“Why are women from single parent homes (specifically those raised by moms) so defensive and anti-men? Who’s to blame; mom or daughter?”
A friend of mine texted me those questions the other day and I wondered if other men shared his sentiment. If so, it kind of suggests that men may see women with defense mechanisms as a negative trait as opposed to a positive attribute.
It’s a tough set of questions because at the end of the day, it’s all-relative. A women being raised by a single mom doesn’t guarantee that the woman will become defensive or anti-men. Likewise, a women who was raised by both parents isn’t a guarantee that she won’t be ‘defensive and anti-men.” It all depends on the women.
It seems that some men may see women who were raised by single moms as complex, while those women are simply trying to beat a ‘curse?’ Afterall, one could look at any child, man or woman, who survives a single parent household as a gift and a curse.
It’s a gift because it instills a survival strength that you just can’t teach someone. It’s a curse because it often creates overly independent or dependent people. Like I said, it all depends on the person.
Sure, there are women who are extra. She may come with extra attitude and habits, but it could be a result of extra issues or problems that have followed her throughout life. While that ‘extra’ part of her didn’t happen overnight and it cannot be solved overnight, is it fair to blame the ‘extra’ part of her on her mother or herself? If we placed the blame on anyone, for starters, one could argue that we could start with the man aka her father. But why?
Why place a blame instead of a goal of difference. And deep down, I think all women raised by a single mom want to be that difference. They don’t all accomplish it but they all want to be the one in their family who isn’t a single mom.
In my opinion, I think women who come from single mom homes are less defensive and more protective. Women have to protect themselves. If they don’t, who will? Surely not their fathers.
And its not to say that men should bare the burden of a woman’s past. He shouldn’t. But he also shouldn’t act as if women haven’t been backing men for decades.
I’m reminded of a great quote, “Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
Maybe its time we stop complaining about what has destroyed us and begin finding solutions to help rebuid our brothas and sistat’s to the kings and queens they were designed to be.