Why Won’t Diddy Marry Kim?

Diddy and Kim Some months ago when the Essence article featuring Kim Porter and Sean Diddy Combs hit the stands, I wanted to tackle the reasons why I thought this man refused to commit to Kim and the family they were raising. Because I had not fully made up my mind, I put the subject aside and went about business as usual. However, seeing as though the Kim Diddy union has officially come to an end, yet again, I think now would be a perfect time to delve into why women like Kim end up mothers (I hate the term babymama) before they end up wives. For me this issue goes far beyond Kim and Diddy as Kim is just one of many sistas who have children but no husband to go along with those children.

Diddy as well, seems to be just one of many men who also have children with a woman and even live with that woman, yet won’t fully commit to building a stable home with that woman and their children. As usual, I have decided to hold off on giving my thoughts and instead ask that my visitors, both male and female, share why it is you think Diddy (and many men like him) refuse to marry the women they so easily sleep with and make children with. And to make things a little more interesting, I have made this topic todays poll question.

Poll Question Of The Day

68 Comments

  1. Puffy will marry one day but it won’t be to Kim or any other Black woman. Puffy has continually cheated on Kim with foreign women and Sianna Millar is the latest. Watch them publicly come out in the next few weeks. :loser:

  2. I don’t think Diddy is messing with Sienna at all. I do think however that Kim Porter reads the internet and let what she read online influence her and maybe negatively. I don’t think it’s accident that the same week more rumors and pics drop, she calls it quits. Diddy hasn’t been photographed doing anything incriminating with Sienna yet everyone has him sleeping with her. This is just gossip and Kim foolishly fell for it.

  3. I believe that Diddy is in a league of his own on this matter. His inability to settle down has nothing to do with his love for Kim Porter or the fact that he didn’t grow up in a two parent household or the idea that he doesn’t want her to get “half” – and a lot to do with the fact that he continues to struggle wih his own sexuality in such a homophobic industry, and community for that matter.

    It is safer for him to portray the “ladies man” in the public’s eye to help dispel the gay “rumours” that surround him.

    Didddy is pushing 40 years old – my OPINION is that he will NEVER marry ANY woman because he is not a heterosexual man. It is far less messy for him to be single in his situation than to be married and get caught up in all the legal woes marriage or divorce has to offer when you never really wanted to be married from the jump.

    Permiscuity is not normal (as we tend to think that men who sleep around are just being men) and is a FRONT for a much deeper issue. In Diddy’s case, my OPINION is that it is homosexuality. 😎

  4. that’s grimey to call a man gay without proof.

    whatever happened to just not wanting to marry? it happens.

    seems like diddy isn’t ready to give up the fast life.

  5. I remember him on Tyra Banks Show and she asked him will you ever get married. He said I don’t know. Maybe kim just got tired of him not knowing.

    I don’t think diddy is gay and I do believe he loves kim. However sad to say that in these days marriage is an outdated institution to alot of people become in involves comment. I’m not putting my values on anyone because that wouldn’t be right but it’s just a fact of life these days. Commintment means a promise and a promise doesn’t mean what it used too.

  6. make ur man wear a condom. or, don’t have sex until u get married.

  7. I feel that Diddy does what Diddy wants to do, he appears to be self-serving.. He has the money and the fame, but doesn’t seem interested in settling down, which is his right- but I’m not sure if some feelings aren’t getting hurt or toes stepped on by wishful thinking in the meantime.. he may say one thing, then act the opposite..

  8. Diddy is a low down dirty dog who used his own twin girls and Kim to self promote. Remember how he let the world in on the birth and allowed pics to be taken inside the delivery and afterward. All that was fake and self serving. He is a horrible boyfriend and an even worse father and Kim all but said that is Essence last years but for some reason people just looked past all that. Diddy is all about self and he ain’t gonna let some woman and kids come in between his constant need to be a playa.

  9. I think that Puffy is just not ready to get married or he might not ever get married. He even said in her face in Essence magazine that he is not going to marry her and she seemed to have supported this throughout their relationship. I think that women like Kim Porter think that they can change or influence a man’s decisions and many times, that does not happen. She probably thought that by having his children, he would eventually realize that she was a good women and that he would want to marry her. When a man has his mind made up about certain things especially marriage, women should take them seriously. I think that she had false hopes and that she got caught up into the hopes that he would marry her. She should have let him go a long time ago. Justin’s mother did. And because of the way that she hooked up with him ( she knew Justin’s mother Misa and acted like she was her friend), she was not going to have any good luck anyway. I will say that she got exactly what she deserved and asked for, NOTHING!!!

  10. Wow telling the truth this is one subject i can’t seem to find an answer to
    but i do believe however that diddy is not mature enough for a commited relationship
    come one how many man do you know that want a baby?and how many of them wanna get married before or even after having this baby?diddy is one of those men that are affraid to belong to one woman and sadly kim gave him 3 kids and that is a link she will never be able to break
    i’m not doubting his love for kim but i sure doubt that he will ever mary her and that’s so sad because she is such an humble person and a good mother but she got herself into this and she is just a woman and us women have hopes so she will hold on as long as she can and try to change his mind but didd is D.O.G and i doubt that he will ever change one day she will realize it and hopefully it won’t take her long to…

  11. Why is this about diddy not wanting to marry kim, she’s the fool for staying with a man for 10 years who continously cheats on her pubulicly while she keeps pushing out babies….He humiliated her with Jennifer Hopez and she turned around and took him right back…The twins aren’t even a year old and they’re already seperated. Why did she have to have more babies to finally come to this realization…And if I’m not mistaken Kim broke up Diddy and misha (his first baby mama)so she what did she expect from this relationship.

    I also agree with STELLA’S post, Diddy seems to be into Hispanic & biracial women I really don’t think Kim is his flavor…He don’t use any black models in his videos or his advertising ads.

    I personally can’t stand Diddy arrogant ugly azz he’s nothing but an attention seeking a-hole, he’s not cute and he sucks as a rapper and producer, I’d wish he’d just go broke and fall off the earth….kim played herself with this loser because she could have done so much better…We can’t blame this on Diddy, a man will only do what you allow him to.

    :thumbsdown:

  12. BECAUSE HE IS A POOR EXCUSE OF A “BLACK MAN”…MATTER OF FACT HE WOULDN’T BE CONSIDERED “BLACK”! HOW ABOUT WHORE! :hater: I AM GLAD KIM HAS MOVED ON AND ALSO TAKEN CARE OF THE LEGAL SIDE OF THE SITUATION. LET MISTER DIDDY POTTY MOUTH GO ON ABOUT HIS WAY WHICH ISN’T TOO FAR CONSIDERING THE TRASH HE’S BEEN LINKED WITH. :brownsista:

  13. [quote comment=”10410″]A man will only do what you allow him [quote]Absolutely

  14. I think people are slow sometimes! HE’S GAY!!!!!!!! MASE, 50 CENT, DIDDY, HALF THE GUYS IN THE DAGGONE INDUSTRY ARE GAY!!! Kim stayed with him for money and that’s the bottom line! She has 3 kids from the dude now she is set for life so, Kim all I gotta say is do you mamma!!! Oh yea and go to your OBGYN and get checked out every 6 months honey!

  15. I’m just gonna go with what he publicly confessed. When your man publicly says that “he’s still not ready to marry you” after 10 years of relationship you need to ponder on your situation. Matter of fact, it doesn’t even take 5 years to know let alone 10. I think Kim was living in denial like most people clinging to a dream and refusing to face that it won’t happen with the person they’re with at that moment, and that Essence interview was the beginning of a wake up call, because that public humiliation was the last straw, telling to her face in front of the world that he wasn’t ready to settle down after 10 years and children.

    Of course Kim has been “stupid”, most people ARE stupid when they’re in love, look how Puffy acted a fool after JLo left him publicly wooing her even after he went back to Kim, look how Marc Anthony left wife and kids for JLo. Men and women are just stupid sometimes when they got it bad. So many of us stick to someone we should have left long ago or shouldn’t even have messed with in the first place, in hopes that we will change them or change their minds. It cost her 10 years unfortunately, but it doesn’t mean her life is over. If Tina Turner could find love at over 40 years old, if Demi Moore did it too, if Angela Bassett did it, why couldn’t she?

    As for Puffy, let’s face it, he’s not into black women like that. He probably stayed with her out of convenience cause he knew she wasn’t going nowhere, or for his image. Puffy isn’t emotionally stable enough for commitment, and he will probably never be, he’s been living that “free” lifestyle for too long, even after Snoop got married he ain’t changed, so I doubt Puffy ever will.

    Only people I’m worrying about are the kids, I just hope they’ll be good parents to them.

  16. Amen to that! But that’s prevlant in today’s socitey espically our’s we gave to many pases.We rather settle in thses long term realtionships were we not receving the full benefits we desire.So we have the mentaility (“whenever that person ready you can’t push them”)rather than make these(men,women)commit.

  17. I’m going to own up to this! i didn’t do spell check got side tracked.

  18. Bring it on home Chante, bring it on home sista :thumbsup:

  19. Whether Diddy’s into Kim, black women, white women, or MEN is pretty much an issue that should be left to the people involved in the relationship. If I worried about the trials and tribulations of every black couple in and outside of the entertainment industry I’d never get any sleep. 😆

  20. I AGREE WITH CHANTE AND JUMMPY COMPLETELY…CHANTE TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT MY MOUTH…PREACH GIRL LOL!

  21. I def don’t think Diddy is gay. I think he is like a lot of men out there that are afraid to commit. I have a brother in law that is living with a lovely young lady, she had a daughter when they met and then they had a son together, he is 45 and she is 29 – they get along well but after 3 years of shacking up she is tired of just living with him. Well I think that men like this think women are dependent on them and therefore they (the man) gets to decided whether he blesses the union with a marriage. Why by the cow when you can get the milk for free?

  22. Hello everybody i think Diddy did not get over jennifer lopez. She dump him he did not get over it. He so use of running the show in his life. He need to stop be so cocky and get over hisself. I know his shedule be so busy so when you deal with people like that you have to have strong backbone to deal with the fame and people getting at them. With kim she going to be ok, i think with the essence article she was talking wreckless about there relationship i did not like how she bad mouth j-lo, so what comes around goes around.

  23. Kim Porter saw the handwriting on the wall when their son was just eight weeks old. That is when he first starting seeing Jennifer Lopez. She should have run for the hills then, but no, she just had to hang around because he is this huge music mogul. He simply had no interest in marrying Kim Porter and what did she do but get pregnant again.

    But, if he had the chance, I do think that he would have married Jennifer Lopez. That woman had his nose wide open. Plus Jennifer and Diddy had so much more in common. Jennifer has her own career, money, clothing line, perfume line and restaurant.

    Women need to realize that in a relationship, you have to bring something to the table. Having a pretty face and body will get his attention, but are just not enough to keep a man interested.

    :brownsista:

  24. Kitten, I too think Puff is DL. Kim finally had enough of that too!

    Dark Sister, I so agree with you about Puff immaturity.

    Plus, his attitude is Nasty and at times he isn’t the nicest.

    I think Kim is better off. She can do better! God Bless her with those two beautiful little girls!!!

    BTW…Dark Sister I love the fact you’re a Doctor GIRL!!

    You are truly a great example for this board.

    TTYS,
    S.DOT!!!! 🙂

  25. I’m glad that Kim has finally come to her senses. She should have never went back to the fool. If you ask me, Diddy has issues and thinks the world revolves around him, he’s rude and very disrespectful to woman, look how he talks to Loranne on the how, he has no respect for woman and because his mother has no respect for herself, he was never taught how to love and respect woman as whole. He wants someone to be his assistant, is he kidding, and whoever takes the job, is press!!!

  26. He obviously has attachment issues…and overall issues with RESPECT TO WOMEN. I wonder what his mother feels of his various infidelities to Kim over the years? I’m just glad that chica finally got out and learned to respect herself and do what’s best for her and the chirren. 😆 Still, Diddy is a whoremonger; he is self-absorbed (see ANY season of Making the Band…see also Bad Boys track record when it comes to recording artists). He’s a playboy…if he wants to play the field then he shouldn’t disrespect his need-to-be-wife in the process. They should both go their own ways. Respect themselves enough to do it.

  27. Diddy is NOT about to marry that broad, what man would marry a female that continues to have babies without a solid commitment? Having babies is how she makes her money. Don’t feel sorry for her – she’s getting paid. :loser:

  28. S.dot Real sisters got to represent In a REAL way if you know what I MEAN

    Kim is my copine
    Honnestly she did what a lot of black women do to try and keep a man :
    Get pregnant don’t be hypocrite yall know what i’m talking about
    she is not the only black woman to do that she is just the only one that got humiliated publicaly
    obviously kim tried 3 times it didnt work at the second time she should have start to take action like i said it hurts me because she is my girl she is so humble and down to earth i’m sad for her but she is a black women and if there is is one thing we dont lack its strengh no matter how we use it so We are hella strong she’ll be fine

  29. The thing about Kim is that she got money – not Diddy money but she has serious dough! Her family is a very affluent family with money. The are part of the Southern Black High Society that occupy a lot of that old money. Not that new money but that old money that was passe down by generation. They were residing in Columbus, GA – and there are a lot of people who know them b/c they are so generous and nice. Kim has a lot going on for her she does not need Diddy – as smart as she is I can not understand WHY she keeps popping out babies for this dude. :thumbsdown:

  30. [quote comment=”10453″]S.dot Real sisters got to represent In a REAL way if you know what I MEAN

    Kim is my copine
    Honnestly she did what a lot of black women do to try and keep a man :
    Get pregnant don’t be hypocrite yall know what i’m talking about
    she is not the only black woman to do that she is just the only one that got humiliated publicaly
    obviously kim tried 3 times it didnt work at the second time she should have start to take action like i said it hurts me because she is my girl she is so humble and down to earth i’m sad for her but she is a black women and if there is is one thing we dont lack its strengh no matter how we use it so We are hella strong she’ll be fine[/quote]

    I feel ya girl!!!! 🙂

  31. It’s about time Kim Porter put her foot down and left. :thumbsup: She should have set some strict ground rules with him from day one for the type of man that he is. P. Diddy is not the type to settle down so therefore I would have set my affections on dating other men instead of sticking with him. He stll wants to be a player. The problem here is she has allowed him to get away and do too many demoralizing things publically to her. I would not have gone back to him after the first seperation because that gave him the impression that he could come and go as he please. Dark sister, I agree with you what you are saying. A lot of black women do act out the way that Kim did. It saddens me when they do that because they can do better. Ksh I also agree with you why buy the cow when you can get the milk free. It’s time for black women to step up and command more out of these relationships or start dumping these men that don’t want to build a commited relationship with them if that’s what they want. When you go in knowing what you want and the man is not willing to give it to you then dump him quick. It’s not about being a user or a player but if you are looking for love and commitment and he still has baggage and hang ups from past relationships just put him in your friends catagory and open the doors to recive the man that your heart desires and God will definatley bring him to you. :thumbsup:

  32. Where do I begin, I don’t ever think that Diddy got over J-Lo and that is the honest truth. Just think if they were still together how big of a power couple they would have been, but even then Diddy was cheating on J-Lo and she got tired of it and left. When Kim and Diddy did that reckless Essence interview I was like how are they going to talk all this mess now when we all know the truth. Diddy dogged Kim because J-Lo had his nose wide open, then dumped him. Kim only came back into the picture once she tried to take Diddy to court for more child support money. Personally I don’t like how Kim handled herself she allowed herself to be in that position because she was caught up in the mogul…How many of you think she would have stayed if he was Joe from down the street…she would not have. Its sad but I do believe Diddy would have married J-Lo, I think he loves Kim and cares for her but I don’t think he was in love with her to want to get married.

  33. I don’t believe Diddy loved Jennifer either. Do remember that in Vibe magazine Jennifer told the reporter that Diddy cheated on her as well.

  34. [quote comment=”10468″]I don’t believe Diddy loved Jennifer either. Do remember that in Vibe magazine Jennifer told the reporter that Diddy cheated on her as well.[/quote]
    Exactly….it had nothing to do with JLO. He cheated on JLO as well. Fact is Diddy is a typical black male, always a player never a hubby.

  35. Just because he cheated on JLo doesn’t mean he didn’t love her. I’m not saying the woman should stick with a cheating man, I’m just saying that just because someone cheats on you is not an indication that they don’t love you.

  36. I agree with Chante again. I think he did love J. Lo and Kim both, but he is the kind of man that is too caught up in Power and Money. It’s like an addiction to him (which can really be a real addiction). He is too far gone to see what he is doing. He will wake up one day when he’s in his late 40’s-50’s, and see the fact that he is lonely and wonder why. But I do think that he would have married J.Lo before Kim though. Why? Because they were a “POWER COUPLE”! More powerful than him and Kim. And what did I say earlier? He is addicted to “POWER AND MONEY”! Sad! I hope Kim takes him for everything he’s got lol!

  37. I think we all knew that someday this would happen. Even Kim knew. It’s too obvious what kind of a person he is. Having a nice, beautiful woman at home just doesn’t do for him. He knows he can have any girl at any time, anywhere. He knows he can do whatever and whoever he wants and she’ll be at home sitting and waiting for him… And it’s not just him, there are a lot of Diddy’s out there. I feel bad for her, but I also think she knew what she was getting herself into when they started this relationship. And if there’s no love and respect between them, nothing can save that relationship. Not even kids. And just wanna say hi to Dark sister! I haven’t been around last few days, so now I’m catching up. 🙂

  38. I want to say this. I not coming on this site anymore due to the fact I believe you people are too fake. instead addressing the issues and giving real feedback and how we can make this better for the next young lady we sugarcoat it and make seem like Kim is in this boat by herself. I have follow many blogs on this site and I have read how some of the people that posted to this blog did not have enough dignity to say that they are in the same boat as Kim. I bet out of every 20 people that have posted 10 of them have kids with a man that’s living in there household with out a wedding ring. to make site like this more effective you have to be honest with yourself. why not say im in the same boat I have a kid and the father and I live together and we are not married what I have found in my experience is ….–instead you people try to be so positive and its sickening. why not provide more insight to the problem and stop cheering this chick on. if she reads this she would not have learned anything bec you yall are too busy putting sugar on sh*t. we cant overcome this type of behavior because we are not real and true to our selves. I will admit I have a child and his father and I are not married. did I choose to stay with him .. hell no not with out the ring. of course we should have stayed together for my son but what am I teaching him. my son is older now and my son father has gone on to father 4 other kids. and I sit back and think if I had stayed with him I would have been 5 kids down the road and still not wedding ring.. im saying this by saying instead of trying to make her story seem so unreal we need to step down off the high horse and provide meaningful info to all reader not just sugarcoat the bullsh*t.

  39. Amen :iagree: whatever it’s a lot of perpertrators out here.

  40. I think that there has been pretty good feedback in addressing kim’s situation…People are just giving opinions no one in here is saying that they have a perfect relationship or that they’ve never been cheated on or dealt with a no good man before…And let’s face it Kim is no victim in this she new what she was dealing with, she’s been with this man for 10 years…That was her dumb decision to stay and make things worse by adding two more children to the problem…There was NO NEED for Kim to stay she was getting 30,000 a month for one child, unlike most women she was in a much better financial situation to leave her man.

    If anything I hope that women will look at Kim’s situation and not make the same mistake that she did or get out of a situation if they are in one like hers.

  41. Diddy is never going to marry Kim because she is not what he envisions as being his wife. She just happened to be the ride or die chick that stuck it out through all of the drama and turmoil. I’m sure that he loves her because she has been there, but he obviously is not in love with her or else she would be his wife. There will be a woman that is going to come along that is going to led Diddy know that him being a millionaire means nothing to her, and she will walk on his azz at the drop of a dime. He needs a woman that is not submissive and that can put him in his place, and quite frankly, Kim is not that woman. She loved the money, the glamour, and the glitz of being associated with Diddy. It’s impossible to say that she stayed with him for the money because she has his children, so with or without him, she’s still going to have paper. Why be bothered with all of that foolishness in a relationship when her pockets would still be swole on the arms of another man that loves and respects her?? I don’t think this is the last he will hear of her, but she will put up a fight for more child support payments. I heard that she is looking to get around 100,000 per month. That’s more than most people make in a year, so it must be nice to be able to lounge around all day and do nothing because she have children from a millionaire!! Hope she makes good investments because the children will turn 18 one day!!!!

  42. Whatever: They are too many fake people in here that’s a fact !

  43. Hi patricia how u doing
    yeah ima come back here to answer to whatever i gotta go
    ER call

  44. [quote comment=”10509″]Whatever: They are too many fake people in here that’s a fact ![/quote]

    Of course there is!!!! Just like the fake people at your Job, Church that you encounter with. I co sign that.

    But I have to agree with Stef it’s just opinions. Plus I learned my lesson about talking on here. If you honest with people they hate on you and try to bring you down more. So why talk about yourself. Give your opinion and that’s that. But Whatever, don’t leave. It’s not that serious, for real!!! If you do decide to leave, good luck to you!!! LOL 🙂

    Now back to Diddy, HE’S DL. I think…”THINK” Kim has known this and had enough. Along with the Women too! Me I would have been gone and I would have NOT HAVE HAD more kids with him!!! NO WAY!

    🙂 LOL!

    Dark Sista COME BACK!!! 🙂

  45. Better than “Why Won’t Diddy Marry Kim?” we should instead ask “Why Doesn’t Kim Respect Herself?” or to really bring it home “Why Don’t Black Women Love and Respect Themselves MORE Than Some Piece of Man?” When I think about the plight of Black women today, I am reminded of the line from Zora Neale Hurston’s “Their Eyes Were Watching God” when Nanny says ” de nigger woman is de mule uh de world.” Truer words have never been spoken. There is a lot out in the world that keeps us down but when it comes to our relationships with men, and in particular Black men, we have no one else to blame but ourselves. We are complicit in our own happiness and in our own misery.

    Somewhere along the way, we told Black men that it was ok to treat us any old kinda’ way. Did you hear me? “WE” told them. Because in any situation, you teach the other person how to treat you. When you have sex with a man right out the box, you’ve told him what kind of woman you are. Don’t get upset when he treats you accordingly. When he cheats on you and your response is to take him back, coddle him, and try to make things right, then you’ve told him that his bad behavior will be rewarded – no attendant consequences. He will continue to behave thus so. And when the relationship is not going the way you’d hoped or not progressing quickly enough for you then you all of a sudden end up pregnant, well you have again sent a message. You told him that you were willing to give him the most precious thing — your body and a lifetime committed to raising his child — without asking for anything in return. All together now, can we spell L-O-S-E-R.

    If a woman wants a man to love and respect her, then she needs to start thinking not just with her heart BUT also her head. Black women need to engage in a little self-interest or in keeping with the theme what I call the “J-Lo Principle”. When I use the term self-interest, I mean demand what you want in your relationship AND TAKE NOTHING LESS! I doubt you would in any other area of your life. If you find that your man is cheating, walk. He’s already made it clear that he doesn’t love you enough and that he’s willing to compromise your health in the process. Why would you want that? Love yourself more than that piece of man, get to stepping. Trust me, there is another one right around the corner who will love and care for you and help you build a strong family unit. You don’t compound the situation by trying to hold on to a man or showing him how much YOU love him by having his baby. If he asks for a baby, you ask for a ring and a date to walk down the aisle and ONLY AFTER you have completed the latter do you talk about a baby. If you do it before then you are NOT acting in your own interest. By getting pregnant without a spouse you necessarily stunt your future earnings potential, job prospects (can’t easily take a fab job across the country when you’re caring for little ones by yourself – unless your job is pumping out lil’ P. Diddy’s)and prospects for marrying in the future dims a bit. In sum, you lose a lot of what you could be when you’re raising a child alone.

    This brings me to the J-Lo Principle. I noticed a few of the posters mentioned how much Diddy love J-Lo. Well my theory is that while he may have loved her, she loved herself a little more. And that’s what we should take note of. I can just imagine her sitting at the jail after that gun incident thinking about how much she had to lose i.e., endorsements, movie roles etc., because of her love for Diddy and then thinking about how much he loved her i.e., his cheating on her and knowing that Kim was there waiting in the wings, biding her time just ready to swoop like a carrion bird. And she chose J-Lo – she chose to preserve “her” empire. A lot of people made a big a deal out of that – made it a racial issue, i.e., Kim wouldn’t left him. Well Kim had nothing to preserve, no empire; she had nothing but her self-respect and for whatever reason (i.e., money or love)she let that go a long time ago. Point of fact, she had to stay. Personally, I’d rather be in J-Lo’s position, I’d rather have options.

    We saw the J-Lo Principle at work again (ever so slightly)in the Essence interview – you all remember when Kim made that silly comment about J-Lo not wanting run around after Diddy’s little Black kids or something to that effect. When I read that I distinctly remember thinking to myself that you’ve got that right, J-Lo does not have the time to run after anyone’s kids because she’s too busy creating “her” empire. What have you done with all of your free time, except make babies? Heck, even Kimora works her butt off – No one cares about Phat Farm anymore, it’s all about Baby Phat. Russell laid the foundation, she created a mega brand. Same for Damon Dash’s wife. They did it right, they walked down the aisle and got the keys to kingdom. See a difference in these women and Kim Porter? They are fierce in their own right becasue of what they have accomplished. When they walk, they are going to get paid and paid way beyond their kid’s 18th b-day. Poor Kim, her reported $100k/mo is chump change compared to these chicks, but that’s what happens when you think small and not in your own best interest.

    Many on these blogs make fun of women of other races for dating Black celebs/athletes well I will tell you this, I don’t see many of them having babies for these men w/o a ring, wedding dress, and a honeymoon. I suggest we stop laughing and take some notes. Self interest ladies, it’s all about self interest.

  46. She’s Come Undone, your post was so good I had to add two more smilies to show my love for it :bowdown: :hifive:

    Well said sista. Sistas have to think about self first before they run out hear screwing up their lives trying to stay true to men who aren’t interested in statying true to them.

  47. She’s come undone I could not agree more. :iagree: I said some of the similar things you said in my post. I was having a conversation with a co-worker about this. People came down hard on J-Lo when she did not stick by P.Diddy’s side. She said in an interveiw that he was cheating on her. If he was doing what he is doing to kim then I would have left him holding the bag also. It would not have made sense for me to lose my career for a doomed relationship. People could not understand why but now they are seeing with all the different pregnant women that are popping up. What is done in the dark will come to the light.

  48. Why does Kim have to be in it for the money or a jump off as many of you have said? She obviously loved this no good Black bastard and in return her dogged her out in typical Black male fashion. She had children ten years apart out of love, not for a check. Kim also has Three Brown Girls which puts together fabulous Hollywood parties. Kim is not just a baby making machine as you self hating critters like to call her. Why must a Black woman with a powerful wealthy Black man always be a gold digger while White and other women get a pass? As for all those other men who married their women, notice none were Black. Rachel Roy is of east Indian heritage and Kimora is Asian, I don’t care if she got Black in her, that don’t make her Black anymore than the fact that I have White in me makes me White. Black men rich and poor are notorious for not marrying Black women and Kim is just one of the statistics like many of you. As Black women we have always stood by our men and got a foot in the ass for it. We need to support Kim and not continue to beat her down. Damn hateful witches so many of you are.

  49. Here i’m back first of all this whole website is a lie and at the summun of hypocrisie but i’ts a bit off topic i’m sure i’ll have plenty of time to explain myself

    back to “whatever” and “she come undone”: I couldnt agree more We are the number one when it comes to be pregnant without a man lets keep it real that’s what i said first black women get pregnant thinking that the child will help them get a grip of the man most of the time it doesnt work the man loves his kid but not the BABY MAMA like i said before black folks are so scared to call a cat a cat i personally i’m a doctor but the fact that i’m open to people makes a lot of my sister holla at me about personal issues and you wouldnt believe how many of them are with child and still dating i’m not judging anybody but like whatever said Learn how to be honest goddamn come on black people we are not going anywhere and i see all these people posting here judging and all the same people are going to call me a hater or immature if i disagree on the same subject then them how is that call? practice what you teach my sistaz and grow up
    Honnestly i have never taken back a man that cheated on me i deserve better
    I know temptation can be crazy but when you love someone there are those invisible lines that keep you from messing up
    Black women are not what beyonce,Rap us video,Beyonce,Videos whores want people to believe
    I’m not a piece of meat that you can let in the fridge go eat out and come back to
    Hell to the No like whatever said i think with my head and demand what i wants there comes the thing
    yes i am single not that i’m ugly or anything i’ve raised the standars and chased the players away
    and even tho some people are scared to be alone i’m not.
    Enough already sisters raise the standars damn how many time are we gonna discuss about this? …

  50. Indeed sistas do need to raise their standards. Sadly, when they do they are accused of being too picky or high maintenance.

    Btw, when and if you ladies have an article you may have written pass it on to me and I will post it here. I would love to have the women here become possible writers for the site one day.

  51. Stephanie if you think i have the potential to be a writer let me know 😉 if you dont then :noway: lol 🙂 i do have an article about a subject that touches me a lot they call me White girl and it scares me because their definition of white girl mean a woman that works hard,don’t joke around,dont sleep on the first day, have a lexus,bmw and lives in a big house i’m so scraed to find out what is the definition on “black girl”
    Anyway girl between being called picky and be disrespected and Be respectful of myself and have self esteem there is no comparaison 😆

  52. Use the contact form up top Dark Sister and send me your article. If it is good, and I am sure it will be, I will post it and hopefully this can be the start of many user posted articles featured here on Brown Sista.

  53. @ She’s Come Undone, your “J-Lo Principle” that was hilarious the way you wrote that 😆 but that was real talk. And it’s true that when you have to choose between him (or her, for mistreated men) and you, you have to choose yourself first period, and stop being in denial, that was Kim’s problem, she was in denial for years. She probably thought she could change him or change his mind! But you can’t change people. Puffy never tried to hide his true colors, he didn’t even try to hide his infidelities from the public at least out of respect for the “mother of his children”. What is done is done, and can’t be changed so I hope she’ll learn from her mistakes, better herself, and because of this experience teach her daughters better. And I hope that after seeing that Puffy didn’t marry Kim, that will inspire other women to take notes and not do like Kim.

    In the words of MAYA ANGELOU “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”.

  54. As far as People being fake! That’s everywhere you can’t you can’t get around that,it’s life it is what it is so long you’re true to yourself thats what counts.

    For me in my post i stated earlier We as a society and especially our community we take cohabitation as a easy way out not to force someone into a “REAL Life COMMENT”.For the sake of not losing this person or not pushing the issue of a comment so we sit their like a dummy for 3yrs+ within that time we then had 2 kids brought a home together without a “COMMENT”.

    For some what they really desire for the sake of holding on to a person who you gave the “POWER” to so you have to wait for the person decide their ready to get married or keep it like it is.

    And that justg go to show you that it’s not just the avg Joe,as you can see goes for the people in entertainment industry as well unfortunately these are the people who are shaping parts of our society

  55. I hear what everyone is saying on this topic and I for one Don’t think Kim should have stayed in with Puff for that long. Especially knowing every time he goes out he’s going to DO Him! This is when I feel not matter how much money a Guy has LEAVE. My mother told me a baby don’t ‘make a relationship, nor does it make you happy and I agree. I for one Love my relationship and like the way it is. But the difference between Kim and I is the ball is in my court and I know I’m not ready for Marriage. You can tell Kim was and I feel bad that she had MORE kids with this guy? But I don’t want to sound all judgmental but I think Kim will get it together and be alright! I just think we all need to realize, NO ONE IS PERFECT. We make mistakes and until we are back with God we will continue to make mistakes. I THINK and HOPE Kim will get it together. LOL to her and those PRETTY BABIES!!!!!! 🙂

  56. @She’s Come Undone, Wow, thank you, you said it all. Please come back. :bowdown:

  57. Some of these comments make it seem like being in a relationship is a matter of exploiting wants, negotiations, and trade agreements! ” I’ll give you a baby if and only if you marry me”. The spirit seems to be “get married, take his money, build your own, keep it moving.” I don’t believe that’s what love is about and I don’t believe that type of mentality contributes to a solid, spiritual union.

    I also don’t think this blog is for me! There are a lot of negative, bitter fools running off at the mouth. But everyone has the right to be and/or say what they feel. Good luck to everyone!

  58. [quote comment=”10690″]! ” I’ll give you a baby if and only if you marry me”. The spirit seems to be “get married, take his money, build your own, keep it moving.” I don’t believe that’s what love is about and I don’t believe that type of mentality contributes to a solid, spiritual union.
    [/quote]

    Isn’t love about respect ? I understand your point and i also understand that its the same conception of love that got kim 3 delivery full of pain and an public humiliation
    These days some black men already have their conception of love and if you find Ms Rigth good for you but if you don’t there is a lot of chance that u end up pregnant with no baby daddy so pick one

  59. I am responding directly to post # 61 only because I believe that Vivi was referring to my post and I feel so strongly about this issue.

    It would be nice if we all could fall in love, jump the broom and live happily ever after, but for African American women, it’s increasingly becoming a dream deferred. See we now live in a time when the stats show that the demographic with the highest and fastest growing rate of HIV/AIDS is Black women. Are they infected by their gay lovers? Nope. Drugs? Nope. Their male sexual partners? Bingo! We live in a time where almost 70% of Black head of households are headed by Black women, with more than half of them having never been married and an average of three kids in the home. Of all the groups receiving child support, Black women are the least likely to receive it, primarily because there is no wage to garnish – in other words he doesn’t have a job, or at least not one the government can verify.

    And this doesn’t bode well for our children. Behavioral and educational issues — particularly among young Black males — all point back to not having a stable family unit. Black women can do almost anything, but they can’t be Black men and that’s what little Black boys need in a home. Strong Black men that they can emulate. And the Black females, over half who are born out of wedlock will follow in their mother’s footsteps.

    And whatever attitudes we have developed about sex and its use to prove our self-worth seem to rubbing off on our children. Just last week the government published the results of its campaign to get teenagers to abstain or use condoms and you know what they found – every racial group increased their use of condoms and deferred sexual activity until a later age. But you know which group is still leading the pack — Black kids. Now coupled with the fact that our kids can’t seem to close the achievement gap — even the middle and upper middle class Black kids — I guess we now know why, they are too busy f@@**ing.

    So I will have to respectfully disagree with you Vivi, in a relationship a woman, and in particular a Black woman needs to — all at once now, engage in a little self-interest. All of this unconditional love that we’ve been throwing around has done nothing but cost us our health, self-worth, potential to be all we could be, and I believe has been a big factor in destroying the Black family. As such, I would never advocate, as you suggest, that any woman say to a man that “[she] would give him a a baby if and only he married her.” See in your iteration of what I wrote, the man is only making a promise to marry, and that’s not good enough. I suspect a good number of Black women with kids and no man in sight was given a promise to marry.

    Nor do I advocate that a woman get married and take his money, as you put it. As an initial matter, there is no his or her money when you get married – see that’s the point of marriage, you become one, a unit. [Is that now such a far fetched concept that we just don’t get it?] Yes, I know everyone (hopefully) keeps a little on the side in case of an emergency (you know what I’m talking about)but for the most part you are one and the funds are commingled. The point of using Kimora and Rachel Roy as examples was to demonstrate the difference in support (financial and otherwise from their HUSBANDS) and achievement when a woman is the wife versus the woman just making babies. Get it? And by the way, I’m not going to get into Kimora’s or Rachel’s motives for marrying these men because you know what? Even if you are on the gold digger plan, marriage is the thinking woman’s game – baby mama, not so good a plan.

    So Vivi, if you took away from my post that a Black woman needs to “exploit[] [her] wants” and “negotiat[e]” what she wants and desires in a relationship instead of having a bunch kids to get a man to stay or love her better, then you heard me right. Black woman want to be respected, loved, and cared for and if we have to exploit the situation or negotitate to get our due, then so be it. But how ever we get there, we should demand nothing but complete love, trust, and respect. Nothing less will suffice.

    In closing Vivi, I do hope that you visit the blog again. This is a relatively safe place to exchange ideas, make a new friend, get an idea for a new business, whatever. Women are powerful force when they band together, but we can never reach that point if we continue to cut off our noses to spite our face.

  60. I don’t feel attack by the #61 post
    I wish more black women could speak out for themselves.

  61. She’s Come Undone,

    WELL SAID!!!! You hit it on the nose. WONDERFUL GIRL, just AMAZING!

    Thank you for that post!!!! LOL 🙂

  62. [quote comment=”10493″]I want to say this. I not coming on this site anymore due to the fact I believe you people are too fake. instead addressing the issues and giving real feedback and how we can make this better for the next young lady we sugarcoat it and make seem like Kim is in this boat by herself. I have follow many blogs on this site and I have read how some of the people that posted to this blog did not have enough dignity to say that they are in the same boat as Kim. I bet out of every 20 people that have posted 10 of them have kids with a man that’s living in there household with out a wedding ring. to make site like this more effective you have to be honest with yourself. why not say im in the same boat I have a kid and the father and I live together and we are not married what I have found in my experience is ….–instead you people try to be so positive and its sickening. why not provide more insight to the problem and stop cheering this chick on. if she reads this she would not have learned anything bec you yall are too busy putting sugar on sh*t. we cant overcome this type of behavior because we are not real and true to our selves. I will admit I have a child and his father and I are not married. did I choose to stay with him .. hell no not with out the ring. of course we should have stayed together for my son but what am I teaching him. my son is older now and my son father has gone on to father 4 other kids. and I sit back and think if I had stayed with him I would have been 5 kids down the road and still not wedding ring.. im saying this by saying instead of trying to make her story seem so unreal we need to step down off the high horse and provide meaningful info to all reader not just sugarcoat the bullsh*t.[/quote]

  63. I totally agree,I stay with my bd and we been together for 14vears. We have talked about marriage,but he never actully said that he wanted to marry me.

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