta-bred vocalist assured fans that she’s going to be fine and asked them not to worry about the matter. “And as I live and learn I grow. Don’t feel sorry for me just pray for me. Gods got it. Have a great day,” she added.

WACK!

posted by Sista on March 12, 2010

Lady Gaga’s highly anticipated and much hyped “Telephone” video featuring Beyonce just aired live on the E! News channel and as you can imagine it is already the most discussed topic on Twiter, Facebook and probably most of the internet. I admit to being excited about the video- mostly because of Beyonce. All that excitement however quickly faded as the 9 minute video seemed to drag on forever and feature nothing more than half naked bodies and endless costume changes. By the time Beyonce finally appeared on the scene I was completely bored and totally unimpressed with what I had seen so far. The singer’s “Honey B” character did nothing to enhance this spectacle as the minute she opened her mouth I was reminded of how limited her acting skills truly are. No doubt Gaga’s “monsters” and Beyonce’s loyal legion of trained drones will eat this up- I however have seen this video for the first and last time.

Bring on Alicia Keys’ Put It In A Love Song…

Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wpburn.com wordpress themes

Copyright © 2010 Brown Sista | Design by E.Webscapes | Log in